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Sophie Messager

Tag: nurturing

  • A guide to postpartum recovery during lockdown

    Updated January 2021 (originally published in March 2020)

    The lockdown inspired me to write a mini emergency postnatal recovery plan, as for the foreseeing future, most new families in the UK (and in many other places in the world) are likely to be at home alone with their babies, with support from only a very limited number of persons (Doulas and certain therapists are still able to work during lockdown so do not hesitate to contact them for support).

    Traditional postpartum recovery the world around includes a period of at least a month during which the mother does nothing but rest and get to know her baby, whilst other people look after her, cook her warming, nourishing foods, massage and wrap her, and provide essential social support.

    After all, your body has done something truly amazing by growing and birthing a whole new person, so it makes sense that it needs some TLC to recover as well as possible. Even marathon runners take a couple of weeks off training after an event!

    I wrote my book, Why Postnatal Recovery Matters,  to encourage a return of these practises to the Western world.

    But during lockdown I am aware that the full version of this isn’t going to be possible.

    So when we boil it down to its bare bones, what does a DIY postnatal recovery plan look like?

    The four pillars of postpartum recovery are social support, rest, food, and bodywork.

    Social support

    I hope you have a partner or another adult  with you. It is unlikely you’ll have much direct support from people face to face, however you can get a lot of online/virtual/video support. Many doulas have switched to offering remote support via phone or video calls (doulas offer postnatal support as well as birth support). You can find a doula here .

    There are online support groups, and you can find local or national ones on Facebook. If you search for something like mums in XXX (town’s name) or “XXX parents”, you’ll find groups, and from these groups and the people in them, you’ll be able to find out other sources of support. In fact the pandemic has seen the creation many new local support groups created to help support vulnerable people, so help is paradoxically easier to find than it was before. There are are also some apps such as Mush or Peanut which are designed to help mums to connect with other mums.

    Rest:

    Aim to stay in bed for a few days, or if being in bed drives you crazy, or if this isn’t possible, around the bed or the sofa as much as you can. Try to take at least one nap a day (early afternoon is the time that most people find that comes naturally), or if you can, a couple of naps a day, sleeping when the baby is sleeping. Even a 20 min power nap can make a world of difference. Try to go to bed earlier than you normally would a few times a week. If you cannot sleep, try to lie down and rest (some mums find it easier to drop off if they listen to a guided meditation. There are plenty of free apps for that). If you’re alone and have other kids to look after, drop your standard for a while and have lazy days around the sofa, making free use of screen entertainment.

    Food:

    If you can, batch cook and freeze ahead of time before the birth. Ideally you’ll want to have a mix of sources for food, from self prep, to food prepped for you by friends and neighbours, to food deliveries. You could organise a meal train or better still ask a kindly neighbour or friend to organise one for you (or use this website https://www.mealtrain.com/). Since there are many free support groups online now, including street whasapp group (why not start one if there isn’t one in your street yet),it that it might be easier than before to get the support.

    There are companies such as cook that deliver good quality frozen meals that you can just stick in the oven like lasagna (https://www.cookfood.net/). I am seeing more local delivery initiatives before so I’m hopeful that you’ll find them locally. Some local shops offering delivery services. As well as fresh food, get some easy to eat, stock on non perishable snacks if you can.

    Bodywork

    Another ubiquitous practise is to massage and wrap the abdomen and/or the pelvis of the new mother. It is trickier than before as access to massage therapists is limited, however, such therapists are still allowed to practise when the clinical need is deemed sufficient (see guidance here https://www.fht.org.uk/news-item/fht-statement-on-coronavirus-covid-19). Manual therapists such as osteopaths, chiropractors, and physiotherapists are still open. There are things you can do for yourself, such a giving your lower abdomen a gentle massage, and wrapping your pelvis and/or abdomen with a scarf or a velcro belt. I’ve written a blog about how to do this, complete with some tutorials.

     

    Get yourself a sling or baby carrier. This will allow you to meet your baby’s needs for closeness whilst being able to relax and still have your arms available to fix yourself a snack or a meal. Carrying matters has just published a blog about babywearing during the pandemic, and they also run the sling pages directory (Babywearing consultants are able to support you remotely).

    Try and plan as much as possible whilst pregnant so you have support in place after the birth.

    I’ve made a free postnatal recovery plan PDF to download with prompts. You can find it here.

    If this inspires you and you’d like to find out more, you can buy a signed copy of my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, here, or find out more about my online courses, or the one to one sessions I offer.

  • Period Pain: if you’ve been told there is nothing you can do about it, read on.

    Period Pain: if you’ve been told there is nothing you can do about it, read on.

    If you suffer from period pain, or someone you know does, and if you have been told that there is nothing you can do: you have been lied to. There is plenty you can do, it is just that the knowledge isn’t part of what is taught within Western medical training.

    I got my period pain fixed, and it makes me so angry that women are told this lie over and over again, are told that it is normal, because it stops them from seeking the help that is available. I’m on a mission to change this.

    This is my story:

    I suffered from severe period pain from the moment I started my period. The pain was so severe that in my teenage years I used to be sent to the nurse’s room at school each month. I curled up in pain on the bed there and waited for my mother to come and collect me. I would spent the first day or two of each period curled up in bed with a hot water bottle. Sometimes the pain was so bad I vomited.

    I tried everything from mainstream drugs to homeopathy, but nothing worked. Around age 15 I was put on hormonal therapy for it. At age 16 I started taking the pill. As I no longer had “periods” (the bleeding caused by stopping the pill for a week is different from that of a period) I was free of pain. I stayed on the pill from the age of 16 to until I was 33, when I decided to stop taking the pill because I was diagnosed with precancerous cells on my cervix (I read some research showing a link between long term pill taking and these- If you want to read about it, the book “The Pill, Are you sure it’s for you” By Alexandra Pope, is fantastic).

    My period pain came back with a revenge. My husband, who had never seen me with this pain, was shocked at how bad it was. I remember once we were driving  when it started and I had to get him to park on the side of the road as I writhed in pain on the car seat, white as a sheet and covered in cold sweat, until I waited for the painkillers to kick in.

    I went to the GP for help. I remember being stunned when all I was offered was to take pain killers. I said to the GP :  “Really, in 15 years the medicine still hasn’t moved on?”. At the time I was working in a biotech company, and told my boss about this, and he said “if men had pain in their dick once a month you can be sure there would be a drug for it”!

    I resigned myself to taking ibuprofen every month. Then I became pregnant and the pregnancy and birth seemed to temporarily fix the problem. My periods became more regular and I was pain free for a few years after having my children. Then, a few years after my second child was born, the pain came back. I resigned myself to taking the pain killers again.

    In 2014 I met an osteopath in Cambridge called Teddy Brookes. I mentioned this to him and he said he could help. I was surprised and slightly disbelieving, but it was so bad I was willing to try anything. Teddy is trained in visceral osteopathy, something not all osteopaths are trained in. He felt the ligaments around the front of my uterus (the round ligaments), told me they were very tight, and worked on releasing them. It was not comfortable and I had to do some deep birth breathing during the treatment.

    That evening and night I had a lot of cramps in my uterus, but the next morning I woke up feeling absolutely amazing, both physically and emotionally. I felt like nothing could touch me. The next cycle the pain was less but still there. I got in touch with Teddy and he talked me through how to release the ligaments myself. I had to get my husband to do it as I couldn’t get my fingers in the right direction but it helped. Within 2 or 3 cycles I was completely pain free and I have been for 6 years.

    I was baffled by this because as a scientist I knew that from a scientific point of view, the cramps of period pain were caused by hormones called prostaglandins and I couldn’t see why releasing ligaments would affect this. Teddy explained that there cramps were still there, only that they were comfortable. I was delighted to be cured of the pain.

    As I told women about my experience, some asked me to teach them how to release their ligaments. But I didn’t feel comfortable doing that because everybody is unique and I thought maybe other ligaments would be tight and therefore need a different technique. Teddy told me that it is almost always the round ligaments that are too tight (more on that later).

    Other things happened along the way that helped my have a different relationship to my menstrual cycle. In 2016 I attended a workshop by Alexandra Pope of Red School, that helped me understand the changing energies throughout my cycle and how to tap into them. This led me to make sure I rested as much as possible during the first couple of days of my period. I blogged it about here.

    With my own practise, working closely with Teddy (we created a postnatal massage course together), massaging new mothers with closing the bones, with supporting women with healing as a Reiki practitioner, and with training such as spinning babies and biomechanics for birth, I general became more aware of my body and of the importance of good balance for uterine health.

    In 2019 I attended a workshop on womb health by Arvigo massage therapist Hilary Lewin. She brought a life size womb suit and proceeded to demonstrate in a very visual manner how the ligaments of the uterus affect period comfort.

