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Sophie Messager

Author: Sophie Messager

  • The Midlife Breakthrough: How I Tamed Overwhelm and Found My Calm (And How You Can Too)

    The Midlife Breakthrough: How I Tamed Overwhelm and Found My Calm (And How You Can Too)

    As a midlife holistic practitioner and mother, I’ve spent the last 6-7 years on a transformative journey from constant overwhelm to inner peace. Through my recent research interviews and personal experiences, I’ve uncovered valuable insights into the challenges faced by women struggling with overwhelm. In this blog post, I’ll share my story, the lessons I’ve learned, and practical strategies for regaining balance in our hectic lives.

    The Research: Common Threads of Overwhelm

    Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been carrying out research interviews in order to gather knowledge about what women need when experiencing overwhelm.

    I offered these interviews to prepare for my upcoming group programme to help mid life holistic practitioners who feel they never have enough time to regain a sense of peace inside.

    There have been very interesting themes emerging from these interviews. Some that I expected, like undiagnosed or suspected neurodivergence, perfectionism, unkind judgement of oneself,  trying to “work harder” out of overwhelm, guilt, a deep resistance to rest.  Some have been more surprising, like loneliness., which of course makes sense because we cannot regulate in isolation.

    The overarching theme is one of being unable to see a way forward (not surprising because overwhelm equal nervous system dysregulation, a state in which we have no access to rational thinking and creativity), and trying to “fix” the problem from the outside in (for example buying many “magic diaries” which promise to fix all your problems-except they don’t work and contribute to deeper feelings of inadequacy).

    I decided to offer this program because overcoming overwhelm has been the biggest journey I’ve been on over the last 6 to 7 years. If you want to read examples of how overwhelmed I used to be, read this article. I’m in a different place now, and feel such deep compassion for these women, as they are where I was, and cannot see a way out. I remember this well, because when in this state there is a sense of desperation to try and get out of the state (which leads to searching for helpful quick fixes).

    A Day in the Life: Navigating Unexpected Disruptions

    The last few months I have experienced a sense of deep spaciousness inside I had never experienced before in my life. But I noticed that it’s easy to become complacent and think you’ve sorted all your shit for good. It does not work this way-maintaining this balance, especially with a very sensitive nervous system like mine, requires constant attention. 

    Because I’ve felt so much better, I dropped some of the support practises I’ve given myself. But my body has been reminding me in loud ways that I need to care for it and be gentle, and not ask for too much all the time.

    This morning there was a stark reminder of the fragility of the balance I’ve built. I went for my morning run with my dog, and when I came back I realised that my daughter hadn’t woken up. She gets picked up by a taxi earlier than before the summer because her school has moved to a new location further away. So I had to gently wake her up, and remind her to try and be quick without stressing her, a delicate balancing act. 

    As we were getting washed in the same bathroom, I realised that my son hadn’t gotten up either. Both of my teenage children are autistic and easily dysregulated too. My son was having a hard time getting up so I spent some time listening to him-sharing feelings of burnout, so early in the school year. This took a while, as the best way to help him re-regulate is to just listen. 

    When he finally got up I went to the kitchen, fed the dog and made myself a cup of coffee. By then I realised that the doubly unexpected disruption to my morning routine had resulted in my feeling dysregulated, leading to the tell-tale signs of feeling mild overwhelm as I busied myself in the kitchen. 

    Knowing that both kids were also off centre, I made them smoothies because small acts of kindness like this make them feel cared for and supported. As I finally sat down to drink my coffee, looking forward to a few minutes of quiet, my son came down, and needed me to listen to his feelings of struggle. I made the time and space inside even though I felt that I needed some quiet time myself. 

    Half way through his sharing, there was a commotion in the next room: my daughter had just spilled her drink all over the floor. I had to stop listening to my son, and help her clean up. Unsurprisingly, by the time they’d both left, I felt dysregulated and overwhelmed myself.

    As I sat at my desk a bit later, I noticed the familiar feeling of procrastination-a sure sign of dysregulation for me. So instead of trying to force myself to work like I used to do, I set a 5 min timer and drummed. I ended up drumming for more than 5 min, and whilst doing so, the idea of writing this blog came up.

    Writing helps me understand myself better, it soothes my soul. It has the added advantage of helping others who read my writing too, which is something I love doing.

    PS: as I finish writing this a couple of hours later, my daughter called saying she’s got toothache. The big difference I notice, having re-regulated myself, is that I’m not thrown by this. I got her an emergency appointment and I’m ok with this bigger second unexpected spanner in the works in my schedule…despite the fact that it’s going to be challenging to fit it in between walking the dog and taking her to the autism social group later this afternoon. This is the power of a regulated nervous system.

    Transformative Strategies: Shifting from Overwhelm to Self-Compassion

    • The Pitfalls of “Working Harder” to Overcome Overwhelm:

    Working harder and hoping you’ll give yourself the gift of rest when you have done everything on your to-do list. Not only does this not work, it actually adds to the feeling of overwhelm. Guess what, your to-do list will NEVER be complete. It is not a way to live.

    • Radical Self-Care: The Non-Negotiable First Step

    If you want to experience more spaciousness in your life, you need to actually give your fried nervous system a chance to actually experience spaciousness. So the top tip is to start putting radical self care tasks as the first task on your to-do list, as a non negotiable rule.

    For me this started with taking walks in nature during my “working time”, and eventually progressed to year round wild swimming. The last 3 or 4 years, these self care tasks are always been the first thing in my diary.

    • Recognizing and Addressing Nervous System Dysregulation

    Learn to notice when you are dysregulated. This can be hard because many of us sensitives can struggle with disconnection from what’s happening in our bodies, and if we’ve been living in this state for a long time, it’s hard to notice what not being overwhelmed feels like. Read the 10 signs of a dysregulated nervous system here.

    Every time you notice signs of dysregulation, make it a priority to spend a few minutes re-regulating yourself. I’ve added a list below

    • Reframing Self-Judgment: Cultivating a Kinder Inner Voice

    Notice every time you are judging yourself, about all the things you aren’t doing, especially when feeling low. Practise reframing this into a kinder inner voice. You may want to meditate, journal or doodle on it. This only needs to take a few minutes. Little and often is the key.

    • Celebrating Progress: The Power of the Ta-Da List

    Write a ta-da list each week. My brain used to only focus on what I wasn’t doing, and forgot all the hard work, only reminding me of all the stuff I had not done. Writing such a list (put 5 min on a timer and write all the things you’ve done that week-I do this looking at my diary because I still forget. This has slowly rewired my brain.

    Quick Fixes for a Dysregulated Nervous System:

    They need to be fast because, in my experience, when dysregulated we rarely have the bandwidth, spoons or energy of doing something that takes 20 min.

    • Quick and effective breathing exercise from Huberman lab
      • Try the Physiological sigh: inhale, then take another sharp inhale on top, then exhale slowly. 3 breaths usually start to make a difference
    • Cold Water Exposure
      • Splash cold water or place a cold cloth on your face or neck, take a cold shower, dip into cold water, or an ice bath if available
    • Grounding Techniques
      • Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste
      • Put your bare feet for 5 min on the grass or earth
    • Progressive Muscle Relaxation
      • Tense and then relax each muscle group in your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head
    • Rhythmic Movement
      • Engage in repetitive, rhythmic activities like walking, lifting your heels up and down, rocking, or swaying your hips
    • Humming or Chanting
      • Use deep, low-pitched sounds to stimulate the vagus nerve
    • Sensory Engagement
      • Sniff or diffuse a blend of calming essential oils (I like Neal’s yard meditation. The vetiver in it is known to help ADHD brains focus)
      • Hold and focus on a textured object
    • Quick movement exercises
      • Put in some music you love and dance for a few minutes
      • Yoga poses like child’s pose or forward fold
    • Mindfulness
      • Do a brief body scan meditation, noticing where you hold tension and actively releasing it.

