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Sophie Messager

Author: Sophie Messager

  • Why I created a postnatal closing ritual online course

    Why I created a postnatal closing ritual online course

    Everywhere around the world, there used to be a period of about a month after birth during which the new mother was taken care of completely. Members of the family or the community used to take charge of the household (chores, older kids etc), make sure the mother rested, provided specific nourishing foods, and well as give or organise some postpartum specific bodywork. It was a ubiquitous practice in every continent (and still is in many parts of the world today). This used to be part of Western culture too.

    I published my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, in order to start and support a movement towards returning to a nurturing postpartum. In my book I explain that a nurturing postpartum boils down to 4 pillars: social support, rest, food and bodywork.

    I have become acutely aware that bodywork seems to be the most neglected part of the 4 elements of postpartum nurture. I have started working towards creating courses to rectify this. The first of these course is the rebozo massage and closing ritual online course.

    Learning postpartum rituals such as the closing the bones massage was instrumental in my journey towards writing the book. I have given this massage to hundred of women since I first learnt it in 2013. I have also taught this massage in live workshops since 2014 and trained several hundred people in giving this ritual. I also co-created a new version of this massage, called the postnatal recovery massage, with an osteopath.

    Prior to 2020 I was asked many times to teach this remotely, but I felt I couldnā€™t teach this ritual without being physically present because of the need to adjust position and pressure whilst doing the hands on part of the massage. With the 2020 lockdown and many teachings moving online, and the publication of my book, the number of requests intensified, but I still felt I couldn’t do it justice without being present.

    Several events contributed to changing my mind. Firstly, as a doula, during 2020 I found myself having to teach rebozo techniques to couples via a mix of sharing video links and live zoom sessions. This taught me that it could be done quite well remotely. On several occasions, because partners restrictions meant that I couldn’t be in hospital with the couple I was supporting, the partner called me when there was a stall in labour. By suggesting positions and techniques, I found that several babies being born without obstetric interventions. These experiences showed me that remote learning could be very effective. Secondly, because of the isolation brought by lockdown, I saw new mothers suffer emotionally and physically more than ever before, with almost no access to support or physical therapists. Giving closing the bones to them showed me that this ritual was needed more than ever. Thirdly, I took part in trainings offering by other practitioners online which were only available face to face before, and in particular online rebozo training with Mexican Midwife Naoli Vinaver. I saw power in this, because, suddenly, I could learn from people anywhere in the world, and the learning was still powerful despite the remote aspect.

    However, I still felt that I couldnā€™t teach the ā€œhands on skinā€ massage part of the ritual remotely because it required precise observation and correction, so I had to create something new.

    Over the last couple of years I have supported new mothers who struggled with pain post caesarean, and whose belliesĀ  were too tender to massage so soon post surgery. I adapted the massage and used rocking and wrapping techniques with the rebozo only rather than my hands to provide comfort and relaxation. I found that this was still a powerful and effective ritual.

    The online course I have created, over a period of a year, is extremely extensive in content. I pre launched the course to a group of early adopters in 2021, and receiving feedback from them means that I have extensively refined the process (for example I reshot several videos based on what people told me that wanted to understand better, or when something wasn’t clear).

    The course also contains much deeper content in terms of preparation, equipment, and creating ceremony than any live courses I have taught, because I wasn’t limited by timing. The course includes an entire module on creating ceremony, ritual and sacred space. This is one of the most beautiful and important aspects of the rebozo massage and closing ritual. What you get is based on my years of experience as well as years of listening to questions about it from live workshop trainees. This is he first time that I am teaching this aspect in such depth. You will learn how to be attuned to your intuition to hold space and allow whatever needs to be expressed. This is a creative and sacred process that adds much to the experience for both you and the mother.

    I want to make sure that there is enough interest in this course before putting more energy into it starting it, and I also want to be able to run ideas via a group of early adopters as I develop the course, so Iā€™m offering the future course as a pre-sale to early adopters for a discounted price.

    You can find out more about this here.

    Here is a video showing what the massage and ritual process looks like.

    Play

  • Why postnatal bodywork matters

    Why postnatal bodywork matters

    Everywhere in the world, new mothers used to have a period of rest and healing after the birth. During about a month, the new mother would be cared for by the community. Her house would be taken care of, and all she would do, would rest, be fed nutritious food, and be nurtured postpartum specific bodywork.

    Out of the four pillars of the postpartum (community support, rest, food and bodywork), the bodywork aspect seems to be the most forgotten one. Even if new mothers are often left without support, I think many of us still understand that new mothers need community support, rest and food. The bodywork, on the other hand, is not only completely absent, but it isnā€™t even within our consciousness.

    In the UK, new mothers are invited to have a check up with their doctor about 6 weeks after birth. The check is question is usually a 10 min appointment chat, without any physical examination whatsoever. And yet this appointment is considered a clean bill of health, with many people believing that all is well once this has happened, and many activities (such as massage) being prohibited until the appointment has happened.

    This makes absolutely no sense. And sadly the statistics are very telling, because 1 in 3 new mothers experience urinary incontinence at 3 months postpartum and nearly one in 2 still has diastasis recti at 6 months postpartum. Research shows that it takes on average 8-10 years post birth for women to seek help for such issues.

    Traditional wisdom understands that during the first 4-6 weeks postpartum, when the body is still plastic and resetting itself post birth, there is a unique opportunity for healing. Traditional postpartum bodywork usually include specific massages which are often akin to empirical osteopathy, binding/wrapping the belly and pelvis, and keeping the new mother warm.

    Postpartum specific massages, such as closing the bones, understand this need and the window of opportunity, and are designed speed up healing on aĀ  physical, emotional and energetic level.

    Since we seem to have forgotten this wisdom, what can we do to replace it?

    Postnatal specific therapies:

    How soon to have treatment/bodywork?

    Contrary to popular belief, there is no scientific evidence behind waiting until 6 weeks have elapsed. As I explain in this blog, the 6 weeks wait isnā€™t based on any evidence, but rather dictated by insurance companies. We cannot be prescriptive about when to have it because it will depend on your birth, and when you feel ready, but having a treatment (or better still, a course of treatments) as soon as possible during the first 6-8 weeks is when you will benefit the most. Having massaged many new mothers, some as soon as 24h post birth, I can attest that this is when the bodywork is the most effective to speed up healing. Even if you had a caesarean, some of the bodywork can be adapted to avoid the lower abdomen and still be hugely beneficial to help with both wellbeing and healing.

    What can I do for myself?

    • Read my book, Why postnatal recovery matters
    • Write a postnatal recovery plan, which is like a birth plan but for the postpartum. You can use the 4 pillars of postnatal recovery (Social support, rest, food and bodywork) to write such a plan (you can download a free template here), and make sure to include bodywork. Rather than lots of presents for the baby, you could ask for gifts vouchers towards postnatal bodywork.
    • Plan to wrap your belly and hips. It is easier than you think, I wrote a blog about it which includes many different options and tutorial tutorials. You can wrap post cesarean as well as post vaginal birth. Again, the sooner the better.
    • Plan ways to keep warm: As well as wearing warm, cosy clothes ( the belly wrapping will help with this too), think about consuming warm and warming (as in warming spices and ingredients) foods and drinks.

    What can I do to support new mothers?