    The uterus is attached to the pelvis by several sets of ligaments. You can see a 3D illustration of how the uterus ligaments attach to the pelvis in this video. The round ligaments in particular attach from the top of the uterus and to the front of the pelvis. A healthy uterus is normally slightly bend over the bladder. If the round ligaments are too tight, the uterus will be bent forward a lot more, making expelling menstrual blood a lot harder, and therefore more painful (as the uterus will need to cramp harder to get the blood out).

    In this video I explain in a very visual way what happens when the uterus is not optimally positioned.

    Part of the problem is that we live sedentary and unbalanced lifestyle so many of us have tight ligaments (sitting down a lot tends to do that) and don’t even know it. Because everything in your body is linked, having tight or unbalanced ligaments and/or pelvis may affect many other things too, such as causing back pain or bowel issues. Abdominal massage therapist Barbara Loomis explains some of this with great illustrations here.

    Sadly many women suffer needlessly suffer from horrendous pain, and because most of us believe the narrative that there is nothing we can do, we don’t seek help.

    Here are some stories to illustrate the pain of what some go through, and in some case what helped them:

    When I was younger, before kids I had some months were I would be crying & in excruciating agony, where I’d lay fetal style for hours in so much pain. Pain killers wouldn’t touch it. It wasn’t like that every month, but definitely had it a lot! I always had heavy periods with less pain or light with more pain! Doctors would always say : ‘it can’t be that bad’ and would basically ignore me. They wouldn’t believe me that paracetamol or ibuprofen didn’t work for me (I have a condition where I metabolise drugs really fast) I remember once (this is awful but) taking the strongest pain killers my Nan had prescribed to her for chronic pain, they still only barely took the edge off! My husband found me in a ball crying once & tried to take me to hospital but I knew there was no point. Once I started having kids I found they got so much better. I now have fairly ok period pain but I do now wrap my hips, use reiki, have a bath & rest (especially on my first day as much as I can)! Carly Lokrheim

    From the onset of my periods I had severe pain. Every month I used to be floored in agony. I went yellow in skin tone and was physically sick and sometimes past out. I used fear it every month. My bleed was so heavy and clotted I used to leak right through my school uniform. I was taken to the doctors many many times and was fobbed off and treated as a silly girl. I felt (and it was said) that I had a low pain threshold and I would not be able to handle birth. This put me off ever having children (right up until I was in my mid 30’s) As I got older PMT got more and more intense till it started to affect my marriage. At this point I started Ayurvedic treatment which included massage, life style changes and diet changes. This really really helped with my periods and PMT. When we tried to get pregnant I found there was unexplained infertility, I started acupuncture and found it really helpful and also had a laparoscopy and found I had endometriosis scaring and fibroids. I think a combination of all three treatments/practices helped us to conceive and go on to have two babies. I now follow my cycles and adapt my life (as much as possible) to follow my inner seasons or at least be aware of them. I now also use a moon cup and relish my bleed as a time to retreat and surrender. Clare Wilson Hasted

    I had awful period pain from the age of 11 when it started, I would vomit and faint/ pass out with the pain. I was put on the pill at 13 it didn’t really help what did help was paracetamol, hot water bottles and rest. Then in my late teens I read a book called Who dies? and starting using the meditations in there to cope with the pain, I used the same meditations to cope with my contractions. I also took cramp bark. Staci Sylvan

    I tend to bleed for 17 – 20 days and I have excruciating period pains. This started at the age of 13 and has followed my entire life. I had hoped pregnancy might help but 6 weeks after giving birth sure enough agonising pains. I have tried so many therapies, pills  implant etc. And the pain each month is still so severe I missed time off school as a teenager and miss work as an adult. Every job I have had I keep a hot water bottle at my desk and painkillers in a drawer. I have had a mirena since the age of 21 and since then have not missed work due to period pains. My cycle became regular and bleeding only for 5 days. After having my son I had a 4 year break from the mirena. I realised I just couldn’t cope without it, my body hurt so much, I was exhausted and honestly just not a nice person as I was in agony so often, couldn’t sleep, didn’t want my husband touching me. I had the mirena inserted last November and I remember about 7 days later feeling like I had woken up. My foggy head cleared and I felt in control of my body again. I do get pain but it’s manageable with a hot water bottle and rest. I am happier, calmer, more patient and I feel like I have my life back. I can’t over state how much the Mirena has changed my life. It’s spectacular and I will always be grateful to the GP who initially recommended it after about 7 years of begging for help and being dismissed as “you’re female you just have to deal with it”. In terms of the pain  for me it’s thighs, bum, lower back and lower abdomen. It can been so painful I vomit from it. I feel like my whole body is stiff, exercise makes it worse. Rocking my hips on a gym ball cam help or gentle bouncing. When it’s at its worse there is no way I can work, I can barely talk and usually just end up crying. Jay

    As a teenager my period pain was severe. If my daughter experienced pain like that, I would take her to the doctor, or emergency in some cases I had. However, I was too afraid/embarrassed/shamed/whatever to tell my mom or anyone. I remember having to go into work while vomiting and hunched over in pain because my boss wouldn’t take no for an answer because I didn’t sound sick. Sharon Bales

    I’m aware that period pain can be caused by other issues than biomechanics. I know that some have PCOS or endometriosis or other conditions…but it is the same: you are sadly unlikely to get answers from mainstream medical professionals because they simply lack the training, knowledge and the tools to help you. It’s not their fault, rather it is the very narrow view of how Western culture sees the body that is to blame. As Katie Bowman explains in this article:

    “Dysmenorrhea is a pain, literally. It’s a painful period, ranging from light to severe, that can also include vomiting, diarrhoea, headache and fainting. The “primary” means that the dysmenorrhoea is not occurring simultaneously with another known pelvic pathology. (Secondary dysmenorrhoea can be created or affected by issues like endometriosis and fibroids that can cause extremely painful periods, and I know that people suffering from those conditions have likely heard a million “just do this” solutions, and I’m not trying to offer that here, although I hope that movement might relieve some part of your pain.”

    So what can you do to help with period pain? Here are some of the therapies I have personally used or heard that some had success with:

    See a bodyworker that can work on your uterus alignment. This could be an osteopath or a chiropractor or a physiotherapist who is trained in visceral osteopathy. Or you could see someone who is trained in womb massage such as an Arvigo massage or a Mizan Therapy, or a Fertility Massage practitioner. Having a closing the bones massage may help too. Make sure to get recommendation from good local practitioners.

    For the past year or so I had been suffering with debilitating period pains: I would faint, hang from my husband’s neck as if I was in labour, I’d only find relief in the bathtub where I’d be playing mermaid for at least half a day on my first day of bleeding. It got so bad I was checked for endometriosis and cervical cancer (as I also got 1 cycle with constant intermittent bleeding between 2 periods). Nothing wrong physically. After Sophie Messager mentioned her osteopath helping her with period pains to the point she is now pain free, I spoke to my chiropractor, where I’m currently going for regular sessions on another issue. For the past 2 cycles, she’s worked on my pelvis and the round ligaments holding my womb, and – touch wood – I’ve only had the slightest dull sensation on my previous cycle, not even worth calling pain, and am TOTALLY pain free in my current cycle. The difference is totally unbelievable. Ladies, if you suffer from period pain, this might be THE thing that changes everything. I already used rebozos, aromatherapy, herbal teas for myself, but nothing was even touching the edge of it. Until I got the tension in the ligaments released. I don’t even notice now, physically, that I’m on my period. (Emotionally and energy-wise I still do, and aromatherapy, herbs and rebozos still have a role to play there — but now it’s just become a week of gorgeous self-care, not a week of intense pain that makes that self-care so focused on the pain). Japjeet Rajbir Kaur Khalsa

    I personally found osteopathy and Ayurveda completely resolves my painful periods. Also reframing my understanding after reading Wild Power has been beyond powerful. Emma Hayward

    Work on your alignment (either face to face with a specialist such a physiotherapist, Pilates or yoga teacher or with an online course-see a list of courses at the end of this blog). Rosie Dhoopun is an alignment specialist. She shows you a movement routine to ease period pain here.

    Alignment and movement worked for me. Plus surprisingly using cloth pads. I even get mild cramps using a mooncup so use that infrequently. I used to suffer terribly as a child and eat a whole packet of feminax to get through. These last years I use to have such bad knee pain but all stopped since releasing tension. Isn’t it such a shame we are told it’s normal and medication is the best thing. Rosie Dhoopun

    My periods were once every 6 months. And I’d be on strong painkillers for a week to get even near function. I saw a chiropractor, switched to barefoot shoes and started stretching my calves in my 30’s which took me to regular and pain free. Philippa Wilmot

    See an acupuncturist. I have personally had great results treating infertility and recurrent miscarriages with one and I found that it helped make my period more comfortable too. Here is a review of the evidence behind the effectiveness of acupuncture for period pain by the Acupuncture council.

