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Sophie Messager

Author: Sophie Messager

  • You already know what is right for you (how to access your own wisdom)

    You already know what is right for you (how to access your own wisdom)

    What if I told you that you always know what is right for you?

    What if I told you that you do not need to outsource your wisdom, defer to other people, seek answers from outside sources, and that the answers, the real, true, optimal ones for you as a unique being, are already inside of you?

    In my previous blog, I explained that you are the expert is what is right for you and I want to expand on the topic and go further, as well as present ways you can access your inner wisdom.

    I believe that we are all born with inner wisdom and knowing and that we can originally access it easily. Babies and small children know what feels good and what doesn’t. They trust their inner compass. They express their bliss and displeasure loudly. It is very plain for all to see: when they are happy, their whole body is happy. When they are sad you can see it too.

    But then, because we live in a society that expects us to obey and do as we are told, and because this is present at every level, whether it is parenting, education, or the corporate world, we slowly learn to ignore our inner knowing and trusts that authority figures know best what’s right for us. To be seen as lovable, acceptable, we slowly learn to fit within the constraints of what is seen as acceptable in our society. We learn to ignore what feels right, in favour of what is seen as right.

    It can be hard to unlayer the learning of distrust of one’s instinct and to start accessing the inner voice inside. This is especially true when we enter an experience that is outside of our field of knowledge. And this is particularly true of the experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting. I see it a lot in my work as a doula. I see highly educated, intelligent individuals, who find it really hard to trust their instincts in the face of pressure from coercive maternity care policies.

    The same is true when we become parents, and it can be tempting to choose to believe the opinion of so-called “experts” in parenting, rather than following one’s inner guidance. I wrote about this in my blog Why baby books and “experts” can really harm you after you have a baby . It is true for most new experiences in life, most choices, and most life transitions.

    I see this being highlighted more than ever since the 2020 pandemic. There are so many conflicting pieces of information. Experts disagreeing with each other. Public health policies that treat people as a single entity and fail to take into account unique individual circumstances. Forever changing goalposts. Not knowing who and what to believe.

    I am not saying that it isn’t worth consulting people who know more than you do about an area. But as I explained in my previous blog, they cannot make the decision for you, because they aren’t the ones who are going to live with the consequences of your decisions.

    In navigating the perinatal period, and life changes, and for most of us in the current climate, learning to listen to our inner knowing can be a game changer, and bring out a sense of confidence and peace.

    But how do you start to unlayer the belief that the answers always lie outside of yourself? How do you start listening to your inner voice if you have always let the opinion of others guide you?

    There are many different ways to start accessing your inner wisdom. None of them is necessarily “right” or more powerful than the other. They are simply tools. The most important aspect is that you use one that works for you.

    I have been on a massive journey myself to debunk what I thought I had to do. For example I use to believe I was shit at meditation because I thought you had to sit on a cushion in the lotus position, stare at a candle, and think of nothing. This cool little animated video went a long way in helping to undo this.  It is surprising simple. All you need to do is have the intention to do so, and then start applying ways of accessing your own wisdom that work for you.

    Here are some ideas to try to get you started. Remember, that, as with any new skills, the more you practice the better you become. After all, if you were going to run a marathon you wouldn’t expect to do it without training. Start small. Start with the method you feel most excited about.

    Set an intention

    • The simplest way to access your inner wisdom is simply to set an intention to receive the guidance and see what happens.

    Meditation

    • If trying meditation appeals to you, there are many apps, such as headspace (and plenty of others, some of which are free) around to guide you through the process in tiny, incremental steps. It doesn’t have to be a commitment to have 20 min a day, it could be as little as 5 min and still make a difference.
    • Checkout the one moment meditation video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6eFFCi12v8

    Mouvement

    • Meditation does not even have to be a still process. One can meditate whilst walking, dancing, or other movement activities too. I am a fan of 5rhythms dancing (https://www.5rhythms.com/) and other conscious movement practices,These practises work much better for me than sitting still. I include my wild river swimming in my meditative practices.
    • When you feel stuck, try moving gently, or going for a walk. Bonus if you can get in nature, as it is extra grounding.

    Grounding

    • Walking barefoot on the grass/ground is a super fast way to discharge stress and ground yourself. From a place of grounding it’s easier to access one’s inner voice.
    • Being in nature is generally grounding. I swim in the local river all year round and it is one of my favourite ways to de-stress and meditate.

    Breathing

    1. As with meditation, simply paying attention to your breath can help your mind quieten enough to hear the inner voice inside. Again there are many techniques available, but you already know how to breathe (after all you’ve been doing it all your life), and simply paying attention to your outbreath, and slowing it down slightly is all you need. Some meditation apps include breathing relaxation.

    Heart centering

    • This is a quick and simple way to gain a more heart centered state. Breathe gently for a couple of minutes, then imagine that you are breathing in and out through the centre of your chest.
    • You can also try the HeartMath institute heart coherence technique .

    Journaling

    • Some people find their inner voice communicate best with them via writing. Again it doesn’t have to be complicated. All you need is a notebook and a pen, and a commitment to start with free writing 5 min a day. One thing that can help is simply to state in your mind before you write “what does my inner voice/soul (or whatever other word resonates most with you) want to tell me today”.

    Learning to recognise your body’s response

    • Did you know that you can use your body as a pendulum to get an answer to a question? Start by asking a very easy question, for example, do I like (favourite food or drink). Close your eyes and really feel inside your body. Feel your unique body’s response to the yes inside. Mine is a feeling of energy circulating in a circle around my heart, but yours might be completely different. Then ask yourself the same question for a food or drink you really dislike. Feel the response inside your body. Once you have familiarized yourself with your own response, you can start practicing with every day questions. The more you practice the easier it becomes.

    Drumming

    • I cannot resist mentioning drumming because I love it. It is one of my preferred forms of meditation. You do not need to be musically trained. Research shows that drumming to a simple, repetitive, heartbeat like rhythms, causes the brain waves to slow down, which helps to get the mind chatter out of the way. I wrote a blog called Drum healing, bullshit? about my self-taught drumming journey. Over the last year I have drummed twice weekly in the local nature reserve first thing in the morning. It is the most nourishing spiritual practice for me.

     

     

  • You are the expert in what is right for you

    You are the expert in what is right for you

    You are the expert when it comes to making decisions in your life.

    This is one of the most important points I share with my clients. I think it applies to many things outside of pregnancy and birth too!

    It can be tempting to defer decisions to experts such as doctors and scientists, or anyone you perceive as an expert in the field, especially if you are trying to make a decision in a area of knowledge that is new to you.

    But the role of the experts is advisory.

    They cannot make the decision for you.

    This doesn’t mean that the role of the experts isn’t valuable, because they can curate options that suit you when trying to oversee the whole picture might feel overwhelming.

    I liken it to choosing dishes in a buffet. The role of the experts is to curate the buffet to your needs (for instance making sure there is no animal products if you are a vegetarian), but they cannot choose the dishes for you. You do.

    Not the scientists, not the doctors, not the experts. You are unique with your own unique needs and you get to live with the decisions you make, not the experts. The role of the experts is to lay options in front of you. It doesn’t mean that the a coach isn’t valuable, because they can curate through a lot of options for you, but their job is to lay options in front of you and your job is to choose what’s right for you.

