Two years ago, my overwhelm was at its peak. The combination of mothering an autistic teen struggling with severe anxiety perimenopause and undiagnosed ADHD was a killer. The nights were worse. I’d jolt awake at 3am, my mind instantly spinning into an endless loop of anxiety about all the things I wasn’t doing.
In those dark hours, everything felt impossible. The list would spiral: work stuff I needed to do, emails I hadn’t answered, family needs I wasn’t meeting, paperwork deadlines, self-care I was neglecting. Each thought would feed the next, creating an exhausting cycle that left me lying there, heart racing, unable to get back to sleep.
In the morning, overwhelm would crash over me within 5 minutes of getting up. I was so dysregulated, I could not organise tasks in my head, I’d start one then the other, not finishing any, and get more and more stressed. The weight of responsibilities – running my business, being present for my family – felt crushing. Even as someone who taught others about wellbeing, I struggled to find peace in my own life.
The shift began when I realised I needed to fundamentally change my relationship with time and space, and learn to recreate calm within my nervous system. Instead of pushing harder, I started creating intentional pauses in my day. I learned to listen to my body, to notice when I was dysregulated, and do small things to bring peace back. Most importantly, I began putting my own wellbeing first – no longer treating self-care as a reward for getting everything else done.
Most importantly, I started unlayering the weight of society’s expectations on myself, the false belief that my productivity was my worth. I started challenging the voice inside my head that berated me to work harder.
Nature became my sanctuary. Whether wild swimming in cold rivers or simply walking in nature, I discovered that spending time outdoors helped regulate my nervous system in ways no amount of ‘productivity hacks’ ever could.
Finding a supportive community of women who understood this journey was crucial. Together, we created spaces to share about our struggles and celebrate the good things in our lives. These connections reminded me I wasn’t alone and showed me different ways of being.
I experimented with a lot of things, some that worked (microdosing, drumming, a temporary use of HRT, and working with a therapist who is also a shaman) and some that did not (lots of quick fix tools that made things worse, antidepressants, talking therapy). I unlayered so much, including fundamental beliefs about myself. In the end I came to realise that the only way to provide lasting change is to get to the root of the cause of overwhelm, which is complex and multifaceted.
Now, my nights, mornings and days feel completely different. Yes, there’s still plenty to do, but the new spaciousness I’ve created inside myself means that, even in the midst of a full life, I no longer feel overwhelmed. Those 3am anxiety spirals have gone, and I have many tools that actually work to calm my nervous system.
I want to share about my journey and what I’ve learnt along the way. I want to help other women take steps towards bringing more spaciousness and calm into their lives. I want to do this because, if we are going to create a better world, we simply cannot do it alone, nor from a place of dysregulation. Dysregulation keeps us in a state of firefighting, one from which we cannot access our own wisdom nor affect change.
I am launching a 6 month group program for overwhelmed women called The Calm Within Community, and I am going to be sharing the essence of this in a free masterclass this week.
If this resonates with you, join me for my free masterclass, Overwhelm to Calm, on Wednesday the 6th of November at 8pm London time. I’ll share what I’ve learned about moving from overwhelm to calm, blending neuroscience with ancient wisdom to find a gentler way of being.
Because to change the world, you need to feel peace, not just teach it to others.