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Sophie Messager

Author: Sophie Messager

  • The Wisdom Messenger podcast episode 10: Awaken to your authentic power with Rachael Crow

    The Wisdom Messenger podcast episode 10: Awaken to your authentic power with Rachael Crow

    In this episode, I interview Rachael Crow, a multifaceted guide exploring diverse healing modalities. She facilitates circles, workshops (including drum making) and healing sessions. From menarche to menopause, she creates sacred spaces honouring life’s transitions. Based in West Wales surrounded by nature, her multifaceted work helps others awaken to their authentic power.

    We cover a wide range of topics centred around empowering women, embracing self-care, exploring spiritual practices, and finding healing through various modalities. We discussed the importance of cultural rituals, women’s circles, and reclaiming practices like drumming that have historically been taken away from women. We emphasise the need for continuous self-reflection when engaging in these practices. Rachael shares personal experiences with struggles like addiction, recovering from stage 4 cancer, and finding purpose through helping others. This conversation also focuses on the significance of energy management, self-care practices, and celebrating women’s achievements.

    Highlight Points:

    1. Embracing diversity and multifacetedness: Rachael encourages others to embrace and showcase their diverse skills and interests, reflecting her own journey of self-discovery and exploration of various healing modalities.
    2. Prioritising energy management and self-care for women: Both Rachael and Sophie stress the importance of women prioritising their energy levels and engaging in self-care practices to align their work with their passions and well-being.
    3. The power of women’s circles and cultural rituals: we discuss the transformative impact of women’s circles and the need to reclaim cultural rituals surrounding significant life events like motherhood, menopause, and childbirth, which can create a sense of belonging and empowerment for women.
    4. Drumming as a healing and empowering practice: Rachael shares her experiences of how drumming has helped women rediscover their power and confidence, while Sophie explains how drumming as a safer alternative to psychedelics for achieving heightened states of consciousness and interrupting negative thought patterns.
    5. Exploring alternative healing modalities: we touch on various techniques for achieving heightened states of mind, and reflect on exploring different paths to healing and personal growth.

    Can you listen to the episode on Spotify, Youtube, or Apple Podcast

    You can find Rachael at

  • How to recover from a miscarriage

    How to recover from a miscarriage

    I am writing this to provide a blueprint for physical and holistic recovery after a miscarriage.

    Background

    There is very little nurturing support offered to women after they give birth to a live baby, and in particular, almost no support in terms of bodywork to help the body and spirit heal. When you lose a baby, this kind of support is almost non existent. This is one of the reasons I wrote my book, Why Postnatal Recovery Matters. In the book there is part that covers recovery after baby loss. 

    When you have a miscarriage, especially when your baby dies before you have reached 24 weeks pregnancy, there is usually very little offered to support your physical and emotional wellbeing. Because losing a pregnancy before a baby is considered medically viable, once the medical aspect of the loss has happened, once the baby has left your uterus, no further support is usually offered. The taboo around the first trimester of pregnancy doesn’t help.

    As a culture we are notoriously crap at supporting grief, and in the case of a miscarriage, it is further impacted by the lack of consciousness around the fact that it can be a very significant loss, regardless of how many weeks pregnant you were. There is no “holding” from the community as there might be post loss. No people rallying round with nutritious home cooked food and just being there for you.

    It can leave you with emotions and feelings that have nowhere to go, both physically and emotionally. Furthermore, there is no guide or support given to help you recover from a more holistic point of view. The leaflets given in the hospital usually only mention the physical aspects such as cramps and bleeding, but not much else beyond that.

    I have had 4 miscarriages and I wish I had known about the importance of nurturing myself back then. I was given a week off work, and I went to miscarriage association meetings which I found very helpful, but I now know that there is much more that could have been done so support and soothe my heart and body.

    A simple guide about how to look after yourself when you have a miscarriage:

    First of all, if you experience a loss, regardless of what stage of your pregnancy you were at, you will be in a postpartum state. You deserve the same support as a mother who has given birth to a live baby. In fact you will probably need it more, as you may experience deep grief.

    If you lost your baby earlier in pregnancy you might feel that your loss isn’t valid. But you cannot measure grief by what it looks like on paper. Your grief can be as real as if your baby died when you just found out you were pregnant, or if your baby died when he was several months old. 

    There are some wonderful charities like the miscarriage association that offer very helpful emotional support. I have listed organisations at the end of this post that can provide support. Here I want to focus on some of the things you can do to support yourself, and your body, as you recover.

    Postpartum recovery boils down to 4 simple areas: Social/community support, rest, food and bodywork. The tricky aspect is that it is likely that you will have no time to plan. I hope you can still use some of the suggestions made here. 

    Social/community support

    • Friends, family, neighbours 
    • Hired help  such as doulas, who can not only take care of things in your house but also provide much needed holding and validation of your emotions 
    • Online support (social media groups, WhatsApp groups…) 
    • Gifts. If people ask what they can do to help, you could ask them to purchase you some of the things you need from the list below. You can make a list to suggest what you’d like: food delivery, doula support or massage vouchers etc
    • Reach out to people for support. Many want to help but they just don’t know what to do or do not want to intrude. Ask for what you need. It might be different each day.