    Conclusion

    The journey from overwhelm to inner peace is not a straight one, but a meandering path, and a continuous practice of self-awareness, compassion, and intentional care. Maintaining balance requires constant attention, especially for those of us with sensitive nervous systems. By prioritising self-care, recognizing signs of dysregulation, and employing quick re-regulation techniques, we can start to create more spaciousness in our lives and rediscover our inner calm.

    Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle. Many midlife women face similar challenges, and there is a way forward. By sharing our experiences and supporting each other, we can support each other to find our path to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

    If you’re interested in hearing more about my upcoming group programme about overcoming overwhelm, send me an email at sophie@sophiemessager.com, to join the mailing list and be the first to know when the program launches around November.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts about this, whether you resonate with my experience, and what helps you.

  • The Art of Mindful Re-entry: How I Mastered the Post-Holiday Work Transition

    The Art of Mindful Re-entry: How I Mastered the Post-Holiday Work Transition

    Have you ever felt that post-holiday dread, where the thought of diving back into work feels overwhelming? For years, I struggled with this transition, but I’ve finally cracked a way to have a smooth, stress-free return. In this article, I share my journey from frantic catch-up to mindful re-entry, and how you can transform your post-holiday experience into a gentle, productive glide back into work life.

    The Importance of Real Breaks

    Monday was my first day at work after spending 3 weeks in the South of France in August. I did not do much work at all on Monday, and very little on Tuesday, only starting to slowly get back into a normal routine by Wednesday and Thursday.This is a process I have been working on for about 3 years. This is the first where I feel that I’m finally truly embracing it. Since I became self-employed 11 years ago I learnt the hard way that giving myself real breaks from work was essential, and that removing pressure upon return was also essential.

    My Holiday Experience

    This year, truly clocking off during my holiday was made easier by the fact that 1) I no longer have on-call doula clients to check up on (Last year I was still supporting a friend through birth-despite no longer officially working at a doula since 2022). 2) I have learnt to create passive income from my online courses (this includes pre-planning for a lower income on holiday months by running promotions on my courses ahead of time), 3) for the first time since I started working for myself in 2013, I have a VA (thanks to my Access to Work grant), and she took care of purchases/clients whilst I was away.

    I had a lovely, slow, relaxing time in France. Lots of leisurely mornings, swimming in lakes and the sea. Longer coffee and pain au chocolat breakfast whilst enjoying a sea view. I caught up with my family. I ate gorgeous food. I read books. I drummed and I wrote songs. I binged watched a Netflix series. I played games. I went out for meals, and to visit new places, including a gorgeous magical natural fountain in the Aude region.

    Slowing down and being led by what my heart and soul want to do is very replenishing. This was doubly meaningful this time, as I had been working hard to meet my new drumming book deadline for several weeks, and handed over the manuscript to the publisher the day before my holiday.

    The Challenge of Returning to Work

    Even though I love my work, I always find the change of pace after coming back from a break, especially one as long as this one, challenging

    In the past, I used to try to get myself back into work mode instantly, and berated myself inwardly when I couldn’t. What used to happen is that I internally flogged myself and not only did this not work, but it added pressure, stress, and a double layer of negative mindset to an already challenging time. 

    My Evolved Approach to Re-entry

    Now, I purposefully plan at least 2 or 3 days of slow re-entry. I plan my return ahead of time, writing a list of everything I’ll need to do when I get back from my break, because I tend to forget. Being clear that nothing intense or extra challenging is taking place immediately when I’m back also helps avoid overwhelm. 

    The first day, all I’m asking myself to do is planning what needs to be done. I remove all pressure. Then I slowly increase the amount of work whilst carefully gauging whether I’m OK doing this amount yet. Instead of berating myself, I have a gentle conversation with myself, reminding myself that taking it slow is the wise way to go about it.

    Because of the way resistance works, as soon as I give myself permission to take things slowly, my nervous system relaxes out of fight and flight, the resistance eases, and poof, as if by magic, I no longer feel the desire to avoid work. It’s like reverse psychology.

    Tips for a Smooth Transition

    I’ve been writing about self-care as a solopreneur for over 8 years, you can read my first article about this here.

    Here’s a collection of other articles about self-care, gentleness and self-kindness I’ve written over the years:

    Key Takeaways:

    • Recognise the importance of real breaks from work, especially for if you are self-employed
    • Plan for lower income during holiday months by creating passive income streams
    • Delegate tasks when possible (e.g., hiring a VA) to truly disconnect during time off
    • Allow yourself a slow, gradual re-entry to work after a vacation
    • Plan your return ahead of time, listing tasks to avoid forgetting important items
    • Start with a day of just planning, removing all pressure to accomplish tasks
    • Slowly increase workload while gauging your readiness and energy levels
    • Replace self-criticism with gentle self-talk and understanding
    • Remember that a mindful, gradual return often leads to better productivity in the long run
    • Continue to refine your re-entry process based on what works best for you

    Conclusion

    Embracing a slow, intentional return to work isn’t just about easing stress—it’s about honouring the restoration you’ve gained from your time off. By giving yourself permission to ease back in gently, you’re likely to find yourself more productive and centred. Remember, it’s not about how quickly you can jump back in, but how wisely you can transition. 

    So the next time you return from a break, try this approach. Your future self will thank you for your kindness and wisdom. 

    What strategies do you use to make your return to work smoother? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

  • Closing the Bones Ritual: A Polyvagal Approach to Healing Trauma

    Closing the Bones Ritual: A Polyvagal Approach to Healing Trauma

    The ancient ritual of closing the bones offers a powerful approach to healing trauma that aligns remarkably well with modern understanding of the nervous system, particularly polyvagal theory. 

    This ritual, traditionally used for postpartum recovery, has broader applications in addressing various forms of trauma and supporting nervous system regulation.

    What is closing the bones?

    Closing the bones is a traditional postpartum massage ritual. It is mostly known for its Mexican and South American roots, but versions of it exist (or used to exist) on all continents (including in Europe).

    A closing the bones ritual involves the rocking of the body using scarves, a deep massage of the abdomen (and sometimes the whole body), and a sequence of tightening scarves around the body.  Some traditions also add a steam bath or sweat lodge. I use drumming in my rituals as well.

    A closing the bones massage supports healing

    • Physically, by providing movement in the joints, muscles, tissues and fluids.
    • Emotionally, by providing space to rest, be witnessed and held safely, as well as for emotions to be honoured and released.
    • Spiritually, by providing closure, a space to let go of what was, and bringing energy back to the person receiving it.

    Closing the bones and trauma through a polyvagal theory lens

    The polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our nervous system responds to stress and trauma. It describes three states: the ventral vagal (safe and social), sympathetic (fight or flight), and dorsal vagal (freeze or shutdown). Trauma often leaves individuals stuck in sympathetic arousal or dorsal vagal shutdown. 

    The closing the bones ritual provides a unique, body-based approach to gently guide the nervous system back to a state of safety and connection.

