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Sophie Messager

Category: Business

  • The Wisdom of Winter: Embracing Natural Rhythms in a ‘Always-On’ World

    The Wisdom of Winter: Embracing Natural Rhythms in a ‘Always-On’ World

    In early January, I felt a familiar disconnect: while my body craved hibernation, the world buzzed with “new year, new you” messaging. This jarring contrast led me to reflect on our relationship with rest, productivity, and natural cycles – both as a scientist and as someone learning to honour my body’s wisdom, and also to offer a workshop using the drum to manage this.

     

    The Biology behind winter rest

    First let me make something clear: making resolutions in early January makes no sense on an energetic and biological level. We’re in midwinter. It is still dark and cold. We are meant to rest at this time. 

    It’s a fact, biologically. I did my PhD and 2 postdocs on chronobiology. Evidence shows that when nights are longer we have less energy. In fact as a species we used to work a lot harder during the time of the year when nights were short, but the advent of mass schooling (and people needing the kids back to help during the harvest) led to what we have now: holidays at a time (summer) when we need the least rest.

     

    What Celtic Wisdom Teaches Us About Seasons

    It is also a fact in nature. Just look around, nature is still mostly hibernating, even though tiny signs of Spring can already be visible. I celebrate the festivals of the celtic wheel of the year, and it would make much more sense to wait to plan goals/do resolutions etc starting from Imbolc (end of January/early February), when the energy of Spring is starting to rise.

    Despite taking a really long break over Christmas, the first week when we were supposed to be back at work, I noticed that I was still very sluggish. Getting back to work after holidays is something I’ve learnt that I need to do progressively, and I did, but this was next level. I just wanted to hibernate. I did very little work that week, I just couldn’t get going.

    I noticed something really interesting happening. Whilst I’ve always known in my head that winter is for rest, I still struggled with some level of guilt about not being productive that week. This I expect is due to my upbringing, and belonging to a culture that sees “being productive” all the time as a sign of worth, and resting as a sign of laziness.

    Nature likes balance. What comes up must go down. The cycle of growth and decay is very clearly evidence in nature. Trees don’t bear flowers or fruits all year round. But still, it is hard when the “productivity” belief has been so ingrained in us since childhood. This also makes it hard to know when we truly need to rest or we are simply experiencing a disconnect, a resistance between our inner state and what we think we ought to be “doing”.

    That first week of January, my body simply would not let me work. So I leaned into that, and lo and behold, the following week my energy was back to a much more functional level. And projects started to pull me forward once more: this week I received the mock up of both the French translation of my first book (Why postnatal recovery matters), and of my new book about women and drumming, on the same day!

     

    When Productivity Becomes Unsustainable: My ADHD Medication Journey

    In my case, it is probably not surprising that I needed some extra rest. In July 2024 I started taking ADHD stimulant medication (Elvanse/Lisdexamfetamine). Whilst part of me loved the hyper productive experience the medication gave me (and it sure was fantastic in helping me finish my book in time), by September, I started noticing that I was working at a level that wasn’t natural or sustainable. I was working at a constant level. There were no “down days”  , something that used to be normal for me. I not only finished the book about drumming, and did all the edits and corrections, but I also finished correcting the French translation of my first book, and also did all the work to launch my first group program.

    In September I experienced constant bleeding, which led me to stop taking HRT after 18 months (when I look back, this was probably also related to overworking). By November I was also experiencing severe gut symptoms. When I meditated with my gut, the answer came loud and clear: you need to slow down. I did not really want to but the symptoms were severe enough for me not to be able to ignore them. It was as if my gut was literally screaming at me. 

    After researching the subject and finding evidence that there is a link between the meds I was taking and the symptoms I was experiencing, I decided to stop taking the ADHD meds, and did so at the end of November.  I also took healing herbs and saw a homeopath, but listening to my body’s cry for rest really felt key. I was prescribed typical Western medicine, drugs that I knew would not heal, but just put a temporary lid on my symptoms, and also stop me from listening to my body’s needs.

    So I slowed right down, winding my work from early December onwards, and stopping completely by mid December, and really not properly resuming a sense of readiness to work until mid January. When I look back, having spent 5 months working at an abnormally high pace, it’s not surprising that I would need a much longer break than normal to recover.

     

    Learning to Listen: The Different Faces of Rest

    Now that I’m meds free, I’m back to having my normal ebb and flow, with the ups days and the down days. I’m working at trusting the wisdom of that. I know that, in typical ADHD fashion, when I get up on days I often accomplish several days of work in a few hours. And I need to trust and lean into the down days (I call them “fuck-it” days-and usually give up on trying to work and do something nourishing instead).