    • Read Why postnatal recovery matters, or gift it to an expectant family
    • Help expectant families to prepare for the postpartum. Offer physical support in the early days so they can rest and heal.
    • Give them a voucher towards postpartum bodywork and offer to look after the baby whilst they have their treatment

     

    I am in the process of completing an online closing the bones course, which will be launched in February. I will be offering a free Webinar on postpartum bodywork in February too. Feel free to signup for my newsletter below if youā€™d like know when these will happen.

  • Marketing does not have to feel yucky

    Marketing does not have to feel yucky

    I used to think that marketing was yucky. Manipulative, sleazy, salesy, you name it. I thought I had to use manipulative techniques, I thought I had to force sales. It felt at odd with my heart-centred, authentic business values.

    I hired people to help me become better at marketing. Only it didnā€™t work, and I blamed myself. I thought it was me who was shit at marketing myself. After all, these people built high income, successful businesses using these techniques, so why couldnā€™t it? It also caused me a lot of stress as I worried about all the things that these people told me I should do, but that I wasnā€™t doing. I did a good job recruiting early adopters for my courses, but I felt really uncomfortable trying to sell my completed online courses. I couldn’t find a way forward.

    It didnā€™t occur to me to think that it was the approach that was wrong. That it was wrong for me and my business. That the reason it didnā€™t feel good was because it was out of alignment with my values.

    In January 2021, I discovered authentic marketing mentor George Kao and took on his Authentic Content Flow Course. George was the first marketing specialist who introduced me to the idea that this kind of marketing is not effective in the long term, and can even be harmful. Itā€™s difficult to capture the depth of learning and change I have gone through over the last year, but it has completely transformed how I share my work. You can read some of my journey in my review of 2021.

    If like me, you think that old school marketing is yucky, I hope you will find this post helpful. Iā€™ve come to the conclusion that the manipulative marketing techniques that are still rife are actually a thing of the past. That they are old school techniques, and have no room in the world of heart-centred solopreneurs.

    If like me you want to build your business on trust, integrity and authenticity, and attract people who resonate with your own unique way of looking at things, by engaging in these old forms of marketing you may be harming that trust, and therefore your business. And because it doesnā€™t feel good the energy of that will permeate what you share too.

    Iā€™m sure you have probably come across a lot of the techniques Iā€™m talking about. The free webinars which do not contain any valuable information and are only designed to sell you products. The free 5 days challenges, at the end of which a too good to be true time limited offer for a course or workshop is given? The courses and workshops valued at an astronomical price, but available to you (before a deadline) at an incredibly discounted price? And the idea that if a course is very expensive it contains more valuable content?

    I have attended many such webinars, challenges and courses. Something didnā€™t feel quite right. Since I started learning about the logic being these techniques (which is appealing to your FOMO (fear of missing out), I understand why it always felt uncomfortable. George Kao explains this very well in this blog post called stop marketing to the lizard brain.

    Here is a story that illustrates the problem. A few years agoĀ  I took part in one of those free 5 day challenges. A friend recommended it and it sounded interesting. At the end of the 5 days challenge, which required us to share daily videos of ourselves on social media on topics about bravery, the person who ran the challenge announced what her business was really about, and gave this special offer on an expensive set of essential oils from an MLM company. The lack of relevance to the topic of the challenge felt extremely odd to me, but I didn’t say anything because I was already aware that free challenges are just disguise to sell product. There was a woman in the small group I was in, however, who wasn’t aware of this before joining the challenge. She felt angry about it (because the person running the challenge hadnā€™t been transparent about her motives at the start), and expressed it very strongly in the Facebook group. The business owner replied in a triggered and unkind way, before banning this woman from the group. I was very unimpressed by the business owner’s behaviour and the whole experience left a bitter taste in my mouth.

    Now that I can see the tactics for what they are, it still grates massively. What also saddens me of most is seeing how many people are unaware of these tactics, fall prey to them, and end up spending large amounts of money on courses that are misaligned to their needs, just because the sales pitch was good.

    I have got a recent example of my own: I am in the process of getting a puppy. Over the last few weeks I started researching and building knowledge around dog ownership. I have read books, spoken to several friends who own dogs, and even hired a local puppy trainer who I call a dog doula. Naturally my Facebook feed is now full of adverts for dog training. Last week I signed up for a free dog training webinar which on paper sounded very interesting. It only took me only about 10 min into the webinar to see that it was one of those that contains zero useful information, and was peppered with invites to buy an online course at regular intervals. I was annoyed at the business owner and at myself for falling for it. This was just wasting my time.Ā  I immediately unsubscribed from the trainer’s newsletters.

    I am also wary of very expensive courses or programmes. I used to think that more expensive meant more value. And the people selling them are very good at promoting their own success and make you believe you can become rich and successful very quickly. After all they did it, so why not you? Whilst they look promising, you may not learn as much as you expect, for two reasons. First, such courses many not necessarily contain as much useful information as you think because high ticket is simply a marketing decision. A course that costs Ā£1000 may not actually contain more useful stuff than one that costs Ā£100. Second, the value isnā€™t just in attending the course, but in how much time you put into applying what you learn in it.

    This blog called beware of expensive training explains the issue very well.Ā  As George explains: The journey of creating your own authentic business is not a formulaic one, as sold by those high-priced programs. The real and sustainable journey is highly individualized, and no big program can give you that kind of customized guidance and specific support.

    In 2021 I started offering impostor syndrome mentoring sessions. I was saddened to hear from several birthworkers starting their career, who had spent several thousand pounds on credit card loans to buy online courses. They told me that the course lacked in both depth of knowledge and support. One woman told me that she had paid for a Ā£7k group programme where she had no direct access to the trainer (the group calls where so large she never got to actually ask a question). She then bought a course for Ā£150 which contained a lot more knowledge and support from the trainer and was really helpful for her business.

    Expensive courses sometimes work like a pyramid scheme where only the person at the top gets rich. Interestingly, the two marketing mentors I work with have very large income figures, yet their online courses cost under Ā£100. One of them used to sell expensive courses in the past, and felt bad about taking peopleā€™s money and seeing them not achieve results, and decided to change his model. See his blog post about it.

    What to do instead?

    The good news is: you donā€™t have to use manipulative techniques to share your work and grow your business. You can simply share for sharingā€™s sake, your unique message. Consistency and tiny steps are you. You also do not have to aim for a large following of people for your business to be successful ,but rather a small organically growing group of people who are genuinely interested in what you have to say.

    If you decided to run a marathon, despite having never done any running before, you wouldnā€™t aim for a full marathon at first, and you certainly wouldnā€™t expect to be able to run one without a programme of gentle training that would take you many weeks. You wouldnā€™t signup to run several marathons at once. You wouldnā€™t simply watch how other runs marathons and think that it counts as training. You wouldnā€™t feel defeated because you have done a week of running, are out of breath, and the goal of running for 26 miles feel out of reach. Itā€™s the same for any other new habits in your life, including for your business.

    Above all, it feels incredibly refreshing to grow a business from a place of sharing rather than from a place of hustling, it removes all the pressure and it feels so much more authentic!