    See a herbalist. I saw Natasha at Forage Botanicals to help with the symptoms of the perimenopause who specialises in treating painful periods.

    See a homeopath. Here is an article with some suggestions on homeopathic remedies that might help.

    See a nutrition specialist with experience in this area. Since painful periods can be caused by too much inflammation in the body, changing your diet may help your pain.

    Nutritional therapy helped me. Period pain was crippling as a teen and rectified by the pill, which I took for ten years but it caused depression. Period pains got quite bad again slowly over the course of a few years and then stopped when I stopped smoking and did a sugar detox! My friend is a nutritional therapist, I was having bad mood swings all the time and awful cramps during my period. I wanted to try anything that would stop me needing SSRIs. She told me it was because the body can take a certain amount of stress but it has limits, so when I stopped smoking, it had better circulation and that helps with pain management and when I stopped eating sugar, less stress on my organs and hormones. Barely a cramp since. Abbi Leibert

    I found my period pain (not severe but present and very uncomfortable) almost disappeared after going vegan. Pippa Moss

    I had breakthrough bleeding in between my periods every month for nearly 3 years, I had all sorts of investigations scans biopsies nothing came back as a problem. Even had 4 miscarriages but still nothing has been found as a problem despite all the blood tests and so on. I discovered something called hair tissue mineral analysis and arrange the sample sent off I also did some additional blood tests privately. I found extensive mineral deficiencies and results consistent with hypothyroid despite normal blood results. I had a specially adapted list of supplements and dietary changes given to me by nutritional list and Six months on no breakthrough bleeding my period is so much more manageable, even more so since I discovered magnesium spray, and I have been wrapping my hips for quite some time. Still not entirely sure what our future holds in terms of pregnancies but at the moment I’m just happy with how far I’ve come in the six months. Nicola Witcombe

    Other more unusual things to try:

    Year round wild swimming (I’m not suggesting you swim in cold water during the actual bleeding when keeping warm is important), but there is mounting evidence that it does wonders to you wellbeing. It earthes you as well, see my blog on the subject.

    Try grounding yourself. Since period pain is at least in part caused by inflammation, and earthing/grounding has been shown to decrease inflammation, it may help. It can be as simple as walking or standing barefoot on the ground/grass. See a review of the evidence behind earthing in this paper.

    Try dancing. Movement has been shown to ease period pain, and boost blood flow. Conscious dance practises, such as 5rhythms, allows you to get deep into a movement that is unique to you.

    Nicky Smith, Ecstatic dance facilitator, says:

    “One thing which really helped me was movement. Our usual & natural inclination is to move away from pain & discomfort, of course! If we can move towards it, even a little, then allow the movement & expression to come from that place in our body it can give the intensity an expression which can support a release. Breathing into that place & moving on the exhale, helping our system to relax into rather than away from. The more I practise this approach the more I can move towards the pinnacle of the pain/discomfort and when I reach that edge my body will naturally start shaking. We can of course induce shaking ourselves. Another sweet release can be with our voice, giving that pain a sound, sometimes alongside movement can be a powerful medicine.”

    Ideally you would be able to see someone who is holistic in their approach and will take a case history and who can suggest an approach that covers all bases. But trying even one therapy is well worth it as it may be your first step on the road towards of a pain free period.

    As a teenager I never looked for help, because period and its pain is/was a taboo; I also lied down in a foetus position crying from pain. No pain anymore after having kids; what helped me was to accept my female body, as well as solving female ancestral karma (Closing the bones, constellation therapy, cranio-sacral therapy). So not one particular method, but rather awareness that menstrual taboos are so deep in our consciousness and that unhealed ancestral female traumas feel so painful in the body because the one/generation who becomes aware of that releases a lot of that ancestral shit with the energy of menstruation. Laura Linde

    What can you do for yourself (without seeing a therapist)

    Wrap your hips! I show you how to do this in this video. Because it supports the pelvis, the uterus and its ligaments, and because it provides warmth, wrapping your pelvis during your period may provide relief. I show a simple way of doing it in this video (there are others on my YouTube channel, and I have a blog on postnatal wrapping that is full of examples of ways to do it). Here is a blog post from Mizan Therapy explaining why it might help.

    Try switching to using reusable menstrual products. Some women report a decrease in period pain when they switched to using washable pads, period pants or a menstrual cup (There is a great YouTube channel about reusable sanitary products and menstrual cups here).

    My extremely heavy flow (so much so I couldn’t go to work 2 days at start of period, leaked through clothes etc) was helped hugely by moving to cloth sanitary protection. They say the chemicals in disposable pads increase flow. There was never a mention of the sanitary wear I used as a cause, rather the potential need for gynae reviews and long term medication. Thankfully not needed thanks to cloth sanitary products. Claire Pitchford

    My biggest healer has been switching to cloth and organic, un bleached sanitary ware and a series of womb massage sessions with Tania Meacher-Payne. She knocked my period down from 10-6 days. Life changing. I call her the womb fairy. Vikki Young

    Work on your alignment yourself.  Alignment specialist Rosie Dhoopun runs an online courses on the topic. In this video she explains a set of techniques you can do yourself.

    There is a list of things to try to decrease period pain in this blog by Katy Bowman :

    • “1.  Two days before the expected time for the flow to begin, reduce the amount of work done and increase the amount of rest.  Take a warm tub bath each evening for thirty minutes.
    • 2.  When the flow starts, go to bed and keep hot-water bottles to the feet and lower abdomen.
    • 6.  To help prevent future attacks of dysmenorrhea give attention to the following:
    • a.  Regular habits of eating, sleeping, and exercise.
    • b.  A wholesome diet, free from spices, condiments, greasy or fried food, tea and coffee, with little or no fresh food.
    • c.  Avoid tight clothing, and see that the limbs, neck, and chest are prevented from chilling.
    • d.  Correct constipation, if present.”

    Take an online course:

    Checkout some websites

    Read some books:

    Here are the ones I have read and loved.

    • Wild Power by Alexandra Pope
    • Period Power by Maisie Hill
    • The wise wound by Penelope Shuttle and Peter Redgrove
    • Women’s bodies Women Wisdom by Dr Christiane Northrup
    • Moon Time by Lucy Pearce

    For supporting puberty:

    • Reaching for the moon by Lucy Pearce
    • How to support your daughter through puberty by Melonie Syrett

    And here is a collection of 28 books on the topic

    I’d love to hear about any other resources or therapies you have found useful!

  • A little bit of background about rebozos and their use to support women

    A little bit of background about rebozos and their use to support women

    I was introduced to the art of using the traditional Mexican shawl called the rebozo back in 2013 when I attended a workshop by doula Stacia Smales Hill on rebozo use for labour and birth. During the same year I also attended a workshop by Dr Rocio Alarcon, who taught a postnatal massage technique called closing the bones, some elements of which included rocking and binding with a rebozo.

    Over the course of the following years I pursued my knowledge further by doing several more workshops with Rocio, and several other rebozo workshops with different focuses, such as the rebozo for labour progress and malposition with Selina Wallis, micromovements with Francoise Freedman, 2 different spinning babies with Jennifer Walker and Gail Tully, and a workshop on healing diastasis recti  with Birthlight which included many rebozo techniques.

    I am also a babywearing instructor, and as such use rebozos and wraps to carry babies too.

    As I started teaching workshops around closing the bones and rebozo work as well as babywearing, the incredibly versatile use of the cloth really blew my mind.

    As I met people through teaching, I constantly questioned people I met about their culture’s practises, I started to build a picture in my mind of something much more universal than the rebozo.

    It seems that every culture had a piece of cloth of some kind, call it a shawl, a sarong, a scarf, or a wrap.

    Whilst the rebozo is a traditional shawl from Mexico and some South American countries, I found that other cultures used different pieces of cloths in the same fashion.

    Cold countries often us thick, woollen fabrics (think Welsh Shawl or Scottish plaid), and warmer countries, cooler, thin, cotton fabric (think African Kanga or Indonesian Sarong).

    There are almost too many fabrics to count, but one thing is for sure, women have used all sorts of cloths in incredibly versatile ways, and what I’m going to say below about the rebozo is true for many other cultures too. It’s a truly universal practise.

    I spent a few years believing that the use of the rebozo during labour was uniquely South American but I have since met a Somalian midwife who told me how they use their traditional shawl, called a Garbasar, in a similar way during labour. Supporting a pregnant woman from the same country confirmed this, and in fact her mother even showed me how it is used to bind the abdomen post birth.

    I trained a Moroccan birth worker in doing closing the bones, and she was surprised when she started offering the massage that women came forward and told her they’d had a similar treatment in the local hammam (Steam bath/wet room) after birth (using a traditional Moroccan cloth called a Mendil).  Tunisia offers a similar practise called a fouta massage (the fouta is a hammam towel, which is very similar in nature to the Turkish towel-it has become a very popular alternative to beach towels in France recently).