    Here’s how the ritual supports trauma healing through a polyvagal lens:

    • It creates a sense of safety. The ritual environment, with its gentle touch, rhythmic movements, and nurturing presence, helps activate the ventral vagal state. This allows the nervous system to remember what it feels like to be safe, a crucial first step in trauma healing.
    • It provides rhythmic stimulation. The rocking movements used in the ritual provide rhythmic stimulation, which can help regulate the nervous system and bring it out of fight/flight or freeze states. Think about how rocking soothes a baby.
    • It provides deep pressure. The use of scarves to apply pressure around the body stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and countering the hyperarousal often associated with trauma.
    • It provides an opportunity for non-verbal processing. By focusing on bodily sensations rather than verbal recounting of traumatic experiences, the ritual allows for processing trauma without risking re-traumatization.
    • It provides interoception. The gentle massage and body awareness promoted in the ritual can enhance interoception – the sense of the body’s internal state. This is often disrupted in trauma and improving it is key to healing.
    • It offers an opportunity for social engagement. The presence of a supportive practitioner during the ritual activates the social engagement system, a key aspect of the ventral vagal state that promotes healing and connection.
    • It provides embodiment. The ritual’s focus on the body helps individuals reconnect with their physical selves, countering the dissociation often experienced in trauma.
    • It provides containment. The wrapping of the body provides a sense of containment, which can be particularly soothing for a dysregulated nervous system. Again, think about how swaddling helps many babies calm down.
    • It is also particularly helpful for neurodivergent people, who may experience heightened nervous system dysregulation. It provides a structured, predictable experience that can help regulate an overwhelmed system without relying on verbal processing.

    By incorporating elements that speak directly to the nervous system’s need for safety, rhythm, and connection, the closing the bones ritual offers a holistic approach to trauma healing. It provides a somatic experience that can guide individuals from states of hyperarousal or shutdown back to a state of calm and connection, supporting the integration of traumatic experiences.

    This body-based, non-verbal approach stands in contrast to traditional talk therapies, offering a complementary path to healing that honours the wisdom of the body and the intricate dance of our nervous system. 

    As we continue to understand the profound impact of trauma on both mind and body, rituals like closing the bones offer a bridge between ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience in the journey towards healing and wholeness.

    If you’d like to learn more, I have a masterclass on using closing the bones to heal trauma, and you can learn to offer this ritual in my online course.

  • Mugwort: The Ancient Herb for Women’s Wisdom, Birth, and Healing

    Mugwort: The Ancient Herb for Women’s Wisdom, Birth, and Healing

    In the hedgerows and wild spaces of the UK (and many other places in the world) grows a plant with a rich tapestry of history, healing, and mysticism. Mugwort, also known as Cronewort, has been a faithful companion to women for centuries, its very name whispering of wisdom and ancient power. This unassuming herb, with its silvery-green leaves and subtle fragrance, holds within it the legacy of Artemis, Greek goddess of the moon and protector of women. From supporting menstrual health to easing childbirth and navigating the tides of menopause, mugwort stands ready as a plant ally for women at every stage of life. 

    Join me as I explore the multifaceted world of mugwort – its medicinal properties, spiritual significance, and the timeless connection it offers to the cycles of nature and womanhood.

    Introduction

    I first developed a deep longing to work with mugwort whilst working as a doula, after I discovered the link between this herb and birth. I spent several weeks searching for it in my local area, without success (I was looking in the wrong places: Mugwort likes scrubby land). Then, as fate would have it, I found a large clump of it growing on a building site right in front of my local birth centre, on my way out from a beautiful birth. I gathered some, and started drinking mugwort tea, drying it, making dream pillows and smudge sticks with it.

    Mugwort was called the “mother of herbs” in the Middle Ages.

    “Mugwort possesses both natural and supernatural qualities. [It] excels as a women’s herb, easing the pain of labor, menstrual cramps, and effectively treating various uterine complaints.” Gai Stern

    From the Anglo-Saxon era, it was part of the nine herbs charm:

    “Remember Mugwort, what you foretold,

    What you revealed in the great proclamation.

    Una you were, the oldest of herbs

    Mightier than the three, Mightier than the thirty

    Mightier than sickness and infection

    And mightier than the dark shadow that roaves across the land.”

    What is Mugwort?

    Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) is a perennial herb native to Europe, Asia, and North Africa. It has been used for centuries in traditional medicine practices around the world. The leaves and stems are typically used in herbal preparations.

    The very name of mugwort whispers of its ancient power. Its latin name Artemisia (Artemisia Vulgaris) echoes the name of Artemis, the Greek goddess of the moon. Artemis was the protector of women, watching over them as they journeyed through life’s great transitions. From a girl’s first blood, to the intensity of childbirth, to the wisdom of the menopausal years, Artemis stood guard. And so does her herb, mugwort. This connection isn’t just coincidence – it’s a clue, written in the language of plants and stars, telling us how this humble herb can support women. Like the goddess herself, mugwort offers its gifts at each stage of a woman’s life. It’s a plant ally, ready to lend its strength during those powerful moments when a woman’s body and spirit are changing. 

    What is it used for?

    Mugwort has been studied and used for many years in traditional medicine. A review paper from 2020 and another from 2012 describe it to  have several health benefits:

    1. Protect cells from damage and help fight diseases caused by this damage.
    2. Lower cholesterol and fat levels in the blood.
    3. Protect the liver and reduce inflammation.
    4. Relax muscles in the gut and airways, potentially easing stomach issues and breathing problems.
    5. Provide pain relief.
    6. Reduce anxiety/affect brain chemicals in a way that may help with mood.
    7. Treat bladder problems, irregular periods, menopause symptoms, and issues with the nervous system.
    8. Shows potential in fighting bacteria, fungi, allergies, malaria, and worms in the gut.
    9. Mugwort is also considered a substitute for cannabis. When being smoked, it exhibits mild intoxicating properties and strong relaxing properties.

    Accounts from various herbalists also explain that it is used to treat menstrual problems and menstrual pain, as well as being used to induce labour, to treat the pain of labour contractions, and as an abortifacient. 

    Mugwort has been used topically to address fungal infections and inflammation of the skin. It can be applied as a tea, vinegar tincture, compress, or incorporated into salves.

    In traditional Chinese medicine mugwort is primarily used for moxibustion to stimulate blood flow and qi. Moxa sticks are made from dried mugwort leaves, tightly rolled into a cigar-like shape. The fluff present under Mugwort leaves gives it tinder fungus-like properties (when I tried to grind dried mugwort into powder to make biscuits, I got a very fluffy powder). Moxa sticks are used to apply heat to specific acupuncture points or areas of the body. The stick is lit and held near the skin, to warm the area. Using moxa sticks can stimulate circulation, promote healing, reduce pain and balance energy in the body.  To turn a breech baby, they are used on an acupuncture point on the little toe. Birth Workers are familiar with the term moxibustion, which is when a moxa stick is used to help turn a breech baby.  

    Mugwort was also used as a substitute for tea, which was too expensive for the working classes, in 19th century Cornwall. 

    The dried flowering plant was decocted with malt liquor and added to beer for flavour before the introduction of hops into beer-making at the end of the 15th century (Tobin 2011)

    Spiritual uses

    Mugwort is used to induce lucid dreaming, its effects on the nervous system extend beyond dreaming. Herbalist David Hoffman writes, “[Mugwort] has a mild nervine action, which also appears to be related to volatile oil content, that may help ease depression and tension.”. It is also said to increase intuition.

    In shamanistic cultures, it was used to facilitate communication with ancestors and the spirit world.

    Mugwort has long been a trusted ally in spiritual cleansing rituals, usually by burning bundles of the dried herbs and using it to cleanse someone or a space. The act of smudging isn’t just about clearing out stale energies – it’s an invitation for fresh, vibrant energy to flow in.