    Think of marketing as a simply act of service. You offer something that helps people. Think of it as offering a drink to someone who is thirsty. You would offer them a simple choice of drinks. You wouldnā€™t say ā€œthis is the best drink in the world,ā€, but you might explain what are the advantage of each so they can choose (Iā€™ve blogged about why people are experts at whatā€™s right for them). https://sophiemessager.com/expert-in-what-is-right/

    Share for sharingā€™s sake instead of sharing to sell. Build an audience who really wants to hear your unique voice. Grow slowly in a way that feels sustainable. When doing free webinar, make sure they contain actual useful information, and be upfront when advertising said Webinar that you will publicise your online course or programme in it.

    Build networks with other professionals, from a place of care and support rather than from trying to sell your products. It pays off, and it also feels really lovely to have genuine connections with people that share your values and lift each other up.

    Rather than feeling that you have to charge what other people are telling you, charge enough for you and your unique circumstances. Enough that you do not feel hard done by, and that you do not feel that you are taking advantage of your clients. I find a helpful technique when unsure what to charge to think of a price that would make me feel like Iā€™m being taken advantage of, versus one that feels like Iā€™m would be taking advantage of my clients, and find something in the middle.

    Enrol the support of mentors and peers who share your values, and help grow your business from a place of authenticity.

    Ā 

  • Induction of labour: does it really save lives?

    Induction of labour: does it really save lives?

    The rate of induction of labour is increasing at an alarming rate. We are facing an induction of labour epidemic.

    More and more women are being coerced into having their labour induced early based on very debatable evidence, and threatened with dire consequences for their baby if they do not consent. They are being told that they are ā€œoverdueā€, that their placenta is failing, and a whole host of other reasons such as being too old, too big, being from an ethnic minority etc.

    Over the last 2 years, rates of induction have shot up even further (in my local area, from around 25% to 35%). Surely the medical needs of the population cannot have changed that much in such a short time to justify such a large increase? I suspect this is more likely to be a knee-jerk response to the current pandemic and maternity staffing crisis. And if it is such a life saving intervention, shouldnā€™t we observe a drop in stillbirth rates in parallel?

    Before I go any further I want to make something clear: I am not anti induction when the balance of risk clearly shows that continuing the pregnancy would be endangering the mother or baby, for example in the case of pre-eclampsia. As a doula I have supported many such births and I also feel as fiercely supportive people who want a medicalised births, as I do of low intervention ones. This is because the underpinning principle of my work is supporting body autonomy and informed choice. I am concerned by the rising rates of induction and the lack of clear evidence behind it.

    But we are running into crazy territory with induction of labour. Earlier this year, the National Institute for Clinical Excellence produced a new draft induction guideline, which suggested induction at 39 weeks pregnancy for everyone who was over 35, had conceived through IVF, had a BMI over 30, or was from an ethnic minority group. I blogged about this here. The draft guideline received a lot of backlash and the final guideline which was published in November has slightly less extreme suggestions, but it still has moved the postdate induction forward, from between 41 and 42 weeks, to closer to 41 weeks. This means that yet more women are going to be pushed to be induced for the sole reason that they have reached a certain date.

    I have blogged before about induction of labour for postdates, and also about the myth of the aging placenta, which is something that it usually quoted like a mantra (ā€œYour placenta is failing right nowā€) to instil fear and coerce expectant parents.

    I am also concerned about the fact that the reality of labour induction and risks associated with it arenā€™t usually discussed with parents, and I have talked about it in this blog before. Ā What Iā€™ve witnessed time and time again is parents only being told about the risks of not inducing, and the reality of induction not mentioned at all, and downplayed by parroting research that claims that induction do not increase the rate of cesarean.

    Since March 2020, there has also been added trauma, because covid rules means that some hospitals restricted partnerā€™s access until labour had progressed enough to warrant transfer to the labour ward. I supported such births remotely, were women were alone, having contractions, for several days in antenatal wards, without access to pain relief or any direct support from myself or their partner.

    Recent published research has come to light which refutes the fact that induction does not increase the rate of cesarean. In their 2021 paper title Reducing the cesarean delivery rate, Levine et al Ā demonstrate a clear increase (on average doubling) of cesarean rate following induction (which is something I have personally observed in hospital data since 2012). They also found no differences in neonatal morbidity. Dr Sara Wickham wrote an in depth analysis of this paper.

    The authors conclused that:

    Awaiting the natural onset of labor, if there are no maternal or fetal reasons to intervene, may yield no worse a perinatal outcome than an earlier induction of labor. The consequences of a cesarean delivery are known to be associated with immediate and longer-term maternal morbidity, and this may be potentially avoided, if elective inductions of labor can be minimized.

    More concerning is also the fact that, in this long term study by Hannah Dahlen , induction of labour was shown to increase the rate of intervention:

    Women with uncomplicated pregnancies who had their labour induced had higher rates of epidural/spinal analgesia, CS (except for multiparous women induced at between 37 and 40 weeks gestation), instrumental birth, episiotomy and PPH than women with a similar risk profile who went into labour spontaneously.

    And this study also shows for the first time that induction has long term impact on the health of children, namely that:

    Between birth and 16 years of age, and controlled for year of birth, their children had higher odds of birth asphyxia, birth trauma, respiratory disorders, major resuscitation at birth and hospitalisation for infection.

    The authors concluded that

    IOL for non-medical reasons was associated with higher birth interventions, particularly in primiparous women, and more adverse maternal, neonatal and child outcomes for most variables assessed.

    In the paper by Dahlen, inductions rates in Australia were found to have tripled, with no concomitant reduction in stillbirth rates.

    UK maternity statistics show that 21% of women had their labour induced in 2009, versus 34% in 2020-21. Data also shows that stillbirth rates were 3.5 per 1000 in 2009, and 3.9 per 1000 in 2020. So during this period of time that the rate of induction has gone up by 62%, without a reduction in stillbirth rate. In the Levine paper above, the authors also found that there were no differences in neonatal morbidity between the induced and non induced groups.

    If induction of labour does reduces stillbirth, it puzzles me that the rate of induction steadily going up, yet the stillbirth rate is staying pretty much the same. Something just doesnā€™t add up. It doesnā€™t feel right that medical professionals mention stillbirth to coerce women in consenting to induction.

    Where are we headed with this? Towards induction rates of 50% or more as it already is the case in some UK hospitals? Towards caesarean becoming the norm as opposed to the life saving operation is normally is? Towards 100% of babies being born by caesarean like it already is the case in some Brazilian hospitals?

    Levine et al share this concern:

    The rate at which cesarean deliveries are performed has continued to rise in these past couple of decades, for which many have expressed concern. The reason for this concern lies in the associated maternal morbidity that has been seen with cesarean delivery.

    Why is it that even in the face of solid data proving otherwise, we seem to always move towards more intervention, rather than reflecting on the fact that the intervention itself is not solving the problem, and causing harm? We leave in a technocentric culture, one that always sees interventions as more desirable as waiting. One that is motivated by the fear of litigation. And one, which, as Dr Rachel Reed says so eloquently in her book ,Reclaiming birth as a rite of passage, treats the mother as potentially dangerous to her unborn baby.

    In her latest book, book In Your Own Time: how western medicine controls the start of labour and why this needs to stop, Dr Sara Wickham explains that:

    The female body is really capable of growing, birthing and feeding a baby and, when we support ourselves and each other to do that, intervention is only occasionally needed.