    Because they aren’t the ones who are going to live with the consequences of the decision.

    You are.

    Play

     

  • Postpartum support and butterflies: what do they have in common?

    Postpartum support and butterflies: what do they have in common?

    In my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, I explain that postnatal recovery boils down to 4 pillars: social support, rest, food and bodywork.

    Social support is the foundation on which everything else is built. If you are going to rest, have some great nourishing, food and some bodywork after birth, it’s kind of impossible to do this alone. You need other adults around to be supporting you in order to do this.

    But postpartum support goes beyond the simple practical aspect of having other pairs of hands to hold the baby, cook you food or give you a massage.

    Yes, having another adult in the house means that there is someone to help with house stuff, but most importantly, it means that we aren’t alone. It means that there is someone else to keep us company, listens, and reassure us when we doubt ourselves.

    It means, most importantly, that there is someone to hold the space for us.

    Holding the space looks like someone is doing nothing, but it might be the most important aspect of all. Heather Plett explains this concept beautifully in her article.

    In the episode of the Midwives’s Cauldron podcast I did about postnatal recovery, I tell a story that illustrates this beautifully (you can listen to it here). When my daughter was a baby, she suffered from painful gas at night which left her inconsolable. I became aware that she reacted to certain foods I ate and had to eliminate these from my diet. On a holiday to France when she was 3 months old, I unknowingly ate some food she reacted really badly to, and she woke up in the middle of the night and cried for over an hour. As I got out of her bed to rock and soothe her, my mother heard her cry, and she came to keep me company. She didn’t do much; she just sat with me whilst I rocked my baby. But having another adult there, just being present for me, meant that I felt much stronger and able to support my daughter.

    Recently a new mother I supported as a doula told me something similar: she said you have help during the day, but at night, you’re alone and it’s so hard. I helped her find a night doula, and it made a world of difference to her wellbeing.

    As humans we are a social species, and we kind of intuitively know that we need community support through life transitions. This is why every culture used to have (and many still have) a set of rituals around big life transitions life becoming a parent.

    The polyvagal nervous system theory tells her that we need each other to regulate our stress levels, especially at times when we are vulnerable.

    Postpartum rituals around the world all have in common a period of about a month during which the new mother is nurtured and looked after, almost like a child, because there is an innate understanding that she needs to be surrounded and supported by experienced adults as she navigates her new role and identity.

    Western societies are so focused on productivity that we tend to only plan for practical things. I see a parallel with what people ask me about my doula role. They ask what does a doula do, yet most of my role isn’t easily quantified, because it is more about being than doing.

    An analogy often used for the transition to motherhood is that the change from a caterpillar to a butterfly.

    If you have ever seen a butterfly emerge from its cocoon, you’ll know that as the butterfly first comes out, its wings are crumpled and soft. The butterfly needs to hang upside down from its cocoon or a nearby branch, whilst it waits for the wings to unfold, dry and strengthen. Only then can it take its first flight. If you’ve ever witnessed this you may also know that if the butterfly falls before the wings are dried, the wings are usually damaged.

    Postpartum support is the same. It is about providing stable ground. One cannot help or speed up the wings unfolding and drying process, but they can be the strong cocoon on which the butterfly hangs whilst they unfurl.

    We need to introduce this concept in the postpartum too: that what new mothers need, most of all, are people to hold the space for them, and who trust that they can find their own path, and unfold and spread their wings by themselves, in their own time, once there have become strong enough.

    (PS: if you’re a birth geek like me you’ll be fascinated like I was to learn that there is a substance called meconium, which sounds quite similar to the human version, which the butterfly pushes through its wings to unfurl them.)

  • How to normalise rest and support after birth

    How to normalise rest and support after birth

    One of the reasons I wrote my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, is because I got fed up of witnessing new mothers struggle and blame themselves for it.

    As a society we are blind to the needs of new mothers. When they struggle to adapt and adjust to the intense demands of new motherhood, new mothers tend to think that something is wrong with them, rather than placing the blame where it belongs, which is in a culture that totally fails to support them.

    We also place an abnormal value on independence, which means that new mothers often hide their struggle as feel shame and guilt, mistakenly believing that they are the only ones who struggle. It’s a vicious circle.

    Since I published my book, I have been heartened by positive stories about it. One second time mother in particular, said that because of the book she didn’t feel guilty letting other people look after her after the birth this time around. But there is still SO MUCH we need to do to change things. In my doula work I still witness new mothers blaming themselves for their struggles, and who feel guilty asking for help, who feel guilty at having me to supporting them even!

    We need to normalize rest and support after birth. I believe than when as little as 15% of new families get given the support they need, this will become. I need your help in doing this.

    Please share the message that resting and being looked after the birth isn’t selfish but that it is the norm for our species.

    Encourage expectant families to plan for the postpartum as well as the birth. It’s easier to have support when you put plans in place in advance.

    Play your part in the revolution by giving gifts that actually support the new family, like food delivery, vouchers for a postnatal doula or mother’s help, or voucher for a postnatal massage.

    The more people experience true nurturing postpartum, the closer we will get to the goal of transforming our culture.

     

    If you’d like to read more, I started blogging about this topic in 2016, and you can read more posts below:

    What new mothers really need

    Motherhood is fucking hard and you aren’t meant to be doing this on your own

    Have you heard of a postnatal plan?

     

  • Getting out of overwhelm

    Getting out of overwhelm

    A few years ago I started my journey out of overwhelm. I was overworked and stressed and I didn’t know how to get out of the cycle. I was trying to work harder out of it. It was so bad that I remember stopping to pick some berries on a week day on my way home and feeling guilty because I felt I ought to be working.

    I was stuck into a mindset where my productivity and my worth were mixed up, and I wasn’t even aware of it.

    Luckily I embarked on a coaching programme with Bonny Williams. As part of the programme, Bonny challenged me to spend one hour a week doing something called soft play. The idea of soft play was to spend an hour doing something nourishing and fun, alone.

    At first I struggled to find what to do. Bonny suggested I think about what I enjoyed as a child. I remembered I loved being in nature, build dens, that kind of stuff. I can vividly remember my first soft play: I went for a walk to the local nature reserve, alone, on a week day, when I “should” have been working. I had a lot of stuff to do that and I very nearly didn’t go. But I did, and it felt great and oddly rebellious. And, oddly enough, that day I managed to do everything on my to do list and I felt great.

    Fast forward 3 years, this has become part of my new routine, and had spread new fantastic new habits like year round river swimming, and drumming in the woods and 5 rhythms dancing. I’ve realised this is so important that  days I put the time in nature as the first task on my weekly to do list. And you know what? Magic has happened! I feel a more relaxed, creative and productive than ever. I also have a lot more fun. In fact I’m so elated with the results I’m planning to create a course sharing my experience.

    The bottom line is this: You can cannot get out of the overwhelm created by working hard by working harder. Let me say this again: you cannot get out of overwhelm by working harder.