    Mugwort can be burned as incense or smoked to ease into deeper meditation or trance states.  When we sit in meditation with mugwort nearby, whether as a tea, a burning smudge stick, or simply a sprig in our hands, we’re tapping into the plant’s wisdom, helping to quiet the chatter of our minds and open doorways to our intuition.

    Mugwort can act as a bridge between our everyday selves and the realm of spirit. It doesn’t demand grand gestures or complex rituals. Instead, it offers its gifts simply and generously, helping us find that elusive sense of peace and connection we all yearn for. 

    How does it work?

    Mugwort contains many compounds, particularly monoterpenoids and sesquiterpenoids which can help relieve pain, reduce inflammation, and decrease anxiety. These compounds work by interacting with specific receptors in the body, affecting how we sense pain and heat. They can also reduce inflammation by influencing various processes in the body, such as the production of inflammatory substances. 

    Some flavonoids, which are another type of mugwort compound, are also mentioned as having anti-inflammatory properties. 

    How is it taken?

    Mugwort is commonly consumed or applied as a tea, tincture, compress, oil, infused wine, or infused oil. Some herbalists also use mugwort in smoke blends. 

    To make the tea, use a handful of fresh leaves or 1-2 teaspoons of dried herb per cup of boiling water. Sweeten if desired.

    Mugwort history, folklore and magic

    Mugwort was known as the witch’s herb. Historically, it was placed by the door of the local witch, healer, and midwife. 

    Mugwort is believed to have a strong connection to the spirit world and is often used to protect against negative energies and spirits.  The dried herb is burnt in bundles, known as smudge sticks, to clear spaces or people’s energy fields, and provide protection.

    According to this Art of the Root article, “Mugwort was integral to the ancient Greek understanding of lunar cycles, fertility, divination, and protection. The Romans similarly revered mugwort, with soldiers and travellers often placing it into their shoes for safety and to ward off exhaustion. The Chinese revered this herb for its perceived ability to repel malevolent spirits, prevent diseases, and bestow blessings in the home. The Anglo-Saxons, too, considered mugwort as one of the “Nine Sacred Herbs,” incorporating it into their healing charms and many other spiritual practices.”

    “…known to many as a herb of magic, cronewort allows us to live in several worlds at once, expanding and nourishing the habit of drawing our gaze before us to that which is visible, and behind us to that which is invisible. Regular use of cronewort in tea or extract strengthens our ability to absorb intuitive information as we preserve an aspect of sharpness in our interaction with the complex, topside world.”

    ​- Judith Berger, Herbal Rituals

    Mugwort was used during celebrations on St John’s day in both the UK and Europe (which corresponds to the Summer Solstice before Christianity renamed it).

    The name “fire herb” comes from a mediaeval tradition where mugwort was worn in rosaries during the Feast of St. John. It was believed that looking through sheaves of mugwort while wearing this rosary protected the eyes and general health for the coming year. Wearing mugwort was thought to provide protection from evil spirits, poison, water, fire, and all harm. People also hung mugwort in their homes.

    Mugwort had diverse uses, including prophetic rituals. For example, people used mugwort to predict the face of their future fiancé by passing a sprig of mugwort through the flames of the St. John’s fire. Additionally, mugwort infusion was used to purify crystal balls and facilitate divinations.

    In the 18th century, in Normandy, mugwort was used to dye wool in shades of “musk” and “olive.” However, this plant did not generate much interest among dyers, except for some uses in Northern Europe.

    When to avoid mugwort

    Avoid using it if you are:

    Pregnant. Mugwort has traditionally been used to stimulate uterine contractions.

    Trying to conceive or in early pregnancy. For the same reason as above.

    Allergic to plants in the Asteraceae family.

    Taking blood-thinning medication. Mugwort may have mild anticoagulant properties and is best avoided if you are on warfarin or similar medications.

    Prone to seizures. There is some evidence that thujone, a compound present in mugwort, may be contraindicated for people with epilepsy or seizure disorders.

    Breastfeeding. There is insufficient evidence on safety during breastfeeding, so caution is advised.

    Conclusion

    Mugwort embodies the intersection of the physical and spiritual realms. This humble herb, which grows quietly along roadsides and in forgotten corners, carries within it the wisdom of countless generations of women healers, midwives, and wise ones. Whether used as a healing tea, a protective charm, or a gateway to intuitive realms, mugwort continues to offer its gifts to those who seek them. 

    In reconnecting with this ancient ally, we not only tap into a wealth of potential health benefits but also rekindle our connection to the natural world and the cyclic wisdom of our bodies. As we face the challenges of modern life, perhaps it’s time to look again at the plants that grow around us, and to welcome the gentle, powerful magic of mugwort back into our lives and practices.

    “There is no herb that I know of, more imbued with folklore and superstition than mugwort, a plant for which I have a deep affinity likely due to my belief in the magical properties of plants. It is an ancient magical herb with curative and divinatory properties, bearing a special value in feminine disorders and warmly strengthening the body”. Outdoor apothecary

     

  • The wisdom messenger podcast episode 12: Jeff Strong on Jeff Strong Drumming, Neuroscience, and Healing

    The wisdom messenger podcast episode 12: Jeff Strong on Jeff Strong Drumming, Neuroscience, and Healing

    Jeff is a percussionist, composer, recording engineer, researcher, and adult living with ADHD. Jeff is the Director of the Strong Institute – an auditory brain stimulation research organization – and Brain Stim Audio – an interactive brain stimulation music site. He has written 8 books and published dozens of research articles about music and the brain, particularly as it applies to autism and ADHD.

    In this enlightening conversation, we explore the intersection of drumming, neuroscience, and alternative healing practices. Our discussion covers a wide range of topics, from Jeff’s personal journey with ADHD to the neurological benefits of drumming, and from ancient shamanic practices to modern applications of rhythm-based therapies.

    Highlights:

    1. Neurological Benefits of Drumming: Jeff’s research reveals how specific drumming frequencies can synchronize brain waves, potentially aiding individuals with ADHD, autism, and sleep disorders.
    2. Shamanic Practices and Altered States: The conversation delves into the historical roots of shamanic drumming and its ability to induce altered states of consciousness, drawing parallels with psychedelic experiences.
    3. Therapeutic Applications: We discuss the potential of drumming in trauma healing, addiction recovery, and as a calming technique for various conditions.
    4. Cultural Context and Integration: We explore the cultural significance of drumming practices and the potential for integrating these techniques with modern medicine and wellness approaches.
    5. Personal Experiences and Critical Perspectives: We share their personal experiences with medication, Western medicine’s approach to mental health, and alternative therapies, offering critical insights into current treatment paradigms.

    Listen and/or watch the episode on :

    You can find Jeff at at

     

    Play

  • The art of falling apart: my messy mental health journey

    The art of falling apart: my messy mental health journey

    As I work to complete the manuscript of my book on how drumming empowers women, the personal growth I’ve had over the last few years comes into very sharp focus. I want to reflect on my mental health journey, in the hope that it may help others, who are where I was not that long ago, and give them both tools and hope.

    In this deeply personal account, I share my journey through the turbulent waters of midlife, facing challenges that tested me beyond belief, then led to profound personal growth. From navigating perimenopause and family crises to discovering my own neurodiversity, my story is one of transformation, healing, and finding inner peace.

    The perimenopause awakening

    There has been a deep unlayering, caused by a numerous amount of crises in my life, with my youngest child undergoing a mental health crisis which went on for several years. In the middle of it there was also 2020, the covid crisis and its impact on my solo business which used to rely on in person workshops as a main source of income. Along the way my children and myself got diagnosed as neurodivergent.