    I believe that change cannot come from within the system which has created the problem, but from grassroots movements, from birthworkers who understand that birth is a healthy physiological process that mostly goes well rather than a catastrophe waiting to happen, and from women who take back ownership of their birth and demand balanced, respectful care.

     

  • 2021- my year in review

    2021- my year in review

    Here are my reflections on 2021. It’s easy to focus on what we are not doing, and forget all the amazing things we have done and learnt through the year. We do hard things. We forget. We rarely appreciate our own growth. I write my yearly review primarily for myself, as it gives me a very useful opportunity to reflect. I chose to share it in the hope that it will provide inspiration to others.

    As a culture we are often too focused on the future, the goals, the forward. Allowing time for learning and reflection is an important part of personal growth.

    In 2020 I started the process of really embodying the idea that making time for self care is something that needs to go before the myriads of daily tasks, otherwise the time for this never comes, and we become overwhelmed and stressed.

    In 2021 I took this further, by working with new mentors who helped me towards managing my business and my time in a way that feels more doable and sustainable. For the first time in my life I feel that I can create a regular income from a place of stillness and calm.

    My word for the year for 2021, was alignment, and my god did it prove to be true!

    I could also re-use the ā€œstretched between gratitude and griefā€ title that I used for 2020 because the same theme emerged in 2021.

    This blog is quite a long read, so you might want to settle down with a cup of tea before you read it!

    Things I feel grateful for

    During the first couple of months of 2021, because of the lockdown in the UK, I couldnā€™t go swimming in the swimming pool as I normally do twice a week. I took up early morning running instead (I donā€™t love running, but itā€™s a mean to an end to keep fit), as well as carrying on with my early morning drumming practise in the woods. Because of this I saw many magical sunrises over the local nature reserves. I remember feeling angry and frustrated about the repeated lockdown at first, and forcing myself to look at things from a gratitude angle. I restarted a gratitude journal I shared on social media, to keep myself accountable and help me look at things from a more positive angle (which makes me think I need to restart it). Those early morning sunrises felt like a gift, as if nature was telling me: look if youā€™d been at the pool you would have missed this!

    Being in nature helped me in 2021 as it had helped me in 2020. This poem by Wendell Berry says it well:

    When despair for the world grows in me
    and I wake in the night at the least sound
    in fear of what my life and my childrenā€™s lives may be,
    I go and lie down where the wood drake
    rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
    I come into the peace of wild things
    who do not tax their lives with forethought
    of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
    And I feel above me the day-blind stars
    waiting with their light. For a time
    I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

    There were many floods and some frost and snow during the first two months of 2021 in Cambridge, and being the year round outdoor swimmer I have become I found myself stupidly excited at the prospect of swimming in the snow, and in the flooded river, wading knee deep in water to get to the riverbed, with a friend who was as crazy as me!

    In that quiet, inward time of winter I also took part several Freedom dance workshops online, one of which was a 21 day challenge with Alex Svoboda, which was a 30min dance at the start of every morning for 21 days. It was very powerful and transformative. Every day we danced to a different enquiry, for example staying with oneā€™s dance when working with a partner, or noticing our expectations. Then we were encouraged to carry on with that enquiry for the rest of our day. I embarked on the challenge slightly worried I wouldnā€™t be able to fit it into my day but I loved every minute of it.

    Later in the year, I resumed dancing outdoors like I had done in 2020, sometimes streaming a teacherā€™s zoom class on the meadows with a speaker, sometimes taking part in an organised dance in the woods, silent disco style, sometimes in a friendā€™s garden. One of the highlights of the year was a 3 days dance gathering camping week end by the sea in Suffolk. I took my daughter with me, and we were delighted to be upgraded for free from a hobbit hut to a 2 bedroom cabin with kitchen and bathroom! My daughter had a fantastic time hanging out with the other kids in the double decker glamping bus and on the beach, having a truly free range week end and only returning for meals and sleep. I filled my connection cup to overflowing dancing, drumming around the fire, swimming in the sea, and generally hanging out with a group of conscious people I love. In September dancing resumed indoors for the first time since March 2020. I was amazed by this first session it for several reasons. First I realised how far Iā€™d come in my dance practise since the lockdown in March 2020, and with nearly 2 years of weekly practise. I also realised that most of the people in the community were strangers back in March 2020, and had now become close friends. The first session was with Alex who is one of my favourite conscious dancing teachers. I realised how much Iā€™d missed dancing within a indoor space, where the sound and the energy of the group is held within a container and the sound reverberate from the walls. It was truly exhilarating and it felt like that exhilaration was shared by the group, as if we all danced 2 years worth of pent up energy together. I loved every minute of it.

    Another new healing practise I experienced this year was rolfing, which is a form of deep tissue and fascia release. I had the recommended 10 sessions with the wonderful Rebecca. I walked away from each session feeling very relaxed, and all where a very interesting personal exploration, which allowed me to be even more present in my body.

    In 2021 took part in many land based rituals celebrating the wheel of the year and the moon cycles. This gave me further cementing in my connection to the land, the cycle of the seasons and myself. I also meant that, along with my drumming practise, ceremonial work became really embedded into my daily life.

    I also had, for the first time since I was a child, a group of friends organise a surprise birthday party for me, in which I felt utterly celebrated. As well as giving me gifts and a chocolate cake decorated with crystals, my friends took turn in telling me what they appreciated about me. I went home with my heart full and felt this should be something everybody receives on their birthday.

    I swum a 2.5km stretch of the river cam in one go as part of an organised event.

    In August I visited France and felt very grateful to finally see many parents after a year, despite the stresses of navigating the testing requirements and forever changing rules. As we couldnā€™t travel to Spain to be by the sea as we used to, I made a point to swim in as many new wild bodies of water as possible, discovering and swimming in several new wild water spots nearby. The highlight was finding this magical river spot about 40 min drive away, with a pebble beach, a high bridge and crystal clear, warm waters. We loved it so much we went several times for the whole day.

    I got myself a very special birth drum which has a carving matching my birthing tattoo, increasing my forever growing collection of drums. I ran drumming circles outdoor, and as I had done with the dancing, I realised how far I had come from being a nervous overpreparing person when I ran my first one in February 2020, to feeling relaxed and competent and within my zone of genius.

    In December I attended a 3 day retreat with a group of doulas I love, in South Wales. We put the birth world to rights, took a long walk to a beautiful waterfall (where a scene from the Robinhood movie with Kevin Costner was filmed), we danced, sung, drummed, and hung out in the wood fired hot tub. Heaven.

    This year, more than ever, I feel grateful for this year is animals. I have a deep connection to animals, with dogs being my favourite. My daughter had been begging for a dog for years but with the unpredictability of being on call and my husband being against owning a dog, it didnā€™t feel possible. In June I helped a close friend get ready for a long trip to the USA. She was stressed as her plans to have someone look after her dog werenā€™t panning out. I offered to look after her dog, and to my amazement my husband agreed. We had this lovely cockapoo living in our home for 5 weeks. It brought some challenges, especially as I was on call and I attended a birth during that time. Mostly though, it brought us joy and increased the sense of connection within my family. My husband, who had been totally against the idea, was quickly converted, especially when the dog slept on his feet as he ran counselling sessions on zoom. I could see how healing the dogā€™s presence was for my daughter. In September, I bumped into the most beautiful female golden retriever near my favourite swimming spot, and the owner told me they were going to breed her. We are getting one of her puppies in February.