    Rest

    • Take time off work/ask for compassionate leave (this is only if doing this would help, some people find it easier to keep working). If this isn’t possible (for example if you work for yourself), try to slow down as much as you can.
    • Help with household (chores, cooking, cleaning, other children etc.)
    • Make a list of potential helpers for the above. 
    • Take naps/ slow down
    • Relaxation: use relaxation techniques and apps 

    Food

    • Make a list of people who can make/deliver you some food/ or ask someone to organise a meal train
    • Get food delivered (supermarkets, takeaway meals, frozen, fresh, meal boxes)
    • Eat foods that are warm, comforting, and which contains warming ingredients, lookup for typical postpartum foods, such as this Chinese postpartum soup.
    • Nutritious snacks and warming drinks.

    Bodywork

    • A massage/postnatal with someone who is sensitive to your needs
    • A closing the Bones ceremony
    • An appointment with a womb massage therapist
    • Work with a specialist manual therapists (osteopaths, chiropractors, and pelvis health physiotherapists)
    • Wrap your hips/abdomen
    • Keep your body warm by wearing layers/hot water bottles

    The Importance of Bodywork

    I want to expand on the bodywork aspect as I know it’s the most neglected one of the 4 categories. We literally offer zero bodywork after the birth of a live baby, and it doesn’t even enter most people’s consciousness to offer this after a miscarriage or stillbirth.

    I have been giving a postpartum massage ritual called closing the bones to new mothers, both post live birth and post loss for over 10 years, I know how important and healing this ritual can be. I have lost count of the times women have told me “I thought I was just getting a massage” after receiving a closing the bones ceremony post loss.  I have given this ritual to my own mother on the anniversary of the stillbirth of my little brother, over 40 years after birth, and it was very very significant and healing for us both.

    Symbolic Rituals and Objects

    Symbolic rituals and objects can be powerful ways to help process your emotions. I had a Jizo doll, inspired by a Japanese deity for pregnancy loss, made to represent and honour the loss of my babies. Some people make miscarriage jewellery. Some of my clients have written a letter to their baby, done a letting go ritual (for example by burying something), or made a small altar with a candle.

    Loss involves shock, and I was reminded of this recently, when I gave a closing the bones massage to a friend who had been in a car crash. She wasn’t physically hurt but she was in shock. After the ritual she was visibly calmer, softer, and more together.

    After a miscarriage, and any pregnancy loss, your body will be in need of healing and nurture. Giving your body this space will also help you process the grief. It will give you a space to honour your emotions, and give your body a change to regulate to a place of relaxation and safety.

    I wrote this blog post about how closing the bones can help with baby loss, and here are a couple of stories that poignantly express how meaningful it can be.

    ” I came along to the Closing the Bones Training about a year after my baby had died. Towards the end of the ceremony, as I was being rocked deep shudders started going through my body and as the rebozo was pulled tight around my pelvis I felt a huge emotion that even now I am not sure what to call it. It felt as though the protective bubble I had formed around myself moved away and with that my baby – as if I was releasing him. Sobs racked my body all the grief, the anger, the exhaustion  all the disbelief of what had happened came pouring out. I hadn’t realised how much I was holding on to. I felt the women form a circle around me and felt what it was like to have a safe space held for me, allowing me to just be there in my wild tumult of emotion. I heard someone singing the most beautiful song and someone stroking my hair, hands touching me sending love and support“. Rosie 

    “Having the closing the bones massage helped me to accept my baby’s loss and start to move forward and also forgive my body and let go of all the negative feelings.” Claire

    Wrapping for Comfort and Healing

    Bodywork wise, one thing you can do for yourself is wrap your hips and or belly, both to keep your core and womb warm, and help you feel more contained.

    Wrapping  makes you feel held and protected. It also helps to feel more present in your body, which is grounding and can reduce anxiety and stress. There is something about being wrapped that feels very primal, like a baby in the womb, or a baby being swaddled. The calming effect is a mix of being able to feel the contours of your body, and also being reminded of the primal sensations of being in the womb.

    Interestingly I have found (and others have too), that wrapping helps support my mental health. I think this has to do with both the feeling contained and the more energetic/protective aspect. In this blog post a woman describes how head wrapping helped her with anxiety, and my experience with pelvis/belly wrapping feels very similar.

    On a spiritual/energetic level, wrapping it helps you to feel grounded, return to your centre, feel less ‘open’ and gives a sense of protection. In many indigenous cultures, protecting the womb with a belt is a common practise for these reasons.

    I have written a blog about wrapping for wellbeing which contains a simple tutorial, and also one about postnatal wrapping, which has links to a range of tools you can use for this purpose, from scarves, to velcro wraps, to clothing, and Japanese inspired waist warmers called haramakis.

     

    Support Organizations and Resources (UK)

    Here is a list of organisations and resources for support in the UK after a miscarriage

    Charities and organisations

    This charity provides memory boxes for different stages of pregnancy, including early pregnancy.

    Books

    A long list of links about other organizations here

    Articles

    Miscarriage Recovery Plan Template

    I have made this simple miscarriage recovery plan template which you can download, print, and share, to use as a way to list what you might need and what help to ask for. Feel free to print it so that you can jot down ideas.