    Instead, to create spaciousness in your life and more balance with play, you need to let yourself experience that play and spaciousness inside. Once you start experiencing this, all sorts of magic will unfold by itself and you will not look back.

  • Why postnatal recovery matters online course: what’s so special about it?

    Why postnatal recovery matters online course: what’s so special about it?

    My name is Sophie Messager and I am on a mission to revolutionise the postpartum.

    Everywhere around the world, there used to be a period of about a month after birth during which the new mother was taken care of completely. Family members, or members of the community, used to take charge of the household (chores, older kids etc), make sure the mother rested, provided specific nourishing foods, and well as give or organise some bodywork, such as postpartum binding or massage. It was a ubiquitous practice in every continent (and still is in many parts of the world today). In the Western world, we used to have this too in living memory.

    I do not know why we forgot, but I know that what we have isn’t adequate, and that our lack of understanding of this fundamental need puts new mothers under intense stress. As a doula I have been witnessing new mothers struggle alone, trying to meet their own needs and the intense needs of their newborn babies. Not only this, but there is also intense pressure for new mothers to “go back to normal” as fast as possible, which contributes to feelings of inadequacy and suffering. Because we have lost sight of the needs of new mothers, mothers often blame themselves for their suffering, wondering what is wrong with them, instead of seeing that their struggle is caused by a culture that fails to understand and support them.

    Having witnessed this struggle over 10 years, I have wanted to do something to change it.

    In 2020 I published a book called Why postnatal recovery matters, which is a call to action for a change towards a more nurturing postpartum. I wrote it because I wanted to provide knowledge and practical ideas for both new families and the people who support them.

    I decided to create an online course based on the principles highlighted in the book. The course provides more of a held experience, as it is divided into bite sized modules and lessons, and because in each module there is a video where I introduce the topic. I have also expanded on the knowledge I gathered over many years as a doula and perinatal educator, and expanded to write the book and which I have carried on acquiring since. As well as all the videos and text to read, one of the entirely new aspects that the course provides are questionnaires in each of the modules, which you can download and print. These questionnaires encourage you to explore your beliefs and your hopes and fears on each particular topic. You can then revisit the questionnaire after each module, to see if anything has changed. This provides a deep enquiry process which can be transformative.

    After completing this course you will have:

    • Learnt about traditional postpartum wisdom, and why we need it back
    • Gained a solid understanding of why preparing for the postpartum is essential
    • Learnt about your own beliefs and needs for the postpartum.
    • Learnt about the 4 pillars of the postpartum: Social support, rest, food and bodywork, and how to make them work for you
    • Learnt why hiring help, in particular a doula, can be a game changer
    • Learnt how to write a postnatal recovery plan
    • Learnt about preparing for every eventuality, including the unexpected

    By the end of this course, you will feel confident and armed with the tools your need to have a supportive the postpartum recovery, one that places the new mother firmly at the centre.

    This course is for you if you are an expectant or new parent, or if you are someone who supports expectant and new parents.

    What makes this course, and my approach, unique?

    • I have a unique blend of scientific, theoretical and practical experience. I was a biology research scientist for 20 year prior to reconverting to being a doula. What I bring is my unique signature mix of scientific, traditional, and practical knowledge.
    • The course is full of scientific references, with clickable links you can follow, and also full of traditional wisdom.
    • I have extracted the fundamental principles of what constitues a good postpartum recovery, looking at what is common between cultures rather than specific in each individual culture, and divided them into 4 simple principles which are easy to apply. This means that you can make it work for you and your unique family and circumstances.
    • The course is full of stories from my clients and from mothers and birth professionals, which help illustrate the topic with real life examples, as well as give you ideas that you may want to try.
    • As well as being a scientist, I have gained practical experience in many traditional techniques, such as wrapping the hips and belly, which I share with you in the course.
    • Having gained a DiPhe in antenatal education, as well as facilitating hundred of courses and workshops for expectant parents and birth professionals over 10 years, I know how present information in a way that allows students to learn easily and enjoyably.
    • The course has also been co-developed with a group of 85 birth professionals, so you know that the content have been tried and tested by experts in the field.

     

     

     

     

    What’s in the course?

    • The course is divided in 11 bite size Modules
      • Introduction
      • History
      • What we are missing
      • Social support
      • Rest
      • Food
      • Bodywork
      • Hiring help
      • Postnatal recovery plan
      • Special circumstances
      • Conclusion
    • Each module is presented with an introduction video, and a mix of text, pictures, videos, and questionnaires for optimal learning, and to investigate your own beliefs and revisit them as your go through the course.
    • The course includes access to a private Facebook group for sharing knowledge and ongoing support.

    FAQ:

    How long do I have to do the course?

    As long as you need. You get to do the course in your own time.

    In which order do I do the modules?

    As you prefer. You can go through the course in a linear fashion, or go straight to a particular module you are interested in.

    How much does it cost?

    ÂŁ119

    How do I access the course?

    Here 

  • The buffet curator: an analogy for doula work

    The buffet curator: an analogy for doula work

    Imagine you were going to a buffet restaurant in a foreign country, and that you had no idea what the foods on offer tasted like, or what the dishes contained.

    Imagine that you didn’t speak or read the language

    Imagine that you had your own dietary restrictions, such as being vegetarian, or being gluten free, or allergic to nuts.

    Imagine that the buffet restaurant was this enormous place, with more than a hundred dishes on offer.

    Imagine that, as you started queuing in front of the dishes, that people kept moving in front of the dishes, and that you knew people behind you would become impatient if you didn’t move.

    Wouldn’t you feel stressed? Wouldn’t you worry that you are going to pick the wrong dishes, some that you will not like, or that could cause you a major allergic reaction?

    Now imagine if you had a guide, someone who knew the restaurant and all the dishes in it.

    Imagine if, because you even entered the restaurant, your guide had taken the time to find out about your needs, made sure they understood what you wanted (and didn’t want), and then explained to you which dishes you would be able to choose from. Imagine that they had even gone and asked the chef which dishes were safe for you to eat. What if the guide could even ask the chef to prepare a different dish especially for you? How much safer and enjoyable would the experience be?

    This is what a doula can and will do for you, as you enter the maze of choices that pregnancy, birth and the postpartum bring. The many options, including ones you didn’t even know existed. The conflicting advice you find on every single topic.

    A doula is like your own buffet curator. As your doula gets to know you, your unique needs and preferences, she can sift through the many options available to you and present you with a curated list of options which you can pick from.

    You doula cannot pick the dishes for you, only you can do that, but having the list tailored to your needs might save you a lot of time and stress.

    A doula then walks the path with you, supporting you along the way and always being available to any questions as you choose, and get to decide what’s right for you. You even can change your mind at any point! Imagine how empowering this feels?

    If this resonates with you and you would like to work with me, you can find out more about the education and support I provide for families and birthworkers in the form of one to one support, and online courses.

  • Ten reasons to hire a doula even if she cannot be physically present during your birth

    Ten reasons to hire a doula even if she cannot be physically present during your birth

    What’s the point of having a doula if she cannot be present physically during the birth? Aren’t doulas just mostly hired for their supporting presence during that special time?