    This is not a coincidence, but these difficult times happened whilst I was undergoing the perimenopause. So I had to juggle not only my own crisis but one of my children at the same time, so there was no time for me to be and breathe and create space for myself to process what I was going through. As it also happened, my youngest was going through the beginning of her puberty when the crisis started. Brene Brown has a beautiful quote about the midlife unravelling:

    Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling. By definition, you can’t control or manage an unraveling. You can’t cure the midlife unraveling with control any more than the acquisitions, accomplishments, and alpha-parenting of our thirties cured our deep longing for permission to slow down and be imperfect. Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.

    If you’d like to understand the details of the backstory, I have written about this in more detail in my Riding the phoenix: Navigating Perimenopause, ADHD, and Emotional Rollercoasters blog post.

    When I look back, the unlayering started way before this, because I started experiencing symptoms of the menopause when I turned 42, and I’m 54 as I write this. The signs that something needed to change was intense discomfort. Besides the changes in my cycle, the night waking and night sweats, and the irritability, I noticed that I was no longer willing to put up with certain dynamics in my family (namely, my being in charge of everything). The lowering of oestrogen levels that accompanies the perimenopause makes us less willing to put up with shit. Think about the state you’re in during your period, but all the time. It’s not easy for our close ones, but it’s a good thing, because it’s an agent for change.

    In my work I became overworked and overwhelmed, putting intense pressure on myself to be “productive” all of the time. What I did not realise at the time was that the pressure came from within, and that I could not carry on with my unconscious belief that I could only give myself permission to relax if I had done all the tasks on my to-do list, because that time simply never came. Something had to change. In 2018 I worked with a coach who challenged me to spend one hour a week doing something fun just for myself, as priority. This led to my walks in the local nature reserve, and then to my discovering a beautiful swimming club in the river nearby and becoming a year round wild swimmer. I also took a course called Tame your to-do list (add link), and then learnt to prioritise my wellbeing tasks in my diary, something I’m still doing 4 years later.

    The 2020 pandemic crisis turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because the first lockdown things slowed down enough for me to realise that I needed a slower pace of life (something that women often experience as they approach the menopause, some holistic menopause specialists such as Alexandra Pope, in er book Wild Power, even suggest taking a menopause sabbatical. Not being able to teach in person meant that I started offering my teachings as online courses (6 courses and counting), and this created space for me to create more stuff, and most importantly, to keep my business afloat through the lockdowns, and later on, giving me the time to support my daughter when she needed me.

    Weathering the family storm

    When my daughter started struggling with anxiety so severe she could no longer leave the house (she ended up being out of school for 2 years). The combination of covid lockdowns, moving to secondary school and starting puberty as an autistic young girl was just too much (she got diagnosed in 2022). Her emotional distress was very difficult for me to witness, and I kind of knew that the best thing I could do was to learn to stay regulated in the face of her pain, so I could hold the space for her and help her co-regulated. I worked first with Inger Madsden,  an EFT coach who specialises in supporting troubled teens. As the crisis evolved and I realised that I needed a new coach (something I have come to learn is normal for me: my ADHD brain processes things so very quickly that I outgrow teachers very quickly and need new ones), Inger suggested Kanan Tekchandani aka The Aspie Coach. Kanan not only supported me through my family’s crisis, but was the first person to help me realise that I’m both neurodivergent and gifted, as well as hypersensitive. 

    In 2022 when my mental health was as an all time low, due to my youngest mental health crisis, my own overwhelm, and the lack of support from the system, I tried antidepressants, hated it, and started microdosing psilocybin, something I carried on doing for a couple of years. It had a very positive impact on my mental health, because it helped me become aware of very unhelpful thought patterns I was not aware I had, and start healing them.

    After an epic battle with the local mental health system and education authority, I got my daughter into a tiny specialist school which helps kids like her rebuild their skills and confidence.  She is striving there. She went from not being able to leave the house in 2 years to attending a residential school trip within 3 months. Over a year on, I have gotten my child back, watching her blossom into a healthy and happy teen.

    When my daughter got into this school and things finally looked promising, I naively thought I could finally breathe myself. Instead my physical and mental health completely crashed, which I can see now isn’t surprising at all. The day she started at that school instead of feeling elated, I felt battle torn and weary, like I had finally put my sword and armour down after 2 long years. I had crippling anxiety that kept me awake at night and I was so physically exhausted all I could do was walk the dog. My nervous system, having been in fight and flight mode for so long, collapsed and went into freeze mode. In search of relief, and after researching it and discussing it with holistic menopause specialists, and against everything I normally believe in (I’m a proponent of natural medicine), I started HRT when I turned 53, in order to help re-regulate my nervous system. It helped with sleep and anxiety almost instantly, and over the course of the next 6 months, gave me enough breathing space to start working at re-regulating my nervous system. 

    Discovering neurodiversity

    In 2023, at the age of 53, I got diagnosed with ADHD. For me, this, and during the months before said diagnosis (I knew I was ADHD 18 months prior to diagnosis) has been empowering, and only empowering, because, the more I learnt about it, the kinder I became to myself, instead of relentlessly beating myself up about stuff I found hard to do. Having ADHD means being able to achieve incredible things when motivated, but also finding things I perceive as tedious almost impossible to do, leading to a lot of procrastination and negative thinking about it. I also learnt about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, something I have had all my life, and I wasn’t aware of until reading about ADHD.  It was thanks to my diagnosis and Kanan’s support that I was able to apply for an access to work grant, and my friend Saheera recommended an agency called This is me to support my application, which earned me a 35K grant to support me in my business.

    Healing through alternative therapies

    In 2024, after having wasted weeks with an NHS talking therapist, who, whilst she was kind and supportive, gave me absolutely zero relief or progress. I discovered a therapist, Emrys Blue Person, who is both a psychotherapist of 47 years but also a trained shaman. I loved that Emrys works in long, 2h sessions, instead of the prescribed talking therapy session of 50 minutes, where I barely got going. I got what I was looking for working with him, which was getting to the root of my problem very quickly. Emrys pointed out, like my previous coach Kanan, that I am indeed incredibly sensitive, and helped me realise that I was holding onto anger, and how to safely release it. Mostly importantly he helped me reframe the story I had been telling myself was that I had a happy childhood (I wasn’t abused, or neglected etc), into realising that, for someone as sensitive as me, being raised by parents who did not understand this was very traumatic and caused me to pretend to be someone I wasn’t in order to be loved. This has not been comfortable but it has been deeply healing. Recently, reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate, I understood another layer of this. “The lack of emotional closeness in childhood is, in itself, traumatic. Children require emotional intimacy and attunement for their brains to develop properly.” Mate explains.  He goes on to explain “The infant needs the freedom to be able to experience their emotions and have them understood and validated by adults. “ How many of us who are adults today have experienced this during infancy? Having our emotions truly accepted and validated, without judgement, especially the ones perceived as negative, like anger, frustration and sadness? It’s no wonder so many of us aren’t even aware of the deep trauma we carry.

    Since January 2024, I have finally started to develop something that has felt elusive most of my life: a sense of peace in my heart, which has been growing since. A sense of trust, of leaning into the universe’s great plan. A sense of deep gratitude. A sense of spaciousness inside. A sense of expansive love. Don’t get me wrong, I do fall back into my own patterns a lot of the time. After all you cannot rewire 54 years of wiring in a few months, but there is progress. It is slow, but it is there.