    In conclusion

    Recovering from a miscarriage requires tending to the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the whole person. By building a support network, allowing for space and rest, nourishing the body with warming foods, and incorporating nurturing bodywork practices, women can create the space for processing grief and facilitating holistic healing after pregnancy loss. The suggestions provided offer a compassionate blueprint for this often overlooked but deeply meaningful journey back to wholeness.

    I hope this helps and if you try any of the ideas suggested above I would love to hear from you.

     

  • Beating the ‘shroom : Drumming as a safer alternative to psychedelics

    Beating the ‘shroom : Drumming as a safer alternative to psychedelics

    As someone deeply immersed in drum research for an upcoming book and regularly practicing drumming, I’ve started to make connections between the state of consciousness changes and brain rewiring that occur when taking psychedelic substances and those caused by drumming.

    Personal Experiences

    • I’ve noticed that drumming affects my brain profoundly in a positive way. When listening to Jeff Strong’s drumming tracks designed to aid focus, I sometimes feel sensations in my brain similar to when I’ve taken ADHD medication.
    • Recently, I started a practice of drumming for a few minutes at the beginning and end of each day. After a couple of weeks, I began noticing negative, previously unconscious, and unhelpful thought patterns, allowing me to interrupt and replace them with more helpful ones easily. I experienced a similar effect when I started microdosing mushrooms a couple of years ago.

    Connections to Other Disciplines

    Jeff Strong’s Insights

    • I recently started Jeff Strong‘s course, “Beyond Shamanism.” Jeff is an American drummer with ADHD who has been using the drum in healing and therapeutic ways since the 1990s, developing drumming tracks to change moods and aid focus.
    • Jeff explains that most cultures use percussion to change consciousness and enter trance-like states, while the few that didn’t develop percussion used psychedelic plants instead. Traditionally, only about 10% of cultures used psychedelics, while 90% used percussion.

    I want to explain how drumming changes consciousness and why I believe it to be superior to psychedelics. But before I do that I need to briefly explain how our brains oscillate between states of consciousness.

    Altered States of Consciousness

    Consciousness exists on a spectrum, ranging from ordinary waking state to deep sleep, with various altered states in between. Brain waves oscillate between different states: delta, theta, alpha, beta, and gamma: 

    1. Delta Waves (0.1-4 Hz): The slowest brainwaves, associated with deep, dreamless sleep and unconscious states. They are important for healing and revitalisation
    2. Theta Waves (4-8 Hz): These are Present during light sleep, meditation, and deep relaxation. They are linked to intuition, creativity, and access to the subconscious mind. They can induce a trance-like state
    3. Alpha Waves (8-13 Hz): These occur during relaxed wakefulness and light meditation. They are associated with feeling calm, yet alert and focused. They facilitate mind-body integration and reduce stress
    4. Beta Waves (13-30 Hz): These are dominant during normal waking consciousness and active thinking. High levels of beta waves are linked to anxiety, stress, and restlessness. Low levels are ideal for focused mental activity
    5. Gamma Waves (30+ Hz): The highest frequency brainwaves. They are associated with heightened perception, consciousness, and information processing. They are linked to learning, memory formation, and cognitive functioning

    The Neuroscience of Drumming

    Parallels Between Drumming and Psychedelics

    • Both drumming and psychedelic substances have the potential to induce altered states of consciousness and facilitate neuroplasticity.
    • Psychedelics work by interacting with specific receptors in the brain, leading to profound shifts in consciousness, introspection, and sensory perceptions.

    Differences Between Drumming and Psychedelics

    • Mode of Action: Psychedelics induce effects through direct chemical interactions with brain receptors, while drumming works through rhythmic stimulation of the auditory system and its impact on brain wave patterns.
    • Control and Regulation: Drumming allows for the ability to control and regulate the depth of the altered state by adjusting rhythm, tempo, and volume, or stopping entirely. Psychedelic experiences, once initiated, can be more challenging to control or terminate.
    • Legal Considerations: The use of psychedelic substances is generally illegal, while drumming is a widely accepted and legal practice across cultures.
    • Access and cost: Accessing psychedelics can be complex and expensive due to legal ramifications, while drumming tracks are widely available for free, and drums can be inexpensive.
    • Integration and aftereffects: Psychedelic experiences can be intense and overwhelming, requiring careful integration and processing. Drumming, being a more gradual and controlled process, allows for smoother integration of insights and experiences into daily life.
    • Building new skills: With psychedelics you always need the substance to enter the altered state of consciousness. With drumming, over time you build the skills to be able to enter that state at will, building the skills like you build a muscle, and eventually you can even do it without the help of the drum (in that state, however, the drum usually helps you go deeper)

    In conclusion, while drumming and psychedelics share the potential for inducing altered states and facilitating neuroplasticity, drumming offers distinct advantages as a legal, culturally accepted, and more controllable means of accessing altered states. Drumming potentially provides a safer and more accessible avenue for personal growth, therapeutic benefits, and expanded awareness.