    However, I also experience procrastination that is not down to having an energetic down day. It’s more that there is something blocking me underneath. A sense of stagnancy, of stuckness. 

    I feel it’s really important to be able to distinguish between the two: is this really my body trying to tell me to rest, or am I running away from something uncomfortable? The two feel completely different. The key is to lean into the embodied experience.

     

    Finding Flow Through Rhythm: How Drumming Breaks Stagnation

    When I am procrastinating, the one thing that seems to help me faster than any other tools I’ve tried is my drum. Whenever I’m experiencing resistance or feeling stuck, I put a timer on for 5 min and play my drum. It’s amazing how quickly it shifts me from stuck more into movement and ideas. I also often listen to some drumming tracks designed to modify my consciousness/state of mind whilst working/getting started.

     

    Conclusion

    As we navigate the pressure to maintain constant productivity, perhaps the greatest wisdom lies in trusting our natural rhythms. Whether it’s honouring winter’s call for rest or using tools like drumming to move through genuine blocks, the key is learning to distinguish between our body’s true needs and conditioned resistance. This journey has taught me that productivity isn’t about maintaining constant output, but about flowing with our natural cycles.

    I am aware that many of us are experiencing similar issues to the ones I describe above at this moment in time and feeling difficulties in getting going. I’d love to hear what your experience has been.

    To support this, I’ve decided to offer a workshop called Beat procrastination with the drum, on the 29th of January.

     

  • Shrinking Mountains: Practical Tools to Transform Overwhelm

    Shrinking Mountains: Practical Tools to Transform Overwhelm

    Every time I take a break from my routine, whether it’s a holiday or just some time off, I always struggle a bit to switch back into work mode. After a period of relaxation, it can feel challenging to return to the many tasks that come with running a small business and managing family life. It’s like the weight of both roles—the solopreneur and the “CEO” of my family—hits all at once.

    In the past, this shift often left me feeling grumpy and overwhelmed, but this time I approached it differently and was able to overcome the stress more quickly. Here’s how.

    Many years ago, I embarked on a journey to reduce overwhelm  (read about that here). The biggest two learning points in my de-overwhelming journey and process are as follow:

    • Put the self care in the diary first
    • Decrease the size of the mountain

    1) Put the self care in the diary first.

    I know this is going to sound counterproductive, but it really work. If you try to work harder out of overwhelm, if you wait until you’ve done all the stuff in your to-do list before you allow yourself to relax, to take the time to do the things that make you feel good (in my case, swimming, drumming, and dancing) then you never find the time to do these things. You are not only likely to remain stuck in the overwhelm cycle, but also to make things worse. You cannot create spaciousness from a place of scarcity. If you feel you never have enough time, the way to create more time is to give your mind and body the chance to experience what it feels like to be spacious and relaxed.

    I’ve found that practices such as  reflecting in a journal every time I feel stressed or overwhelmed, putting a timer on for 5 min, simply starting with “what does my soul wants to tell me today”. Or doodling myself as a stick figure and writing speech or thought bubbles works well to, putting a timer on for 5 min and drumming. All of these things help my overwhelm settle down. What comes up, with either of these practises, is usually that when I feel there is too much on my plate, I actually need to slow down instead of trying to flog myself to work harder. Overwhelms is often a sign that you need to slow down.

    When you feel stuck or stressed or overwhelmed, rather than trying to push through the stuckness, which usually doesn’t work, you can choose to do something that involves a bit of movement, and that makes you feel good instead. For me this means a walk in the woods, a swim in the river (I usually tell myself “fuck it I’m going for a swim!”) or a short 5rhythms dancing session (as in, just one short track I love).  This ALWAYS results in the stuck energy moving through and my being able to start seeing the forest for the trees, and starting to be able to get stuff done from a refreshed place.

    Building up your sense of achievement rather than focusing on what you aren’t doing is also important. Another practice that I’ve found transformative is to use a “ta-da” list. At the end of each week I write everything I’ve done that week, self care, family and  work wise. I’m always surprised by how much I have accomplished, even when I’ve felt that this wasn’t a very productive week.

    2) Decrease the size of the mountain.

    Since I started working with authentic business mentor George Kao I’ve learnt the importance of capturing the process whenever I start anything new. This is for three reasons:

    • It helps understand the large numbers of steps and time involved in creating something (see Ta-da list above)
    • It saves time for the future, as you already have all the steps and tasks captured if you want to do it again (for example, creating an online course)
    • But most importantly, it decreases the size of the mountain. It helps to break down the impossible ascent into tiny, do-able steps. It creates a path where there was none before.