    The challenges

    During January and February, my kidā€™s school insisted that they attend remote lessons for 6h a day. Being cooped up in their rooms on their computer all day didnā€™t do their mental health any good, plus they only had 40 min for lunch so our entire house had to run around their schedule like a military operation. When they werenā€™t logged in the school attendance officer would call us and it wasnā€™t a pleasant call. My youngestā€™s mental health took a nose dive and she became so anxious she could no longer leave the house. With hindsight I wish I had said no to this forced 6h online ā€œlearningā€. In Early March Schools reopened after lockdown my daughter was too anxious to return. We got the support of a very kind woman at the school, and a slow phased return in place. I put all my work on hold and spent the next 6 weeks almost exclusively supporting my daughter. She was often too anxious to even leave the house let alone go to school. School would call within an hour of her starting the day asking us to pick her up as she wasnā€™t coping. My husband and I had to rearrange all our work at a momentā€™s notice. Bearing in mind that our daughter had been a happy, outgoing, independent child before and used to go to school by herself from year 5 onwards, this proved a challenge for us, and caused me a lot of worry and stress. We spoke to a GP, who referred her to CAMH, and CAMH rejected the support saying it wasnā€™t severe enough. When I asked the GP was constituted severe enough, she replied ā€œkids that are actually acting their thoughtsā€. We tried to find a therapist. It took 6 weeks to find someone who fitted the bill. Even private therapists where overrun with demands. My husband is a trained counsellor and volunteers for a young peopleā€™s mental health charity, and they were received an unprecedented level of requests. In the midst of this, I also felt some gratitude towards the fact that both myself and my husband have a fair understanding of mental health, and could afford private support. Once I got a therapist sorted for my daughter, I fell apart and realised that I needed help myself, because my daughterā€™s suffering caused me distress, and started to seek a therapist for myself. I went through a long trial and error process too, trying to find the right person who had availability. Through a local friend I found Inger Madsden who specialises in supporting anxious teenagers and their parents, using EFT. I was sceptical at first because I had only experienced EFT in groups and I had not been particularly impressed. However, working with Inger, I had one deeply transformative experience after the other of unlayering trauma and feelings. I know it wasnā€™t just the technique itself that helped but the expertise and compassion that Inger offered me.

    My daughterā€™s challenges are far from over. The woman supporting her at the school mentioned autism in June. I was dismissive at first. Then I started reading into it and realised that I had a very narrow understanding of what neurodiversity actually is. After many months of reading and taking to so many people, I now believe that I have ADHD and that my husband, son and daughter have autism. We are seeking a private diagnostic for our daughter in order to get the appropriate support in place. Even going privately we have to wait 3 months for this. The waiting list for NHS diagnosis is about 2 years in my area.

    The kind woman who was supporting my daughter left the school in October as the school treated her so badly. She wasnā€™t replaced with anyone that my daughter has felt safe with, so she hasnā€™t been able to attend more than an hour or two of school a couple of times since then. The school threatened us for lack of attendance, whilst also not providing the support we know our daughter needs. We have enrolled the support of a SEND specialist to help us navigate the complexities of getting the right education support. I call her a SEND doula. This has given me a whole new level of empathy for the mothers I support through navigating maternity care, and for my own expertise in this area, because acquiring the knowledge to navigate such a new area feels like a full time job, and the parallels between the two systems (in particular the fact that you are expected to comply to a system that actively harms you, and threatened if you do not comply) are truly mind-blowing

    My work

    In 2021 I carried on working with Louise Miller. Through working with Louise, I learnt to connect to my vision in a holistic way first, then flow everything else from this. I finally learnt to develop a regular rhythm of work and life planning that worked for me (after many years of trying things out that did not quite fit me), and I felt ready to do it on my own by the middle of the year. It is quite simple and it fits with the approach that going ā€œtop downā€ is paramount if one wants to stay focused on their purpose and vision. Every 3 months, I have a session to plan my goals, in a birdā€™s eye view fashion. Then I do the same at the beginning of every month, then every week, then daily. What Iā€™ve loved in working with Louise is that she holds the space for people in her session, in a very gentle and empowering way, much like a to-do list doula! I value the dedicated space it gave me very much. One of the side practises I developed myself from this was to start writing a ā€œta-daā€ list, which is a quick list of everything Iā€™ve done work and life wise that week. It only takes 5 min, but it makes a big difference in reflecting and realising that Iā€™ve done a lot of things, especially when it feels like I havenā€™t. I wrote a blog about this.

    The biggest impact on my business this year, was starting to work with authentic marketing and joyful productivity mentor George Kao.

    This has been the best decision I have made for my business. Before I came across George, I felt that marketing was manipulative and yucky. As someone for whom authenticity and integrity are the most important values this was a big challenge. George is like a zen master of business (literally, as he is very calming, see for example this video where he interviews me about what working with him did for me). He showed me how I can offer my work from a place of authenticity and alignment, in service to my clients and audience. He explains this well in this blog. I joined his training to learn about marketing, but I didn’t expect that I would also learn how to make my business more joyful, authentic, productive, and sustainable. I loved the first course I attended so much that I joined his small group programme, and in there I got to know a whole new bunch of solopreneurs who share my values. I loved the fantastic supportive energy from the group.

    The results from enrolling in Georgeā€™s programme speak for themselves: I ran my first free webinar in February, with over 300 enrolees and 115 attending. In the webinar I was able to offer my new online course and it felt completely comfortable and true to me rather than cringe-worthy and uncomfortable like before. I ran another 7 webinars after this one. I learnt to share content with more regularity, because I was encouraged to treat it as a ministry as opposed to try and sell stuff. Deep down that was always why I had shared blogs, social media stuff and writing. In 2021 I wrote 34 blog postsĀ  (as opposed to 13 in 2020), and many more short texts posts on Facebook. I also shared over 150 posts on Instagram (and despite this it felt natural as opposed to stressful), and saw my audience grow organically from 1700 to 2500. I am also not longer interested in growing my audience for ā€œlikesā€ sake, as Iā€™d rather only have people on there that actually want to hear what Iā€™ve got to say. Thanks to George, I no longer gauge my value (or the value of what I share) based on how my audience reacts to what I share, rather I see it as a service and an exploration. I find this so freeing, like all the pressure has been removed and I can finally share stuff from a place of flow and relaxation.

    I am finally able to start seeing a way forward in making my business sustainable in a way that feels doable as opposed to overwhelming.

    I have also being asked to lead a small team in Georgeā€™s masterheart group in 2022. Being chosen by someone of such deep knowledge and values feels very validating to be asked to do this by such a master in the field.

    In 2021, I launched 2 new online courses : one based on my book called Why postnatal recovery matters, and a postnatal rebozo massage, aka closing the bones course to a beta ā€œearly adopterā€ group (I am going to launch the completed course this month). I also ran a new live course on running mother blessings, and a handful of live workshops. I reshot all the tutorial videos for my closing the bones course, my postnatal recovery massage course, and the also the ones for my rebozo online course which I plan to re-launch in 2022.

    I ran several mother blessings ceremonies for expectant women. I loved crafting a bespoke ceremony for each of them, inviting their friends to share special stories with them, to give them birth wishes and pledges of postpartum support, and holding the space for a circle which felt deeply touching for all involved.