    If you would like to try for yourself how drumming can alter your state of consciousness, a simple way to start is to do a drum journey, which is a guided meditation with the drum. Many of my students report more success doing this than with meditation, because the sound entrainment requires no effort. There are several drum journeys available on my Youtube Channel.

    I would be curious to hear about your experiences, feel free to comment below.

  • A drum journey to meet the spirit of Beltane

    A drum journey to meet the spirit of Beltane

    Today is Beltane.

    In Celtic traditions, we used to celebrate 8 festivals during the year: the 2 equinoxes, the 2 solstices and the 4 times in between.

    1. Samhain (Oct 31st) – This marks the Celtic New Year and is considered the most important festival. It’s a time to honour the dead and the start of the dark half of the year.
    2. Winter Solstice (Around Dec 21st) – Celebrates the rebirth of the Sun as the days begin growing longer again after the longest night.
    3. Imbolc (Feb 1st) – An early spring festival associated with the first signs of spring and lactating ewes. Celebrates the returning fertility of the earth.
    4. Spring Equinox (Around Mar 21st) – Marking the beginning of the fertile spring season when day and night are equal lengths.
    5. Beltane (May 1st) – A celebration of the full bloom of spring and the fertility of the earth. Traditions include bonfires and May pole dances.
    6. Summer Solstice (Around June 21st) – Celebrating the longest day of the year and the power of the life-giving sun.
    7. Lughnasadh (Aug 1st) – The first of the three autumn harvest festivals, marking the beginning of the harvest season.
    8. Autumn Equinox (Around Sept 21st) – The second harvest festival, signalling the start of autumn when day and night are again equal.

    These eight festivals formed the basis of the ancient Celtic calendar system and marked the key points in the agricultural year.

    Beltane marks the middle of Spring, and the beginning of summer energy. It stands opposite to Samhain. Celebrated around May 1st (when the Hawthorn blossoms), it honours the return of life and fertility to the world as the Earth awakens with warmth and light after the winter months. Beltane festivities traditionally involve lighting bonfires, dancing around a Maypole, Music (and drumming), choosing a May Queen and May King for the year, and feasting in joyous celebration of spring’s renewal.  It signifies the transition into the season of new growth, recognizing the cyclical rhythms of the natural world.  Beltane carries a spirit of merriment, passion, and connection to the bountiful Earth.

    Beltane fires burning bright

    Spring returns with warmth and light

    Hawthorn flowers in full bloom

    Dancers spin to drummers’ tune.

    Over the last year I have carried the energy of Beltane and embodied the divine feminine as I was crowned May Queen at Beltane in 2023. Over the last year I have co-crafted each and everyone of the wheel of the year for my community and held the ceremonies. This has given me a deep attunement to the changing energies of the seasons, a moment to pause and appreciate this, and to serve my community. This means that, for the first time in my 53 years on this earth, I have not dreaded winter, but welcomed its going-within wisdom.

    Last weekend we celebrated Beltane again and I laid down my crown, in a very powerful and profound ritual death and rebirth ceremony, where I received guidance from the earth about how to bring more peace to my heart.

    On this day of Beltane, I feel called to offer a guided drum journey to meet the spirit of Beltane, one where we can ask questions and gain wisdom about the energies of this time of the year.

    Through the pulse of the drum, we reconnect with ancestral wisdom celebrating Beltane – the transformation of spring’s rebirth. This festival reminds us of the eternal cycle – life emerging from winter’s sleep, embodying nature’s regenerative power, and cycles of death and rebirth.

    Join this drum journey honouring Beltane. Let the rhythms awaken our inner wildness, clearing stagnation as spring energy rises. Harness Beltane’s fertile energy to manifest visions, and birth the blossoming goddess within. 

    Just set aside 15 min where you can relax sitting or lying down, and enjoy.

    If you take this journey I would love to hear what you think. Just comment below.

    Play

  • Is impostor syndrome stopping you from sharing your gifts with the world?

    Is impostor syndrome stopping you from sharing your gifts with the world?

    Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. The term was coined in 1978 by psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes, in an article called The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.

    The article includes this paragraph:

    “ Despite their earned degrees, scholastic honors, high achievement on standardized tests, praise and professional recognition from colleagues and respected authorities, these women do not experience an internal sense of success. They consider themselves to be “impostors.” Women who experience the impostor phenomenon maintain a strong belief that they are not intelligent; in fact they are convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.”

    And this:

    “Women who exhibit the impostor phenomenon do not fall into any one diagnostic category. The clinical symptoms most frequently reported are generalized anxiety, lack of self confidence, depression, and frustration related to inability to meet self-imposed standards of achievement.”

    While it’s not an official medical diagnosis term, dictionaries define impostor syndrome as a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalise their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.

    Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as follow:

    “The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”

    In essence, impostor syndrome involves feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, and fraudulence despite external proof of one’s competence. 

    How I see it manifest in my field of work

     

    Because I have spent the last 13 years working in the perinatal field, as an antenatal teacher, babywearing instructor, doula, doula mentor, healer, therapist, and teacher, I have encountered hundreds of women in this field who experience impostor syndrome.

