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Sophie Messager

Author: Sophie Messager

  • Overcoming Overwhelm: The Story Behind The Calm Within Community

    Overcoming Overwhelm: The Story Behind The Calm Within Community

    As holistic professionals, many of us are familiar with the feeling of being overwhelmed. We often take on the emotional weight of others – our clients, our families, our communities – while neglecting our own needs. We wear multiple hats, juggle countless tasks, and still, the to-do list seems to grow faster than we can check things off.

    I know this feeling intimately. In fact, my personal journey through overwhelm is what inspired me to create The Calm Within Community.

    My Story: From Overwhelm to Inner Peace

    For years, I struggled with a constant undercurrent of stress. As a doula, educator, healer and nurturing women mentor, I was deeply committed to supporting others during life’s biggest transitions. But somewhere along the way, I found myself burnt out and disconnected from my own needs. The very practices I taught my clients about self-care and balance were ones I struggled to implement myself.

    I would wake up already feeling behind, as though the weight of my responsibilities was crushing me. I had constant anxiety, especially at night when I would wake up worrying about all the things I had to do. My mind raced from task to task, and I often felt like I was drowning in an endless sea of demands. I also navigated perimenopause and did not yet know I had ADHD. The shame of not being able to keep up with everything made it even harder to ask for help. I kept wondering why I could be self disciplined and procrastinate so much.

    I knew I couldn’t continue like this, so I began seeking answers. I dove into ancient spiritual wisdom and modern neuroscience, looking for tools that would support me in navigating stress without adding more pressure. Slowly, I learned to blend these practices into my life in a way that felt sustainable, manageable, and, most importantly, healing.

    Through nervous system regulation, connecting with nature, prioritising self-care, and finding support from a like-minded community, I began to shift from overwhelm to a deep sense of inner calm.

    Why I Created The Calm Within Community

    As I began to reclaim my peace, I realised something important: If I was struggling with overwhelm despite my knowledge and experience, other women in holistic professions – the ones who are constantly giving and nurturing – must be facing the same challenges.

    I ran a series of interviews of many overwhelmed women. Our conversations highlighted the real challenges women face and the deep desire for sustainable peace and spaciousness in life, showing how deeply women yearn for both spiritual connection and practical solutions that work with their current energy levels and time constraints. 

    We Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

    Another theme that also clearly emerged was that these women were feeling lonely, and did not have a community they really belonged to. Despite being surrounded by people we care for, many of us lack true community – a circle of sisters who deeply understand our journey.

     The stories highlighted the need for a program that combined holistic practices with neuroscience-informed strategies, while providing an accessible community for women who are seeking genuine connection with others who understand their journey.

    That’s why I created The Calm Within Community: A sanctuary for women like you who are ready to release the overwhelm and find sustainable peace. This six-month program is designed to help you reclaim your inner calm by providing a nurturing space where you can truly heal.

    The Calm Within Community: A Place of Healing and Transformation

    This program isn’t about quick fixes or productivity hacks. It’s about developing tools that work for you – tools that can be integrated into your life and used for years to come. We combine ancient wisdom with modern neuroscience to create practices that not only soothe your nervous system but also promote lasting change in how you approach life.

    Over six months, we’ll focus on four key pillars:

    1. Self-care prioritisation: Learning how to take care of yourself, not just your clients or your family, without feeling guilty.
    2. Re-regulation of the nervous system: Techniques to soothe the mind and body, bringing you back to a state of balance.
    3. Immersion in nature: Connecting to the natural world to ground and restore your energy.
    4. Community: Building a supportive network of like-minded women who understand and support your journey.

    Through weekly live calls, a private Facebook group, and ongoing workshops, you’ll not only learn how to calm your nervous system but also connect with a community that truly gets it. We’re creating a space where you can breathe, be, and grow – at your own pace.

    Supporting Women to Support the World

    When women in nurturing professions find their calm, they transform every life they touch. We hold space for humanity’s most profound moments – whether that’s supporting a client through the birth journey, through a tough time or guiding a family through a life transition.

    You surely have heard the saying that you cannot serve from an empty cup. We cannot model sustainable care if we’re overwhelmed, burnt out, or disconnected from our own well-being. By helping women like you step out of overwhelm and into peace, we’re creating a ripple effect of sustainable care that will touch families, communities, and even generations to come.

    This community is for women who are ready to explore a gentler, more conscious way of being. If you feel a deep yearning for change, if you’re tired of the “do more” mentality, then this might be exactly what you need.

    Are You Ready to Join Us?

    If this resonates with you, I invite you to apply for The Calm Within Community. We begin on November 26th, and there are limited spots available to ensure we keep this circle intimate and supportive.

    If you’re ready to take the next step, or if you have questions, please don’t hesitate to comment under this post or reach out directly. I’d love to hear from you.

    Together, we can build a future where women lead from a place of peace, balance, and sustainable care. I can’t wait to share this transformative journey with you.

     

  • Finding Calm Within When Everything Feels Too Much: A Story of Hope and Transformation

    Finding Calm Within When Everything Feels Too Much: A Story of Hope and Transformation

    Two years ago, my overwhelm was at its peak. The combination of mothering an autistic teen struggling with severe anxiety perimenopause and undiagnosed ADHD was a killer. The nights were worse. I’d jolt awake at 3am, my mind instantly spinning into an endless loop of anxiety about all the things I wasn’t doing.

     

    In those dark hours, everything felt impossible. The list would spiral: work stuff I needed to do, emails I hadn’t answered, family needs I wasn’t meeting, paperwork deadlines, self-care I was neglecting. Each thought would feed the next, creating an exhausting cycle that left me lying there, heart racing, unable to get back to sleep.

     

    In the morning, overwhelm would crash over me within 5 minutes of getting up. I was so dysregulated, I could not organise tasks in my head, I’d start one then the other, not finishing any, and get more and more stressed. The weight of responsibilities – running my business, being present for my family – felt crushing. Even as someone who taught others about wellbeing, I struggled to find peace in my own life.

     

    The shift began when I realised I needed to fundamentally change my relationship with time and space, and learn to recreate calm within my nervous system. Instead of pushing harder, I started creating intentional pauses in my day. I learned to listen to my body, to notice when I was dysregulated, and do small things to bring peace back. Most importantly, I began putting my own wellbeing first – no longer treating self-care as a reward for getting everything else done.

     

    Most importantly, I started unlayering the weight of society’s expectations on myself, the false belief that my productivity was my worth. I started challenging the voice inside my head that berated me to work harder.

     

    Nature became my sanctuary. Whether wild swimming in cold rivers or simply walking in nature, I discovered that spending time outdoors helped regulate my nervous system in ways no amount of ‘productivity hacks’ ever could.

     

    Finding a supportive community of women who understood this journey was crucial. Together, we created spaces to share about our struggles and celebrate the good things in our lives. These connections reminded me I wasn’t alone and showed me different ways of being.

     

    I experimented with a lot of things, some that worked (microdosing, drumming, a temporary use of HRT, and working with a therapist who is also a shaman) and some that did not (lots of quick fix tools that made things worse, antidepressants, talking therapy). I unlayered so much, including fundamental beliefs about myself. In the end I came to realise that the only way to provide lasting change is to get to the root of the cause of overwhelm, which is complex and multifaceted.

     

    Now, my nights, mornings and days feel completely different. Yes, there’s still plenty to do, but the new spaciousness I’ve created inside myself means that, even in the midst of a full life, I no longer feel overwhelmed. Those 3am anxiety spirals have gone, and I have many tools that actually work to calm my nervous system.

     

    I want to share about my journey and what I’ve learnt along the way. I want to help other women take steps towards bringing more spaciousness and calm into their lives. I want to do this because, if we are going to create a better world, we simply cannot do it alone, nor from a place of dysregulation. Dysregulation keeps us in a state of firefighting, one from which we cannot access our own wisdom nor affect change.

     

    I am launching a 6 month group program for overwhelmed women called The Calm Within Community, and I am going to be sharing the essence of this in a free masterclass this week.

     

    If this resonates with you, join me for my free masterclass, Overwhelm to Calm, on Wednesday the 6th of November at 8pm London time. I’ll share what I’ve learned about moving from overwhelm to calm, blending neuroscience with ancient wisdom to find a gentler way of being.

     

    Because to change the world, you need to feel peace, not just teach it to others. 

  • Shrinking Mountains: Practical Tools to Transform Overwhelm

    Shrinking Mountains: Practical Tools to Transform Overwhelm

    Every time I take a break from my routine, whether it’s a holiday or just some time off, I always struggle a bit to switch back into work mode. After a period of relaxation, it can feel challenging to return to the many tasks that come with running a small business and managing family life. It’s like the weight of both roles—the solopreneur and the “CEO” of my family—hits all at once.

    In the past, this shift often left me feeling grumpy and overwhelmed, but this time I approached it differently and was able to overcome the stress more quickly. Here’s how.

    Many years ago, I embarked on a journey to reduce overwhelm  (read about that here). The biggest two learning points in my de-overwhelming journey and process are as follow:

    • Put the self care in the diary first
    • Decrease the size of the mountain

    1) Put the self care in the diary first.

    I know this is going to sound counterproductive, but it really work. If you try to work harder out of overwhelm, if you wait until you’ve done all the stuff in your to-do list before you allow yourself to relax, to take the time to do the things that make you feel good (in my case, swimming, drumming, and dancing) then you never find the time to do these things. You are not only likely to remain stuck in the overwhelm cycle, but also to make things worse. You cannot create spaciousness from a place of scarcity. If you feel you never have enough time, the way to create more time is to give your mind and body the chance to experience what it feels like to be spacious and relaxed.

    I’ve found that practices such as  reflecting in a journal every time I feel stressed or overwhelmed, putting a timer on for 5 min, simply starting with “what does my soul wants to tell me today”. Or doodling myself as a stick figure and writing speech or thought bubbles works well to, putting a timer on for 5 min and drumming. All of these things help my overwhelm settle down. What comes up, with either of these practises, is usually that when I feel there is too much on my plate, I actually need to slow down instead of trying to flog myself to work harder. Overwhelms is often a sign that you need to slow down.

    When you feel stuck or stressed or overwhelmed, rather than trying to push through the stuckness, which usually doesn’t work, you can choose to do something that involves a bit of movement, and that makes you feel good instead. For me this means a walk in the woods, a swim in the river (I usually tell myself “fuck it I’m going for a swim!”) or a short 5rhythms dancing session (as in, just one short track I love).  This ALWAYS results in the stuck energy moving through and my being able to start seeing the forest for the trees, and starting to be able to get stuff done from a refreshed place.

    Building up your sense of achievement rather than focusing on what you aren’t doing is also important. Another practice that I’ve found transformative is to use a “ta-da” list. At the end of each week I write everything I’ve done that week, self care, family and  work wise. I’m always surprised by how much I have accomplished, even when I’ve felt that this wasn’t a very productive week.

    2) Decrease the size of the mountain.

    Since I started working with authentic business mentor George Kao I’ve learnt the importance of capturing the process whenever I start anything new. This is for three reasons:

    • It helps understand the large numbers of steps and time involved in creating something (see Ta-da list above)
    • It saves time for the future, as you already have all the steps and tasks captured if you want to do it again (for example, creating an online course)
    • But most importantly, it decreases the size of the mountain. It helps to break down the impossible ascent into tiny, do-able steps. It creates a path where there was none before.

    Imagine that you are facing climbing an enormous mountain. Or that you have to carve a track in a deep jungle with a machete. All the tasks, the thoughts about the tasks, they all get jumbled in your head and all you can feel is this enormous, impossible task. You feel exhausted just thinking about it, and you don’t know where to start or even want to start. It feels heavy, overwhelming and scary. Running away feels easier,  or pretending it’s not there. Yet you feel the weight of the “unclimbed mountain” on your shoulders all the time. Sounds familiar?

    This is because you cannot see your way through. You just see the top, or the impossibly far destination. And this keeps you stuck in fight and flight, or freeze mode, because our brains have evolved to be very good at protecting us. A perceived danger is experienced by our nervous systems in the same way as a real one.