    I am lucky to be part of a multicultural family, being French and married to a man from Hong Kong. In Hong Kong I’ve been told they use a long piece of muslin cloth to bind the woman’s hips and abdomen after birth, and my mother in law showed me how the midwifes taught her to wrap her belly with a towel post birth.

    It’s also quite fascinating to see how contact with foreign cultures can influence each other. For example I recently acquired a Dutch postpartum girdle called a Sluitlaken. I couldn’t help but notice how similar to Indonesian postpartum binding it looks, then a friend pointed out than Holland used to have Indonesian colonies!

    So, what can you do with a rebozo (or a scarf of shawl)?

    Pretty much all cultures on the planet, some kind of cloth is used to cradle and carry a baby. In some cultures is used to rock and soothe the baby too. Rocking is such a primal rhythm we all experienced it in our mother’s womb, that we find it soothing all through our lives.  Even in Europe there are pictures of women wearing their babies in Welsh shawls which date from the 1940s.

    Later, when the baby grew into a toddler and child, she would use the cloth to dress up, pretend play (including carrying toys and/or animals, pretending to carry a baby), make a den etc.

    As the child grew into a young woman she would use the cloth as a shawl to keep warm, as a clothing accessory, a blanket, to carry siblings ( in traditional cultures women learn baby care from a very young age as they tend to live with extended families), and to carry loads on her back or head.

    Later still when she became a woman, she might have been given her own shawl as part of a menarche ceremony. She might have worn a special cloth on her wedding day.

    When she became pregnant, she would have used the shawl to support her belly, and her midwives would have used it to alleviate the aches and pains of pregnancy, and maybe to help the baby move into the best position for birth.

    During labour she would have used the shawl to hang from, to pull on, and her birth attendants would have used it to provide comfort measures, such as sifting, rocking, shaking, and wrapping.

    After the birth she would have had a “baby moon”. Again this is something pretty much universal in the world-women the world around have been alleviated from household tasks and cared for by family members for the first 30 to 40 days postpartum. During this time they would rest so they could recover from growing and birthing their baby and get to know their baby and learn to care for them. Her birth attendants and the community of women would have come to feed her nourishing food, and help her body heal from the pregnancy and birth by using  a combination of their hands, massage techniques and using the cloth to help move and bind her hips and abdomen to help them back into place. In the West we used to have this practise called “churching” whereby the new mother was expected to rest for a month before rejoining the community and be welcome back during a special blessing at the church (you can read about it here). The research I have done for my upcoming book “Why postnatal recovery matters” has also shown me that the rest AND the binding still used to be part of the UK culture, less than 70 years ago.

    She then would have start to use the cloth to carry her baby and start the cycle all over again.

    Later as she grew old, her family members would have used the cloth to rock and soothe aches and pain.

    Women would have been buried with their shawl using it as a shroud.

    So you see, a traditional cloth, rebozo, shawl or cloth can be used to support a woman throughout her whole life. It is a universal phenomenon on our planet.

    As the shawl came out of fashion and modern practises like using pushchairs became seen as more fashionable and desirable, this skill was soon lost, and because like most traditional women-only practises, it was just passed on orally rather than written about, the knowledge was lost very quickly, in one or two generations. We also tend to embrace “modern” practises mindlessly, seeing traditional ones as backwards and old fashioned.

    Mexican and Chinese friends tell me that nobody wants to use the traditional shawl or carrier these days as only remote farmers or beggars still use them.

    This is  something that we need to reclaim and teach all women, as it is part of the essence of women circles and supporting women through life transitions.

    This is why I am so passionate about passing this skills to both expectant and new mothers, and to anybody who works with expectant and new mothers. It is our birthright!

    You can learn more about the Rebozo and its many wonderful uses to support pregnancy, birth and the postpartum in my online rebozo course.

    (This is an update  from a blog I published originally in 2018)

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • How to have a positive birth in unpredictable times

    How to have a positive birth in unpredictable times

    I am writing this because I know that if you are pregnant right now, the lack of information combined with the unpredictability what maternity care might look like when you give birth might be making you anxious.

    I am seeing a lot of worried pregnant women and new mothers asking worried questions on social media at the moment.

    So I am going to try and give you some ways to prepare.

    I have already collated all the information produced by the royal college of obstetricians in this blog.

    Here is a summary of what restrictions are in place right now (I will aim to update it as it changes):

    • No partners or visitors are allowed to accompany women at antenatal appointments (such as blood tests, scans etc).
    • No partners or visitors in antenatal or postnatal wards.
    • Only one partner during labour. This only includes established labour, so if you start labour at home you’ll be able to go with your birth partner of choice to the hospital (as long as you are both symptom free), if your labour is induced, because this is taking place in the antenatal ward, your partner will only be able to join you once you are in established labour and you transfer to the labour ward.
    • Your birth partner can only accompany you if they are well, i.e. free of COVID-19 symptoms (so it might be a good idea to plan for a backup person if you can).
    • Several trusts have suspended homebirth services due to ambulance services being stretches.
    • Because staffing levels are stretched, some trusts have also closed their birth centres.

    Because of the above, it is likely that the only option available for the majority of mothers will be giving birth inside an obstetric unit, or to give birth at home unassisted (something known as freebirth-which is legal in the UK- see Birthright’s fact sheet on unassisted birth , and AIMS’s articles. If this is something you are considering, educating yourself deeply on the topic is paramount).

    I’m aware that this may feel like a rock and hard place situation for many women.

    Whilst I am seeing a lot of anxious mothers on social media groups, I am also reading a lot of positive birth stories, with women relating stories of incredibly supportive midwifes in the face of stretches circumstances, as well as being apologetic about the current restrictions.

    As someone who has been supporting pregnant, birthing and new families for over 10 years, I am accustomed to the fact that birth in unpredictable, and that what makes a good birth experience isn’t what the birth looks like on paper, but rather how the parents were made to feel during the birth.

    I encourage all the families I support antenatally to write 3 birth plans: Plan A which is your ideal scenario, plan B for curve balls such as when induction of labour is needed, and plan C for a caesarean. I wrote a blog about this here .

    I have supported plenty of women who told me that they didn’t like the idea of writing a caesarean birth plan just in case, but that when it came to it made all the difference because it meant they still got some aspects of what was important to them (such as skin to skin in theatre). The situation we are facing now is similar.

    I also encourage women to think about what is really important to them, i.e. I know that there will be plenty of things in their birth plans that they aren’t particularly bothered about, but to highlight in bold or red the stuff that really matters.

    This doesn’t mean that losing your preferred birth options doesn’t matter. It does, and so does grieving the loss of said options. Your feelings matter, and I know this is a very unusual and stressful time.

    Just like I encourage expectant parents to cover all possible scenarios ahead of the birth (because deciding whether you are happy for a major medical intervention to happen during birth is easier to ponder whilst you aren’t in the middle of labour), I know that by getting prepared as much as you can for all possible scenarios, you are more likely to have a positive experience, and to have put things in place that will allow you to retain some elements of control and decision making, regardless of how your birth circumstances unfold.

    Since it is likely you might give birth in an hospital labour ward/obstetric unit, think about how you can make the space as private and homely as possible.

    Here are some example of things you could bring to make the room as cosy as possible:

    • Dim the Lights/use fairy lights/LED candles. A great tip to darken a room without curtains is to bring a couple of rolls of foil: moisten the widows and you can stick the foil to them, making instant black out (make sure to have a torch in case staff doesn’t have one). Another option is to use a sleep mask.
    • Bring some pillows from home/some blankets (they’ll smell like home and be softer/nicer than hospital ones)
    • Bring something nice to smell, such as pregnancy safe essential oils, which you can put on a tissue.
    • Your own music/noise cancelling headphones, some people like to make a playlist.
    • Create a playlist of your favourite music, whether it’s calm or upbeat. Music can help reduce stress and the perception of pain during labour. Start working on that playlist while you are in birth preparations by finding what genres or artists are soothing/relaxing to you. Listen to those tracks or stations throughout your pregnancy; it’ll be familiar during labour and help promote relaxation.
    • Some pictures. I’ve seen couples putting up pictures and/or affirmations on the wall. Some included pictures of the scan, pictures of a favourite holiday place etc. You could make a collage to take with you and blue tack on the wall.
    • Move the furniture around! Here is a video showing how you can move things around inside a typical labour ward room and make use of the furniture to have an active birth

    What if your labour is being induced:

    • First know your rights and options, and that being induced for “postdates” can be a bit of a grey area. I wrote a blog about this here .
    • All of the above, plus stuff to keep you entertained, like books and downloaded movies. Induction can take some time (sometimes several days) especially for first time mothers. Since you will be on your own in a ward, with several other women in the same bay, privacy can be an issue, so sleep mask, earplugs and noise cancelling headphones can be really helpful.