    In fact I’d go as far as saying that the majority of women I have worked with have issues with this, and that it’s rare and refreshing to encounter someone who doesn’t. And that the rare men I have trained never seemed to have this issue.

    I remember at the end of a postnatal recovery massage training, where a female student asked me if it was OK to charge for this work. In the course there was a male massage therapist and he was utterly surprised that she asked this question, and reframed it in a very helpful manner for her.

    I see beautiful, deeply caring professional women who are incredibly nurturing and massively over deliver what they do for their clients, and yet are held back by unconscious impostor syndrome. I see it manifest in the following ways:

    • Doubting their expertise. Despite having the necessary qualifications, training, and experience, women in these professions often doubt their knowledge and expertise, constantly questioning their abilities.
    • Overpreparation and overworking: to compensate for their perceived inadequacies, they spend excessive time preparing for sessions, classes, or appointments, constantly seeking more training or certifications, or working longer hours than necessary.
    • Not being able to charge enough for their services. Feeling that they need to over justify how much they ask for their time. Feeling embarrassed about asking for money.
    • Reluctance to offer services: they may avoid taking on new projects or offer new services due to self-doubt and a fear of failure, or feeling that they do not know enough yet.
    • Fear of being exposed as a “fraud”: They have a constant worry or fear that others will discover they are not as competent or knowledgeable as they are perceived to be.
    • Minimising accomplishments. Downplaying or dismissing positive feedback, compliments, or recognition from clients, students, or colleagues, believing they don’t deserve the praise, or dismissing the praise and focusing only on their perceived lack.

    What saddens me is that it prevents wonderful women from thriving in their work and feeling good about themselves, despite over delivering on everything they do. It also often prevents them from sharing their gifts with the world.

    My personal experience & how I overcame it

     

    I experienced impostor syndrome even when I was still an employed research scientist, especially when I moved from the field of academic research into the biotech industry. I have shared about this in the past here.

    But I experienced it much more deeply when I became self-employed, especially because I often pioneered services that did not exist in the UK yet, for example when I became a babywearing instructor. I’ve noticed it’s often harder for women to justify charging for something that society has no frame of reference for. Nobody would dream of asking say a hairdresser or massage therapist to work for free, but with the modalities I teach, because they aren’t well known, it’s harder for it to feel “normal” and therefore justify prices.

    Over the last 12 years I have managed to bring my impostor syndrome into consciousness, and from something that held me back in my offerings, into something I recognise and can tame, and which no longer prevents me from sharing my gifts with the world.

    For example, the first time I offered an online course, back in 2018, and 115 people signed up, I had a panic attack over it, because I hadn’t expected that many people to signup. I was crippled with worry that people wouldn’t like the course. This was especially ridiculous because I’d only asked for £20 from people as a group of early adopters to help me build the course. But the unexpected signups really shook me.

    6 years down the line I have created 6 online courses, totalling over 800 students in over 30 different countries. I also feel confident enough now to create the course from scratch with my group of students when I offer a new course. This was unthinkable for me only 3 years ago.

    It doesn’t mean that I don’t encounter uncomfortable feelings around this, I still do, especially when I’m offering something completely new. For example as I write this I’m getting ready to do a drum journey at a midwifery conference, and it sure elicits some mild anxiety about how it will be received, because this is outside of my normal experience. Last year I delivered a talk about the science of drumming to a conference of 150 women drummers, and felt totally in my power, because I knew that my talk would only elicit excitement. Here, I know I’m going to stretch people’s beliefs. However, I see the feelings as they arise, I name them, and I can tap into past experiences of overcoming them to reassure me. Plus I plan to deeply challenge the negative biases as part of my talk and drum experience. Bottom line is: the impostor monster can still rise (bigger growth = bigger monsters), but I can see it right for what it is and tame it.

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.” Marianne Williamson

     

    I feel called to help other women overcome their impostor syndrome.

    It’s a process of self reflection and bringing it into consciousness which is easy to follow. It includes:

    • Understanding the root causes and manifestations of impostor syndrome
    • Understanding impostor fears and what they are trying to protect you from
    • Identifying and shining a light on these beliefs from a kindness perspective
    • Recognising and defusing impostor feelings as they arise
    • Cultivating self-acceptance and self-belief
    • Embracing your unique strengths and talents
    • Learning to reframe and celebrate your achievements

    If this is something you’d like to explore, I’m running an online workshop about it at the end of April, find out more here

    “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression.” Martha Graham.

  • Gently Easing Back into Work Mode: Self-Care Strategies After a Break

    Gently Easing Back into Work Mode: Self-Care Strategies After a Break

    Yesterday was my first day at work after deliberately taking the long Easter weekend off.

    Since I became self-employed 11 years ago I learnt the hard way (through a couple of very severe burnouts) that pacing myself and giving myself proper breaks from work was essential.

    I had a lovely, slow, quiet Easter weekend. I enjoyed slow leisurely mornings, I went swimming in the local river twice with a lovely group of people, I went on long walks with my dog, visited the car boot sale, met some lovely people who will look after my dog this summer, I made homemade pizza with my family and watched a funny movie, I binged watched a Netflix series with my son, did an easter egg hunt with my daughter, I read and listened to some books, I ate some yummy really dark chocolate. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. Slowing down and being led by what my heart and soul want to do is very replenishing. 