    If you decrease the size of the mountain, as in capture all the tasks in small dividable steps, and then decide to maybe only do one, tiny step, as soon as you start to move, it creates a path, and the overwhelm gets resolved almost instantly. The energy starts to move, and you realize that the anxiety about doing the tasks was much bigger than the task itself. In fact, very often as soon as you start taking steps towards doing the task, the anxiety dissolves and you realized that you made a much bigger deal about it than it was.

    I’ve found that when I procrastinate, if I start writing a list of what needs to be done rather than doing the actual task, it feels more doable to write that list than to do the task. And then when I’m ready to tackle the task, the list I’ve written creates a simple path I just need to follow, so I no longer procrastinate about it.

    Here is one of George Kao’s blogs about it, and also a video about it.

    I have had such an incredible journey doing this that I plan to create a course to help others do the same. I am offering one to one mentoring sessions to start with so I can get feedback and experience. Do get in touch if this is something you would be interested in.

    Does this resonate with you? If so I’d love to hear about it.

  • Beyond the High-Ticket Trap: Grow Your Business Without Selling Your Soul

    Beyond the High-Ticket Trap: Grow Your Business Without Selling Your Soul

    You don’t need $10k coaching programs or manipulative marketing to create a sustainable healing business.

    As a holistic professional with 12 years of experience in the self-employed world, I’ve seen my fair share of marketing tactics – the good, the bad, and the downright manipulative. I’m writing this article because I’m fed up. Fed up with unethical, overpriced marketing coaches who prey on vulnerable business owners struggling to make ends meet. I’ve been there, fallen for their promises, and learned the hard way that there’s a better path. 

    When we’re drowning in to-do lists, struggling to balance client care with self-care, and watching our bank accounts with growing anxiety, it’s all too easy to fall prey to the siren song of quick fixes and overnight success promises. The desperation that comes with feeling overwhelmed can cloud your judgement, making those flashy high-ticket coaching programs seem like lifelines rather than potential anchors. 

    The truth I’ve discovered on my own bumpy journey: there’s a better way to grow our heart-centred businesses, one that honours our sensitivity and aligns with our values. I want to share with you why high-ticket coaching often misses the mark for practitioners like us, and how we can find a more authentic path to growing a sustainable business.

    This is my story, my rant, and my plea for a more conscious approach to business coaching. If you’re a sensitive, holistic business owner like me, or if you’ve ever felt pressured by high-ticket marketing tactics, this is for you. Let’s pull back the curtain on these manipulative practices and explore what truly ethical marketing looks like.

    Whilst I have no intention of branching out into teaching others how to run their business (this just isn’t my calling) however I am dedicated to helping other business owners like me connect with their authenticity, and support them towards more authenticity, calm and spaciousness. 

    My Rollercoaster Ride: 12 Years as a Holistic Entrepreneur

    I am 12 years into working as a self employed holistic professional. There have been a lot of ups and downs, both work focus wise and financially. However I have managed to keep my business afloat despite the lockdowns of 2020 forcing me to move all of my in person offerings online (this turned out to be a blessing), many changes of business directions, and managing the complex balancing of running a demanding business and raising two neurodivergent children.

    I am a multi-passionate woman. I cannot just do one thing in my work or only use one approach, it is far too boring for me.  I have ADHD and I thrive on novelty, learning, and exploration. Of course my business has constantly evolved.  I started as a doula, antenatal teacher, and babywearing instructor. Over the years, I learnt a ton of new skills, found myself starting to share these with others, and  moved from teaching parents to teaching birth and holistic professionals. I have taught over 12 different types of courses and workshops, both in person and online. I have written 2 books and I’m about to launch a group program to support sensitive holistic professional women to overcome overwhelm.

    My journey as a self-employed practitioner has been a rollercoaster of learning experiences, with burnout as an unwelcome frequent visitor. In my first year as a doula, I naively dove in headfirst, taking on more clients than I could handle. I grossly underestimated the emotional and energetic toll of pouring my heart and soul into supporting new mothers. 

    Fast forward a few years, and there I was again, teetering on the edge of burnout. This time, I found myself caught in the classic entrepreneur’s trap – working myself to the bone, watching my bank account dwindle, and feeling utterly clueless about how to break the cycle.

    Enter the siren call of high-ticket coaching. You know the type – glossy programs that speak directly to your deepest insecurities, your financial fears, and your desperate desire for a solution. They dangle the carrot of a six-figure income in just a few months, if only you follow their “foolproof” formula. In my overwhelmed, financially stressed state, it seemed like a lifeline. 

    High ticket coaches are the flashy sports cars of the coaching world – all shine and promises, but often lacking in substance. These are the folks who charge eye-watering amounts for their programs, thousands or even tens of thousands of pounds. They market themselves as the crème de la crème, the only solution to your business woes. Their sales pitches are slick, promising rapid transformations and six-figure incomes in mere months. 

    The high price tag often has more to do with clever marketing than actual value. These coaches prey on your desperation, your dreams, and yes, even your trauma. They use high-pressure tactics, false scarcity, and grandiose promises to convince you that their overpriced program is the magic bullet you need. But remember, in the world of coaching, a higher price doesn’t necessarily mean better results – it just means a bigger dent in your bank account.

    When I hired one of these high-ticket coaches, a little voice in my gut whispered that this wasn’t aligned with my values. But desperation has a way of drowning out intuition, doesn’t it? So I dove in, working with this coach for several intense months.

    On the surface, it seemed to be working – my visibility increased, and I was ‘putting myself out there’. But beneath that veneer of progress, the cracks were starting to show. My overwhelm skyrocketed. What I didn’t realise then (but know now) was that I’m neurodivergent (Neurodivergent people often get more easily overwhelmed than neurotypical ones), which added an extra layer of challenge to an already unsustainable situation.

    I’ve always been the type to set sky-high expectations for myself. It’s like I have an internal taskmaster that never sleeps, constantly pushing for more. Working with this coach amplified that inner critic, increasing the pressure I was already putting on myself.

    When I look back (hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn’t it?), I can see that it was unethical that this coach never once asked about my life outside of business. How many hours could I realistically dedicate to the program? What other commitments was I juggling? What was my personal situation? And crucially, how long would it actually take to implement all their ‘foolproof’ strategies? These questions were never even on the table.

    Instead, I was handed a social media schedule that would make even the most seasoned influencer break out in sweat. It was like being asked to run a marathon when I was already gasping for air. The guilt started creeping in : every time I couldn’t tick off all the boxes on the coach’s to-do list, I felt like I was failing. 

    What had started as a lifeline was quickly becoming an anchor, dragging me deeper into the overwhelm I was desperately trying to escape.

    The aftermath of my high-ticket coaching experience wasn’t pretty. It took two solid years and the guidance of a more holistic marketing coach to unravel the pressure, stress, guilt, and misalignment that had tangled up my business and my mind. 

    Thankfully, the story takes a turn for the better. A few years down the line, I stumbled upon a marketing mentor, George Kao, who felt like a breath of fresh air in the stale, overpriced world of business coaching. This person was the real deal – truly ethical, authentic to their core, and completely aligned with my values as a holistic practitioner. The cherry on top? His courses were actually affordable. 

    I’m sharing my journey : the good, the bad, and the expensive, because I want you to know that there’s hope. Truly conscious, ethical marketing mentors exist, and they’re not hiding behind a paywall that requires a second mortgage to access. They’re out there, offering genuine value without breaking the bank.

    My experience taught me a valuable lesson: in the world of marketing mentors, the most expensive option isn’t always the best. Sometimes, the most valuable guidance comes at a price that respects both your budget and your values. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed and tempted by those flashy high-ticket offers, take a deep breath. There’s another way, and I’m living proof that it works.

    When Desperation Meets Manipulation: The High-Ticket Trap

    A couple of years ago, I dipped my toes into the world of impostor syndrome mentoring. What I discovered was both eye-opening and heartbreaking. Many of the women I spoke with had their own horror stories about high-ticket coaches. These weren’t just anecdotes; they were cautionary tales of new business owners plunging into debt, chasing the promise of success.

    Despite the hefty price tags, these women got very little in return. Why? Because these programs were often overcrowded calls masquerading as personalised coaching. There was simply no room for the individual attention these budding solopreneurs desperately needed.

    Let’s break down why these high-ticket programs often fall flat:

    • 1) No  one can promise you results. Consuming a course is easy. But digesting and applying what you have learned is the real graft.
    • 2) Expensive, famous coaches often subcontract their group programs to other, less experienced coaches. You sign up thinking you’ll be learning from the master herself, only to find out you’ve been pawned off to a junior coach who’s barely a step ahead of you.
    • 3) Masterminds from famous people are often run in huge groups where you have very little access to the coach, and therefore time to ask questions or get the individualised help you need..
    • 4) Many of these coaches aren’t really interested in your success. They’re interested in your wallet. You’re not a person to nurture; you’re a lead to convert into their next high-ticket offer.

    The bottom line? These high-ticket programs often leave you feeling more like an impostor than ever, with a maxed-out credit card to boot. It’s a painful lesson that many learn the hard way.

    The high ticket coach I worked with told me that my client’s financial situation wasn’t my problem. Contrast this with the fact that the two ethical marketing coaches I have worked with recently always ask if you can afford their programme without causing yourself hardship before you sign up.

    Whatever your situation, as a business owner, income is likely to be a priority for you. If it’s the only priority, that’s when we run into trouble. That’s where we see businesses that prioritise profits before people and we all know how that goes. As conscious business owners, only focusing on money isn’t enough of a driver for us, so it would be unsustainable over the long term if this was our only priority.  Caroline Leon

    The Siren Song of Six-Figure Promises: My Brush with High-Ticket Marketing

    A few years ago I attended a free all day workshop in a posh London hotel, a day supposedly designed to teach us how to market ourselves better. What actually happened was no real useful info was given. It was just designed to sell us a very expensive group program. The cost of the year long group program was £1000 a month, with a 12 month contract you could not get out of. 

    I very nearly signed up despite the eye watering cost, because the woman running the program was so good at promising results. Thankfully something stopped me. I’m currently in a small conscious marketing group mastermind with Caroline Leon. There are only 20 people in the program, and I pay £115  a month for it. I love this group because it connects me with like minded people and it keeps me accountable, and it also feels doable and not overwhelming.

    In this group I met a wonderful mindset coach called Betty Cottam Bertels. Betty introduced me to another ethical marketing mentor called Tag Hargrave. I joined Betty on a day-long workshop in London with Tad a few months ago, one that he runs on a “pay what you can afford” basis. 

    Betty introduced the day by telling her story of having signed up to a very expensive business coaching program, only to become really disillusioned when she realised that she had no access to the front woman: instead the course was facilitated by sub-contracted coaches with less experience who did not fit her needs.

    When I asked her which program this was, it turned out to be the very one I had nearly signed up for. I felt like I had a very lucky escape.

    Trauma-Targeted Marketing: The Uncomfortable Truth

    High-ticket coaches often sell to your trauma. Why? Because it works. They know that when you’re feeling vulnerable, stressed, and desperate for change, you’re more likely to reach for what seems like a lifeline – even if it comes with a huge price tag. They use language that triggers your pain points, promising to solve all your problems if only you invest in their “exclusive” program. It’s manipulative, it’s unethical, and it’s downright harmful. These coaches aren’t interested in your healing; they’re interested in your wallet. They exploit your past hurts and current struggles to make you feel like their overpriced program is the only solution. But here’s the truth: real healing and business growth don’t come from a magic bullet solution. They come from consistent effort, genuine support, and ethical practices that honour your journey, not exploit it.

    As George Kao explains in this blog post:

    Sadly, much of the persuasion psychology being used (and taught) in marketing – the stoking of fear, uncertainty, doubt (FUD) – “works” on people with traumatic backgrounds… because they’ve invested so much in the guru’s advice, they might experience the sunk cost fallacy. “The teacher must know better than me… otherwise, they couldn’t charge so much money. I should’ve succeeded like them by now.” George Kao

    George also explains that setting yourself small, achievable goals, builds up your confidence, whereas setting sky high unachievable one has the opposite effect.