    Regardless of how and where you hope/plan to give birth:

    • Write a multipart birth plan, the process of finding out about options is as important as ever. Remember that nothing should be done to you without your full and explicit consent, even simple medical procedures such as vaginal examinations.
    • The positive birth book has a great set of free icons to download if you’d like to make a visual birth plan-they are also great as a prompt if you aren’t sure about what topics to cover
    • Use the BRAIN  (Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Instinct, Nothing) acronym to help you through decision making and asking the right questions.
    • In your birth plan, you might want to start with a paragraph introducing yourself to your caregivers, highlighting any really important aspects. The quicker they can get to know you and what you prefer, the easiest it will be for them to establish rapport and support you as best they can.
    • Practise ahead of time techniques to help you stay as relaxed as possible, such as meditation, breathing and relaxation techniques, or movement.
    • Consider hiring a doula. Whilst it’s unlikely a doula will be able to come with you due to the one partner only rule, most now offer remote services. Not only your doula will be invaluable in helping you prepare, she will provide a much needed friendly voice at the end of the phone or video call. I know it sounds odd that we can provide help remotely, but I have personally supported several couples through birth over the phone and I know how much of a difference it can make.

    Ultimately whilst we can control certain things, I think what this extremely unusual circumstances have shown us is the we have the illusion of control of scenarios, when really we don’t have control over it.

    I will leave you with this quote from Sara Wickham:

    “I am so heartened to hear about the generous and creative ways in which many people have responded to this crisis. I’m taking two thoughts into the weekend with me. The first is that there are still plenty of things that are within our control. And the second is that creativity and connection are key to getting us through this.”

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • Rebozo techniques for relaxation during uncertain times

    Rebozo techniques for relaxation during uncertain times

    I’m seeing a lot of understandably anxious pregnant women since the beginning of the Covid-19 crisis. What will happen to my appointments and when I go into labour? Will I have to give birth alone? What will happen after the birth?

    I’ve tried to address as many of these questions in this blog about pregnancy and the pandemic, this one about postnatal recovery, and this one about online support.

    But I’d also like to offer a simple practical way to relax that you may not know about.

    A rebozo is a traditional Mexican shawl, which, besides being used as an item of clothing, is use to provide great comfort by rocking, jiggling and wrapping a woman’s body, especially during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum.

    I’ve been using rebozos for 7 years, as well as teaching the techniques to parents and birthworkers.

    I have had so many mind blowing experience using rebozos shawls and scarves in my work to support women through pregnancy, birth, the postpartum and beyond, I’m on a mission to pass on this skill to ask many people as possible.

    What the rebozo does, by gently rocking and wrapping you, is calm you right down and bring you back to you body.

    As a species we exist in two extreme opposite states: the fight or flight, and the rest and relaxation stage.

    Right now, understandably, many of you are stuck in the fight or flight state. It’s made worse by the fact that you literally cannot “flight” because we are all stuck at home.

    The simple techniques I describe in this blog are incredibly effective, yet super simple to do, and anybody can do them. You don’t even need a rebozo to do them, something simple like a scarf or a pashmina will do.

    Here are 3 simple relaxation techniques you can use during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period (or at any other time! These aren’t limited to pregnancy-anybody regardless of gender or age can benefit from their relaxing effect).

    Self-care technique

    • A quick 5 min “reboot” to get you out of your head and into a more relaxed state
    • This is an easy routine to warm and loosen your muscles. It is especially helpful if your energy could do with a boost or if you feel stiff from having sat down for too long (especially after working at a computer), or if you feel anxious or stressed. The technique starts with some shoulder stretches, followed by a shoulder, back and buttocks rub, and finishes with a foot rub. After doing this quick and easy routine you may find that you feel happier, warmer, more relaxed, and more energised 🙂

    Play

    Wrapping the shoulders

    • Wrap the rebozo or scarf around the shoulders, cross the ends, then gently tighten and hold. This can be done standing up, sitting down, or lying down. It is a very calming and grounding technique, because the gentle tightening around the ribcage encourages you to breathe deeper into your belly.

    Play

     

    Rocking the pelvis

    • This consists in wrapping the rebozo or scarf around the pelvis, then  gently rocking the pelvis. This can also be done with the woman resting her back or arms against a wall for support, as well as lying down on the floor, or sitting on a couch.

    Play

    This is a taster version of the full version of my self-study rebozo ebook, or in my rebozo online course. If you would like to buy a rebozo, I have them in my online shop.

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    As we navigate the unexpected and unstable changes happening in our world right now, a lot of peoples are moving from offering them face to face to online.

    Some of these things that may feel normal and already be part of your life for example you might already be doing some exercise using online programmes or youtube videos.

    They are things that you may never have experienced online and cannot quite get how they are going to work.

    I get that.

    Years ago I was made redundant from a biotech company I worked for. As part of my redundancy I got a package to support me in finding another job. I choose to hire Suzanne Doyle Morris, a female coach I had met through a women in science network I belonged to, and who specialised in supporting women in male dominated fields. I was unpleasantly surprised when she explained that we would be working over the phone, because I didn’t believe it would work as well as face to face. Boy was I wrong! The sessions with Suzanne were extremely powerful and helped me not only see what I wanted to do, but also helped me shift out of the frozen feeling I had, and develop a way of being that had positive impact way beyond the job finding process.

    Fast forward to today-I can imagine if you were looking forward to face to face group classes such as antenatal classes, or had hired a doula, how too may believe that it is not going to work and that there is no point in continuing.

    I get it. I am having doubts too.

    On a normal week I sing in a choir, and I go to a 5rhythms dancing group. These are moving online and I haven’t experienced them yet so I’m feeling a mix doubtfulness but also some of curiosity about how they are going to work online. I have already heard really positive stories from people who have taken part in such groups.

    What I am also seeing however is that pregnant women are really worried about what is going to happen when they give birth, and that the support is needed more than ever.

    As a doula I am used to support people with a mix of face to face and remotely via email, texts, whatsApp and phone calls. I have even supported people through several births over the phone.

    What I can tell you is this: whilst some things cannot be done remotely (such as massage), and face to face support offers something unique, many aspect of support can be provided remotely (for example, I am able to teach techniques to help turn a breech baby or carry a baby in a sling, online), , remote support is still extremely helpful.

    At a time of uncertainly, when things are changing daily, having someone who understands and knows the system, can find information for you, and simply be a listening ear and help you navigate your worries and concerns is invaluable.

    So if you are pregnant or a new mother right, and you are worried or scared, please consider hiring someone who can support you through it.

    Here is a list of people and organisations that can offer remote support:

    One advantage is that you are no longer constrained by distance, so you can lookup antenatal and postnatal classes nationally and pick the ones that suit you best.

    Here is a list of organisations you can get support from:

    Find a doula at Doula UK, the non profit associations for doulas in the UK. Having a doula will help you navigate your birth and postnatal options whilst things change in the maternity services right now, and also guarantee that you have someone to talk to when you need to. I have blogged several times about what doulas do, both to support birth and the postnatal period, feel free to scroll through my previous blog posts to read these.

    Independent midwives

    Antenatal and postnatal education

    Babywearing support:

    Pregnancy/postnatal exercise classes

    Mental health

    Free meditations/relaxation tracks/relaxation techniques

    Mental health professionas/organisations

    • Zoë Tolman  counsellor & psychotherapist specialising in perinatal mental health.
    • Alex Kremer fertility support, birth trauma, hypnobirthing and parenting support.
    • Traumatic birth recovery : practitioners trained in a fast birth trauma release technique called the Rewind technique
    • Make birth better: A collective of parents and professionals working together to end suffering from birth trauma.
    • Mind is a mental health charity, they have a section on postnatal depression
    • Mia Scotland is a perinatal psychologist
    • Saveria EFT birth trauma and birth anxiety sessions
    • Spiritual Health Programme (free)
    • Jo Rogers doula and spiritual companion
    • The Pandas foundation for perinatal mental health
    • SHaRON is a peer support based ehealth system, available via a mobile phone app and associated website.

    Breastfeeding support organisations

    So you see there are a lot of options available, from one to one to group classes, to charities. Do give a try to at least some of the free resources, you might be surprised by how helpful you find them!

  • Nurturing postpartum recipes-Chicken and red date soup

    Nurturing postpartum recipes-Chicken and red date soup

    Yesterday I cooked and delivered a traditional Chinese postpartum dish called chicken and red date soup to a new mother.

    It is a tradition I started a few years ago when I supported my first Chinese client as a birth doula. She found me by asking if there was a Chinese doula in the local community, because she wanted to follow the traditional Chinese postpartum tradition, known as “doing the month”.