    Even though I love what I do, I always find the change of pace after coming back from a break, even one as short as this one, quite challenging. I don’t know if my ADHD brain contributes to this but I suspect it does, because what I notice is that I have resistance to getting back into work mode because my brain sees EVERYTHING that needs to be done, and wants to run away. My brain is trying hard to protect me from uncomfortable feelings, so the temptation to procrastinate is huge.

    What I’ve learnt over the years is that the way to avoid this is to ease myself back into work very gently and slowly. I’ve been writing about self-care as a solopreneur for over 8 years, you can read my first article about this here.

    When I come back from a 2 week long summer break especially, I plan to have at least 2 or 3 easy days to bring myself back into working mode gently. I wrote about this in this article. Here I had a shorter break so one day feels like enough.

    Because of the way resistance works, as soon as I give myself permission to take things slowly, my system relaxes, the resistance eases, and poof, as if by magic, I no longer feel the desire to avoid work.

    Another tactic that helps is to plan my return ahead of time, as in writing a list of everything I’ll need to do when I get back from my break, because I tend to forget. Being clear that nothing intense or extra challenging is taking place immediately when I’m back also helps avoid overwhelm.

    I hope this helps and if you have your own tips and ideas to ease yourself back into work mode, I’d love to hear them. Just comment below.

    Here’s a collection of other articles about self-care, gentleness and self-kindness I’ve written over the years:

  • The wisdom messenger podcast episode 9: An interview with Barbara Gail: Reclaiming the Rhythms of Life

    The wisdom messenger podcast episode 9: An interview with Barbara Gail: Reclaiming the Rhythms of Life

    In this Episode I interview Barbara Gail. Barbara Gail is a dancer, percussionist, and mentor in rhythm and hand-drum teaching. 

    As a visionary, and inspired by Layne Redmond’s Mob of Angels, she created Moonrise: Daughters of an Ancient Pulse and DrumRise! The Art of Women’s Drumming, where women experienced transformation through sisterhood, by sharing the drum with one another and in the greater community.  Women, Rhythm & Ritual and The Tambourine Path are recent incarnations of her ancient future wisdom teachings.  With her husband and partner in all things, Jeff Hanna, she’s co-owner of The Rhythm Inlet and The Ukulele Place music retail stores and teaching studios (which morphed in 2022). 

    Barbara’s been sharing the joys of rhythm and movement, hand-drumming and dance, in her award-winning programs full-time for 30 years, and has facilitated hundreds of groups and thousands of people, of all ages, abilities and challenges, in over 400 venues and in 13 states. She also teaches online.

    In this episode we have wide-ranging discussion covering various topics related to drumming, music, dance, education, cultural traditions, and empowering women. We explore the therapeutic benefits of participatory rhythm and movement practices across different cultures. We also discussed Sophie’s upcoming book project, share resources and wisdom from influential figures like Lane, and delved into the complexities of respectfully sharing cultural knowledge. Throughout our conversation, we exchange insights from our experiences and highlight the value of collaboration in drumming.

    Highlights include:

    • We discuss shared interests in education, dance, yoga, and various wisdom traditions focused on the transformative power of rhythm and movement practices.
    • We explore the origins and development of 5Rhythms dance, the importance of cultural exchange through playful learning, and the universal appeal of drumming across cultures.
    • We highlight the universality of participatory music and dance for connecting people, fostering community, while emphasising respect for cultural origins
    • We share experiences using drumming therapeutically to promote relaxation, release, self-awareness, facilitate multigenerational gatherings, and encourage cultural sensitivity.
    • We discuss the value of participatory drum circles, the significance of repetition in learning, and creating judgement-free spaces for expressive drumming and dancing.

    Can you listen to the episode on Spotify, Youtube, or Apple Podcast

    You can find Barbara at

  • A drum journey to meet the spirit of the Spring Equinox

    A drum journey to meet the spirit of the Spring Equinox

    Today is the Spring Equinox. One spiritual practice that has had a powerful transformative effect on me, and which I have not shared about in detail in this blog before, has been to become involved in wheel of the year ceremonies.

    In Celtic traditions, we used to celebrate 8 festivals during the year: the 2 equinoxes, the 2 solstices and the 4 times in between.

    1. Samhain (Oct 31st) – This marks the Celtic New Year and is considered the most important festival. It’s a time to honour the dead and the start of the dark half of the year.
    2. Winter Solstice (Around Dec 21st) – Celebrates the rebirth of the Sun as the days begin growing longer again after the longest night.
    3. Imbolc (Feb 1st) – An early spring festival associated with the first signs of spring. Celebrates the returning fertility of the earth.
    4. Spring Equinox (Around Mar 21st) – Marking the beginning of the fertile spring season when day and night are equal lengths.
    5. Beltane (May 1st) – A celebration of the full bloom of spring and the fertility of the earth. Traditions include bonfires and May pole dances.
    6. Summer Solstice (Around June 21st) – Celebrating the longest day of the year and the power of the life-giving sun.
    7. Lughnasadh (Aug 1st) – The first of the three autumn harvest festivals, marking the beginning of the harvest season.
    8. Autumn Equinox (Around Sept 21st) – The second harvest festival, signalling the start of autumn when day and night are again equal.