    Imagine that you are facing climbing an enormous mountain. Or that you have to carve a track in a deep jungle with a machete. All the tasks, the thoughts about the tasks, they all get jumbled in your head and all you can feel is this enormous, impossible task. You feel exhausted just thinking about it, and you don’t know where to start or even want to start. It feels heavy, overwhelming and scary. Running away feels easier,  or pretending it’s not there. Yet you feel the weight of the “unclimbed mountain” on your shoulders all the time. Sounds familiar?

    This is because you cannot see your way through. You just see the top, or the impossibly far destination. And this keeps you stuck in fight and flight, or freeze mode, because our brains have evolved to be very good at protecting us. A perceived danger is experienced by our nervous systems in the same way as a real one.

    If you decrease the size of the mountain, as in capture all the tasks in small dividable steps, and then decide to maybe only do one, tiny step, as soon as you start to move, it creates a path, and the overwhelm gets resolved almost instantly. The energy starts to move, and you realize that the anxiety about doing the tasks was much bigger than the task itself. In fact, very often as soon as you start taking steps towards doing the task, the anxiety dissolves and you realized that you made a much bigger deal about it than it was.

    I’ve found that when I procrastinate, if I start writing a list of what needs to be done rather than doing the actual task, it feels more doable to write that list than to do the task. And then when I’m ready to tackle the task, the list I’ve written creates a simple path I just need to follow, so I no longer procrastinate about it.

    Here is one of George Kao’s blogs about it, and also a video about it.

    I have had such an incredible journey doing this that I plan to create a course to help others do the same. I am offering one to one mentoring sessions to start with so I can get feedback and experience. Do get in touch if this is something you would be interested in.

    Does this resonate with you? If so I’d love to hear about it.

  • Beyond the High-Ticket Trap: Grow Your Business Without Selling Your Soul

    Beyond the High-Ticket Trap: Grow Your Business Without Selling Your Soul

    You don’t need $10k coaching programs or manipulative marketing to create a sustainable healing business.

    As a holistic professional with 12 years of experience in the self-employed world, I’ve seen my fair share of marketing tactics – the good, the bad, and the downright manipulative. I’m writing this article because I’m fed up. Fed up with unethical, overpriced marketing coaches who prey on vulnerable business owners struggling to make ends meet. I’ve been there, fallen for their promises, and learned the hard way that there’s a better path. 

    When we’re drowning in to-do lists, struggling to balance client care with self-care, and watching our bank accounts with growing anxiety, it’s all too easy to fall prey to the siren song of quick fixes and overnight success promises. The desperation that comes with feeling overwhelmed can cloud your judgement, making those flashy high-ticket coaching programs seem like lifelines rather than potential anchors. 

    The truth I’ve discovered on my own bumpy journey: there’s a better way to grow our heart-centred businesses, one that honours our sensitivity and aligns with our values. I want to share with you why high-ticket coaching often misses the mark for practitioners like us, and how we can find a more authentic path to growing a sustainable business.

    This is my story, my rant, and my plea for a more conscious approach to business coaching. If you’re a sensitive, holistic business owner like me, or if you’ve ever felt pressured by high-ticket marketing tactics, this is for you. Let’s pull back the curtain on these manipulative practices and explore what truly ethical marketing looks like.

    Whilst I have no intention of branching out into teaching others how to run their business (this just isn’t my calling) however I am dedicated to helping other business owners like me connect with their authenticity, and support them towards more authenticity, calm and spaciousness. 

    My Rollercoaster Ride: 12 Years as a Holistic Entrepreneur

    I am 12 years into working as a self employed holistic professional. There have been a lot of ups and downs, both work focus wise and financially. However I have managed to keep my business afloat despite the lockdowns of 2020 forcing me to move all of my in person offerings online (this turned out to be a blessing), many changes of business directions, and managing the complex balancing of running a demanding business and raising two neurodivergent children.

    I am a multi-passionate woman. I cannot just do one thing in my work or only use one approach, it is far too boring for me.  I have ADHD and I thrive on novelty, learning, and exploration. Of course my business has constantly evolved.  I started as a doula, antenatal teacher, and babywearing instructor. Over the years, I learnt a ton of new skills, found myself starting to share these with others, and  moved from teaching parents to teaching birth and holistic professionals. I have taught over 12 different types of courses and workshops, both in person and online. I have written 2 books and I’m about to launch a group program to support sensitive holistic professional women to overcome overwhelm.

    My journey as a self-employed practitioner has been a rollercoaster of learning experiences, with burnout as an unwelcome frequent visitor. In my first year as a doula, I naively dove in headfirst, taking on more clients than I could handle. I grossly underestimated the emotional and energetic toll of pouring my heart and soul into supporting new mothers. 