    There was no Chinese doula in Cambridge, but someone told her there was a doula who was married to a Chinese and she found me.

    My Chinese husband proved unknowledgeable when it came to the dishes in question, so, in my usual birth and postpartum geek fashion, I set out to read as much as I could on the topic, and taught myself to cook a whole new bunch of traditional Chinese recipes (much to my husband’s delight).

    The first time I made the soup, my husband tasted it, looked delighted, and declared that it was “proper soup”. Then my client told me that it tasted just like what her grandma used to make. This felt like the ultimate compliment.

    I have been making that soup for some years now. I’ve made it for several new mums, who have all loved it. I’ve made it for friends post surgery as well as it’s very good for recovery and healing.

    As I made it again yesterday, I thought it would be nice to share, so others can benefit too. I also experimented for the first time making it in my instant pot (an electric pressure cooker), because it normally takes a couple of hours to make and I was pressed for time. I’m pleased to report the instant pot version tastes just as nice, so I’ll be sharing how I made that too.

    It’s made from very simple ingredients, yet it tastes delicious, and feels cleansing too.

    It has 6 ingredients: Chicken, onion, carrots, ginger, red dates (also known as jujubes-you can find these online or in Asian supermarkets), and goji berries.

    In my usual fashion, I also set out to find some science behind the ingredients, especially the red dates and goji berries. My research left me somewhat disappointed because I’ve found lots of references to traditional Chinese medicine, and also some published research showing what nutrients are available in them, but nothing bridging the gap, i.e. explaining how those nutrients affect hormones and blood flow and healing.

    The Chinese medicine states that red dates are known to increase Qi (life energy), and help nourish  the blood and bring relaxation. Another important aspect of the Chinese postpartum (which I have found to be a worldwide practise), is to keep the new mother warm, and the ginger, red dates and goji berries do just that, as they are considered to be warming to the body. The traditional Chinese postpartum guidelines stress the importance of avoiding cold (literally, no cold drinks), as well as foods considered “cold” after birth.

    Here is an article explaining their health benefits from the Chinese medicine perspective

    I’ve also found some published research that red dates are sedative, anti-oxidant, and anti-inflammatory

    How to make the soup

    I use a modified version of the recipe from the book “The first 40 days” by Heng Ou.  You can also find it in my book Why Postnatal Recovery Matters

    Ingredients

    • 2 pounds whole chicken or chicken parts (I like to use thighs as they are easier to shred than drumsticks, it’s best if they have bones)
    • 1 onion, peeled
    • 2 inches fresh ginger, peeled and halved
    • 3 medium carrots, peeled and thinly sliced
    • 5 Chinese red dates (you can find these online or in Asian supermarkets, you need these to get the benefits as normal dates do not have the same medicinal properties)
    • 3 tablespoons dried goji berries
    • salt to taste

    Preparation (the slow, stovetop way)

    1. Place the chicken in a medium pot, and add enough cold water to cover the meat. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, uncovered.
    2. Once boiling, add the onion and ginger. Season to taste. Reduce the heat to medium, cover, and cook for 40 minutes. Remove the lid occasionally to skim any foam off the top and discard.
    3. Remove from the heat. Move the chicken to a plate to cool. Shred the chicken meat with 2 forks. Place 1-2 cups of the shredded chicken back in the pot.
    4. Add the carrots and dates to the pot, and simmer over low heat, uncovered, for 45 minutes. Add the goji berries and cook an additional 15 minutes. Season with salt to taste.
    5. To serve, remove the chicken, shred the meat, discard the bones and return the shredded meat to the pan. Serve in bowls

    Preparation (the fast, instant pot, or pressure cooker way)

    1. Put all the ingredients in the pot, cover with water
    2. Cook (using soup mode on your instant pot) for 35 min
    3. Do a quick steam release.
    4. Shred the chicken meat, and place back into the soup.
    5. Taste for seasoning as add salt as needed
    6. Serve in bowls, making sure each bowl has a red date in it

    I had a go at making a veggie version too :

    Whilst you cannot quite replace chicken in terms of taste, I experimented with adding several ingredients I knew would add umami flavours so the soup, so it still tasted nourishing and delicious:

    Ingredients (feel free to use diffferent vegs):

    • one leek
    • 3 medium sized carrots
    • 2 onions (1 red, 1 yellow)
    • a few cabbage leaves
    • a tablespoon of miso paste
    • a tablespoon of dark soy sauce
    • a tablespoon of marmite
    • a dash of Worcestershire sauce
    • 5 Chinese red dates
    • 3 tablespoons dried goji berries
    • salt to taste

    Preparation

    1. Peel, prep and chop veggies
    2. Add all ingredients together to a saucepan
    3. Cover with water
    4. Heat up until boiling then cook covered on low for 40 min
    5. You can either serve as is, or you could strain and just serve the broth (in this case put one of the red dates in each bowl)

    If you are a new mum, and you’d like the benefits of the red dates without the time prep of the soup, you can also make red date tea, by placing 2 or 3 red dates (you can add goji berries and ginger too) in a cup of boiling water, and steeping for a few minutes. You can eat them afterwards too.

    It is also supposed to be a good support to menstruation.

    If you are vegetarian or vegan and fancy trying this soup, you could replace the chicken by some tofu or vegetables of your choice.

    I have found that traditional postpartum practises the world over include rest, support, good nutrition and postpartum specific bodywork. One of my goals is to try and find out what traditional English and French dishes would have been served to new mothers, so please comment if you know, and I’d love to hear about any traditional dishes from around the world too.

    If you would like to learn more about preparing for the postpartum, as well as my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, I have created an online course called How to prepare for a nurturing postpartum.

    Here’s what’s included in How to Prepare for a Nurturing Postpartum:

    • Understanding the postpartum period – Why this time is crucial for long-term well-being.
    • Essential postpartum needs – Learn the key elements that support deep recovery.
    • Practical planning – How to create a postpartum plan that truly nurtures.
    • Food & nourishment – Discover the best foods and drinks for healing and energy.
    • Physical recovery & rest – Tips for supporting the body’s healing journey.
    • Emotional well-being – Strategies to navigate the emotions of new motherhood.
    • Support network – How to ask for and receive help with confidence.
    • Honouring cultural traditions – Insights into postpartum care from around the world.

    This course gives you everything you need to feel held, nourished, and prepared for a truly restorative postpartum.

  • Why I want to change the nature of postnatal support

    Why I want to change the nature of postnatal support

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    Earlier this week I wrote a blog that’s been playing on my mind for many years. It’s called “why I wish I had hired a postnatal doula“

    In this blog I explain how challenging I found new motherhood, how lonely and upset I felt through those early weeks and how I longed for some support but failed to reach out because of a mix of shame for not loving every minute of being a mother, and feeling like I couldn’t justify the expense.

    As a doula, I witness the same challenge in new mothers. Sometimes I do not even know they are struggling until weeks later, because, whilst they sit in the same pit of discomfort and shame as I did, thinking they are the only one that struggle, they don’t usually reach out for help do they?

    I have written before about the topic of making a postnatal recovery plan, and about what new mothers really need, and you’re not meant to be doing this on your own (hint: it’s not flowers or stuffed bears).

    The wisdom in traditional postpartum practises around the world is very simple really, it boils down to 4 main elements of support for the mother:

    • Rest (someone takes care of the chores)
    • Food ( someone takes care of cooking good, nutritious meals)
    • Social support (the new mother is never alone at home with a baby)
    • Bodywork (someone massages the new mother, along with wrapping her hips/abdomen)

    I have a strong urge to write more about this, to spread the word further, I have a list of blogs as long as my arm about this topic, and in fact I now am thinking I need to write a book, or possibly more than one book, about this topic. Something easy to share, I might start with an ebook, like the one I have already written about rebozo techniques.

    I’m a knowledge junkie, so since I started learning about some postpartum practises, I’ve asked everybody I’ve met about the traditional practices from their country, and you know what, every continent in the world has some form of specific nurturing, specific foods, and bodywork and wrapping.

    After all, you’ve not only grown and birthed a whole new human, your body has accommodated this through tremendous changes.

    During pregnancy, the uterus grows from the size of a pear to the size of a watermelon (pushing abdominal organs out of the way, changing the shape of your muscles, ligaments and spine as it does so), then back again after birth.

    It seems crazy to me that nobody makes sure that all the organs, muscles, joints and ligaments have safely returned where they belong.

    I bake a groaning cake for all mothers I support, and sometimes make a traditional Chinese chicken soup too (my husband is from Hong Kong, and there is still a very strong postpartum nurturing culture there)

    Learning to massage and wrap new mothers had lead me onto a journey of discovery about postpartum practises, got me to work closely with an osteopath, create a new type of massage, and develop my skills in an apprenticeship manner. The two combined led me to develop a deep practical knowledge of what happens to women bodies after birth.