    These eight festivals formed the basis of the ancient Celtic calendar system and marked the key points in the agricultural year.

    Over the last 3 years I have progressed from first attending these ceremonies, to becoming involved in co-creating some of them, and finally over the last year as I was crowned May Queen for the year, being deeply involved in co-crafting and running each and every one of them. The gift this has given me is a deep attunement to the changing energies of the seasons, a moment to pause and reflect, set intentions, and to serve my community. This means that, for the first time in my 53 years on this earth, I have not dreaded winter, but welcomed its going-within wisdom.

    The Spring Equinox heralds in a season of renewal, rebirth, and balance. I used to believe that Spring was all about going forward, but now I know that it’s a dance in the balance: some days are warm, some cold, the energy seems to be going back and forth. The Spring Equinox invites us to embark on a sacred journey, where we can attune ourselves to the cosmic dance of light and dark, and tap into the primordial energies that give birth to new beginnings.

    So I feel called to offer a guided drum journey to meet the spirit of the Spring Equinox, one where we can ask questions and gain wisdom about the energies of this time of the year.

    Through the rhythmic pulse of the drum, we can connect with the ancient wisdom of our ancestors, who celebrated this celestial event as a time of profound transformation. The spring equinox reminds us of the eternal cycle of life, death, and regeneration, and empowers us to shed the layers of winter’s slumber and embrace the potential that lies within us.

    Drumbeats echo through the earth,

    Heralding the equinox’s birth.

    Balance shifts, light extends its stay,

    Ancient rhythms guide our way.

    Join me on this drum journey, as we honour the return of the light and harness the potent energies of the spring equinox to manifest our dreams, clear blockages, and awaken our inner goddess.

    If you take this journey I would love to hear what you think. Just comment below.

    Play

     

  • The Power of Persistence: Changing Illogical Rules within maternity care

    The Power of Persistence: Changing Illogical Rules within maternity care

    Twenty years or so ago, when I was swimming daily at my local public swimming pool, I managed to change the rules to allow the use of training fins.

    Prior to this, the pool had a blanket ban on the grounds of “safety”, whilst also allowing the use of hand paddles. Hand paddles are often made of hard plastic, and people use them ahead of them as they thrust forward, therefore they are, in my opinion, much more likely to cause a potential injury to another swimmer,  than short training fins, which are made of  soft silicone rubber, and trail behind a swimmer.

    Keen to start improving my swim training drills by using fins, I discussed it with one of the managers by the pool side and he agreed to change the rules. That’s all it took, and I guess that not many people who use fins to train in this pool know how it got changed.

    Fast forward to today: about a month ago I joined a new gym/pool place nearer to my home. I went in as a guest of a friend who is a member and used my fins without issues. I decided to join because the pool, though not as nice as the private gym I had been a member of for year, was nice enough, much closer to my home, and much cheaper.  It was only after I joined as a member that another lifeguard told me it wasn’t allowed, citing once again the safety risk. I challenged the rule’s logic as someone was swimming in the same lane using very large hand paddles. I explained the lack of logic in terms of risks. But this lifeguard was insistent that rules are rules, and was not interested in engaging in logical debate, even inventing reasons on the spot to justify the decision (something I’ve seen happen a lot in my work as a doula-more on that later).

    So I accepted that I would need to train without my beloved fins for now, since I had already joined this gym. However I also remembered my experience as the previous pool and knew that it was worth approaching the centre’s management. After all, I had nothing to lose by asking. I emailed the centre’s manager. Contrary to my 20 years ago self, I had grown in knowing that kindness often works better than bluntly pointing out the lack of logic in the rule. Instead, I expressed my surprise, explaining that I have been swimming for over 25 years in 6 different pools in Cambridge and that they all allow short fins. I also pointed out that I fully understood that not allowing the longer scuba style fins made sense in terms of safety (giving people a chance to see that I’m reasonable), but that I could not see the danger of the type of fins I used. I also made sure not to mention the hand paddles as the last thing I wanted was for them to ban them too.

    Amazingly, the manager replied to me within a couple of days, agreeing with me and telling me that they’d  changed the rules. This morning I took great delight in bringing my fins to the pool. The delight went further than the fins themselves. I felt proud that I’d managed to change a rule that made no sense. This also felt doubly important because the gym in question is part of my local hospital, the one in which I attended births and MVP meetings during my 10 years as a doula. I knew from experience that hospitals tend to be sticklers for rules.

    Beyond the fin story, what I feel proud about and why I am sharing this, is that it take not take much to change the rules, and it has benefitted many people. It only takes one person to change silly rules that would otherwise remain. I’m allergic to rules that do not serve humanity and have no joined-up logic behind them. I’d like to encourage you to do the same.

    During my ten years as a doula, I also learnt that there are techniques that work better than other when trying to change rules, in order to avoid being met by the typical responde of “I’m obligated to operate within the boundaries set by the existing rules”. Here’s what I’ve learnt from trying to change rules in my local maternity hospital:

    • Find a champion

    It’s much easier to change things if you can find someone who works within the system, and who shares your vision for change. This is how I got to train the NICU nurses in learning to use baby carriers, after banging my head against the system for years. The same happened when an NHS trust hired me to train their midwives in using rebozo techniques for labour.