    Honestly when lockdown started in 2020 and hospitals in the UK introduced restrictions to one birth partner only, I asked myself the same question. I asked myself this question because despite having worked as a doula for over 8 years I had almost no experience of supporting labour remotely. I was utterly dismayed when I found out that I was no longer welcome in the hospital along the families I was already committed to supporting. Yet over the last 10 months, whilst I didn’t attend many births in person, I acquired a wealth of knowledge and experience in providing incredibly different forms of support in the forever changing rules in and out of lockdown. One thing that never changed for me locally is that my local hospital never relaxed the one partner only rule (I know that other hospitals in the country did things differently).

    Interestingly, many couples still choose to hire me for support despite knowing that I may not be able to be present at their birth. I am already booked for several different families in 2021, and including some repeat clients. I’m totally honest with people and explain from the onset that it is unlikely that I’ll be able to be physically present during their birth, unless they birth at home. But in these challenging and unpredictable times, having the support of a doula can still make a world of positive difference to your experience of pregnancy, birth and the postpartum. I’ll make a separate blog post for postnatal doulaing after this one.

    So what difference can a doula make even if she cannot be there with you at the birth?

    • 1) Antenatal education and birth choices

    In the extra challenging situation that lockdown and changing hospital policies bring, having someone to help you navigate your options is more important than ever. As your doula, I have an in depth knowledge of my local hospital policies, often being aware of policy change before members of the public. A doula can help you prepare for the unexpected and help you create birth plan that cover every possible eventuality that may present itself. It’s something doulas have always done, and I wrote a blog post called Why you may want to have a plan C (for cesarean) in your birth preferences.

    • 2) Emotional support

    Having someone you have gotten to know and trust, and who is always available at the end of the phone or email when you feel the need for support is even more important than before. In most trust there is no named midwife or a person you can contact directly within the health system at the best of times, but since March 2020, with the stretched NHS, this has become worse. Several of my clients said they left messages with weren’t returned. Just having someone you know you can call and talk to when you’ve worried about anything during your pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period, can make a world of difference to your wellbeing.

    • 3) Knowledge and information

    As before the pandemic, access to knowledge and information is a big part of doula support. There is a whole maze of information to navigate! Where will you have your baby, what kind of birth do you want, what if you cannot get your preferred choice, what are your rights, what’s the scientific evidence behind what you are being offered, what is right for you, yours and your family’s unique circumstances? I can help you access a whole network of people, from other health professional to complementary practitioners outside of the NHS, from osteopaths to complementary therapists to breastfeeding professionals.

    I supported a family who wanted to have a VBAC (Vaginal birth after cesarean). They wanted to be in the local birth centre but had been told this wasn’t possible. They weren’t based in Cambridge, but through my network of birth workers, I obtained the details of the consultant midwife at their local hospital. They had a meeting with her and got granted access to the birth centre. They had a beautiful empowering waterbirth there.

    I also supported a woman who was facing an induction of labour that she didn’t want or felt was justified. We had a chat over the phone and I reminded her of her rights to choose, ahead of a meeting with her consultant. I received a very grateful email afterwards explaining that she had felt much calmer and confident going into the meeting thanks to our chat, and that the meeting had gone very well. She went into labour naturally.

    • 4) Practical support

    I am skilled in many support techniques that can help make your pregnancy, labour and birth, and postpartum period more comfortable. I can teach them to you, or signpost you to someone who can support you if you aren’t local to me.

    In 2020 several of my clients had breech babies, I was able to teach positional and rebozo breech turning techniques via video calls (I became very good at using a tripod to hold my device, and at contorsioning myself to demonstrate positions!) or in person. I was also able to signpost them to osteopaths who helped balance the pelvis so the baby had more chances to turn, or to acupuncturists who taught them how to do moxibustion. I also helped to access the information to help them decide whether having the baby turned manually (known as an external cephalic version) with an obstetrician was the right choice for them, as well as what would happen during the procedure/

    • 5) Labour preparation

    I can help you be prepared for what do expect during labour and birth, and decide what kind of comfort measures you’d like to use, and explore their pros and cons. I can teach you such comfort measures so you are feeling prepared and confident, even when I’m not physically present.

    In 2020 I started writing custom relaxation scripts to help with things from promoting relaxation and confidence, to help turn a breech baby, to help labour start when due date had passed and an induction date was looming. I recorded myself as I lead expectant parents through those scripts and sent them the recording to listen to. One couple reported that they went into labour after listening to the “overdue” relaxation script I had sent them over and over again, and that the mother went into labour despite the pressures of the looming induction and had a very straightforward birth.

    As well as teaching you some of the many comfort and relaxation measures for labour I know, I can teach the ones that suit you to your partner. This means that your partner will feel more confident in supporting you, that the two of you can work better together, and that you are both likely to have.

    • 6) In person Labour support

    As a doula, I’m still able to provide in person support in early labour at the couple’s home. This means that I can come and support you when labour starts, and help you feel comfortable, confident and safe. This means that you do not have to worry about when it is the right time to go to the hospital (or call the midwife if you’re having a homebirth). This means that there is a reassuring presence in the background. It can help both you and your partner feel much calmer and safe. It means that you are more likely to have a straightforward experience, especially if this is your first baby and you do not know what to expect or what is normal.

    All hospitals still allow one partner, and I have supported families who chose to have me being present at the birth in the hospital, for example if the partner had to stay at home to care for older children.

    • 7) Remote labour support

    Because we will have gotten to know each other well, you’ll have come to trust me and feel safe with me. By the time you are in labour, knowing that there is something you can call at any hour of the day or night, and that I will be there

    As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, I was myself unsure of what difference I could make remotely. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could still make a world of difference during labour.

    I could join couples at home in early labour, I could be there on the phone or video calls in early or later labour. Because I had prepared the partner with extra techniques, when they called me describing a stall in labour, I was able to guide them through specific rebozo techniques designed to help resolve such issues with great success. I was still able to provide advocacy and help people navigate their options.

    During a birth in 2020, a partner called me as labour had stalled and there were talks of moving to theatre. As I had taught him some of the most useful labour dystocia resolving techniques I know. After asking him a few specific questions I suggested a couple of positional and rebozo techniques. The baby was born vaginally 40 min later. Another partner called me telling me that his wife had been pushing for 2h, and that due to arbitrary limits on pushing duration from the hospital, transfer to the delivery unit was being strongly suggested. He asked if they could refuse. After asking if both mother and baby were well, I reminded him that it was their decision to make. The baby was born in the birth centre pool 20 min later.

    A challenging time last year was when I had to watch a woman that I had previously supported as a doula 3 times before, walk into the hospital alone for her planned cesarean birth (my local trust currently only allows partners in the ward as they go into theatre, so the mother is alone in the antenatal ward until she gets called to go to theatre). I went to meet her in front of the hospital. I thought I hadn’t made a difference but later one she said “It definitely helped to still have you as my doula in lockdown as it was really lovely and comforting to know you were just at the end of the phone for a chat or advice. It was also lovely to see you outside the hospital before I went in, and to talk to you in the evening about the birth”.