    Redefining my career and purpose

    In the midst of this crisis, it also became clear that I had to stop working as a doula. I stopped 2 years ago and you can read about why I did this here. What followed, as well as carrying on working to support my child, was a period of fertile void, which, whilst I was trying hard to trust the unfolding, felt wholly uncomfortable at times. It took over 18 months before something else started to show itself, namely the increasing space drumming started to take in my life. I offered a course on drumming for birth, wrote an article about it for a scientific journal, and started writing a book about the drum’s power in empowering women through life’s challenges, which will likely be called The beat of your own drum. As I write this I am completing the manuscript, to be published in 2025. A few months ago I started drumming daily and within a couple of weeks I noticed a similar effect to the one I’d seen when I started microdosing. I wrote about the similarities and differences between drumming and psychedelics in this blog post.

    So it’s perhaps not a surprise that the focus of my work is changing, from being a perinatal educator, doula and mentor, to wanting to support women through life transitions and embodying their power. There is a big theme in my journey about overcoming overwhelm, regulating my nervous system and learning self kindness. 

    I want to help others along their way too. I already ran a workshop about overcoming impostor syndrome earlier this year, and I have also ran several coaching calls about managing life transitions. Watch out for new deep dive offerings in this area in the autumn. I’m otherwise engaged, but I’m already offering mentoring sessions for women going through deep transitions, and feel free to contact me if you’d like to try a session (no strings attached).

    Conclusion

    As I reflect on this journey, I’m struck by how each challenge, though difficult, led to greater self-understanding and personal growth. Through it, I’ve discovered the power of self-compassion, the importance of nervous system regulation, and the healing potential of drumming. My hope is that by sharing my story, others facing similar struggles might find inspiration and tools for their own journey of self-discovery and healing.

     

  • Drum journey to meet the spirit of the summer solstice

    Drum journey to meet the spirit of the summer solstice

    Today is the summer solstice.

    In Celtic traditions, we used to celebrate 8 festivals during the year: the 2 equinoxes, the 2 solstices and the 4 times in between.

    1. Samhain (Oct 31st) – This marks the Celtic New Year and is considered the most important festival. It’s a time to honour the dead and the start of the dark half of the year.
    2. Winter Solstice (Around Dec 21st) – Celebrates the rebirth of the Sun as the days begin growing longer again after the longest night.
    3. Imbolc (Feb 1st) – An early spring festival associated with the first signs of spring and lactating ewes. Celebrates the returning fertility of the earth.
    4. Spring Equinox (Around Mar 21st) – Marking the beginning of the fertile spring season when day and night are equal lengths.
    5. Beltane (May 1st) – A celebration of the full bloom of spring and the fertility of the earth. Traditions include bonfires and May pole dances.
    6. Summer Solstice (Around June 21st) – Celebrating the longest day of the year and the power of the life-giving sun.
    7. Lughnasadh (Aug 1st) – The first of the three autumn harvest festivals, marking the beginning of the harvest season.
    8. Autumn Equinox (Around Sept 21st) – The second harvest festival, signalling the start of autumn when day and night are again equal.

    These eight festivals formed the basis of the ancient Celtic calendar system and marked the key points in the agricultural year.

    In Celtic traditions, the summer solstice (around June 21st) was one of the most important seasonal festivals celebrated. It marked the longest day of the year and the height of the sun’s power and brightness. The summer solstice was a celebration of the fertility of the earth and the blossoming of nature in full bloom during the summer months. It signified the transition from spring into the bountiful summer season.

    Common solstice traditions included lighting huge bonfires, as well as feasting, music, and general merriment.

    The summer solstice is a powerful and sacred time that honours the life-giving force of the sun at its peak. Celebrations often have an air of passion, wildness, and connectivity to the fertile cycles of the natural world. It is a joyous fire festival about the vibrancy of summer’s arrival.

    It is also a time which makes the days starting to decrease again as we turn towards the darkest part of the year once more.

    Summer solstice fires burning bright
    Spring returns with warmth and light
    Summer blooms in full array
    Drummers sounds on longest day.

    I’m back from a wonderful drum birthing pilgrimage in Glastonbury. I made a higher heart of avalon drum there, with a hoop made of oak and hide made of Stag. We blessed and bathed in private ceremony in the white spring, crafted out drums in the Avalon room near the goddess temple, and finally took our new drums to the Chalice well and the Tor, presenting them to the directions there. I have recorded this journey with this new drum. May its energy help bring more peace in your heart.

    On this day, I am offering you a guided drum journey to meet the spirit of the summer solstice, one where you can ask questions and gain wisdom about the energies of this time of the year. Where you can, maybe, reflect on the balance of dark and light in your life.
    Through the pulse of the drum, we reconnect with ancestral wisdom celebrating the summer solstice. This festival reminds us of the eternal cycle – life emerging from winter’s sleep, embodying nature’s regenerative power, and cycles of death and rebirth.

    Join this drum journey honouring the summer solstice. Let the rhythms awaken our inner light and power, clearing stagnation as summer’s energy rises.  Just set aside 15 min where you can relax sitting or lying down, and enjoy.If you take this journey I would love to hear what you think. Just comment below.

     

     

  • Closing the bones: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Healing

    Closing the bones: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Healing

    You may have heard of the closing the bones massage ritual for postpartum recovery, but did you know that it also supports healing loss and trauma, supports endings and beginning through life’s transitions & helps regulate the nervous system, including for people who are neurodivergent?

    In our modern times, we often overlook the profound wisdom of ancient healing traditions passed down over generations. The closing the bones ritual offers a transformative path to healing that transcends physical and emotional boundaries.

    Rooted in diverse cultural practices worldwide, this powerful ritual has supported women through life’s most pivotal transitions and traumas for centuries. From the journey of motherhood to experiences of loss, it provides a nurturing space to process, integrate and heal mind, body and spirit.

    But this ritual’s impact extends far beyond the postpartum period. It offers a unique approach to supporting mental health, emotional wellbeing and overall vitality. Through gentle movements, symbolic elements and connection to the body’s wisdom, it empowers women to reclaim their bodies as vessels for healing.

    Prepare to be captivated as you discover how this ancient tradition is profoundly relevant in today’s world in supporting women through every facet of their life’s journey.

    What is closing the bones?

    Closing the bones is a traditional postpartum massage ritual. It is mostly known for its Mexican and South American roots, but versions of it exist (or used to exist) on all continents (including in Europe).

    A closing the bones ritual involves the rocking of the body using scarves, a massage of the abdomen and chest (and sometimes the whole body), and a sequence of tightening scarves around the body. Some traditions also add a steam bath or sweat lodge. I use drumming in my rituals as well.

    A closing the bones massage supports healing:

    • Physically, by providing movement in the joints, muscles, tissues and fluids.
    • Emotionally, by providing space to rest, be witnessed and held safely, as well as for emotions to be honoured and released.
    • Spiritually, by providing closure, a space to let go of what was, and bringing energy back to the person receiving it.

    I have written many posts on closing the bones and you can find them below:

    Beyond the postpartum

    A closing the bones ritual holds immense significance beyond the postpartum period, serving as a profound way to honour and facilitate healing through various transitions and rites of passage in a woman’s life. Rituals play a vital role in these contexts, as they provide a sacred and intentional space for individuals to process and integrate profound experiences.

    In our modern culture, where life’s significant milestones are often overlooked or minimised, rituals offer a much-needed opportunity to pause, reflect, and honour the depth of these transformative moments. They create a container for personal growth, healing, and transformation, allowing individuals to navigate life’s transitions with intention and reverence.