    If you’re running a heart-centred holistic business, listen up: those manipulative, salesy tactics might seem tempting when you’re desperate for clients, but they’re damaging for your business’s long-term health. They erode the very foundation of what makes your work special :  trust.

    Your clients come to you for healing, for support, for a safe space. The moment you start using pushy sales tactics, you’re betraying that trust. It’s like offering a warm hug with one hand and a sales pitch with the other. It just doesn’t work.

    These aggressive marketing strategies aren’t just misaligned with your business – they’re misaligned with your soul. They go against everything you stand for, everything that made you choose this beautiful, challenging path of holistic care in the first place.

    George Kao calls these strategies “marketing to the lizard brain” and explains why it feels misaligned, why it harms your business, and even society as a whole:

    By inciting the people’s lizard brain, marketers (and politicians) do in fact gain more control over their audience in the short-term. It’s power-over others, rather than empowerment of others.  George Kao

    But here’s the good news: there’s another way. A way that’s as authentic as your most heartfelt client session. A way that’s as true as your commitment to healing and growth.

    This path might not promise overnight success or six-figure months, but it promises something far more valuable: a business that’s a true extension of your healing work. A business that attracts clients who resonate with your authentic self, not a manufactured marketing persona.

    So, take a deep breath. Release the pressure to conform to aggressive marketing tactics. Your business can thrive without compromising your values. In fact, it will thrive because you’re honouring those values. And that, my fellow holistic practitioner, is the true path to long-term success and fulfilment.

    Having worked with authentic marketing coaches for 4 years, I can see manipulative tactics from a mile. And I truly believe that these tactics belong to the past. That they, and the people who use them, are dinosaurs, destined to become extinct.

    In this article, George Kao lists and explains which marketing techniques to avoid in your heart centred business.

    The Ethical Marketing Oasis: Finding Genuine Mentors

    Finding my first ethical marketing mentor felt like stumbling upon an oasis in a desert of manipulation. Such people are out there, and working with them is a game-changer. These are the folks who genuinely care about your success, not just their bank balance. They’re transparent about their methods, clear about their pricing, and they won’t promise you the moon and stars overnight. Instead, they offer real, actionable advice that aligns with your values as a heart-centred business owner. 

    They give away tons of value for free or at low cost, because their goal is to serve, not just to sell. When you find these gems, it’s like a weight lifts off your shoulders. Suddenly, marketing doesn’t feel icky anymore. You’re not compromising your integrity for success. You’re growing your business in a way that feels authentic and sustainable. And the best part? These ethical mentors often charge a fraction of what the high-ticket gurus do.

    Working with ethical coaches has been like a breath of fresh air for my business – and my sanity. Instead of feeling pressured and overwhelmed, I’ve found myself actually enjoying the process of growing my business. These genuine mentors have helped me tap into my authentic voice, allowing me to market my services in a way that feels aligned with my values as a holistic practitioner. I’m no longer trying to squeeze myself into a one-size-fits-all marketing mould that leaves me feeling yucky.

    The impact? My business has grown organically, attracting clients who resonate with my authentic approach. I’m earning more whilst working less hours, without burning out or compromising my integrity. But more than that, I’ve regained my confidence and joy in my work. These ethical coaches have shown me that it’s possible to be successful without resorting to manipulative tactics. They’ve given me practical, sustainable strategies that I can implement at my own pace, respecting my neurodivergent needs and my commitment to my family.

    The best part? I’m not just learning how to market better – I’m learning how to build a business that truly reflects who I am and the change I want to see in the world. 

    The Ethical Marketing Checklist: What to Look For in a Coach/Mentor

    Having worked with 3 different ethical marketing coaches here are the things I have found they have in common:

    • Transparency & authenticity: They are clear about their methods, pricing, and expected outcomes, and open about their own qualifications and experience.  They never make over inflated promises or guarantees. 
    • Ethical practises: They avoid manipulative of deceptive tactics, such as time pressure (buy it now for X or it will never be available again), or fake inflated prices (“sign up now and get this (fake) bonuses priced at thousand of pounds/dollars) They promote truthful and accurate marketing messages. 
    • Client centred: They focus on supporting their audience and clients, not just what’s profitable. You can feel it in their presence and writing: serving is their overarching goal.
    • They are value-driven: They emphasise creating genuine value for customers, and encourages sustainable, long-term growth over quick wins
    • Nurture: they nurture their audience by giving away valuable content on their website, their social media channels, low cost offers, books etc. They give away so much that if you are able to keep yourself accountable on your own, you could learn enough to transform your business from their free or low cost content alone. Most of their social media posts are about this nurturing, with the odd course/workshop offer in between.
    • (Note: This is in stark contrast to high ticket coaches. I have found that these never give away anything of value unless you buy their course. They are masters in the art of running “free” webinars, workshops or challenges, where they talk about their success and clients’ success stories, whilst never telling you how to do it. It is purely a promotion exercise. Their social media is not about nurturing it’s about selling.)
    • Holistic Perspective: They consider the impact of their marketing strategies on society. They encourages socially responsible marketing practices
    • Ethical Pricing: They charge fair prices for their services and are transparent about costs. Ethical pricing really boils down to: 1) Can you earn enough to make your business sustainable from it? and 2) Can the people buying your course afford to do this without hardship, and recoup the cost of your course within about 6 months? 

    Ethical and accessible pricing is super important to me. So much so that I get told regularly that I don’t charge enough for what I offer. I love it when that happens because that’s actually one of my primary goals with everything I create — to give tons of value for the most affordable price possible. Caroline Leon (read Caroline’s article about this here)

    The Principles of Ethical/Conscious Businesses

    When we change the way we do business, we change the world. Caroline Leon

    A conscious business owner, according to Caroline Leon :

    • Operates with integrity and knows that how we sell matters.
    • Wants her business to be a force for good and knows that how we do business is a key part of that.
    • Puts the needs of the customer above the goal of making the sale and is willing to turn down a sale when it’s clear that what she is offering is not a good fit for the buyer.
    • Prioritises the cultivation of trust and connection between herself and her audience.
    • Rejects the use of manipulative marketing tactics to pressure her audience into buying.
    • Constantly seeks to ensure her products and services are of real value to her audience.
    • Makes positive impact the goal of everything she creates.
    • Is completely transparent when selling and uses no tricks or gimmicks to hide that fact. Instead simply presenting what’s on offer in a clear and honest way.
    • Works towards sustainability because she knows that an unsustainable business in the long term helps no-one.

    The 8 practises of authentic business by George Kao:

    1. Joyful Productivity: the ability to consistently work in a focused and joyful way. Balancing rest and action, with a spirit of playfulness throughout.
    2. Healthy Money Habits: It is important to become aware of our inner relationship to money (our thoughts and emotions) and our persistent behaviours with regards to money.
    3. Authentic Content: The habit of creating content will help you to keep exploring your core message and strengthening your authentic voice.
    4. Paid Content Distribution: If you’re not using paid ads of some kind, you are holding yourself back from reaching the thousands of people who need your message and voice.
    5. Collaborations: Seek out collaborations because it’s a good way to grow an aligned audience. Good collaborations create a lot more benefit than the effort takes
    6. Audience Research: When you have a product that is well-matched to someone’s wants, the thing almost sells itself. Neglect this and you may well be building the wrong audience.
    7. Rhythm of Gentle Launches: Start a routine of “making offers”, in other words, letting your audience know about your products and services.
    8. Mastery of Your Craft: The most grounded way to excel in one’s work is to notice the impact your work is making on your clients, and then make adjustments based on those observations.

    Affordable Wisdom: Ethical Business Coaches Who Won’t Break the Bank

    Check their website/social media channels and see if you resonate with their approach. All 3 offer tons of free content, as well as low cost workshops/courses if you’d like to see if they are a fit.

    Read my previous articles about what I learnt by working with George and Caroline below:

    Most entrepreneurs I know feel torn between either doing marketing that feels good (but doesn’t work) or marketing that works (but doesn’t feel good). I am suggesting that there’s a way to approach marketing that actually works better than the pushy and manipulative approaches you hate and that feels genuinely good to all involved. Tad Hargraves

    Conclusion

    The journey from overwhelm to authentic marketing isn’t always easy, but it’s infinitely more rewarding than falling prey to high-ticket, manipulative coaches. As conscious business owners, we have a responsibility to ourselves and our clients to seek out and support ethical marketing practices. 

    Remember, high pricing is never proof of higher value – it’s simply a marketing choice. There are brilliant, ethical marketing mentors out there who offer incredible value at accessible prices. They prioritise your growth over their profit, and they understand that true success comes from alignment with your values, not just your bank balance.

    I hope my story and insights help you navigate the sometimes murky waters of business coaching. Trust your intuition, seek out mentors who resonate with your values, and never compromise your integrity for the promise of quick success. 

    I believe that we can create a new paradigm of ethical, heart-centred marketing that serves both our businesses and our souls. After all, isn’t that why we started our holistic businesses in the first place?

    I’d love to hear how reading this article felt for you – simply comment below.

  • Forbidden trance: why medicine hijacks altered consciousness during birth

    Forbidden trance: why medicine hijacks altered consciousness during birth

    Imagine a woman in labour, her eyes closed, swaying rhythmically to an internal beat. The room is dim, quiet, save for her deep, primal moans. Suddenly, she says: “I can see my baby. She’s coming down” This isn’t a scene from a mystical novel. This is Sarah, a first-time mother, experiencing what scientists are now calling the “birth trance” – a profound altered state of consciousness that modern medicine has been suppressing for decades.

    In hospitals across the world, 80% of labouring women are subjected to interventions that disrupt this natural altered state. But what if I told you that this suppressed “birth trance” holds the key not only to easier, more empowering births, but to unlocking the untapped potential of the human mind?

    As a former biologist turned birth & life transitions guide, I’ve witnessed first hand the transformative power of this altered state. I’ve seen women transcend pain, communicate with their unborn children, and tap into strength they never knew they had. And now, cutting-edge research is finally catching up to what midwives and doulas have known for millennia.

    Welcome to the forbidden world of birth consciousness – a realm where science meets spirituality, and where the act of bringing life into the world can quite literally alter the fabric of reality. What you’re about to read will forever change the way you think about the human capacity for transcendence. 

    Introduction

    When you hear “altered states of consciousness,” what pops into your mind? Psychedelic trips, mushrooms, ayahuasca? But what if I told you we’re all walking pharmacies, carrying within us the very tools – birth hormones – to alter our consciousness without any external substances? What if I told you that birth is one of the most powerful times when these hormones work together to facilitate one of the deepest shifts in consciousness during a woman’s life?

    I’ve just finished writing a book about drumming as a catalyst for women’s growth. One chapter delves into how drumming stacks up against psychedelics in inducing trance-like states. Spoiler alert: drumming is not only safer and easier, but it’s every bit as powerful. 

    When I first introduced drumming as a birth support tool, it was pure intuition that guided me. But as I dove into writing, interviewing women I’d drummed for during birth, and poring over research on how drumming shifts our consciousness, a startling reality emerged: birth itself IS an altered state of consciousness. Modern maternity care actively disrupts this natural high, because it’s impossible to control women in this state. 

    Birth as a naturally altered state

    During labour and birth, a cocktail of hormones floods the mother’s brain and body, particularly oxytocin, endorphins, and prolactin. These neurochemicals not only facilitate the physical process of birth but also induce a dreamlike state of mind. Many women report feeling disconnected from their usual thought patterns, experiencing time distortion, and accessing a deep, primal, instinctual part of themselves. 

    Anybody who has supported births knows when this happens, because the woman stops engaging in conversation and goes inwards. This usually happens when labour becomes established.

    This shift in consciousness serves a biological purpose, allowing the birthing woman to focus intensely on the task at hand. It is described as “labourland” or being “in the birth zone.” The altered state contributes to pain management, as endorphins act as natural painkillers, as well as changing the perception of time and space. This heightened state of awareness can also lead to spiritual or transcendent experiences, with some women describing a sense of connection to a greater power or to generations of birthing women before them. 