    Zelle the doula shared this account of supporting a birth over the phone (you can read the whole story here)

    “It feels like she’s wrenched the phone out of her husband’s hand, as her eyes lock on to mine “Zelle!” she breathes as a surge crashes like wave over her “Zelle-I-really-need-an-epidural” she scrunches her face up “I can’t CAN’T do thissss”. I am calm. An even tone. The bit I wish I was there for, because I would stroke her hair out of her face and be gentle with her poor tired body and be slow and gentle and grounding. I have to do it all with my voice instead. “A,” I say. “You are so strong. You are magnificent. This is transition, that hard bit we talked about. This feeling will leave.” I’m conscious of the fact the adrenaline will kick in momentarily. ” You know what to do. Your body knows this. You’ve been in labour a *long* time. It’s a lot of hard work. There’s no shame in an epidural if you want one. But you’re wrong on one point, A, you CAN do this. I completely believe with every fibre of my being that you can do this. I believe in you.” She shoves the phone back in to her husband’s hand. “I CAN do this!” she breathes. I am so proud I wipe tears away.”

    • 8) Navigating the unexpected

    If anything happens during pregnancy, birth or the postpartum you can rest assured that I will be there to help you navigate the situation. From labour starting early or labour, or a sudden diagnostic of a medical situation which changes your birth choices, I have supported these kinds of scenarios for the last 8 years and I know how much of a difference it makes to have someone by your side to help you find out how to make the best of it.

    • 9) Postnatal preparation

    Postnatal preparation and support is one of my favourite topics. I feel it is so important that I wrote a book about it, called Why postnatal recovery matters. As your doula, I can help you prepare for the postpartum, be it the immediate few hours post birth in the hospital or at home (including how to prepare for the fact that most partners may not allowed to visit postnatally in the hospital), or the later parts from coming home with your baby, from feeding choices to parenting choices. As part of my contract you get 6 weeks of unlimited phone and email support after the birth of your baby.

    • 10) Postnatal support

    After your baby is born, especially if you are alone in a postnatal ward without your partner, or if you have your partner but medical staff is too busy to help support you, I can do call or video calls as soon as you need me to help answer any needs you may have. I have become skilled at provided feeding help over video calls, either myself or putting you in touch with breastfeeding counselors, who have also become very skilled at providing feeding support over video calls. More in my next blog on postnatal support during lockdown.

    Finally, here is a story from a mother I supported in 2020:

     “It would be easy to feel like pandemic restrictions preventing extra birth partners would make hiring a doula pointless. After all, if they can’t be at the birth, why bother, right? I might have felt the same, if it weren’t for our experience of growing and birthing our daughter in 2020 with Sophie’s help.

    When the pandemic hit, and suddenly even my husband wasn’t allowed in to scans or appointments. Secondary birth partners were banned from births completely. These restrictions still hadn’t been eased by July, when I unexpectedly entered prodromal labour at 36 weeks gestation. After a week of contractions at home that weren’t getting any more frequent, I entered the hospital to have my labour artificially progressed. I laboured, for large parts alone, for five further days, before finally delivering my daughter by c-section (or belly birth, as I like calling it!). Again, even getting my husband into hospital to support me was a fight. The presence of a doula was a complete non-starter.

    So do I regret hiring Sophie? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

    If anything, I am MORE grateful we did because of COVID. More than ever, being asked to navigate the labyrinth of the maternity care system is a nearly impossible challenge women are being asked to undertake. Especially in a pandemic, alone. I have no idea how I would have begun to survive it without the preparation Sophie did with us, and the support she still managed to provide both during and after our birth.

     I had the space I needed to process rather than internalise my grief. I had the planning and preparation I needed to take care of myself both during and after the birth. I had the support I needed to bring my baby home to an overjoyed family that was ready to receive her. I had the confidence to know I can be and am exactly the mother she needs. I was left so in awe of the work of doulas that I’m becoming one. ” Elle.

    If you’d like to read more about this topic, I wrote a blog called The Value of a doula, one called What do you get when you hire a doula, or why she’s totally worth the money, one about how a doula can support you if you are having a planned cesarean birth, and one called The incredible things doulas do to support their clients. Whilst these were written before 2020, much of what I explain in them still applies.

    If this resonates with you and you would like to work with me, I offer education and support for families and birthworkers in the form of one to one support, and online courses.

     

  • A guide to postpartum recovery during lockdown

    Updated January 2021 (originally published in March 2020)

    The lockdown inspired me to write a mini emergency postnatal recovery plan, as for the foreseeing future, most new families in the UK (and in many other places in the world) are likely to be at home alone with their babies, with support from only a very limited number of persons (Doulas and certain therapists are still able to work during lockdown so do not hesitate to contact them for support).

    Traditional postpartum recovery the world around includes a period of at least a month during which the mother does nothing but rest and get to know her baby, whilst other people look after her, cook her warming, nourishing foods, massage and wrap her, and provide essential social support.

    After all, your body has done something truly amazing by growing and birthing a whole new person, so it makes sense that it needs some TLC to recover as well as possible. Even marathon runners take a couple of weeks off training after an event!

    I wrote my book, Why Postnatal Recovery Matters,  to encourage a return of these practises to the Western world.

    But during lockdown I am aware that the full version of this isn’t going to be possible.

    So when we boil it down to its bare bones, what does a DIY postnatal recovery plan look like?

    The four pillars of postpartum recovery are social support, rest, food, and bodywork.

    Social support

    I hope you have a partner or another adult  with you. It is unlikely you’ll have much direct support from people face to face, however you can get a lot of online/virtual/video support. Many doulas have switched to offering remote support via phone or video calls (doulas offer postnatal support as well as birth support). You can find a doula here .

    There are online support groups, and you can find local or national ones on Facebook. If you search for something like mums in XXX (town’s name) or “XXX parents”, you’ll find groups, and from these groups and the people in them, you’ll be able to find out other sources of support. In fact the pandemic has seen the creation many new local support groups created to help support vulnerable people, so help is paradoxically easier to find than it was before. There are are also some apps such as Mush or Peanut which are designed to help mums to connect with other mums.

    Rest:

    Aim to stay in bed for a few days, or if being in bed drives you crazy, or if this isn’t possible, around the bed or the sofa as much as you can. Try to take at least one nap a day (early afternoon is the time that most people find that comes naturally), or if you can, a couple of naps a day, sleeping when the baby is sleeping. Even a 20 min power nap can make a world of difference. Try to go to bed earlier than you normally would a few times a week. If you cannot sleep, try to lie down and rest (some mums find it easier to drop off if they listen to a guided meditation. There are plenty of free apps for that). If you’re alone and have other kids to look after, drop your standard for a while and have lazy days around the sofa, making free use of screen entertainment.

    Food:

    If you can, batch cook and freeze ahead of time before the birth. Ideally you’ll want to have a mix of sources for food, from self prep, to food prepped for you by friends and neighbours, to food deliveries. You could organise a meal train or better still ask a kindly neighbour or friend to organise one for you (or use this website https://www.mealtrain.com/). Since there are many free support groups online now, including street whasapp group (why not start one if there isn’t one in your street yet),it that it might be easier than before to get the support.