    • Use competitive pressure

    What helped me convince my local hospital to allow partners to stay overnight in the induction and postnatal wards, after banging my head against it without success, was mentioning the number of other hospitals nearby who were already doing it.

    • Stretch their minds

    When the subject of cord ties was brought up in an patient advocacy meeting, because doula clients were often meet with plain refusal (by people misunderstanding that guidelines are not the law, and always choosing to abide by “the rules”),  most of the staff looked like we were crazy. I realised that they needed to stretch their minds a bit more, so I said “and have you heard of cord burning” then spent a few minutes explaining what it was. After that they seem to think that the cord wasn’t so crazy after all. In the same way I have sometimes encouraged clients to ask for something outrageous that they had no intention of actually doing in their birth plan, in order to appear to be negotiating down. I’ll never forget the expression on the face of the consultant when my VBAC client, pregnant with twins, told him she was thinking of having them at home.

    • Call their bluff

    I have helped several doula clients get offered something they were told was not possible this way. I was granted access inside the hospital with a repeat birth client despite lockdown restrictions only allowing one birth partner, by my client writing to them that she’d stay at home instead of going to the birth centre if I wasn’t allowed in. I also had a client 43 weeks pregnant gain access to the birth centre by using the same strategy.

    • Pretend to follow the rules

    I’ve found that if a pregnant woman says something like “If I haven’t had the baby by x date I’ll have a caesarean” instantly removed the pressure of induction of labour. It doesn’t mean that you cannot change your mind again should said date comes and goes….

    I haven’t always been successful. On one occasion my attempt at changing the rules backfired. I was trying to encourage the hospital to change the illogical rule that only allows one partner inside the theatre. No doula was ever allowed in with her client and their partner (this rule was only bent once by a couple who were so assertive that they told staff they wouldn’t go in without me), and they used ridiculous claims of “lack of space” (whilst allowing in students and private phlebotomists from cord banking companies), or “safety of mother and baby” (how exactly would a doula compromise this?). When I look back I could have gone about it in a more clever way (citing other hospitals doing it, and asking staff for the best person to talk to), and my discussions with the head of the delivery unit and the consultant anaesthetist resulted in not only no change to the rules, but a memo being circulated reminding everyone of the rule.

    It always baffles me when people follow rules without questioning them, or wondering if they are based on solid evidence, and simply do as they are told. I guess questioning things and tenacity are my blood. I also have a very strong sense of justice and deep aversion to rules that do not serve humanity or make no sense.  I really like to support others in doing the same.

    With persistence, kindness and strategic approaches, we can all be change agents – questioning unreasonable rules and advocating for what makes sense and serves humanity.

    Does this resonate? Have you successfully changed rules, or banged your head against systems that refuse to change? Please comment below.

  • The wisdom messenger podcast episode 8: An interview with Melonie Syrett : Drums – gateways to the heart and soul

    The wisdom messenger podcast episode 8: An interview with Melonie Syrett : Drums – gateways to the heart and soul

    In this Episode I interview Melonie Syrett. Melonie, known as The Drum Woman, creates commissioned and channelled drums, leads drum circles and conventions, holds drum birthing workshops and retreats, teaches facilitator training, and guides drum-based sacred site expeditions. 

    In this episode, we explore the transformative power of drumming for empowerment and self-expression, particularly for women. Melonie shares her inspirational journey from teaching to professional drum-making and facilitating. We delve into Melonie’s perspectives on drum circles as judgment-free spaces for presence, community, and personal growth. 

    Melonie, known as The drum woman, was called to drumming in 2012. Though she didn’t realise it then, the drums came into her life to create positive change for herself and others. She left her career as a primary school teacher in 2017 to fully embrace the path of drumming she felt drawn to. Now Melonie creates commissioned and channelled drums, leads drum circles and conventions, holds drum birthing workshops and retreats, teaches facilitator training, and guides drum-based sacred site expeditions. 

    We have a wide-ranging conversation about the significance of drumming, especially for female empowerment and self-expression. We discuss Melonie’s journey from teaching to becoming a full-time drum maker, facilitator and organiser of drumming events. The challenges of career transitions were explored, as well as the importance of balancing work with menstrual cycles. They talked about Melonie’s experiences organising a major women’s drumming convention and her plans for more events. The transformative power of drum circles was emphasised as a space for judgement-free self-expression and personal growth.

    Highlights Include

    • Melonie share her journey from teaching to professional drumming, making her own drums, and organising drumming events.
    • We discuss the challenges faced when transitioning from teaching careers to new opportunities.
    • Melonie finds scheduling work around her menstrual cycle improves productivity and wellbeing.
    • How organising a 150-person women’s drumming convention was daunting financially but created an incredible community spirit.
    • How drum circles offer a powerful space for self-expression, presence, and personal transformation.

    Can you listen to the episode on Spotify, Youtube, or Apple Podcast

    You can find Melonie at