    Understanding birth as an altered state emphasises the importance of creating a supportive, undisturbed environment that allows this natural process to unfold, leading to more positive birth experiences and outcomes.

    The physiology of birth-induced altered consciousness

    Hormonal changes during labour and birth

    When a woman goes into labour, her body is a living, breathing symphony of hormones. As the first contractions begin, oxytocin takes centre stage. Also known as the love hormone, it’s the conductor of this miraculous orchestra. It sends powerful waves through her uterus, gently but persistently encouraging her baby to begin its journey. But oxytocin isn’t just about physical labour – it’s weaving a web of love and connection, preparing the mother’s heart to fall in love with her baby.

    As the labour intensity builds, endorphins build up. These natural pain-relievers sweep through the mother’s body like a soothing tide. They don’t just dull the pain; they bring with them a sense of euphoria, a feeling of “I can do this!” It’s these endorphins that help guide the mother into the famous “labourland” – a state of altered consciousness where time seems to bend and the outside world fades away.

    As labour progresses, a new player enters – catecholamines, the stress hormones. Early in labour, they’re like cautious gatekeepers. If the mother feels threatened or unsafe, these hormones pump the brakes on labour. But as birth approaches, they transform into enthusiastic cheerleaders, delivering a surge of energy just when the mother needs it most. It’s nature’s way of giving her that final push (pun intended!) to bring her baby earthside.

    All the while, prolactin is working its magic behind the scenes. This mothering hormone begins to peak as labour starts naturally, whispering to every cell in the mother’s body, “Get ready” It’s laying the groundwork for breastfeeding and nudging the mother’s brain towards instinctive nurturing behaviours.

    Together, these hormones alter the mother’s state of consciousness, helping her turn inward and find strength she never knew she had. They change how she perceives pain, sometimes transforming it into intense sensation or even pleasure. They forge the beginnings of an unbreakable bond between mother and child.

    But this dance is delicate. It thrives in calm, dark, private environments where the mother feels safe and is supported by familiar people. It prefers to begin on its own terms, free from unnecessary interventions. It loves intuitive movement and positions that let gravity lend a helping hand.

    Labour is an intricate hormonal ballet, a dance as old as humanity itself, guiding a new life into the world and a woman into motherhood. 

    Brain waves changes

    Besides the hormones, there are also changes in brain waves. There is an increase in alpha and theta waves – the same patterns we see in deep meditation or hypnosis. The brain is tuning out the external world and tuning into the body’s innate wisdom.

    This altered state isn’t unique to birth. It’s fascinatingly similar to other naturally occurring altered states. Think about the calm, focused state of a seasoned meditator, or the state of someone under deep hypnosis. Labour taps into these same neural pathways.

    Going into labourland is not just a turn of phrase. It’s a real, physiologically measurable altered state of consciousness. 

    The Experience of Altered Consciousness During Birth

    Published research on the topic

    When I started looking into this I quickly realised that, unsurprisingly given the focus of modern maternity culture, there is almost no published research on the subject of the change of consciousness during birth. There are various people who have written about this state in books and online articles, including Ina May Gaskin, Sarah Buckley, and Hazel Tree in her book A birth path. Jane Hardwicke Collings has written about it in her blog. Jane also mentioned to me that studies done in Russia (we were not able to find this available online), have included measuring brain waves during labour.

    • The pain of labour is a gateway to an altered state of consciousness and ecstatic birth. Jane Hardwicke Collings
    • Brain waves slow even more, she may reach the deepest place of delta waves, the oneness of ecstatic bliss and complete unity. Hazel Tree

    There is also a blog article by midwife Whapio Diane Bartlett which describes the stages of birth from a holistic/consciousness point of view. 

    • This may be the pinnacle of the altered state. Brainwaves may shift to Delta, the slowest and deepest of our known patterns, which allows us access to the realms of the unconscious…the realms of profound knowing, meditative understanding and peak experiences. This is the realm of transformation. Whapio Diane Bartlett

    I found a handful of articles mentioning altered states of consciousness during birth. A review paper from 2018 called Women’s psychological experiences of physiological childbirth: a metasynthesis, mentions altered states of consciousness and differences in time perception: “The peaks of endogenous oxytocin during labour, together with the progressive release of endorphins in the maternal brain, are likely to cause the altered state of consciousness most typical of unmedicated labour that midwives and mothers easily recognise or describe as ‘labour land’, but this phenomenon has received little attention from neuropsychology.”

    Another paper from 2020, Birth as a neuro-psycho-social event: An integrative model of maternal experiences and their relation to neurohormonal events during childbirth, states that “The spontaneous altered state of consciousness, that some women experience, may well be a hallmark of physiological childbirth in humans. “ and “This description of women´s experiences during labor and birth and its potential for transformation resembles descriptions of mystical states of consciousness. Classically these states have been achieved through meditation and religious practices (including dancing, praying and fasting) or through intake of substances with hallucinogenic properties such as psilocybin or LSD“

    Until very recently, the scientific community had largely overlooked the unique state of consciousness experienced by women during labour. The first person to publish a paper specifically about birth consciousness was Israeli researcher Dr Orli Dahan, in 2021. Dr Danan has published 11 papers on the subject since. I published an article about how drumming supports birth and altered states of consciousness in the International of birth and parenting education in 2023. This was the first time that an article was published about drumming and birth in a scientific journal.

    The emergence of these papers is no coincidence; they are a reflection of our evolving understanding and readiness to explore new depths of human experience. It’s as if humanity has reached a tipping point, finally prepared to embrace truths that were previously ignored. This convergence of expanded awareness and scientific inquiry signals a new era in our understanding of birth, consciousness, and the nature of humanity.

    According to Dahan’s theory of “birthing consciousness,” the mother’s brain enters an extraordinary state, unlike anything she’s experienced before. It’s as if nature has designed a special mindset just for this moment, one that will support her through the intensity of birth and lead to better outcomes.

    Dahan’s research paints an intriguing picture. The usually chatty prefrontal cortex – the part of our brain responsible for complex thinking and self-control – takes a back seat. Blood flow to this area decreases, its activity diminishes. It’s like the logical, inhibited part of the brain is stepping aside, allowing something more primal and instinctive to take the wheel.

    This shift isn’t just about getting through labour; it’s about thriving. Dahan argues that this altered state not only helps the mother navigate the physical challenges of birth but also opens the door to profound positive emotional experiences. It’s as if the brain is creating the perfect conditions for not just survival, but for a transformative journey.

    These changes might not be a fleeting phenomenon. Dahan points to studies in rats showing that the experience of birth leaves a lasting imprint. Mother rats who’ve given birth show increased resilience to stress, an effect that persists well into their twilight years. Could human mothers experience similar long-term benefits?

    Dahan’s work doesn’t stop at theory. She’s also explored practical factors that might influence birthing consciousness. Something as simple as softer lighting in hospital rooms, for instance, has been linked to fewer medical interventions. It’s a reminder that the environment we create for birthing women can have profound effects on their experiences.

    For all these insights, Dahan is the first to admit we’re just scratching the surface. She points out a glaring gap in our knowledge – to date, no one has conducted direct research on the neuropsychological state of women during natural or medicated birth. It’s a call to action for the scientific community.

    The potential implications of this research are vast. Understanding birthing consciousness could revolutionise how we approach birth, leading to better outcomes for women and their families.  One thing is clear: the journey to understand birthing consciousness is just beginning. 

    Benefits of allowing this natural state to unfold 

    Supporting birth consciousness during labour and birth can have several important benefits:

    Enhanced coping with labour pain and stress:

    • High endorphin levels during labour can produce an altered state of consciousness that helps women deal with the process of giving birth, even if it is long and challenging .
    • The “birthing consciousness” state is described as a healthy dissociative state that can reduce pain perception as labour progresses .

    Promotion of physiological birth processes:

    • Allowing women to enter an altered state of consciousness during labour may be a hallmark of physiological childbirth in humans .
    • It can help optimise the release and effects of beneficial hormones like oxytocin that facilitate labour progress .

    Improved maternal experience and satisfaction:

    • Women who experience physiological natural childbirth often describe it as a transcendent experience .
    • It can lead to feelings of euphoria and empowerment after birth .

    Enhanced bonding and postpartum adaptation:

    • The altered state may strengthen the mother-infant relationship in the early postpartum period .
    • High endorphin levels can make mothers feel alert and attentive as they begin to care for their newborn .

    Reduced need for medical interventions:

    • Supporting natural hormonal processes and altered consciousness may reduce the need for interventions that can interfere with labour progress .

    Long-term psychological benefits:

    • The birthing experience can generate feelings of joy and awe that may be life-altering, enhancing self-esteem and boosting energy .

    Potential for personal growth:

    • Experiencing birth consciousness may offer an opportunity for immense personal growth.

    Note: The transformative power of trance states extends far beyond the birthing room, offering women a profound tool for growth and healing throughout their lives. Altered states of consciousness serve as gateways to deep inner wisdom, facilitating smoother transitions during pivotal life changes such as puberty, menopause, career shifts, and other endings and beginnings. Moreover, trance states have shown remarkable potential in healing trauma. By accessing these heightened states of awareness, women can safely revisit and reprocess traumatic experiences, allowing for deep emotional release and restructuring of neural pathways. Whether induced through meditation, breathwork, or rhythmic activities like drumming, trance experiences create a sacred space where women can shed old identities, embrace new aspects of themselves, and emerge renewed. In essence, trance states offer a powerful, natural method for women to navigate life’s challenges, foster personal growth, and reclaim their innate power and wisdom.

    My experience of birth trance

    When I gave birth to my first child at home (something which was unexpected, as a short few months before I was extremely scared of birth. Hiring a doula helped change this society imposed belief), I plunged into the depths of an altered state of consciousness. It wasn’t just during the birth itself – it was afterwards that its transformative effects truly became obvious. I was on a high from the experience, feeling euphoric, like I could achieve anything. This feeling lasted for weeks, and even now, over 18 years later, I can still tap into this experience as one of the empowering experiences of my life.

    Not only did I feel amazing, but there was a distinct feeling that the world around me had shifted; everything looked and felt different, brighter, more vibrant. This altered state lingered for days, as if my brain had been completely rewired by the experience.

    This shift sparked a complete change in my career trajectory. When my son was just 4 months old, I found myself at a Birthlight birth conference, rubbing shoulders with birth legends like Ina May Gaskin, Michel Odent, and Frederic Leboyer. It was there that a woman said something to me that still echoes in my mind: “Our society doesn’t want women to have transformative experiences like yours – because look at you now.”

    Her words really hit me. I knew exactly what she meant. Women who’ve experienced births like mine no longer fit neatly into society’s mould. We’ve glimpsed something powerful, something primal, and it changes us. We become harder to control, less likely to blindly follow the status quo. It’s as if the birth experience awakens an untamed part of ourselves that society would rather keep dormant.

    My journey from that homebirth to the conference and my leaving my scientific job behind to support women in achieving positive birth experiences was more than just a change in career – it was a radical shift in consciousness, a rebirth of my own. And I realised that this transformation, this awakening, is precisely what makes such birth experiences so potent – and perhaps, so threatening.