    There are companies such as cook that deliver good quality frozen meals that you can just stick in the oven like lasagna (https://www.cookfood.net/). I am seeing more local delivery initiatives before so I’m hopeful that you’ll find them locally. Some local shops offering delivery services. As well as fresh food, get some easy to eat, stock on non perishable snacks if you can.

    Bodywork

    Another ubiquitous practise is to massage and wrap the abdomen and/or the pelvis of the new mother. It is trickier than before as access to massage therapists is limited, however, such therapists are still allowed to practise when the clinical need is deemed sufficient (see guidance here https://www.fht.org.uk/news-item/fht-statement-on-coronavirus-covid-19). Manual therapists such as osteopaths, chiropractors, and physiotherapists are still open. There are things you can do for yourself, such a giving your lower abdomen a gentle massage, and wrapping your pelvis and/or abdomen with a scarf or a velcro belt. I’ve written a blog about how to do this, complete with some tutorials.

     

    Get yourself a sling or baby carrier. This will allow you to meet your baby’s needs for closeness whilst being able to relax and still have your arms available to fix yourself a snack or a meal. Carrying matters has just published a blog about babywearing during the pandemic, and they also run the sling pages directory (Babywearing consultants are able to support you remotely).

    Try and plan as much as possible whilst pregnant so you have support in place after the birth.

    I’ve made a free postnatal recovery plan PDF to download with prompts. You can find it here.

    If this inspires you and you’d like to find out more, you can buy a signed copy of my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, here, or find out more about my online courses, or the one to one sessions I offer.

  • Stretched between gratitude and grief. A review of 2020.

    Stretched between gratitude and grief. A review of 2020.

    At the end of each year I write a review of my year. I find it a helpful exercise to reflect. This year it feels more important than ever. I am doing it for myself, and I also hope it may inspire others who read it. Despite my being told that I do a lot of stuff, until I write it all down I tend to mostly focus on what I am not doing.

    I choose the title of being stretched between gratitude and grief because this has been a year of extremes on many levels, and that is how it has felt for me.

    I have this amazing book about grief called The Wild Edge of Sorrow. In his book, author Francis Weller explains that :

    “Sorrow shakes us and breaks us open to depths of soul we could not imagine. Grief offers a wild alchemy that transmutes suffering into fertile ground. We are made real and tangible by the experience of sorrow, adding substance and weight to our world. We are stripped of excess and revealed as human in our times of grief. In a very real way grief ripens us, pulls up from the depths of our souls what is most authentic in our beings”.

    I started 2020 in a state of deep grief, due to a crisis that had happened in the summer of 2019. I was still seeing a therapist, and still on antidepressants. I was desperately trying to “fix” myself out of the darkness. Back then I could not have imagined how much personal growth and joy this year would bring me, despite the challenges that it brought.

    A bunch of things happened between January and lockdown that contributed to lifting me out of this state. I finished doing the case studies for my Reiki Drum teacher training, and managed to attend the actual training (despite the looming lockdown and a flat tyre). I had a family constellation session (the 4th one since summer 2019), and I had a 3h long massage and healing session with Claire at In well being somatic massage, all of which helped shift what had happened  out of my body. But the biggest change was oddly brought by the lockdown itself.

    As the announcement of lockdown loomed, I spent 3 days reading the news constantly. My anxiety skyrocketed as I started to imagine all sorts of worse case scenarios. I’m super grateful that a friend made me aware of a zoom workshop based on the work of Byron Katie, on the topic of anxiety during the pandemic. During the workshop, Cambridge coach Corrina Gordon-Barnes led us through an enquiry about our fear.  I had partially read Byron Katie’s book, Loving what is, before, but I had taken the questions at face value, and not got that they weren’t actual intellectual questions, but rather a method of self enquiry. The effect of this for me was extraordinary, and it moved me instantly out of my fear and anxiety into a state of peace. You can watch the video of this workshop, called Peace during a pandemic, here. I know it sounds too good to be true but the difference attending this workshop made to me was really night and day. In fact I found it so transformative that I attended another one and signed up for an online course around the Work and parenting later in the year.

    I’d be lying if I pretended that I didn’t drop back into anxiety at times. There were several moments during the year where I felt consumed by anxiety and anger about the state of the world, the unbelievable changes that were happening all around us, and projections into a bleak and scary future. When that happened, being in nature or dancing always helped bringing me back into my body in the now. It was an interesting realisation to find that even if the circumstances didn’t change, my mindset (or should say my heartset) made all the difference. This year I really learnt the meaning of staying into my business and accepting what I can and cannot change.

    The gift of time during lockdown

    Oddly, lockdown turned out to be mostly positive for me. As the first few days happened, I started taking my children for a daily walk in the neighbourhood, in a bid to keep them healthy. I felt annoyed and grumpy to be restricted to visiting the same boring spot everyday.

    A few weeks before lockdown I had started a gratitude practise called 111 happy days. So I decided to switch this to something called Gratitude in a Pandemic, which I did for 16 weeks. I chose to share my gratitude practise on Facebook to keep myself accountable. Every day or so I’d share, along with pictures, the stuff I felt grateful for. This is the first time in my life that I did this regularly and the first time I found out how effective it was. I started noticing a lot of things to be grateful for that I had never been even thought about before.

    It is said that where the attention goes, energy flows. This proved so true for me because not only this helped me shift my mindset towards more positive way of looking at the world. Because I shared on Facebook, friends pointed out how lucky I was to have such open spaces on my doorstep, and soon I stopped seeing the local nature reserves as boring places, but started to appreciate their beauty. I hadn’t expected this but a lot of people also told me they found my posts inspiring.

    Other magical stuff happened. As I took daily walks with my kids, whilst at first they were reluctant, they came to look forward to it, asking during lunch at what time we would go. Because of these walks and the forced slower pace of life, we spent more time together than we did before. We often had deep meaningful conversations during these walks. I also noticed that my kids also spent more time talking to each other. I noticed that the local nature reserve was actually a very beautiful place, that we were lucky to have it so close, and that it looked different every day, as nature grew and unfolded during Spring. We saw cygnets being born and then we saw them grow. The weather was unusually nice which made it all the more pleasant.

    It wasn’t all pink fluffy unicorns. Some of those walks were challenging, some days my kids were grumpy or quarrelled etc. One major source of frustration was navigating achieving balance for our kids between home learning and screen time whilst both myself and my husband worked. This also meant having complex conversations with my husband who had set up his home office in the lounge, whilst I was upstairs always the one the kids came to for school work help! In the midst of this, I felt utterly grateful that my children were older (10 and 14)  and fairly self sufficient. I cannot imagine how I would have coped with the lockdown with a toddler and a preschooler. I saw the challenges some of my friends with younger kids went through, trying to work (some of them single parents) whilst meeting the needs of their children. They have my utter respect and admiration.