    Rituals have the power to calm the nervous system and facilitate a sense of grounding and connection. By incorporating symbolic elements, movements, and practices that resonate with the individual, rituals tap into the depths of our collective unconscious, providing a sense of meaning and belonging. This can be particularly powerful during times of trauma or upheaval, as rituals offer a structured and supportive framework for processing and integrating difficult experiences.

    Rituals also foster a sense of community and shared understanding. They create a space for individuals to come together, share their experiences, and offer mutual support and validation. This communal aspect is particularly relevant in the context of life transitions, where individuals may feel isolated or disconnected from their support systems. What is true for the lack of support women experience in the modern world during the postpartum period is also true during other significant life transitions.

    By embracing rituals like closing the bones, we reclaim a sense of sacredness and reverence for the journeys that women undertake throughout their lives. These rituals serve as a bridge between the physical and spiritual realms, honouring the profound transformations that occur within the body, mind, and spirit. They offer a space for healing, integration, and celebration, reminding us of the intrinsic value and beauty of life’s transitions and the growth that can emerge from them.

    Important life transitions times during women’s lives include:

    • Menarche, Motherhood, Menopause
    • Conception and fertility
    • New beginnings or endings
    • Loss: baby loss (miscarriage,  abortion stillbirth), and any form loss
    • Trauma (birth trauma, sexual trauma, shock…)
    • Regulating nervvous system overwhelm (especially helpful for neurodivergent women)
    • Recovering from illness

    Menarche, Motherhood, Menopause

    • The 3 big transitions of a woman’s life, adolescence, matrescense and sagescence, are systematically dismissed, shamed, downplayed, feared, presented as only scary and/or inconvenient, and  in modern cultures instead of the powerful rite of passage that they are.
    • As Jane Hardwicke Collings says “Anything to do with women, or the feminine that is put down, ridiculed, feared, or made invisible, is a clue that it holds great power. Think menstrual blood, think childbirth, think menopause…”
    • A closing the bones ritual (especially one held in ceremony with a group of other women) provides a way to empower, witness and honour these passages.

    Conception and fertility

    • Not only is this ritual a powerful healing experience for the postpartum but I have plenty of personal experience (and other practitioners too) of women overcoming fertility issues after this ritual. It can also be part of a conscious conception process.

    New beginnings or endings

    • A closing of the bones is beautifully suited to support and ritualistically mark new beginnings and endings, such as mariage, divorce, a new career or job (or the end of one). I now use it as part of birthday celebrations for friends, and because I have trained many people in my community in offering this ritual, people tend to ask for it or offer it when people are struggling or when it’s their birthday.

    Loss

    • I have supported many women through loss, from miscarriage to abortion and stillbirth, and I have written a blog post called How closing the bones can support babyloss. 
    • I have also used it to support people through the loss of a loved one, the loss of a community, a relationship etc. It is a perfect way to honour and support grieving and healing through difficult times in life

    Trauma

    • I have used this ritual many times to support birth and sexual trauma, including during pregnancy. 
    • I have also used it to support people through all sorts of other situations causing trauma and or shock, including recently for a friend after she had been in a car accident.
    • I was myself the recipient of such a ritual last year when I was in a very difficult family situation, and it was instrumental in my recovery. You can read about this in my post, ADHD and the kindness boomerang.

    Regulating nervous system overwhelm & neurodivergent regulation

    • Through the ten years I have trained people in giving this massage, many told me how helpful it was for their kids who were autistic, especially the wrapping. My own daughter loved it and it never occurred to me until she was diagnosed with autism to put two and two together. This year I was diagnosed with ADHD myself, and I have been on a big journey to understand what this means. One of the things I have discovered is that people who are neurodivergent are very easily dysregulated. Closing the bones not only soothes the nervous system deeply but it also helps teach the body what it feels like to be safe. This is also helpful for anyone who is experiencing nervous system dysregulation.

    Recovering from illness

    • In the past I have used this ritual to support people through severe illness, including chronic lyme disease, and more recently, terminal cancer. Every time I can see how the effects of the ritual are incredibly supportive in this context too.

    A different approach to supporting mental health and wellbeing

    The closing the bones ritual stands as a powerful antidote to the limitations of the Western model of mental health, which often treats the mind as separate from the body. This holistic practice recognises that trauma and emotional wounds are not confined solely to the mind but are deeply embedded within the body.

    Western approaches to mental health tend to focus heavily on talk therapy and cognitive-behavioural techniques, which, while valuable, usually fail to address the somatic aspects of trauma and emotional distress. Trauma, in particular, is known to have a profound impact on the body, manifesting as physical tension, disrupted nervous system regulation, and even chronic pain or illness.

    Closing the bones offers a refreshing departure from this compartmentalised view by acknowledging the intrinsic connection between the mind, body, and spirit. Through its gentle, nurturing movements, deep pressure and symbolic elements, this ritual creates a safe and supportive space for women to process and release trauma without the need to relive their experiences.

    One of the profound strengths of this ritual lies in its nonverbal nature. By avoiding the need to share personal stories, it circumvents the potential for re-traumatisation that can occur in some talk therapy settings. Instead, it allows the body to express and integrate traumatic experiences through the language of sensation, movement, and energy.

    The ritual’s emphasis on holding, rocking, and massaging specific areas of the body facilitates a deep sense of grounding and embodiment. The gentle, safe touch and rhythmic movement can help regulate the nervous system, providing a sense of safety and allowing the body to release deeply held tensions and patterns associated with trauma.

    Moreover, the ritual’s incorporation of symbolic and ritual elements, such as setting intentions, the tightening and releasing with scarves around the body (a symbolic rebirth), the adding of drumming or energy work, can resonate on a profound level, facilitating the integration of experiences that may be difficult to articulate verbally.

    By embracing the closing the bones ritual, women have the opportunity to reclaim their bodies as vessels for healing and transformation. This ritual empowers them to process and integrate trauma in a holistic, non-retraumatizing way, honouring the wisdom of the body and the interconnectedness of physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

    Learning or receiving the ritual

    If you are a professional who supports women through life transitions or healing and you would like to be able to offer this ritual, I have 3 in person trainings near Cambridge in June, July and October. 

    If you want to experience the ritual for yourself, feel free to get in touch with me. I’m based in Cambridge, UK, but I have trained over 1000 people in offering this ritual, and I may be able to help you find a practitioner near you. 

  • The Postnatal Recovery Massage: Embracing Tradition, Embodying Innovation

    The Postnatal Recovery Massage: Embracing Tradition, Embodying Innovation

    Since 2014, I have been teaching the closing the bones postnatal massage ritual to perinatal professionals. What started with a small workshop in my home grew organically. Over the last 10 years, I have trained over 800 professionals to provide this amazing ritual.  Postpartum specific bodywork is something that exists (or used to exist) all over the world and I’m on a quest to make it the norm once more. 

    The catalyst for evolution

    Within a couple of years of teaching, a growing number of students who had trained in the closing the bones ritual reached out, asking for a version adapted for a massage table instead of the traditional floor setting. They asked for this because several of them faced challenges like bad knees or backs, making floor work difficult.

    This call to action resonated deeply with me, and I consulted with my trusted friend and osteopath, Teddy Brookes, who was very familiar with the massage, having helped me understand its effects on the various joints and organs from an anatomical standpoint.

    Together, we embarked on an ambitious journey to develop a massage table version of this ritual, a true labour of love that took over a year and a half of dedicated trial and error.