    Stories from women about this altered state during birth

    In the middle phase of my labour I was very much in an altered state of consciousness, the closest experience I could connect it to was doing ayahuasca in the Peruvian jungle years before, I was very grateful for that actually because it gave me the confidence to be able to surrender into it and trust that state which is so unlike our waking life. When I was in the birth pool in the dark lit only by our fire and fairy lights I felt like I literally became a mermaid submerged in the dark waters. It was so sensual and my mind completely fell away. I had this strong sense of making love to pain, literally like it was this sensual union with discomfort and the opening of my body! Amelia

    A nice element of my birth for me is completely losing the sense of time. My birth, as beautiful as it was, had quite the intensity too, so not having the sense of time was glorious….and after I gave birth to my baby, I honestly don’t know what day of the week it was or whether it was night or day. Somebody could have told me we are in a different month or year and I honestly wouldn’t know if they’re telling the truth or not. Magdalena

    I actively spoke with and received answers from the divine/God/universe, while birthing my third child. Sophia

    I had an out of body experience too . I met with my deceased best friend and twins and landed in my body as my daughter was born. Alice

    As my doula arrived and rubbed my lower back it was like I levitated above the scene. Husband behind in the doorway to the left, nervously watching. Two midwives preparing tools and equipment, listening to my guttural birth noise.  Then lightness and lift as I was just watching myself do the thing. I have no recollection of the crowning. Baby cried before the shoulders were out. No feelings in the body but just watching it all occur around like a scene in a film. It was like there was something I could not be present in my body for. Like I had to go and get her soul before I could ground again. Spiritually it moved me to a new level of understanding of source and connection that wouldn’t be fully understood until years later. When I reflect on the experience now it’s clear to me that what I experienced was a leaving of the human body and into the soul space. What needed to happen through this birth was a disconnection from all that was to carve a new path. Lorna

    Most of my 6h labour was at home with no midwife, just my doula. I put on headphones with relaxing music and it went like that until the delivery. Midwife got there 10-15min before my baby was born. He was my second and this was a planned home birth. I was totally in the zone with my headphones, no interruptions. Just completely present with the sensations in my body and I’ve embraced the overwhelm of each wave of contraction with my deep breaths. Having the headphones, being at home, no interruptions was essential to be in my bubble.. almost as if I were by myself in a dark cave but very safe.  Cristina

    I was pleased in a way the midwife didn’t arrive because I got to have my journey in peace but at the same time, having worked with midwives that actively support this, having seen the difference it makes for a woman in labour, I felt sad I didn’t have one there to hold the space and very very grateful I went with my instinct and against COVID regulations and got my doula to be there for me. I had visions, time elapsed. I was both very much in my body, in the room, and at the same time somewhere else. I was everything and everywhere at the same time that I was nothing but flesh and blood and bones. I was absolutely eternal and inescapably mortal. Laura

    Part of my birth trance was becoming love, an overwhelming feeling of being a portal of love. It flowed out. I grew to 10 foot high and was the goddess of my world. I remember thinking ‘I AM love’. It was f#*kING awesome. Rosie

    Time is different. Looking back at video footage of my homebirth, I remember what was happening but I felt I was in a different “place/time”. It’s hard to describe. Lynsey

    From breaking my waters and walking in a field full of damselflies, I became quickly held in a space of becoming and transition. I could feel there was a total coming together of my voice as I toned out sounds, and found my ebb and flow. The connection with my body and my baby and the powerful rite of passage in my own home, with our beautiful doula and two respectful, tuned-in midwives enabled me, in our tiny living room, to create safety and a net of power. My body, at age 40, found an inner strength and there was no room for anything other than what I can only describe as being in a different realm of consciousness and dreaming, where the space I held was one of protectors and the one being initiated, truly sacred space. It is the greatest honour and biggest achievement of my life to have brought my boys (my oldest one 7 years before) into the world in this way, and joy. Angie

    I blended with the universe . I found a focal point which was a painting . It became my force . Anything else just became part of me as my baby was born and came into the world seamlessly. Hayet.

    My consciousness was circling upwards at the top of my head and I met and merged with my son’s consciousness and brought him into the physical reality. Ailsa

    What fascinates me in the collection of stories above, is that several women describe experiencing an out of body experience. This state is also known to be associated with death, or near death experiences. In the book DMT: The Spirit Molecule, author Rick Strassman hypotheses that the release of the natural psychedelic DMT by our brain may play a role in these, and other mystical experiences. There is also emerging evidence that the endocannabinoid systems plays a role in labour and birth at uterine level, and whilst effects on the brain haven’t yet been studies, I would not be surprised if they played a role too.

    How and why medicine interrupts the birth Trance

    Common practices that disrupt the natural state

    • Being cared for by people you have not met before:  It’s challenging to relax and enter that birth zone state when you’re constantly meeting new people.
    • Having a constant, familiar presence – like a doula or midwife you already know before the first – can make a world of difference. It’s like having your personal coach throughout your entire marathon, cheering you on every step of the way.
    • Change of support person during shifts/ lack of continuity of care: Just as you’ve built a rapport with one care provider, their shift ends. It’s like changing coaches mid-game – disruptive and potentially unsettling.
    • Having to travel to an unfamiliar environment during labour: Trading your cosy home nest for a clinical environment can be jarring. It’s like trying to meditate in an airport – possible, but not ideal for entering that altered state of consciousness.
    • Bright lights and loud noises: Bright lights, beeping machines, unfamiliar smells and noises – it’s a far cry from the calm, dimly lit environment that supports birth consciousness. It’s like trying to sleep with a spotlight in your face and a rock concert next door.
    • Frequent interventions and examinations : Frequent examinations and interventions can disrupt the natural flow of labour. It’s like constantly checking your watch during meditation – it breaks your concentration.
    • Time pressure and expectations of progress : Labour doesn’t always follow a schedule, but hospital protocols often expect it to. It’s like having a countdown clock on your marathon – not exactly relaxing.
    • Use of pain medication and epidurals : Often offered as a first resort rather than part of a range of coping strategies, pain medication can interfere with the natural hormonal process of labour. It’s like taking a shortcut in your marathon – it might make things easier, but you might miss out on the full experience.
    • [Note: Pain relief can be necessary and beneficial for some women. The issue is not its existence, but how it’s presented and used.] 
    • Not being able to make informed decisions: Many women aren’t fully informed about their options or the potential impacts of various interventions. It’s like running a race without knowing the course – you can do it, but you’re at a disadvantage.
    • Restrictive guidelines and one size fits all approach: Women are often pressured to consent to interventions based on an average population instead of their own unique circumstances. Recognising that every birth, like every woman, is unique. It’s about tailoring the experience to support individual needs and preferences, not following a one-size-fits-all protocol.

    Why modern maternity care actively disrupt the birth trance

    The idea that our culture unconsciously interrupts the “birth trance” to exert control is rooted in the larger context of how power dynamics and social norms influence birth. It can be broken down into several aspects:

    • Medicalisation of birth: Modern cultures, particularly in the West, have increasingly medicalised birth, shifting it from a natural process to a highly managed, clinical event. This medicalisation is often framed as being for safety, but it also transfers power and authority away from the birthing person to medical professionals. The “birth trance”—a deeply instinctual, altered state of consciousness many women enter during labour—can be disrupted by interventions like bright lights, frequent monitoring, and verbal instructions. These actions interrupt the natural rhythm of labour, reducing the birthing woman’s autonomy and reliance on their own bodily wisdom, effectively placing control in the hands of others.
    • Cultural anxiety around surrender and vulnerability: Birth is a profoundly vulnerable and intense process that requires a certain surrender to one’s body and instincts. Our culture tends to be uncomfortable with states of surrender, especially when it comes to women’s bodies. Society often encourages control, predictability, and structure. Medical protocols, constant monitoring, and interventions—though presented as necessary—also reflect a cultural bias toward controlling a process that might otherwise appear chaotic or unpredictable.
    • Fear of female power: The birth trance represents a powerful state where women can experience immense physiological and psychological transformation. Patriarchal structures have often sought to suppress expressions of female power, particularly in relation to childbirth, which is an inherently female, and thus potentially threatening, experience to male-dominated systems of power. By interrupting this trance, cultural norms may unconsciously aim to suppress the power women hold in this deeply primal moment, reinforcing existing hierarchies where medical professionals or institutions hold authority over women’s bodies.
    • Disconnection from nature and instinct: Modern society places high value on intellect and technology, at the expense of intuition and nature. The birth trance is an instinctual, bodily experience that connects a woman deeply to her natural rhythms and ancestral wisdom. By interrupting this process, society reinforces a cultural disconnection from the body and nature. This serves to maintain control over birth by privileging external, scientific authority over internal, intuitive knowledge.
    • Economics and efficiency: Hospitals and medical systems are structured around efficiency and managing large volumes of patients, often within tight timeframes. Allowing women to enter a natural birth trance, which can slow labour down and make it less predictable, conflicts with these priorities. As a result, interventions like labour induction, c-sections, and other forms of control are encouraged to keep the process on a manageable timetable. This commodification of birth serves institutional needs at the expense of the woman’s natural process, further reinforcing a culture of control.

    Towards a more conscious approach to maternity care

    To support birth consciousness, we need to

    • Provide a calm, comfortable, homely, dimly light, quiet, and private birthing environment 
    • Minimise disturbances and unnecessary interventions 
    • Offer continuity of care and one-on-one support from caregivers familiar to the mother, whose presence she finds soothing.
    • Recognise and promote homebirth as a valid, normal and empowering choice
    • Foster a supportive emotional atmosphere that promotes feelings of safety and trust
    • Encourage and respect the mother’s intuition and bodily wisdom
    • Offer non-pharmacological pain management techniques that work with the altered state (relaxation, hypnobirthing, breathwork, massage, music, scents, drumming…)
    • Educate birth professionals and women about the states of consciousness during birth and how to support them
    • Minimise cognitive stimulation and questions during labour, allowing the mother to stay in her trance state
    • Train birth partners to support and enhance the birth trance state
    • Implement policies that allow for flexibility in birth plans and timelines, respecting the unique rhythm of each labour
    • Create a culture of reverence for the transformative nature of the birth experience

    These are unlikely to happen in the current model of care. The practices that support birth consciousness are at odds with many aspects of the current model of care. Today’s maternity services prioritise efficiency, standardisation, and risk management over individualised, woman-centred care.  Hospital environments are typically clinical rather than homely, care is often fragmented rather than continuous, and interventions are frequently routine rather than minimised. The medicalisation of birth has overshadowed the profound psycho-emotional and spiritual aspects of the birthing process.

    Supporting birth trance: a practical guide for birth workers

    In our modern culture, the deep altered state of consciousness that occurs during birth remains largely unrecognised. Maternity care protocols often actively disrupt this natural phenomenon, unaware of its significance. As birth workers, our primary responsibility is twofold:

    1. Self-education: Immerse yourself in the research and writings of pioneers in birth consciousness (as referenced in the scientific section of this article). Develop a deep understanding of how to facilitate and protect this altered state.
    2. Client education: This is crucial, and it must go beyond mere information sharing, as experiential learning is key.

    For clients unfamiliar with altered states, providing multiple hands-on experiences during pregnancy is paramount. Theoretical knowledge alone is insufficient; lived experiences are essential for true comprehension.

    Offer regular opportunities to experience trance-like states, depending on what appeals most to your clients and what you feel comfortable offering:

    • Guided meditation/relaxation
    • Hypnobirthing scripts
    • Conscious movement (such as 5rhythms dancing or pregnancy specific dance)
    • Drum-assisted journeys (recorded or live)

    Drum-facilitated meditations are particularly effective. Research shows that rhythmic auditory entrainment significantly eases access to deep trance states compared to meditation alone. (See my published paper on drumming and birth for scientific backing). You can find pregnancy and birth focused drum journeys on both my Youtube Channel, and on Jane Hardwicke Collings ‘s Youtube channel.

    Guide clients in creating optimal birthing environments that support the trance state:

    • Emphasise the importance of dim lighting, privacy, and a quiet and cosy atmosphere, in the context of protecting the birth trance
    • Help develop strategies to maintain this environment in various birth settings (some of my client chose to wear noise cancelling headphones and eye masks)
    • Assist in articulating these preferences in birth plan documents

    Educate partners on their critical role as guardians of the birth trance, emphasising their importance in minimising disruptions and maintaining a protective space.

    While challenging, attempt to educate medical professionals about birth consciousness. Be prepared for resistance, but remember that even small shifts in understanding can lead to significant changes over time.

    During the birth: your role as a gatekeeper is crucial. Every action and decision should be made with awareness of its potential impact on the birthing woman’s altered state.

    Flexibility is key: Remember that each birth and mother is unique. Remain adaptable and acutely attuned to the individual needs of each woman. Your ultimate goal is to create and fiercely protect the sacred space where the birth trance can naturally unfold, empowering the mother to access her innate birthing wisdom.