    The other major change that the forced slow down brought by lockdown brought me was that I became aware that I had been pressuring myself to be “productive” all the time. I thought I had come a long way from this already, starting with the coaching work I’d done with Bonny Chmelik  a couple of years ago (which led to my year round river swimming habit), but as the pressure eased for so long, I started to feel very appreciative of the slower pace of the day, and feel much happier and more relaxed for it. I spent more time doing activities like baking, gathering herbs and making stuff with them like bundles and oils etc, because I felt I had the time. It was no nice to enjoy these whilst not feeling rushed. I remember one afternoon as I relaxed in the hammock in my garden, it dawned on me that I wasn’t feeling guilty of not working. I had several defining moments like this one, for instance one morning I ran through the local nature reserve and stopped on the riverside to watch the water and meditate, a voice in my head told me I should be getting back to work. I started to realise how much pressure I was putting on myself  to be productive all the time, and I hadn’t even been aware of it.

    Two other practises really helped me slow down and connect with nature and myself: drumming and dancing (as well as my previously existing practise of year round wild swimming). In November 2019 I committed to train to become a Reiki Drum teacher. This means I had to run 24 case studies in 2 months. I managed to finish and attended the training. I never got to teach it in 2020 as I had intended, but the benefits for me personally went beyond my expectations. In February I started running monthly drumming circles in Cambridge. I had assumed I’d get a handful of friends, but both times around 14 people attended, most of which I didn’t even know. Those drum circles were magical. During lockdown I carried on running them online, then ran them to outdoors when it became possible again.

    By April I felt well enough to come off the antidepressants.

    In May I turned 50. Whilst I was upset that I couldn’t see my family that day, in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t feel that important, and I also felt grateful that I did not mind so much.  I started the day drumming in the woods, I went for 2 swims at my favourite spots, had a wonderful takeaway Chinese feast for diner and an enormous chocolate keto cake handmade and delivered by my lovely friend Alexa. I finished the day with party on Zoom that night and this meant that friends and family from Norway, the USA, France and Germany were able to join me, and this wouldn’t have been possible if it had been face to face. The party included a 5rhythm dance session led by the wonderful Ruth Hirst. Many of my friends had never tried this type of dance and where hooked instantly.

    The day I turned 50 I also started the day drumming in the woods at the local nature reserve with 2 other women. I have been doing this bi-weekly since. It’s a deeply spiritual, yet simple, practise that I love, in the connection with others, with nature and with myself that it gives me.

    In October 2019 I had joined Cambsdance , which is a conscious dance community in Cambridge. They host various teachers who run a range of conscious dancing classes from different styles ( 5Rhythms, Freedom dance, and  open floor). I remember being amazed when I first went as I thought we were going to be taught steps! The first night I had one mind blowing moment after the other: I saw how my clubbing years  had made me associate dancing with seduction and showing off, I found out that I could move my body in much better ways in my late 40s than in my 20s (because I inhabit my body more, but also because I care much less about what others think). I went home elated.

    This type of dancing is nothing like you may have experienced clubbing. There is no self consciousness, no judging, no “performance”. It’s simply a group of people who get together to move like their bodies want to. Jewel Mathieson’s sum “We have come to be danced” sums it up. This practise proved transformative for me whilst I was in the midst of a personal crisis. I discovered that this form of self-connection suits me better than being still. That I can move through feelings in minutes whilst moving my body through music, in what would take me 20 min or more of meditation.

    I attended the Friday night dance every week from October to March. When lockdown happened we carried on dancing with sessions run on zoom. I carried attending the sessions religiously during that time. I even signed up to an ongoing small group work with Freedom Dance teacher Alex Svoboda. I was dubious as to whether these would work online but they did. It wasn’t the same as face to face, but it was still powerful. In fact during lockdown I had a one to one session with Alex, when I was feeling stuck about the professional path ahead. Alex suggested I dance which element my professional past was, then my current path, then my future one. It was a truly mind blowing experience, and it shifted me out of being stuck instantly.

    When lockdown eased, small groups of us started meeting in the meadows near the river in Cambridge, and dance whilst streaming the live class on zoom with a speaker.  I found it extraordinary on so many levels. Dancing to the setting sun with an owl flying on the background and the sky reflected on the river surface was magical. The small group meant that I got to know people really well, much quicker than I would have done in the large group that normally gathered indoors on a Friday night. Many of these people have become close friends.  It also made chatting afterwards a lot more relaxed as we didn’t have to vacate a rented space by a certain time. We carried on dancing even when it became cold and dark, and sometimes wet, and it was still magical. There was a spiritual element to some of the gatherings, including ceremonies to celebrate the turning of the year. I realised that I had never been as in tune with the changing seasons at this year, and that it felt very good to be more connected to nature in this way. This week I also took part in the last event of the second small group Freedom Dance series I had taken part in, and I’ve already signed up for more. If this is something you have ever wanted to try, now you can participate with any teacher that you choose as online classes mean that the distance constraints are removed.

    The other practise that is majorly important to my wellbeing is year round swimming in the river. This year I swam a lot more regularly than before because the lockdown helped me with a shift of priorities. I gave myself a challenge to swim in 50 different swim spots before I turn 51, which has already led to some really cool swimming adventures, including swimming through Cambridge city centre twice, swooshing down a mile in the Ouse, and swimming in 6 different lakes whilst on holidays in France. I look forward to more swimming adventures.

    When lockdown eased, I started putting these practises in my diary as a priority over everything else, because I’d come to understand that they were not just “nice” things to do when I had time, but rather they were the foundation on which I built everything else. Next year I am planning to create an online course based to my experience to help others out of overwhelm.

    Work

    This year brought some great challenges in my work as a workshop facilitator and doula. Up until March I wasn’t in a particularly good place, so the announcement of the lockdown filled me with anxiety and dread, as well as fears for my little sole trader business. Interestingly, something had been preventing me from booking workshops. I had been putting it down to low mood and procrastination, but now that I look back it seems my intuition was on point. When lockdown came I only needed to cancel one workshop, which helped me not become overwhelmed with reorganisation and refunds etc.

    When lockdown happened I panicked thinking that I would not be earning any money at all. My main source of income was workshops, and I could no longer run those. I didn’t know whether I would still be able to work as a doula during lockdown. Yet the lockdown meant that I finished my book draft on time, and that first month when I thought I’d get nothing, I got the advance for the book from the publisher, which I hadn’t counted on. This was a nice, unexpected and reassuring surprise. Seeing small business owner friends struggle with no income also made me feel grateful that my husband still had part time salary.

    That theme of unexpected income carried on throughout the year. In April I got an unexpected last minute booking for a birth because this family could no longer have their relatives come to look after their older child. This birth (actually the only birth that I attended in person this year) was utterly wonderful, and gave me a lot of reassurance, as well as being a lovely reintroduction to birth work after a 6 month break. The lockdown and new rules, meaning only one birth partner was allowed in the hospital, brought new challenges to my doula work. Like many I had to adapt very quickly to move my support online. I was pleasantly surprised that it could still be very effective.  It did take some creativity, and I learnt a lot of new skills this year, for example teaching rebozo techniques on zoom, or learning to write and record custom relaxation scripts for clients in record time.

    There were moments of despair and utter frustration. Supporting women having their labour induced for days without the support of her partner or myself, or the lack of support in the postnatal ward, especially post caesarean, was hugely frustrating and stressful. In the summer I hit a particularly low moment when, having just finished to support such a long induction, I saw a woman I had supported has a doula 3 times already, walk alone to the hospital. I came home and told my husband I was done being a doula.