    The creation process

    Each session was a meticulous exploration, meticulously recorded and analysed. Teddy and I would alternate between giving and receiving each technique, first on the floor, then on the massage table. We encountered numerous challenges, from biomechanical limitations to the struggle of preserving the ritual’s essence while adapting it to a new form.

    There were a lot of frustrations as we grappled with the intricacies of rebozo rocking and hip squeezing. Teddy’s deep knowledge of body function guided my perfectionist desire to create something true to the original ritual, whilst ensuring the technique’s safety, effectiveness, and ease on the therapist’s body.

    The breakthrough

    Just when we thought we had hit an impasse, the magic happened. I let go of my need for an exact replication of the original ritual, embracing Teddy’s guidance that we were aiming for the same effect, not an identical experience.

    With this breakthrough, everything seemed to flow effortlessly. We modified and added elements, treating areas like the ribs and shoulders that were overlooked in the original massage. The movements felt logical, seamlessly blending into a new, inspired ritual.

    The Postnatal Recovery Massage (PRM) was born, a fusion of tradition and innovation, embodying the essence of the closing the bones ritual.

    The first training

    After unveiling the PRM to a small group of local doulas and massage therapists, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. The movements flowed beautifully, resonating with the spirit of the original ritual while offering a modern, therapist-friendly approach.

    As we put the final touches on our comprehensive handout, complete with descriptions, pictures, videos, and anatomical explanations, we looked forward to introducing this transformative technique to the world.

    The first workshop took place Cambridge in January 2019, and was a resounding success, with trainees expressing gratitude, excitement, and confidence in their newfound ability to support women postnatally. They spoke of the magical blend of science and spiritual knowledge we’d created and also expressed that this new massage would appeal to a wider range of women, due to it being done on a massage table instead of on the floor.

    Joining the movement

    The journey Teddy and I have taken has been one of passion, perseverance, and a deep commitment to nurturing the postpartum experience. With the Postnatal Recovery Massage, we have created a powerful ritual that harmonises tradition and innovation, empowering birth workers and therapists to provide profound healing and support to new mothers and support healing for women through life transitions. Since 2019 we have taught this massage to over 120 students.

    Because we teach this workshop together, we offer a unique blend of healing approach together with solid anatomical knowledge, a lot of hands-on practice, personalised feedback and support during the training, and any additional resources or support provided to ensure students feel fully supported to offer the ritual after the workshop.

    Here is some of the feedback we received from our students:

    • What a wonderful, professional, well constructed and instructive course with plenty of time for step by step practical, complemented by Teddy’s expertise and Sophie’s organic shamanism and such a wonderful community of like minded body workers. Thank you. Thoroughly recommended. Jenni Tribe, Therapist
    • Amazing workshop! Loved being in a small group to work through techniques in enough details. As an osteopath this experience has been invaluable in improving my practices of postnatal patients, in fact all of my patients! Rob Ballard, osteopath
    • The course was well organised, very informative and easy to follow. The level of practical support was fantastic and I feel confident to take what I  have learnt and help local women postnatally. Thank you! Becki Scott, doula and massage therapist
    • The massage is a wonderful reworking of the traditional Closing The Bones massage performed on a couch rather than the floor. Sophie and Teddy have taken all that is special about it and fused her energy-work approach with his osteopathic technique to create something extraordinary. It incorporates binding, rocking, jiggling and specific tension releases, with massage of the chest, abdomen and pelvis with warming oil. It is truly a celebration of the postpartum body!  Charlotte Filcek, doula

    Since developing this massage, both Teddy and myself have had repeatedly amazing results when offering this ritual to women, both in terms of physical healing (in particular, its incredible effectiveness at closing separation of the abdominal muscles, known as diastasis recti. This proved very effective for new mothers, I had a woman with an inch gap from her birth 4 years prior.

    Questions and answers about the postnatal recovery massage

    What are the benefits of the postnatal recovery massage over closing the bones?

    • It is much easier on the body of the therapist. Working on the table allows you to use your body weight to provide the strength needed to rock the body with the rebozo, and to do the massage movements. You can move easily around the table, staying comfortable, without needing to kneel or squat as you do on the floor. Recently, I was delighted to hear from a friend who had a knee injury that learning the ritual meant that she could offer the massage again, much to her delight, and with amazing results.
    • It requires less space than a mat on the floor, making it more suited to a small therapy room.
    • There are more massage techniques than in the original massage, and they are more technical (for example: one is designed to help reduce the rib flare after birth, one to close the diastasis recti and one to pump lymphatic fluid around the chest), and some of the original massage movements have been modified to make them more effective. 
    • Some women may feel more appealing to be massaged on a table rather than on the floor because being massaged on a table is the norm in the Western world. In this respect this massage may appeal to a broader audience than the floor work.

    Are there any disadvantages?

    • This is a very personal preference, but since I do both the floor version and the table version of the massage (and blend some of the techniques together), there are aspects of both I wish I could do in both settings and this just isn’t possible. So there are aspects of the treatment I like more on the floor (for example, the rebozo rocking, because standing over the person means that you can cocoon the body in a way you cannot do from the side of a table), and there are also movements can only be done easily on the massage table due to the need to use one’s body weight to do them (for example the rib massage or collarbone massage, are much more effective on the table)
    • The rocking with the rebozo is quicker on the floor as it rocks both sides of the body at once, instead of one side at a time on the table.
    • Some women prefer the floor version of the ritual as they find it more “earthy”.

    Are we going to offer an online version of the massage?

    • Many people have contacted me to ask for this. As the massage techniques are quite technically precise, we do not feel that we could teach this effectively without being present to demonstrate and correct our students.

    If you feel the call to be part of this transformative movement, to embrace the nurturing power of the Postnatal Recovery Massage, and to change the face of postnatal support, one ritual at a time, contact me to find out when the next workshop is taking place.

  • The wisdom messenger podcast episode 11: Journey to wholeness with Leonie Dawson

    The wisdom messenger podcast episode 11: Journey to wholeness with Leonie Dawson

    Leonie is an Australian author, entrepreneur, and business coach. an internationally best-selling author of the My Brilliant Year workbooks. I personally prefer to refer to her as a neurodivergent sweary rainbow unicorn business goddess. 

    Join us as we explore themes such as mental health, self-care, embracing authenticity, and the power of vulnerability in personal and professional growth. Listening to Leonie’s story is a masterclass in prioritising your well-being, embracing your multi-passions, and overcoming societal conditioning to live your most authentic life.

    Highlights of the episode include:

    • Navigating Mental Health Challenges: Leonie shares her personal journey with mental health, offering practical strategies for self-care, managing neurodivergence, and seeking professional support when needed.
    • Balancing Work and Life Priorities: Leonie shares the art of finding harmony between professional ambitions and personal values, addressing the importance of setting boundaries, avoiding burnout, and aligning your work with your core priorities.
    • Embracing Authenticity and Vulnerability: The discussion centres on the power of authenticity in business, marketing, and personal growth, emphasising the healing and transformative nature of vulnerability and sharing one’s true voice with the world.
    • Completing Creative Projects: Leonie shares her insights on the process of completing creative projects, discussing the personal growth that comes from finishing and sharing one’s work, and overcoming the barriers of self-doubt and imposter syndrome.
    • Empowering Underrepresented Voices: Leonie shines a light on the unique challenges faced by underrepresented communities, such as women, people of colour, and the LGBTQIA+ community, and encourages listeners to challenge societal conditioning and embrace their authentic selves.

    Can you listen to the episode on Spotify, Youtube, or Apple Podcast

    You can find Leonie at at

    • leoniedawson.com
    • @leonie_dawson