    By embracing this approach, we not only support individual births but also contribute to a broader shift in birth culture, honouring the profound psychological and spiritual dimensions of this transformative life event.

    A vision for the future

    However, there is reason for hope. There is a growing awareness and a gradual shift in understanding birth as more than just a medical event. This shift is happening on multiple fronts:

    • Consumer demand: More women are becoming informed about their birth options and are advocating for more supportive, individualised, less interventionist care.
    • Education: Childbirth educators,  doulas and conscious midwives are playing a crucial role in informing women about the importance of the birth environment and their own innate capabilities.
    • Research: More studies are exploring the psychological and physiological benefits of supportive birth practices, and the change of consciousness during birth
    • Policy changes: Some healthcare systems are beginning to implement policies that support more woman-centred care, including continuity of care models.
    • Integration of complementary therapies: Many maternity units are now more open to incorporating complementary therapies that can support birth consciousness, such as hypnobirthing techniques, aromatherapy, and the use of music or rhythmic sounds.

    I know this may sound naive in the face of a severely underfunded and understaffed maternity care system, with closure of home birth teams and birth centres, and the ever increasing rate of interventions, and tightening of regulations. We should never underestimate the power of a few determined individuals to affect change. Also remember that, when you push the pendulum too far one way, it also eventually swings back the other way.

    While systemic change may be slow, every small step towards supporting birth consciousness is valuable. Each woman who experiences a birth where her consciousness is honoured and supported becomes an advocate for change. Each healthcare provider who learns about and respects birth consciousness can influence their colleagues and institution.

    The concept of a tipping point – that moment when a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant enough to cause a larger, more important change – is particularly relevant to the revolution in birth consciousness. Research shows that, for a new idea to be embraced exponentially, we only need about 17% of the population to know about it. We may be approaching such a tipping point in maternity care. As more women experience and share their stories of conscious births, as more healthcare providers witness the profound benefits of supporting the birth trance, and as research continues to validate the importance of honouring this altered state, we inch closer to a paradigm shift. 

    Each positive birth experience, each converted practitioner, each published study acts like a pebble on a scale. Once reached, the tipping point could trigger a rapid transformation in how society views and supports birth. We might see a swift transition from birth as a medical event to birth as a holistic, consciousness-altering rite of passage. This tipping point holds the potential not just to revolutionise maternity care, but to profoundly impact how we understand human consciousness, the power of women’s bodies, and the nature of the transition into motherhood. Every effort to support and promote birth consciousness becomes vital, for it may be the pebble that finally tips the scale towards a new era of enlightened, woman-centred birth practices.

    The journey towards fully supporting birth consciousness in mainstream maternity care may be long, but it has begun. This shift not only has the power to improve birth experiences and outcomes but also to catalyse a broader societal rise in consciousness.

    A story of hope for the future

    A quiet revolution is taking place in birth rooms across the country. Gone are the days of stark, clinical environments and a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, a new paradigm is emerging, one that honours the unique, altered state of consciousness that women can enter during labour. 

    Picture Sarah, a first time mother, and her partner, Alex. To support her through the journey, she hires a doula, Zoe. Zoe enters the picture long before the birth itself. In the weeks leading up to Sarah’s due date, Zoe meets with Sarah and Alex regularly. She helps them understand the concept of birth-trance, explaining how this altered state of consciousness can profoundly affect Sarah’s birth experience. Together, they practise techniques that will help Sarah tap into this state more easily when labour begins.

    On the big day, Zoe arrives at Sarah’s home in the early stages of labour. She immediately sets about creating a soothing environment – dimming lights, playing soft music, and using aromatherapy to engage Sarah’s senses in a way that promotes relaxation and inward focus. She plays repetitive, trance inducing beats on her drum to further support Sarah’s entrance into labourland.

    As contractions intensify and Sarah begins to slip into her birth-trance, Zoe and Alex recognise the signs immediately. Her voice drops to a whisper, her movements become slower and more deliberate. Zoe gently guides Alex in supporting Sarah, showing him how to provide touch and verbal encouragement without disrupting Sarah’s focus.

    When the midwife, Maria, arrives at Sarah’s home, she’s also a familiar face, as Sarah has also been seeing throughout her pregnancy. Zoe works seamlessly with Maria. She shares Sarah’s progress and preferences with Maria, without Sarah having to break her concentration, ensuring that the environment remains conducive to the birth-trance state.

    Maria herself is very aware of Sarah’s needs for quiet support, and she blends into the quiet and dimly lit space, addressing Sarah with gentle, reassuring whispers.

    During a particularly intense phase of labour, when Sarah begins to doubt herself, Zoe steps in. She reminds Sarah of her strength, using visualisations they had practised together. She resumes her intuitive drum beats to support Sarah’s brain waves in slowing down. Her calm, steady presence helps Sarah re-center and sink deeper into her altered state.

    In the pushing stage, Zoe and Maria work with Alex to physically support Sarah in her chosen birthing positions. They whisper encouragement, reminding Sarah to trust her body and her instincts. 

    After the birth, Zoe and Maria remain present, maintaining the quiet, sacred atmosphere as Sarah and Alex bond with their newborn. They ensure Sarah is comfortable, and undisturbed during this precious golden hour.

    In the weeks following the birth, Zoe and Maria both visit Sarah at home. They process the birth experience together, helping Sarah understand and integrate the powerful altered state she experienced during labour.

    This collaborative model – a continuity of care one, where doulas work alongside midwives to support birthing women’s altered states of consciousness – is now the norm in maternity care. It’s an approach that recognises the profound psychological and physiological benefits of the birth-trance state, and actively works to create environments where this state can unfold.

    Weeks later, as Sarah reflects on her experience, she feels a sense of empowerment and awe. The birth wasn’t just about bringing her child into the world; it was a transformative journey, made possible by an environment that recognised and supported her ability to enter a unique state of consciousness.

    Home birth is also now considered the norm, as research shows that it is easier to enter the birth trance state in one’s own environment, and therefore safer for both mother and baby. For the rare cases where a more medicalised setting is needed, hospitals and birth centres have trained their staff in recognising and supporting altered states. They have redesigned their spaces to be more conducive to supporting them. And perhaps most importantly, they’re empowering women like Sarah to understand, anticipate, and advocate for birth experiences that honour this incredible capacity of the human mind and body. The revolution is quiet, but its impact is profound. 

    Conclusion

    The journey through birth consciousness is a testament to the innate wisdom of the body and the transformative power of birth. The birth trance is not merely a biological curiosity, but a vital component of the birthing process with far-reaching implications for maternal and infant well-being.

    The stark contrast between the natural altered state of consciousness during birth and the practices of modern maternity care highlights a critical need for change. By understanding and honouring this unique state, we have the opportunity to revolutionise birth experiences, empowering women and potentially improving outcomes for both mothers and babies.

    The stories shared by mothers who have experienced this altered state underscore its significance. These accounts of transcendence, out of body experiences, connection, and empowerment reveal the deeply personal and often spiritual nature of birth when allowed to unfold naturally.

    As we move forward, it’s crucial that we continue to bridge the gap between scientific understanding and holistic practices. The work of researchers like Dr. Orli Dahan provides a foundation, and there is still much to explore and understand about the neuropsychological state of women during birth.

    Ultimately, recognising and supporting the birth trance is about more than just improving birth experiences. It’s about acknowledging the power and wisdom of women’s bodies, challenging societal norms that seek to control this uniquely female experience, and reclaiming birth as a transformative rite of passage.

    As we continue to unravel the mysteries of birth consciousness, we open doors to a more empowering, respectful, and holistic approach to birth. In doing so, we not only honour the journey of each birthing woman but also contribute to the evolution of human consciousness.

    Do you resonate? Did you have an experience of the birth trance? I’d love to hear what you think.

  • The Midlife Breakthrough: How I Tamed Overwhelm and Found My Calm (And How You Can Too)

    The Midlife Breakthrough: How I Tamed Overwhelm and Found My Calm (And How You Can Too)

    As a midlife holistic practitioner and mother, I’ve spent the last 6-7 years on a transformative journey from constant overwhelm to inner peace. Through my recent research interviews and personal experiences, I’ve uncovered valuable insights into the challenges faced by women struggling with overwhelm. In this blog post, I’ll share my story, the lessons I’ve learned, and practical strategies for regaining balance in our hectic lives.

    The Research: Common Threads of Overwhelm

    Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been carrying out research interviews in order to gather knowledge about what women need when experiencing overwhelm.

    I offered these interviews to prepare for my upcoming group programme to help mid life holistic practitioners who feel they never have enough time to regain a sense of peace inside.

    There have been very interesting themes emerging from these interviews. Some that I expected, like undiagnosed or suspected neurodivergence, perfectionism, unkind judgement of oneself,  trying to “work harder” out of overwhelm, guilt, a deep resistance to rest.  Some have been more surprising, like loneliness., which of course makes sense because we cannot regulate in isolation.

    The overarching theme is one of being unable to see a way forward (not surprising because overwhelm equal nervous system dysregulation, a state in which we have no access to rational thinking and creativity), and trying to “fix” the problem from the outside in (for example buying many “magic diaries” which promise to fix all your problems-except they don’t work and contribute to deeper feelings of inadequacy).

    I decided to offer this program because overcoming overwhelm has been the biggest journey I’ve been on over the last 6 to 7 years. If you want to read examples of how overwhelmed I used to be, read this article. I’m in a different place now, and feel such deep compassion for these women, as they are where I was, and cannot see a way out. I remember this well, because when in this state there is a sense of desperation to try and get out of the state (which leads to searching for helpful quick fixes).

    A Day in the Life: Navigating Unexpected Disruptions

    The last few months I have experienced a sense of deep spaciousness inside I had never experienced before in my life. But I noticed that it’s easy to become complacent and think you’ve sorted all your shit for good. It does not work this way-maintaining this balance, especially with a very sensitive nervous system like mine, requires constant attention. 

    Because I’ve felt so much better, I dropped some of the support practises I’ve given myself. But my body has been reminding me in loud ways that I need to care for it and be gentle, and not ask for too much all the time.

    This morning there was a stark reminder of the fragility of the balance I’ve built. I went for my morning run with my dog, and when I came back I realised that my daughter hadn’t woken up. She gets picked up by a taxi earlier than before the summer because her school has moved to a new location further away. So I had to gently wake her up, and remind her to try and be quick without stressing her, a delicate balancing act. 

    As we were getting washed in the same bathroom, I realised that my son hadn’t gotten up either. Both of my teenage children are autistic and easily dysregulated too. My son was having a hard time getting up so I spent some time listening to him-sharing feelings of burnout, so early in the school year. This took a while, as the best way to help him re-regulate is to just listen. 

    When he finally got up I went to the kitchen, fed the dog and made myself a cup of coffee. By then I realised that the doubly unexpected disruption to my morning routine had resulted in my feeling dysregulated, leading to the tell-tale signs of feeling mild overwhelm as I busied myself in the kitchen. 

    Knowing that both kids were also off centre, I made them smoothies because small acts of kindness like this make them feel cared for and supported. As I finally sat down to drink my coffee, looking forward to a few minutes of quiet, my son came down, and needed me to listen to his feelings of struggle. I made the time and space inside even though I felt that I needed some quiet time myself. 

    Half way through his sharing, there was a commotion in the next room: my daughter had just spilled her drink all over the floor. I had to stop listening to my son, and help her clean up. Unsurprisingly, by the time they’d both left, I felt dysregulated and overwhelmed myself.

    As I sat at my desk a bit later, I noticed the familiar feeling of procrastination-a sure sign of dysregulation for me. So instead of trying to force myself to work like I used to do, I set a 5 min timer and drummed. I ended up drumming for more than 5 min, and whilst doing so, the idea of writing this blog came up.

    Writing helps me understand myself better, it soothes my soul. It has the added advantage of helping others who read my writing too, which is something I love doing.