    This has fuelled a fire that makes me want to shout from the rooftops that what we get in the Western world just isn’t good enough, and want to work hard to change that.

    If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn some of these nurturing skills, I am running some Rebozo and Postnatal Recovery Massage courses in July-see https://sophiemessager.com/workshops-birth-professionals/

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  • How a doula can support you if you are having a planned cesarean birth

    How a doula can support you if you are having a planned cesarean birth

    It’s a commonly held belief that there is no point having a doula if you are having a planned cesarean, and I want to debunk this myth.

    I too, once believed that I couldn’t justify charging to support a woman who was having a planned caesarean.

    There would be no on call period, no phone call in the middle of the night, no unpredictable length of birth care.

    Or would there?

    Last year I got called unexpectedly (as I was busy packing the car for a week end away) by a client, pregnant with twins, who was only in the 32nd week of her pregnancy. She said “they are taking them out now”. I abandoned my week end plans and made it to the hospital with 15 min to spare.

    I was also called by a woman who unexpectedly found that they were moving her cesarean a week earlier. She asked if I could come to the hospital immediately.

    I have also been hired just to cover the on call period for a mother planning a cesarean, just in case she would go into labour before the scheduled date.

    I have worked as a doula for 7 years, and having supported several planned cesareans births, I’ve learnt that there isn’t such a thing as predictability, and also that doula support can be just as needed, just as useful as it is for a planned vaginal birth.

    I’ve learnt that, as every woman who births vaginally has her own set of individual needs, so do women who are having a planned cesarean birth.

    So, if you are having a planned cesarean birth, you can benefit from the exact same support you get from your doula as you would if you were hiring her for a planned vaginal birth.

    Doula support is a three legged stool of support, emotional, practical and informational support.

    This support applies regardless of the way your baby is born.

    So what can a doula do to help you before, during and after a planned cesarean?

    Pregnancy-the preparation

    When you are having a planned cesarean ,there are still many aspects of what will happen before, during and after the birth to think about.

    Having someone at your side who knows the hospital system in and out and how to navigate it, and help you push for what’s important for you, is very valuable.

    It is very much like going to a restaurant : you need know everything that’s on the menu to make your choice. If you’re a vegetarian and I only offer you meat stew this isn’t a great option for you isn’t it?

    I once supported a friend who was very keen on having what is known as a gentle cesarean. Her local hospital completely refused to support her choices, so I suggested she might want to try another more supportive hospital. I pointed out that, as she was having a planned cesarean birth, she could go where she wanted. She ended up finding the perfect hospital and obstetrician and having a beautiful and empowering birth.

    Sometimes, women who prefer to have a planned cesarean for all sorts of very valid reasons, can find themselves having a battle on their hands to get this choice respected. Having a doula on your side to help you navigate your rights can be invaluable in this situation too.

    So knowing all the options and having help navigating them and knowing how to get what you want is what having a doula is all about.

    A doula can also help prepare you emotionally for what is going to happen which can help you feel more in control.

    She can help you plan for your recovery after the surgery and how best to manage life with a new baby post cesarean.

    She can help you access a whole network of medical and complementary practitioners too.

    Alex Heath, doula

    “Doulas definitely help clients to negotiate an elective cesarean in the first place. Using knowledge of hospital pathways, language and mindset to support them in asking for an elective cesarean if that’s what they want…”

    Pippa Moss, doula

    “Helping with any preferences/alternative birth plan. Letting their clients know there are “gentle” cesarean options they may not know about, optimal cord clamping, gown on back to front to facilitate skin to skin etc. Calming nerves before surgery”

    Kristina McKeown, doula

    “Being aware that as a doula you may be one of few people fully supporting them in their choice. There still a lot of judgement in choosing a cesarean birth and just having someone to talk that through can be really helpful.”

    Ceci Goldaracena, doula

    “My client was booked for a elective cesarean. “Past Due date” and with a preview cesarean. She could not have an induction. We worked a lot in the birth plan for a gentle cesarean. Went together to hospital that morning and started to work in keeping oxytocin and happiness in high levels. Turns out that after a couple of hours when the medical team was ready they did a last monitor and she was having labour contractions. We asked to stop the A plan. Lots of walks , stairs,dancing and laugh…baby was born that night naturally.”

    On the day-waiting for the cesarean

    When you get scheduled for a cesarean birth, you get told to come to the hospital at a certain time, without having eaten any food. It is not uncommon for the wait to be longer than expected-because emergency cesareans can take priority, so having a doula at your side whilst you wait can help you stay as calm and relaxed as possible whilst you wait.

    Sarah Budden, doula

    “My role was all about the before. I spent 5 hours pre surgery distracting – playing cards, talking about Homes under the hammer, looking at pictures of their first born, getting dad involved in some foot massaging. She was scared. I was there to make the wait less intense, to stop her legs from shaking and discharge some adrenalin.”

    During the cesarean

    Having a doula there means that there is a familiar, friendly face to keep you calm in theatre. Your doula can hold you whilst they place the spinal anesthesia. She can hold your hand during the surgery. The birth itself is usually quite quick, but the longest part is the stitching afterwards. Is you are having your baby skin to skin in theatre she can help facilitate this too, and even help you to feed your baby then if you wish to do so.

    Most hospitals have a one partner policy only, however hospital policies are only guidelines and should be adapted to the need of the birthing family.

    I have been present in theatre with a couple.

    I have also been present with the mother when there was no partner, and I have been present with the mother when it felt like the right choice for a couple (for example when the father felt uncomfortable being in theatre, or when the father needed to stay at home to look after other children).

    Nicola Collins, doula

    “I supported an elective as one of my first births and it was so calm and beautiful. I helped with putting birth preferences together and going to appointments. Worked through any worries and concerns she had before the birth. On the day she was fourth down and we just chatted and laughed and I reassured her and reminded her of the golden thread breath when she was a little anxious. She had a bit of a tricky start as couldn’t get the spinal working properly for 40mins and all I could be was a voice of reassurance and give her my support. Finally got going and section went great and I just kept talking to her and keeping her informed about what was happening. Then I got to take photos of the baby being lifted out which was amazing and then mama got skin to skin straight away and even baby had latched on just before we left theatre. Back in ward, I helped with anything that mum needed. Breastfeeding support, got her food and drink. Called her parents and kept them updated. Let her have a little rest and just sat with her while she slept”

    Claire Walker, mother

    “When I got pregnant with my twins I knew I would have a planned c-section due to an emergency c-section with my first daughter. I had no hesitation in hiring a doula as the emotional support on the day was what kept me calm and relaxed as I could be. Having someone that is just there to support you before and after who will listen and comfort you is priceless.

    My twins were born 8 weeks early so had to go straight to NICU. I wanted my partner to go with them as I didn’t want them to be alone and also to make sure our wishes for them where kept. I also didn’t want to be left alone in the theatre so asked for my doula to be around in when my partner left. This really helped me to stay calm as I knew my babies had dad with them and I also had someone to support me as it can be very lonely even in a theatre full of doctors and nurses. Having someone to talk to and hold my hand stopped me panicking. It also meant that when I was taken to recovery I wasn’t by myself. It was very hard being wheeled past other mothers with their babies, I don’t think I would of have coped if I didn’t have my doula with me. She also helped me hand express my colostrum into syringes. Just having someone with my while my partner was with the babies was amazing, she kept me calm just by being by my side and holding my hand.”

    Nuria Pozas, doula, from her client

    “Nuria who accompanied me was very helpful, caring and professional. Even though I had a cesarean she helped me all the way through specially with my fear and later on with my emotion. She was also a great support after the birth and gave me useful advice regarding to breastfeeding and newborn baby.”

    Beau, mother

    “I had planned a home birth but knew if my labour was anything less than ‘perfect’, I would need another c-section, so the presence of a doula was necessary (no other support was possible as both our families are far away). There was meconium in my trickling waters so I was sent to the hospital. There was no question about it – my doula, who had been with me since 2h after labour started, came with me (my husband stayed at home to be with our first daughter) and it was the most amazing experience because, unlike my husband, my doula wasn’t squeamish (obviously!) so I asked for the drape to be lowered and saw my baby come out. I didn’t have to keep chatting to my doula to prevent her from fainting, as I had done with my husband with our first daughter. She took pictures and films. Having a doula was a no-brainer in pregnancy, and it was the best decision ever considering how my birth panned out 🙂

    Emilia, mother

    “My decision to seek the support of a doula was driven by the fact that I wanted a vbac in the face of a number of “risk factors” and to help me navigate and to support me through a medically complex pregnancy. The anomaly scan revealed that my son would be born with a complex health condition. After the diagnosis, my pregnancy became enormously stressful, requiring regular monitoring and checks, and involving the healthcare professionals who would be involved in my son’s postnatal care strongly advocating a range of birth interventions that I had always intended to avoid. In the final month leading up to the birth, we came across more complications, which led to me reluctantly deciding that an elective cesarean birth was the safest mode of arrival for both me and my baby. My birth doula was incredible. She helped me research my “risk factors” and the options open to me, knowing how important to me it was that my birth choices were well informed. I felt empowered and heard out, and although I was sad to abandon my vbac plans, with her help I felt at peace with my decision.”