    I also gave about 40 closing the bones ceremonies to new and not to new mothers.

    I imported and sold many rebozos from Mexico, and I even had a new womb belt custom woven to my request by one of my suppliers.

    My book, Why postnatal recovery matters, which was published in 2020, went for its second print in July this year, which means that over 2000 copies had already sold within less than a year. It is now also published in Italian, and the German and French translations are underway. It currently has 81 Five star reviews on Amazon.

    Doula wise in 2021 I supported 8 families through pregnancy, birth and the postpartum. This year brought another fair share of challenges however. Until June I still wasnā€™t able to be present at births in the hospital due to one partner only restrictions. I still went on call and supported families over the phone during labour. As I explained in last yearā€™s review, I knew I was still making a difference, but it was very frustrating, and removing a lot of the joy that this job normally gives. From July onwards, although my local hospital never relaxed the one partner rule, the majority of clients managed to obtain an exemption by writing a letter to the hospital, based on a letter similar to the AIMS template.

    From May onwards I started to notice that the hospital staff was stretched beyond anything I had seen in 10 years in this field. Midwives were on their knees, leaving and taking long term sick leaves, and the problem was compounded further by the new continuity of care model which was pushed through but not adequately funded. Midwives and doctors were also told to self isolate over and over as close covid contacts. The local hospital was on divert (when they direct labouring women to other hospitals as they are at full capacity) more than ever before. The lack of staff also meant that midwifes from the birth centre and the homebirth team would get pulled into the delivery unit, which became the only place of birth option (if opened). The rates of induction and caesarean went through the roof (in my local hospital induction went up from 25% in 2019 to about 35% in mid 2021 (with a high of 39% in May 2021). Caesarean rate went from 28% to about 35%. Early this year, new draft NICE guidelines for induction of labour suggested that the majority of the population should be induced at 39 weeks (see my blog on this). Pregnant women are being told they might not be able to send them a midwife for their homebirth. I heard of women in labour being directed to Birmingham (from Cambridge, because all the other local hospitals were also on divert). And I also heard of many births before arrival (when babies are born before a midwife arrives, at home).

    Most of my clients were being pushed towards a medicalised delivery unit birth or induction. I suspect this was because of the staffing issues described above. More and more clients were told that their labour would need to be induced early, and coerced into consenting by making threats about stillbirth. Whilst I am used to this type of coercive behaviour, I saw it reaching proportions never seen before since 2010. In parallel, the local health professionals that I used to direct my clients to as trusted, women-centred people, no longer seemed to be supportive, and started using the same coercive tactics as everyone else.

    Iā€™m accustomed to supporting people who want to birth outside of the guidelines and encounter resistance for this. In the past this would be true for a few clients per year. This year it was true for every single client, and I witnessed a level of coercion that I had never seen before. I had to help all my clients make plans for if the hospital was closed. I supported one to make a formal complaint against several local health professionals for coercion. I also had to support every single client in fighting to get my presence at their birth authorised. I was even asked to leave the room at a homebirth, when the local policy only allowed one birth partner in peopleā€™s own home (what a ridiculous thing to try and enforce).

    There were beautiful moments too despite all this, especially when the women I supported got their birth choices respected and I got to witness them getting the birth they wanted, against all odds.

    Being a birth doula has always been a job with high challenges and high rewards. Being on call and supporting women through a broken maternity system isnā€™t for the faint hearted. In 2021, however, this was the first time since I became a doula when the balance of stress versus joy really tilted the other way (even more so than in 2020). Iā€™ve decided that I am going to stop working a birth doula this year. I have a couple of birth clients who I still look forward to supporting, and I will write a separate post to explain the reasons behind my decision in more details, because it deserves its own reflective piece and explanation.

    In 2021 I loved running many mother blessings for clients and friends. I found it very rewarding to create a beautiful ceremony to celebrate the mother, and hold the space for people to express their love and support for the birth and postpartum. During many of these I and the attendees were moved to tears. I loved it so much that I ended creating a live course and teach a group of birthworkers. This was a new process for me, because, encouraged by what George Kao says, I sold the spaces in the course before I even created the course content, and I then wrote the entire teaching plan in the space of two weeks. For the first time in my life, I deliberately chose to avoid checking other peopleā€™s work and write solely from my own knowledge. I found the process exhilarating, because until I started writing I hadnā€™t quite realised how much I knew. There was way too much to fit in a day! As I wrote stuff, struggling to write fast enough to keep up with all the ideas pouring out of my head, I also delighted in the fact that I had managed to reduce the impostor syndrome down to almost zero.

    I loved the experience so much that I intend to use this model every time going forward. I’m also excited at the different angle and depth of knowledge that teaching something (as opposed to doing something) brings.

    I got incredible feedback from my students, who found it hard to believe this was the first time I taught this course. One of them, who had trained with me before, even told me that it was the best course I had ever taught.

    I had a sense that it was important and felt good to teach this way because, for the first time I taught something that was entirely me as opposed to inspired by other people. Doing this I believe also empowers students to do the same.

    This inspired me to start offering impostor syndrome coaching sessions for birthworkers, for which I receive great feedback.

    I want to keep using this model for future courses. I plan to teach many things in 2022, for instance I want to teach intuitive healing techniques as opposed to the formal systems I have trained in, because it feels more in alignment with my values and how I want to encourage others to trust themselves rather than following a rigid set of steps. I also have a small group programme in the making which I plan to offer in the Spring. Watch this space!

    My word for 2022 is opening. Iā€™m curious to see what will unfold.

     

  • The birth cycle as a blueprint for a joyful life and business

    The birth cycle as a blueprint for a joyful life and business

    As the end of year draws near and we are encouraged to make plans for the next year, I feel a familiar pang of resistance and guilt around this. This isnā€™t new and I have reflected on it several times before.

    I think I feel this discomfort for two reasons: one, it doesnā€™t feel quite right energetically. Two, I do not feel that planning for the whole year is something that works for me.

    Winter, energetically, is not the right time to make plans and goals for the New Year. Winter time feels, to me, like a time to retreat inwards, instead of springing forward.

    Planning, as in writing goals and set targets feels too much like a masculine way of thinking. I prefer a more feminine energetic approach, by first sinking into what Iā€™d like to feel and dream about and tuning into my vision for myself and the coming year, before I can start to pen it down.

    Iā€™d like to introduce you to the idea of using the cycle of birth to run your life and business.

    Whether itā€™s something you want more of in your life, or a new business project of goal you want to apply, the principle is the same.

    The Birth cycle contains 4 distinct phases: Conception, Pregnancy, Birth, and the postpartum.

    Conception is the dreaming phase. It is the time during which you call upon the spirit about what youā€™d like to do, achieve or change in your life. It is the seed. In energetic terms, it is like winter, the energy where we are right now. It is going inwards, tuning in, and resting. It is visioning and imagining what might be.

    Pregnancy is growing the dream and giving it form. It also happens in stages, like the 3 trimesters of pregnancy. The form is tiny at first, and the shape in undefined, then it fleshes out and grows. In energetic terms it is similar to spring, with new growth and energies rising up. You can use the model of the 3 trimesters are 3×3 monthly stages of the growth of your project in different stages.

    Labour and birth are the final stages of the growing process, when the idea/project is completed and gets released into the world. Energetically is it like summer, when the energies are high, and when natureā€™s bounty is plentiful and we are reaping the rewards of our planting.