    PS: as I finish writing this a couple of hours later, my daughter called saying she’s got toothache. The big difference I notice, having re-regulated myself, is that I’m not thrown by this. I got her an emergency appointment and I’m ok with this bigger second unexpected spanner in the works in my schedule…despite the fact that it’s going to be challenging to fit it in between walking the dog and taking her to the autism social group later this afternoon. This is the power of a regulated nervous system.

    Transformative Strategies: Shifting from Overwhelm to Self-Compassion

    • The Pitfalls of “Working Harder” to Overcome Overwhelm:

    Working harder and hoping you’ll give yourself the gift of rest when you have done everything on your to-do list. Not only does this not work, it actually adds to the feeling of overwhelm. Guess what, your to-do list will NEVER be complete. It is not a way to live.

    • Radical Self-Care: The Non-Negotiable First Step

    If you want to experience more spaciousness in your life, you need to actually give your fried nervous system a chance to actually experience spaciousness. So the top tip is to start putting radical self care tasks as the first task on your to-do list, as a non negotiable rule.

    For me this started with taking walks in nature during my “working time”, and eventually progressed to year round wild swimming. The last 3 or 4 years, these self care tasks are always been the first thing in my diary.

    • Recognizing and Addressing Nervous System Dysregulation

    Learn to notice when you are dysregulated. This can be hard because many of us sensitives can struggle with disconnection from what’s happening in our bodies, and if we’ve been living in this state for a long time, it’s hard to notice what not being overwhelmed feels like. Read the 10 signs of a dysregulated nervous system here.

    Every time you notice signs of dysregulation, make it a priority to spend a few minutes re-regulating yourself. I’ve added a list below

    • Reframing Self-Judgment: Cultivating a Kinder Inner Voice

    Notice every time you are judging yourself, about all the things you aren’t doing, especially when feeling low. Practise reframing this into a kinder inner voice. You may want to meditate, journal or doodle on it. This only needs to take a few minutes. Little and often is the key.

    • Celebrating Progress: The Power of the Ta-Da List

    Write a ta-da list each week. My brain used to only focus on what I wasn’t doing, and forgot all the hard work, only reminding me of all the stuff I had not done. Writing such a list (put 5 min on a timer and write all the things you’ve done that week-I do this looking at my diary because I still forget. This has slowly rewired my brain.

    Quick Fixes for a Dysregulated Nervous System:

    They need to be fast because, in my experience, when dysregulated we rarely have the bandwidth, spoons or energy of doing something that takes 20 min.

    • Quick and effective breathing exercise from Huberman lab
      • Try the Physiological sigh: inhale, then take another sharp inhale on top, then exhale slowly. 3 breaths usually start to make a difference
    • Cold Water Exposure
      • Splash cold water or place a cold cloth on your face or neck, take a cold shower, dip into cold water, or an ice bath if available
    • Grounding Techniques
      • Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste
      • Put your bare feet for 5 min on the grass or earth
    • Progressive Muscle Relaxation
      • Tense and then relax each muscle group in your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head
    • Rhythmic Movement
      • Engage in repetitive, rhythmic activities like walking, lifting your heels up and down, rocking, or swaying your hips
    • Humming or Chanting
      • Use deep, low-pitched sounds to stimulate the vagus nerve
    • Sensory Engagement
      • Sniff or diffuse a blend of calming essential oils (I like Neal’s yard meditation. The vetiver in it is known to help ADHD brains focus)
      • Hold and focus on a textured object
    • Quick movement exercises
      • Put in some music you love and dance for a few minutes
      • Yoga poses like child’s pose or forward fold
    • Mindfulness
      • Do a brief body scan meditation, noticing where you hold tension and actively releasing it.

    Conclusion

    The journey from overwhelm to inner peace is not a straight one, but a meandering path, and a continuous practice of self-awareness, compassion, and intentional care. Maintaining balance requires constant attention, especially for those of us with sensitive nervous systems. By prioritising self-care, recognizing signs of dysregulation, and employing quick re-regulation techniques, we can start to create more spaciousness in our lives and rediscover our inner calm.

    Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle. Many midlife women face similar challenges, and there is a way forward. By sharing our experiences and supporting each other, we can support each other to find our path to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

    If you’re interested in hearing more about my upcoming group programme about overcoming overwhelm, send me an email at sophie@sophiemessager.com, to join the mailing list and be the first to know when the program launches around November.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts about this, whether you resonate with my experience, and what helps you.

  • The Art of Mindful Re-entry: How I Mastered the Post-Holiday Work Transition

    The Art of Mindful Re-entry: How I Mastered the Post-Holiday Work Transition

    Have you ever felt that post-holiday dread, where the thought of diving back into work feels overwhelming? For years, I struggled with this transition, but I’ve finally cracked a way to have a smooth, stress-free return. In this article, I share my journey from frantic catch-up to mindful re-entry, and how you can transform your post-holiday experience into a gentle, productive glide back into work life.

    The Importance of Real Breaks

    Monday was my first day at work after spending 3 weeks in the South of France in August. I did not do much work at all on Monday, and very little on Tuesday, only starting to slowly get back into a normal routine by Wednesday and Thursday.This is a process I have been working on for about 3 years. This is the first where I feel that I’m finally truly embracing it. Since I became self-employed 11 years ago I learnt the hard way that giving myself real breaks from work was essential, and that removing pressure upon return was also essential.

    My Holiday Experience

    This year, truly clocking off during my holiday was made easier by the fact that 1) I no longer have on-call doula clients to check up on (Last year I was still supporting a friend through birth-despite no longer officially working at a doula since 2022). 2) I have learnt to create passive income from my online courses (this includes pre-planning for a lower income on holiday months by running promotions on my courses ahead of time), 3) for the first time since I started working for myself in 2013, I have a VA (thanks to my Access to Work grant), and she took care of purchases/clients whilst I was away.

    I had a lovely, slow, relaxing time in France. Lots of leisurely mornings, swimming in lakes and the sea. Longer coffee and pain au chocolat breakfast whilst enjoying a sea view. I caught up with my family. I ate gorgeous food. I read books. I drummed and I wrote songs. I binged watched a Netflix series. I played games. I went out for meals, and to visit new places, including a gorgeous magical natural fountain in the Aude region.

    Slowing down and being led by what my heart and soul want to do is very replenishing. This was doubly meaningful this time, as I had been working hard to meet my new drumming book deadline for several weeks, and handed over the manuscript to the publisher the day before my holiday.

    The Challenge of Returning to Work

    Even though I love my work, I always find the change of pace after coming back from a break, especially one as long as this one, challenging

    In the past, I used to try to get myself back into work mode instantly, and berated myself inwardly when I couldn’t. What used to happen is that I internally flogged myself and not only did this not work, but it added pressure, stress, and a double layer of negative mindset to an already challenging time. 

    My Evolved Approach to Re-entry

    Now, I purposefully plan at least 2 or 3 days of slow re-entry. I plan my return ahead of time, writing a list of everything I’ll need to do when I get back from my break, because I tend to forget. Being clear that nothing intense or extra challenging is taking place immediately when I’m back also helps avoid overwhelm. 

    The first day, all I’m asking myself to do is planning what needs to be done. I remove all pressure. Then I slowly increase the amount of work whilst carefully gauging whether I’m OK doing this amount yet. Instead of berating myself, I have a gentle conversation with myself, reminding myself that taking it slow is the wise way to go about it.

    Because of the way resistance works, as soon as I give myself permission to take things slowly, my nervous system relaxes out of fight and flight, the resistance eases, and poof, as if by magic, I no longer feel the desire to avoid work. It’s like reverse psychology.

    Tips for a Smooth Transition

    I’ve been writing about self-care as a solopreneur for over 8 years, you can read my first article about this here.

    Here’s a collection of other articles about self-care, gentleness and self-kindness I’ve written over the years:

    Key Takeaways:

    • Recognise the importance of real breaks from work, especially for if you are self-employed
    • Plan for lower income during holiday months by creating passive income streams
    • Delegate tasks when possible (e.g., hiring a VA) to truly disconnect during time off
    • Allow yourself a slow, gradual re-entry to work after a vacation
    • Plan your return ahead of time, listing tasks to avoid forgetting important items
    • Start with a day of just planning, removing all pressure to accomplish tasks
    • Slowly increase workload while gauging your readiness and energy levels
    • Replace self-criticism with gentle self-talk and understanding
    • Remember that a mindful, gradual return often leads to better productivity in the long run
    • Continue to refine your re-entry process based on what works best for you

    Conclusion

    Embracing a slow, intentional return to work isn’t just about easing stress—it’s about honouring the restoration you’ve gained from your time off. By giving yourself permission to ease back in gently, you’re likely to find yourself more productive and centred. Remember, it’s not about how quickly you can jump back in, but how wisely you can transition. 

    So the next time you return from a break, try this approach. Your future self will thank you for your kindness and wisdom. 

    What strategies do you use to make your return to work smoother? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

  • Closing the Bones Ritual: A Polyvagal Approach to Healing Trauma

    Closing the Bones Ritual: A Polyvagal Approach to Healing Trauma

    The ancient ritual of closing the bones offers a powerful approach to healing trauma that aligns remarkably well with modern understanding of the nervous system, particularly polyvagal theory. 

    This ritual, traditionally used for postpartum recovery, has broader applications in addressing various forms of trauma and supporting nervous system regulation.

    What is closing the bones?

    Closing the bones is a traditional postpartum massage ritual. It is mostly known for its Mexican and South American roots, but versions of it exist (or used to exist) on all continents (including in Europe).

    A closing the bones ritual involves the rocking of the body using scarves, a deep massage of the abdomen (and sometimes the whole body), and a sequence of tightening scarves around the body.  Some traditions also add a steam bath or sweat lodge. I use drumming in my rituals as well.

    A closing the bones massage supports healing

    • Physically, by providing movement in the joints, muscles, tissues and fluids.
    • Emotionally, by providing space to rest, be witnessed and held safely, as well as for emotions to be honoured and released.
    • Spiritually, by providing closure, a space to let go of what was, and bringing energy back to the person receiving it.

    Closing the bones and trauma through a polyvagal theory lens

    The polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system responds to stress and trauma. It describes three states: the ventral vagal (safe and social), sympathetic (fight or flight), and dorsal vagal (freeze or shutdown). Trauma often leaves individuals stuck in sympathetic arousal or dorsal vagal shutdown. 

    The closing the bones ritual provides a unique, body-based approach to gently guide the nervous system back to a state of safety and connection.

    Here’s how the ritual supports trauma healing through a polyvagal lens:

    • It creates a sense of safety. The ritual environment, with its gentle touch, rhythmic movements, and nurturing presence, helps activate the ventral vagal state. This allows the nervous system to remember what it feels like to be safe, a crucial first step in trauma healing.
    • It provides rhythmic stimulation. The rocking movements used in the ritual provide rhythmic stimulation, which can help regulate the nervous system and bring it out of fight/flight or freeze states. Think about how rocking soothes a baby.
    • It provides deep pressure. The use of scarves to apply pressure around the body stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and countering the hyperarousal often associated with trauma.
    • It provides an opportunity for non-verbal processing. By focusing on bodily sensations rather than verbal recounting of traumatic experiences, the ritual allows for processing trauma without risking re-traumatization.
    • It provides interoception. The gentle massage and body awareness promoted in the ritual can enhance interoception – the sense of the body’s internal state. This is often disrupted in trauma and improving it is key to healing.
    • It offers an opportunity for social engagement. The presence of a supportive practitioner during the ritual activates the social engagement system, a key aspect of the ventral vagal state that promotes healing and connection.
    • It provides embodiment. The ritual’s focus on the body helps individuals reconnect with their physical selves, countering the dissociation often experienced in trauma.
    • It provides containment. The wrapping of the body provides a sense of containment, which can be particularly soothing for a dysregulated nervous system. Again, think about how swaddling helps many babies calm down.
    • It is also particularly helpful for neurodivergent people, who may experience heightened nervous system dysregulation. It provides a structured, predictable experience that can help regulate an overwhelmed system without relying on verbal processing.

    By incorporating elements that speak directly to the nervous system’s need for safety, rhythm, and connection, the closing the bones ritual offers a holistic approach to trauma healing. It provides a somatic experience that can guide individuals from states of hyperarousal or shutdown back to a state of calm and connection, supporting the integration of traumatic experiences.