    Immediately after the cesarean

    In the recovery room, your doula can help support you to to feel comfortable, look after you and help you to feed your baby. You will be having cannula in your hand still, and be hooked to equipment like fluid delivery, blood pressure monitors etc which can make handling a newborn a little trickier.

    If your baby has to go to the NICU (which can be more common with elective cesareans as they often occur earlier in pregnancy), then your partner can go with the baby, and this means that you aren’t alone in recovery. In this situation, your doula can also help support you to express colostrum to feed your baby.

    Recovery nurses will look after your vitals etc, but they won’t stay with you every minute of the few hours post surgery, and they won’t be a familiar face, someone you know and feel safe with. Your doula’s presence can help you feel more comfortable and safer. I have had women hiring me for this reason alone.

    Bryony Vickers, doula

    “Calming nerves after surgery. Having someone to sit with you in a dedicated way after you have had surgery is invaluable. I think women forget that they can feel not great after surgery. We can help to hold the baby, get skin to skin, help other parent with learning baby care – dressing, nappies, holding etc. Helping with getting food, drinks, with knowing what is normal, what will happen next.”

    Jo McCracken, doula

    “I was touched once when a client of mine had to have a section and, once she was in recovery, she did nothing but moan for me to be there. Finally a midwife came to get me and said, ‘We need you in recovery. She won’t listen to any of us’. When I arrived, she burst into tears and said, ‘thank goodness you are here now’. So, maybe, calming nerves after surgery too.”

    Emilia, mother

    On the day, we knew that only one birth partner would be able to accompany me into the theatre. Nonetheless, my doula was waiting for us in the lobby at the crack of dawn. Her presence helped to diffuse and lighten the atmosphere. I was nervously anticipating and looking forward to the birth rather than dreading it. Knowing what was really important to me, she was able to prompt discussions on the day. It had previously been agreed that my newborn would be taken away to nicu. We agreed that my partner would accompany him. The team agreed that my doula could enter once my partner left to take his place and to keep me company. She remained with me in recovery when I otherwise would have been left alone. She maintained contact with my partner and gave me regular updates on how my baby was getting on. She advocated for me with the midwives in recovery, passed me drink and food, talked to me, made me laugh. Having my birth doula made my pregnancy and my caesarean birth a very positive experience, despite it being complex, stressful, and not what I had wanted it to be, and I am completely convinced that it would not have been so positive if it wasn’t for her wonderful support and friendship.

    In the postnatal ward

    A few hours after the birth, once your vitals have stabilised, you will be transferred to the postnatal ward, where you will stay usually a minimum of 24h or so.

    Postnatal wards are often understaffed, especially at night, and it can feel very frustrating if your baby is crying and you can’t pick her up (you’re still immobile due to the spinal or epidural anaesthesia for a few hours), and if you ring the bell, it can take a while for someone to come.

    Having a doula supporting you there means that someone can help you with simple tasks like getting you a drink or a snack, passing your baby to you, changing your baby’s nappy, helping with feeding, and generally making sure you are comfortable.

    Sometimes the partner can do this, but sometimes the woman has no partner, or the partner may need a rest, or need to go home to look after other children etc, so having a doula there means that you won’t be alone whilst you cannot move whilst the spinal or epidural wears off. It also means that someone can be there to support you whilst you take your first wobbly steps or have your first shower.

    If you end up staying in the postnatal ward for a few days, then having a doula can also mean that someone can give your partner a much needed break, that your doula can hold your baby whilst you have a nap, or even bring you some much needed home cooked food.

    After the cesarean-at home

    When you get home, your doula can help you with settling in at home with your new baby (or babies!), helping you with feeding, with finding positions that feel comfortable to do so (feeding lying down can be a godsend for some post cesarean mums), and generally being a much needed extra pair of hands around the house,  so you can rest, get to know your baby, and recover from the surgery.

    I have supported many mothers post cesarean, both as a birth and as a postnatal doula. This has taught me that, similarly to a vaginal birth, everybody’s experience of recovery is very widely varied. I have seen mums bounce around 3 days for cesarean looking pink and healthy, and also at the other end of the spectrum, mums having issues with retained placentas and/or scar infections which meant that their recovery journey was long and protracted.

    Partners usually only get a couple of week’s parental leave, and post cesarean mums are more likely to need antibiotics and have a longer stay in the hospital. On many occasions I have seen mums stay in the hospital for 3 to 5 days, so by the time they got home their partner only had about a week’s leave left. It can feel very scary indeed to be alone at home with a new baby when you are not only recovering from surgery, learning to look after a new baby, but also are more limited in your ability to get around (I’ve seen mums who lived in a remote areas getting very lonely as they couldn’t drive their cars for several weeks).

    Ultimately no new mum should ever be alone coping by herself in the first few weeks post birth, she needs a  community around her to support her, and this is even more true for post cesarean mums.

    Kate wilson, mother

    Our doula, Candie, provided us with a huge amount of support both before and after the birth. She was with us in recovery and helped us to initiate breast feeding – which was so important after a traumatic experience with our first child. She then visited us at home and provided lots of support in helping us to adjust to life as a family of four. She supported me with breast feeding as Charlie had a tongue tie, she played with my older children and made sure I rested.”

    Georgia Wakins, doula

    “I supported a third time mum after a cesearean recently and there were lots of practical things I could help with for all three kids, but the most satisfying thing was the blissed out expression she had after I gave her a back and shoulder massage. The oxytocin and endorphins released with physical touch can be amazing for post-op discomfort, just like for labour.”

    If this resonates with you and you would like to work with me, head over here if you’re an expectant or new mum, or here if you are a birthworker

    Also feel free to signup to my mailing list to receive my newsletters by using the signup form at the bottom of this page

  • The vision board, an alternative way to plan what you want

    The vision board, an alternative way to plan what you want

    Today I’ve spent the whole morning making a vision board for this year.

    It feels  that I’ve been procrastinating doing this for over 2 weeks now, and suddenly felt the urge this morning, which is the first full moon of the year, and a powerful one at that, a good time to set intentions.

    I’ve been doing this for 4 years now.

    I started doing this as an alternative, no actually, as a rebellion against the typical masculine-orientated process of making a list/bullet point/gannt charts and suchlike.

    Once upon a time I was a control freak scientist who adored excel and Gannt charts. I was extremely process driven, I never forgot a thing, and was irritated beyond belief by people who didn’t prepare and plan things in advance or forgot stuff.

    The birth of my first child rewired my brain, and led to my leaving my scientist career to become a doula. You can read about that here.

    My creativity went through the roof and my organisation skills kind of decreased at the same time. I’m am so much happier for it!

    The only problem was, I didn’t know how to organise things except in the way I had been taught.

    The first couple of years of my self employed life I rode on the wave of excitement and novelty, so things were effortless and easy.

    Then a couple of years later, I felt overworked and out of control.

    What I didn’t realise at the time, was that the process I was using was a male one, a linear one, and that it didn’t suit who I was anymore.

    So I started experimenting with more fluid, intuitive, creative, and feminine ways of working.

    Making a vision board was such a process.

    Here’s how I do it:

    I gather a bunch of old magazines (I need quite a lot so I accumulate them over the years, many being free magazines I grab in local cafes etc).

    I set my intention of what I want this vision board to be for (for me, it’s what I’d like more of in my life this year, but you could use it for something entirely different).

    It’s nice to meditate before you start, especially about how you’d like to feel, rather than setting targets for now.

    Then I sit at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, and flick through the magazine and rip any page that has a picture that appeals to me. I am completely intuitive about this, I’m not analysing it.

    After I’ve got enough pictures, I then cut them nicely using a rotary trimmer and scissors. As I do this I discard some pictures already.

    I lay a large piece of flipchart paper on the table, then arrange all by themes. Some pictures don’t make the cut.

    I visualise what each picture means for me as I set them in place. It’s quite vague at this stage but it feels important to do that. It doesn’t have to be logical or fully fledged either, usually at this stage it’s just an idea.

    Finally I glue all the pictures in place, and set the finished vision board in a prominent place in my house.

    Over the last 3 years I’ve been doing this, as I look at the board from time to time, it’s fascinating to see how what I visualised has manifested itself, often in different ways to what I had imagined, but manifested itself nevertheless.

    I wrote this to encourage others to try it and I’d love to hear, or even better, see, what you come up with and what effects it has for you.

    Here’s what the one I made today looks like.