    But there were magical moments too. I learnt that I could still make a massive difference remotely and that my support was even more important in these challenging times. I was able to pull strings and help several couples achieve a wonderful births against many odds. I supported a lot of people over phone and video calls, and discovered to my surprise that it could still feel fulfilling. Recently I found out after supporting such a birth, that I felt just as opened energetically afterwards, the way I normally feel after being present.

    Whilst several couples, including repeat clients, got in touch but decided not to hire me as they didn’t see the point if I couldn’t be there in person, surprisingly many did still want to work with me despite the lack of guarantee that I could be present. In the end I was just as busy this year as the previous year. I have repeat clients booked for next year too. I still mentored new doulas, and I had the pleasure to support 4 doulas in completing their mentoring journey in 2020.

    Workshop wise this certainly was a very different year. In the past 3 years or so I usually taught at least a couple of workshops a month, travelling around the UK and sometimes abroad. This year I only taught 5 live workshops, and a couple of zoom ones. Whilst I did miss teaching, and especially when I returned in October after a 6 month long break, and realised how much I love teaching, I also feel that that the previous level of intense teaching is not longer suitable for who I am today.

    I had already planned to make 2 online courses based on my book. I signed up to Leonie Dawson’s course 40days to create and sell your ecourse  (it’s fabulous, I love Leonie’s irreverent and empowering style, do get in touch if you’re interested to do this course, as Leonie has an affiliate scheme). I offered my upcoming courses to a group of early adopters and 85 people joined me on this journey. In parallel I had someone create me a new website with a built-in online course system. I also had some social media training, a logo, and some branding work done ready for the relaunch.

    When the new website was launched in November,   I discovered that my existing rebozo online course hadn’t transferred across the new system properly. After a lot of stress I realised that rather than getting my web guy to fix it, it made sense to rebuild the course using the new system instead. This proved to be a godsend on several levels because not only did it meant that I got to grip with the new tech really quickly (I had been procrastinating), but I updated the course with new text, new pictures and branding, and added a quiz and automated certificate download at the end.  I was very proud of how the updated course worked and relaunched it in November, and I had more people sign up to this course in 2020 than in the 2 years since I launched it.

    I have finished creating the course for families based on my book, and I am 2/3rd of the way through uploading it on my website. I’m also about 1/3 of the way creating the second course for birthworkers, which will launch in the first quarter of next year. Once these are complete I have another 10 or so courses or so in the pipeline, as I want to make everything I teach available online.

    2020 saw the publication of my first book, Why Postnatal recovery matters. I finished the draft in April, and the book was published in July. I was incredibly proud when I received the first copies. I completely overwhelmed when I made it available to buy from me as all 80 copies I had sold within 24h and I hadn’t anticipated this! After a major flap as I tried to sign and post all the ordered copies the morning after the release, I realised this wasn’t possible, and went for a swim instead. Feeling much calmer, I ordered more books, reached out to a couple of experienced authors friends, who gave me great tips to on how sign such a large number of books in a way that still felt enjoyable. Since then I have signed, wrapped and posted close to 300 copies. When I asked a few weeks ago, the publisher told me that over 700 copies had been sold (though we won’t know the exact numbers until March next year). The book currently has 44 five star reviews on Amazon (if you’ve read it, I would love it if you could leave me a review here).

    I also wrote 6 press articles about the book in July. That was an interesting exercise, which took much of my time that month. Each article had to be written from a different angle, so after writing the first one, when I submitted the second the PR person told me I needed to rewrite it entirely as it was too similar to the first! I did get the hang of it eventually and can now add the ability to write press articles superfast to my list of skills. I did the book launch the book as a Facebook live. I was disappointed not to be able to have the real live launch at Pinter and Martin HQ in London, complete with glasses of bubbly. It didn’t feel as real, to do it on Facebook. However, I had a small gathering by the river with some close friends to celebrate the launch, complete with lovely food and a fire. Since the publication, articles about the book have been published in Juno and in the Green Parent magazine, and  I have done 3 podcasts and 5 live interviews on Facebook and Instagram. I have also talked to a French publisher to get the book translated and published in France.

    As well as my book and all the press articles with it, I wrote 14 blog posts this year. Writing is one of aligned, flowing places. It makes me happy, it feeds my soul and I love knowing that my writing helps others.

    This year one of the major lessons I learnt in my work was that I do not have to work so hard, and that my income isn’t necessarily related to the amount of time I spend “working”. I used to think that I had to be at my computer from 9 to 5. This year has brought a lot more spaciousness and flexibility in the way I work and I am much happier for it.

    After doing an online course on to do list with productivity mentor Louise Miller,  I’ve embarked on an amazing new group with her called Make it Happen. Louise’s approach towards goal setting and productivity is very much like being doulaed through a mindful, unique to yourself, goal setting process. It’s like having someone holding space for you to unfold in your own unique way. I am already certain that it will help me stay focused and balanced and in my happy place in the new year.

    This is what my year felt like. Stretched between gratitude and grief. But with more fulfilment and joy than ever before. I love the words of Francis Weller on the topic:

    ” The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That’s how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I’ll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I’ll become saccharine and won’t develop much compassion for other people’s suffering. Grief  keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible.”

    I will finish this post with my answer to The Big Questions, which I saw shared on Facebook by Arvigo teacher and wise woman Hilary Lewin. I thought some of you might find them helpful too.

    2020

    What was your greatest success in 2020?

    • Publishing my book

    What word or phrase sums up your experience of 2020?

    • Embody

    What was your best decision?

    • Prioritising time in nature.

    What was the greatest lesson you learnt?

    • That prioritising time in nature allows everything to flow from it

    What was the most loving service you performed?

    • Supporting families through birth and postpartum during the pandemic

    What is your biggest piece of unfinished business?

    • The online course based on my book

    What are you most happy about completing?

    • My book

    Who are the people who had the greatest impact on your life?

    • My friends from the local dance and swim community. And spiritual healers Rebecca Wright and Lee Harris.

    What was the biggest risk you took this year?

    • Trusting into things unfolding by themselves

    What was the biggest surprise?

    • That things worked out and that I did not have to work so hard.

    What important relationship improved the most?

    • The one with myself

    What else do you need to do or say in 2020?

    • Thank you

    2021

    What would you like your biggest triumph to be in 2021?

    • Launching my new work as a soul doula.

    What advice would you give yourself for 2021?

    • Trust in soul time.

    What major effort are you planning on to improve?

    • Finding balance between being focused and not trying to work too hard

    What would you be most happy about completing?

    • Having launched a course on accessing personal heart wisdom.

    What major indulgence do you want to experience?

    • Connection

    What are you looking forward to learning?

    • More about myself

    What might your biggest challenge be?

    • Not trusting that I’m doing enough

    What are you most committed to changing and improving?

    • Using my time wisely, not getting lost in urgent but not important tasks

    What is your as yet one undeveloped talent you are willing to explore?

    • Channelling

    What brings you joy and how will you have more of it?

    • Time in nature. I’m already putting it at the most important task in my diary

    What is your one word to carry you through 2021?

    • Alignment

     

    I’d love to hear if my experience resonates with you.