    Postpartum is the rest after the pregnancy, labour and birth, when one replenishes oneā€™s energy after all this growth, energy spending and effort. Energetically it is like Autumn, when the leaves fall from the tree and energy starts going inwards once more, before a new dreaming state and before the cycle can start again. It is also a time to reflect on the process and learn from it.

    If you’d like to start with your dreaming now, my friend Dina shares some ideas in this blog post.

    I will share more over the next few weeks, as I reflect on the 2021 and staff to dream about 2022, including some of the techniques I use to dream and vision what might be.

     

  • Why I write a Ta-da list

    Why I write a Ta-da list

    At the end of each week I write a ā€œTa-daā€ list.

    Itā€™s a quick review list of all the things I have done that week. It usually only takes me 5 min to write. I start in the same order that I start my to-do list, which is write the self care activities first (I call it Connection tasks), and then the work tasks, and I also include important family related tasks.

    As I wrote the one for last week, I was fascinated to notice that, yet again, I had forgotten all the many things I had done work and family wise that week.

    I think I do this because itā€™s easy to just focus on what Iā€™m not doing. After all, there are always more tasks to do, and the list is never completed.

    I think this is also because from childhood we are conditioned to associate productivity with worth.

    Iā€™ve been writing such lists for nearly a year now.

    Yet, every week Iā€™m still surprised that I had not realized how much Iā€™d done and achieved that week until I wrote it down.

    As I reflected on last week I wrote: no wonder I felt tired and a bit overwhelmed!

    I recommend trying it, as it really shifts your focus from beating yourself up about all the stuff youā€™re done doing, to patting yourself on the back for having done many things.

    Hereā€™s what I did last week

    • My connection activities for the week: Drumming in the woods x2, pool swim and river swim, 5rhythms dancing session, family pizza night.
    • Monday: Taught a postnatal massage course in London (a 15h day)
    • Tuesday: Took a day of mostly rest on Tuesday (still did a bit of work that really needed to be done)
    • Wednesday: Had an admin day, planned things that needed to happen later that week (a mother blessing and a closing the bones photoshoot), answered emails, had a couple of zoom meetings, got my car clutch repaired, and attended a 90 min online course session.
    • Thursday : A long antenatal appointment with a client, some admin work, prepped equipment for photoshoot.
    • Friday : Photoshoot (took half a day), and downloading pictures and videos, and packing all the equipment for mother blessing.
    • Saturday: Ran a mother blessing.
    • Sunday: Rested and hung out with my family.
  • Resting after intense work is a necessity not a luxury

    Resting after intense work is a necessity not a luxury

    Today Iā€™ve mostly spent the day wearing a fluffy onesie and lounging on the sofa.

    I made a mental note to only do the absolute bare minimum of what I absolutely had to do work wise.

    Why did I do this? Iā€™m not ill or anything like that.

    I just needed to rest.

    Yesterday I facilitated a postnatal recovery massage workshop in London with a group of birthworkers. It is was an exhilarating day, but also a long physically and mentally demanding one.

    I got up at 5am, put all the stuff in Teddyā€™s car, we drove to London with all the gear (5 massage tables, covers, blankets, and many rebozos and other teaching bits), carried all the gear up to the studio, set up the room ready, welcomed the students, ran the course and held the space for everyone, packed everything up, carried it back to the car, drove back to Cambridge, and carried everything back to my house. I got home at 8pm and I was in bed by 9h30.

    It youā€™ve trained with me youā€™ll know that I put a lot of energy, love and work in my teaching, so it is probably no wonder that I need to rest.

    It has taken me over 8 years of self employment, some deep self discovery, and working with various mentors to understand the need to balance work and rest.

    In the past I used to plough on after a day or two of facilitating workshops (and I used to run 2 or 3 a months prior to 2020). Then I wondered why I felt cranky and why my productivity and mood took a nose dive.

    Now, after such a intense day I make a mental note to have a very quiet day afterwards. To refill my cup. To not do much at all.

    I still hear a little voice in my head that tells me to keep going (the programming is strong!), but I listen to my body, and my body is telling me very loudly to take it easy.

    The main reason I listen to my bodyā€™s wisdom is that I have learnt the hard way that if I ignore it, then Iā€™ll pay the price for several days, achieve not much at all, feel unhappy about my lack of productivity, and beat myself up about it. So it makes a lot of sense to rest and recover. Athletes do it after a marathon after all.

    Itā€™s not just my body that needs rest, itā€™s my soul.

    I give a lot of myself during this workshop. A lot of physical and spiritual energy.

    It does make my heart sing. But I also need to honour the toll it takes on me.

    As I get older, I notice that I need more recovery time, and also a more time alone and in quieter spaces, after spending time with people.

    It was very helpful to have a human design reading with Bingz Huang recently, because she highlighted this very thing in my design, that I have the Hermit/Opportunist profile. This means that I need alone time after being with people. It felt very true and validating to hear this.

  • Preparing for the postpartum : it works!

    Preparing for the postpartum : it works!

    In the West, after a new mother has her baby, the focus shifts entirely on the baby, and the mother receives very little support. This is not normal for our species to be in this situation, and everywhere around the world, there is, or used to be, a period of about a month post birth when new mothers were treated like goddesses, supported, fed, and nurtured by the community and didn’t lift a finger!

    I wrote my book, why postnatal recovery matters, to raise awareness about the lack of support new mothers get during the postpartum in the UK, and to offer practical solutions to change this.

    I suggested in the book that we prepare for the postpartum like we do for birth: by writing a postnatal recovery plan, using the four pillars of the postpartum (social support, rest, food and bodywork) as a blueprint.

    Since the book was published, and the feedback I have received, I can report that preparing for the postpartum is not only worthwhile, but it works!

    The message in the book is doing exactly what I hope it would do, which is help families prepare for the postpartum, get more support, and have a better experience all round. In fact it has gone further than my wildest expectations in how it has positively impacted families.

    It has also helped many families who didnā€™t have a great experience the first time have a much better one for their next one.

    It has not only transformed the lives of many new mothers, but it has also transformed how I support the postpartum myself, because I now talk about it antenatally. I have also run a lot more mother blessings (a mother centred version of the baby showers), during which I have asked people to pledge support for the new mother in the 4 pillars above).