    This body-based, non-verbal approach stands in contrast to traditional talk therapies, offering a complementary path to healing that honours the wisdom of the body and the intricate dance of our nervous system. 

    As we continue to understand the profound impact of trauma on both mind and body, rituals like closing the bones offer a bridge between ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience in the journey towards healing and wholeness.

    If you’d like to learn more, I have a masterclass on using closing the bones to heal trauma, and you can learn to offer this ritual in my online course.

  • Mugwort: The Ancient Herb for Women’s Wisdom, Birth, and Healing

    Mugwort: The Ancient Herb for Women’s Wisdom, Birth, and Healing

    In the hedgerows and wild spaces of the UK (and many other places in the world) grows a plant with a rich tapestry of history, healing, and mysticism. Mugwort, also known as Cronewort, has been a faithful companion to women for centuries, its very name whispering of wisdom and ancient power. This unassuming herb, with its silvery-green leaves and subtle fragrance, holds within it the legacy of Artemis, Greek goddess of the moon and protector of women. From supporting menstrual health to easing childbirth and navigating the tides of menopause, mugwort stands ready as a plant ally for women at every stage of life. 

    Join me as I explore the multifaceted world of mugwort – its medicinal properties, spiritual significance, and the timeless connection it offers to the cycles of nature and womanhood.

    Introduction

    I first developed a deep longing to work with mugwort whilst working as a doula, after I discovered the link between this herb and birth. I spent several weeks searching for it in my local area, without success (I was looking in the wrong places: Mugwort likes scrubby land). Then, as fate would have it, I found a large clump of it growing on a building site right in front of my local birth centre, on my way out from a beautiful birth. I gathered some, and started drinking mugwort tea, drying it, making dream pillows and smudge sticks with it.

    Mugwort was called the “mother of herbs” in the Middle Ages.

    “Mugwort possesses both natural and supernatural qualities. [It] excels as a women’s herb, easing the pain of labor, menstrual cramps, and effectively treating various uterine complaints.” Gai Stern

    From the Anglo-Saxon era, it was part of the nine herbs charm:

    “Remember Mugwort, what you foretold,

    What you revealed in the great proclamation.

    Una you were, the oldest of herbs

    Mightier than the three, Mightier than the thirty

    Mightier than sickness and infection

    And mightier than the dark shadow that roaves across the land.”

    What is Mugwort?

    Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) is a perennial herb native to Europe, Asia, and North Africa. It has been used for centuries in traditional medicine practices around the world. The leaves and stems are typically used in herbal preparations.

    The very name of mugwort whispers of its ancient power. Its latin name Artemisia (Artemisia Vulgaris) echoes the name of Artemis, the Greek goddess of the moon. Artemis was the protector of women, watching over them as they journeyed through life’s great transitions. From a girl’s first blood, to the intensity of childbirth, to the wisdom of the menopausal years, Artemis stood guard. And so does her herb, mugwort. This connection isn’t just coincidence – it’s a clue, written in the language of plants and stars, telling us how this humble herb can support women. Like the goddess herself, mugwort offers its gifts at each stage of a woman’s life. It’s a plant ally, ready to lend its strength during those powerful moments when a woman’s body and spirit are changing. 

    What is it used for?

    Mugwort has been studied and used for many years in traditional medicine. A review paper from 2020 and another from 2012 describe it to  have several health benefits:

    1. Protect cells from damage and help fight diseases caused by this damage.
    2. Lower cholesterol and fat levels in the blood.
    3. Protect the liver and reduce inflammation.
    4. Relax muscles in the gut and airways, potentially easing stomach issues and breathing problems.
    5. Provide pain relief.
    6. Reduce anxiety/affect brain chemicals in a way that may help with mood.
    7. Treat bladder problems, irregular periods, menopause symptoms, and issues with the nervous system.
    8. Shows potential in fighting bacteria, fungi, allergies, malaria, and worms in the gut.
    9. Mugwort is also considered a substitute for cannabis. When being smoked, it exhibits mild intoxicating properties and strong relaxing properties.

    Accounts from various herbalists also explain that it is used to treat menstrual problems and menstrual pain, as well as being used to induce labour, to treat the pain of labour contractions, and as an abortifacient. 

    Mugwort has been used topically to address fungal infections and inflammation of the skin. It can be applied as a tea, vinegar tincture, compress, or incorporated into salves.

    In traditional Chinese medicine mugwort is primarily used for moxibustion to stimulate blood flow and qi. Moxa sticks are made from dried mugwort leaves, tightly rolled into a cigar-like shape. The fluff present under Mugwort leaves gives it tinder fungus-like properties (when I tried to grind dried mugwort into powder to make biscuits, I got a very fluffy powder). Moxa sticks are used to apply heat to specific acupuncture points or areas of the body. The stick is lit and held near the skin, to warm the area. Using moxa sticks can stimulate circulation, promote healing, reduce pain and balance energy in the body.  To turn a breech baby, they are used on an acupuncture point on the little toe. Birth Workers are familiar with the term moxibustion, which is when a moxa stick is used to help turn a breech baby.  

    Mugwort was also used as a substitute for tea, which was too expensive for the working classes, in 19th century Cornwall. 

    The dried flowering plant was decocted with malt liquor and added to beer for flavour before the introduction of hops into beer-making at the end of the 15th century (Tobin 2011)

    Spiritual uses

    Mugwort is used to induce lucid dreaming, its effects on the nervous system extend beyond dreaming. Herbalist David Hoffman writes, “[Mugwort] has a mild nervine action, which also appears to be related to volatile oil content, that may help ease depression and tension.”. It is also said to increase intuition.

    In shamanistic cultures, it was used to facilitate communication with ancestors and the spirit world.

    Mugwort has long been a trusted ally in spiritual cleansing rituals, usually by burning bundles of the dried herbs and using it to cleanse someone or a space. The act of smudging isn’t just about clearing out stale energies – it’s an invitation for fresh, vibrant energy to flow in.

    Mugwort can be burned as incense or smoked to ease into deeper meditation or trance states.  When we sit in meditation with mugwort nearby, whether as a tea, a burning smudge stick, or simply a sprig in our hands, we’re tapping into the plant’s wisdom, helping to quiet the chatter of our minds and open doorways to our intuition.

    Mugwort can act as a bridge between our everyday selves and the realm of spirit. It doesn’t demand grand gestures or complex rituals. Instead, it offers its gifts simply and generously, helping us find that elusive sense of peace and connection we all yearn for. 

    How does it work?

    Mugwort contains many compounds, particularly monoterpenoids and sesquiterpenoids which can help relieve pain, reduce inflammation, and decrease anxiety. These compounds work by interacting with specific receptors in the body, affecting how we sense pain and heat. They can also reduce inflammation by influencing various processes in the body, such as the production of inflammatory substances. 

    Some flavonoids, which are another type of mugwort compound, are also mentioned as having anti-inflammatory properties. 

    How is it taken?

    Mugwort is commonly consumed or applied as a tea, tincture, compress, oil, infused wine, or infused oil. Some herbalists also use mugwort in smoke blends. 

    To make the tea, use a handful of fresh leaves or 1-2 teaspoons of dried herb per cup of boiling water. Sweeten if desired.

    Mugwort history, folklore and magic

    Mugwort was known as the witch’s herb. Historically, it was placed by the door of the local witch, healer, and midwife. 

    Mugwort is believed to have a strong connection to the spirit world and is often used to protect against negative energies and spirits.  The dried herb is burnt in bundles, known as smudge sticks, to clear spaces or people’s energy fields, and provide protection.

    According to this Art of the Root article, “Mugwort was integral to the ancient Greek understanding of lunar cycles, fertility, divination, and protection. The Romans similarly revered mugwort, with soldiers and travellers often placing it into their shoes for safety and to ward off exhaustion. The Chinese revered this herb for its perceived ability to repel malevolent spirits, prevent diseases, and bestow blessings in the home. The Anglo-Saxons, too, considered mugwort as one of the “Nine Sacred Herbs,” incorporating it into their healing charms and many other spiritual practices.”

    “…known to many as a herb of magic, cronewort allows us to live in several worlds at once, expanding and nourishing the habit of drawing our gaze before us to that which is visible, and behind us to that which is invisible. Regular use of cronewort in tea or extract strengthens our ability to absorb intuitive information as we preserve an aspect of sharpness in our interaction with the complex, topside world.”

    ​- Judith Berger, Herbal Rituals

    Mugwort was used during celebrations on St John’s day in both the UK and Europe (which corresponds to the Summer Solstice before Christianity renamed it).

    The name “fire herb” comes from a mediaeval tradition where mugwort was worn in rosaries during the Feast of St. John. It was believed that looking through sheaves of mugwort while wearing this rosary protected the eyes and general health for the coming year. Wearing mugwort was thought to provide protection from evil spirits, poison, water, fire, and all harm. People also hung mugwort in their homes.

    Mugwort had diverse uses, including prophetic rituals. For example, people used mugwort to predict the face of their future fiancé by passing a sprig of mugwort through the flames of the St. John’s fire. Additionally, mugwort infusion was used to purify crystal balls and facilitate divinations.

    In the 18th century, in Normandy, mugwort was used to dye wool in shades of “musk” and “olive.” However, this plant did not generate much interest among dyers, except for some uses in Northern Europe.

    Conclusion

    Mugwort embodies the intersection of the physical and spiritual realms. This humble herb, which grows quietly along roadsides and in forgotten corners, carries within it the wisdom of countless generations of women healers, midwives, and wise ones. Whether used as a healing tea, a protective charm, or a gateway to intuitive realms, mugwort continues to offer its gifts to those who seek them. 

    In reconnecting with this ancient ally, we not only tap into a wealth of potential health benefits but also rekindle our connection to the natural world and the cyclic wisdom of our bodies. As we face the challenges of modern life, perhaps it’s time to look again at the plants that grow around us, and to welcome the gentle, powerful magic of mugwort back into our lives and practices.

    “There is no herb that I know of, more imbued with folklore and superstition than mugwort, a plant for which I have a deep affinity likely due to my belief in the magical properties of plants. It is an ancient magical herb with curative and divinatory properties, bearing a special value in feminine disorders and warmly strengthening the body”. Outdoor apothecary

     

  • The wisdom messenger podcast episode 12: Jeff Strong on Jeff Strong Drumming, Neuroscience, and Healing

    The wisdom messenger podcast episode 12: Jeff Strong on Jeff Strong Drumming, Neuroscience, and Healing

    Jeff is a percussionist, composer, recording engineer, researcher, and adult living with ADHD. Jeff is the Director of the Strong Institute – an auditory brain stimulation research organization – and Brain Stim Audio – an interactive brain stimulation music site. He has written 8 books and published dozens of research articles about music and the brain, particularly as it applies to autism and ADHD.

    In this enlightening conversation, we explore the intersection of drumming, neuroscience, and alternative healing practices. Our discussion covers a wide range of topics, from Jeff’s personal journey with ADHD to the neurological benefits of drumming, and from ancient shamanic practices to modern applications of rhythm-based therapies.

    Highlights:

    1. Neurological Benefits of Drumming: Jeff’s research reveals how specific drumming frequencies can synchronize brain waves, potentially aiding individuals with ADHD, autism, and sleep disorders.
    2. Shamanic Practices and Altered States: The conversation delves into the historical roots of shamanic drumming and its ability to induce altered states of consciousness, drawing parallels with psychedelic experiences.
    3. Therapeutic Applications: We discuss the potential of drumming in trauma healing, addiction recovery, and as a calming technique for various conditions.
    4. Cultural Context and Integration: We explore the cultural significance of drumming practices and the potential for integrating these techniques with modern medicine and wellness approaches.
    5. Personal Experiences and Critical Perspectives: We share their personal experiences with medication, Western medicine’s approach to mental health, and alternative therapies, offering critical insights into current treatment paradigms.

    Listen and/or watch the episode on :

    You can find Jeff at at

     

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