    Here are some of the things that have been shared with me:

    • Several people have told me that, rather than buying gifts for the baby, they have decided to organise food deliveries for the new parents instead.
    • A new mother Iā€™m supporting as a doula, and for whom I organized a mother blessing, shared that food parcels keep turning up on her doorstep.
    • ā€œAfter reading the book, I felt much less guilty about letting other people look after me this time aroundā€
    • ā€œI am so grateful for someone finally voicing how I felt as a new mother, but couldnā€™t put into words myself. We are living in very different times from when (even) our parents gave birth, and the recommendations of this book could not be more relevant to new families now – and especially those struggling with loneliness and isolation due to COVID related restrictions.ā€
    • ā€œI bought your book, read it and passed it on to my daughter. Wow! It has made such an impact on her as she plans ahead. As she suffers with OCD and anxiety, your book gives her the tools so she knows how she can plan ahead and manage othersā€˜ expectations. For example she has made a list of ways in which supporters (as oppose to visitors) can help during the postpartum.ā€
    • ā€œReading it has made my recovery after having my 4th baby so much easier and relaxed. Without the guilt that I should be doing more. I also feel that my bond with my baby was better, I suffered with depression and anxiety which came on during pregnancy.ā€
    • ā€œIt helped me see what I could have done differently after my first child was born and made me feel so much more confident in preparing for number two. I had never even considered some of the ideas she presents for post-natal recovery, but after reading about them I realized that they sound like just what I need.ā€œ
    • ā€œI ordered this book 3 weeks before my due date hoping this would help. I read it in 2 days and was able to action some of the advice straight away. I love that is it so readable and go to the point, and above all that is written in such a kind, gentle, non-judgemental way. It really helped me to reframe my expectations for these first few weeks/months after birthā€
    • ā€œSophie Messager writes with such empathy for new mothers that I found her words hit me in a very raw place. She has put her finger on a particular type of pain that (in my experience) has gone unrecognised. Her simple validation that for weeks after giving birth, a mother needs and deserves rest, attentive care, reverence, good food, emotional and physical holding and nurturing by others and by society, is profoundly moving and not rocket scienceā€

    If you want to learn more about this topic, I have a whole host of resources available:

    Free resources like my postnatal recovery plan template, and many blogs on the topics.

    My book, why postnatal recovery matters, which costs Ā£10 including UK postage.

    The book is also available in French (MĆØres nouvelles, traditions ancestrales : Restaurer les rituels de soin du post-partum), in Italian (Il Postparto,Cosa serve a una neomamma), and German (Was im Wochenbett wichtig ist).

    You can read why I wrote the book in this blog post. This page has all the clickable links from the book available for free

    My online course, How to prepare for a nurturing postpartum, is for birthworkers and families who want to take a more in depth journey in how to prepare, or help others prepare, for a nurturing postpartum. Read about what’s special about it in this blog post.

    And, because bodywork seems to be the most neglected aspect of the postpartum, I have created an online course on postnatal rebozo massage and closing ritual. You can read why I created this course in this blog post.

  • The postnatal recovery massage: a modern adaptation of a traditional ritual to nurture new mothers

    The postnatal recovery massage: a modern adaptation of a traditional ritual to nurture new mothers

    Since January 2019, I have taught a new postnatal massage called the postnatal recovery massage, together with osteopath Teddy Brookes.

    I want to tell you the history behind why and how we created this massage.

    It is very much needed, because in the Western world we no longer offer bodywork as standard to help new mothers heal during the postpartum. Yet, given the tremendous changes a womanā€™s body undergoes during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum, this is absolutely crazy. Read more on that in this blog post. https://sophiemessager.com/why-postnatal-bodywork-matters/

    The seed for this massage (and my book, Why postnatal recovery matters which includes a chapter on postpartum bodywork) was planted when I learnt the closing the bones massage, a traditional postpartum massage from South America, in 2013. People asked if I could teach them so I created a workshop and starting teaching it to birthworkers.

    It grew organically and together with a couple of other doulas, I ended up training over 500 people in offering this amazing nurturing ritual. I shared this knowledge in the hope to change the face of the postnatal support, towards a more mother centered and nurturing time.

    I have a theme in my professional life, in that almost always end up teaching stuff because people ask me to. Since discovering the Human design system, it makes sense to me because it is in my design to respond.

    After a few years of teaching closing the bones, more and more people who had trained with me asked if it would be possible to provide a version of the massage on a massage table instead of on the floor, because they had bad knees, or bad backs, and found working on the floor difficult.

    Iā€™d learnt a lot from practicing the massage on my local osteopath friend Teddy Brookes (he provided all the anatomical and effectiveness knowledge for the closing the bones workshop handout, and therefore already knew the technique inside out), so it made sense that I asked him asking if he liked the idea of helping me develop a massage table version of the ritual.

    Teddy was enthusiastic about the idea and we started working on it in 2017. We are both perfectionists and it took us over a year and many sessions of practice and trial and error to get it right.

    At the beginning, I wanted to create the exact same treatment on the table as we did on the floor. However, the biomechanics of doing something from the side rather than standing over the person, meant that some things simply couldn't be done in the same way.

    Some techniques worked mechanistically but didn't feel good so we discarded them. It was at times a frustrating, but mostly an exciting exploration and experience and a huge learning curve for me, especially as Teddy also educated me on how to position and use my body for more power, less effort, and increases effectiveness around the table.

    As we progressed we also ended up modifying and adding several elements to the massage based on my experience of body changes in the postpartum that weren't treated as part of the original massage. For example I had noticed that new mothers often had flared ribs post birth, as well as hunched shoulders from feeding and holding their baby, so we added some new techniques to treat these.

    In the end we ended up with a massage which, whilst inspired from the original technique, was really quite different. Ā We named it the Postnatal Recovery Massage (PRM).

    We had our first practice on a group of birthworkers and therapists in Autumn 2018, and they all loved it.

    We started teaching it in January 2019. As of now we have run 10 workshops and trained 90 people in offering this massage! As our 11th workshop is planned for this month we are hoping to reach 100 trainees who can offer this amazing nurturing treatment to new mothers.

    Here is some feedback from people who have attended the workshop:

    ā€ This new version of the postnatal ceremony blends effective rebozo (shawl) massage techniques and lymphatic drainage massage to support post natal mamas. Rather fabulous it is too!ā€ Emma Kenny, Massage therapist.

    ā€œOne of the reasons I like the massage that you have developed for the table as it feels like a modern way of adapting the traditional massage. It feels like a new technique, a therapists technique. I also like being able to connect to the anatomical benefits. I want to practise giving the massage and feel newly inspired.ā€ Katie Oliffe, Doula

    “What a wonderful, professional, well constructed and instructive course with plenty of time for step by step practical, complemented by Teddy’s expertise and Sophie’s organic shamanism and such a wonderful community of like minded body workers. Thank you. Thoroughly recommended” Jenni Tribe, Therapist

    “Thank you so much for an informative and inspiring day. I can’t wait to use the techniques on my clients and support women more effectively. You are doing an amazing work and I’m so grateful ad excited to be part of it!” Grace Lillywhite, Pilates teacher.

    “I loved this course. It is just as nurturing as the closing the bones massage but much easier to do. Sophie and Teddy worked amazingly well together” Michelle Parkin, doula.

    “The course was well organised, very informative and easy to follow. The level of practical support was fantastic and I feel confident to take what I have learnt and help local women postnatally. Thank you!” Becki Scott, doula and massage therapist.

    “Amazing workshop! Loved being in a small group to work through techniques in enough details. As an osteopath this experience has been invaluable in improving my practise if postnatal patient , in fact all of my patients!” Rob Ballard, osteopath

    ” The massage is a wonderful reworking of the traditional Closing The Bones massage performed on a couch rather than the floor. Sophie and Teddy have taken all that is special about it and fused her energy-work approach with his osteopathic technique to create something extraordinary. It incorporates binding, rocking, jiggling and specific tension releases, with massage of the chest, abdomen and pelvis with warming oil. It is truly a celebration of the postpartum body!” Charlotte Filcek, doula.

    “The tutoring, the technique, the group, just exceptional!” Alison Duff, therapist and therapy centre owner.

    Here is a short video showing what happens during the workshops:

    Play