    Fast forward a few years, and there I was again, teetering on the edge of burnout. This time, I found myself caught in the classic entrepreneur’s trap – working myself to the bone, watching my bank account dwindle, and feeling utterly clueless about how to break the cycle.

    Enter the siren call of high-ticket coaching. You know the type – glossy programs that speak directly to your deepest insecurities, your financial fears, and your desperate desire for a solution. They dangle the carrot of a six-figure income in just a few months, if only you follow their “foolproof” formula. In my overwhelmed, financially stressed state, it seemed like a lifeline. 

    High ticket coaches are the flashy sports cars of the coaching world – all shine and promises, but often lacking in substance. These are the folks who charge eye-watering amounts for their programs, thousands or even tens of thousands of pounds. They market themselves as the crème de la crème, the only solution to your business woes. Their sales pitches are slick, promising rapid transformations and six-figure incomes in mere months. 

    The high price tag often has more to do with clever marketing than actual value. These coaches prey on your desperation, your dreams, and yes, even your trauma. They use high-pressure tactics, false scarcity, and grandiose promises to convince you that their overpriced program is the magic bullet you need. But remember, in the world of coaching, a higher price doesn’t necessarily mean better results – it just means a bigger dent in your bank account.

    When I hired one of these high-ticket coaches, a little voice in my gut whispered that this wasn’t aligned with my values. But desperation has a way of drowning out intuition, doesn’t it? So I dove in, working with this coach for several intense months.

    On the surface, it seemed to be working – my visibility increased, and I was ‘putting myself out there’. But beneath that veneer of progress, the cracks were starting to show. My overwhelm skyrocketed. What I didn’t realise then (but know now) was that I’m neurodivergent (Neurodivergent people often get more easily overwhelmed than neurotypical ones), which added an extra layer of challenge to an already unsustainable situation.

    I’ve always been the type to set sky-high expectations for myself. It’s like I have an internal taskmaster that never sleeps, constantly pushing for more. Working with this coach amplified that inner critic, increasing the pressure I was already putting on myself.

    When I look back (hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn’t it?), I can see that it was unethical that this coach never once asked about my life outside of business. How many hours could I realistically dedicate to the program? What other commitments was I juggling? What was my personal situation? And crucially, how long would it actually take to implement all their ‘foolproof’ strategies? These questions were never even on the table.

    Instead, I was handed a social media schedule that would make even the most seasoned influencer break out in sweat. It was like being asked to run a marathon when I was already gasping for air. The guilt started creeping in : every time I couldn’t tick off all the boxes on the coach’s to-do list, I felt like I was failing. 

    What had started as a lifeline was quickly becoming an anchor, dragging me deeper into the overwhelm I was desperately trying to escape.

    The aftermath of my high-ticket coaching experience wasn’t pretty. It took two solid years and the guidance of a more holistic marketing coach to unravel the pressure, stress, guilt, and misalignment that had tangled up my business and my mind. 

    Thankfully, the story takes a turn for the better. A few years down the line, I stumbled upon a marketing mentor, George Kao, who felt like a breath of fresh air in the stale, overpriced world of business coaching. This person was the real deal – truly ethical, authentic to their core, and completely aligned with my values as a holistic practitioner. The cherry on top? His courses were actually affordable. 

    I’m sharing my journey : the good, the bad, and the expensive, because I want you to know that there’s hope. Truly conscious, ethical marketing mentors exist, and they’re not hiding behind a paywall that requires a second mortgage to access. They’re out there, offering genuine value without breaking the bank.

    My experience taught me a valuable lesson: in the world of marketing mentors, the most expensive option isn’t always the best. Sometimes, the most valuable guidance comes at a price that respects both your budget and your values. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed and tempted by those flashy high-ticket offers, take a deep breath. There’s another way, and I’m living proof that it works.

    When Desperation Meets Manipulation: The High-Ticket Trap

    A couple of years ago, I dipped my toes into the world of impostor syndrome mentoring. What I discovered was both eye-opening and heartbreaking. Many of the women I spoke with had their own horror stories about high-ticket coaches. These weren’t just anecdotes; they were cautionary tales of new business owners plunging into debt, chasing the promise of success.

    Despite the hefty price tags, these women got very little in return. Why? Because these programs were often overcrowded calls masquerading as personalised coaching. There was simply no room for the individual attention these budding solopreneurs desperately needed.

    Let’s break down why these high-ticket programs often fall flat:

    • 1) No  one can promise you results. Consuming a course is easy. But digesting and applying what you have learned is the real graft.
    • 2) Expensive, famous coaches often subcontract their group programs to other, less experienced coaches. You sign up thinking you’ll be learning from the master herself, only to find out you’ve been pawned off to a junior coach who’s barely a step ahead of you.
    • 3) Masterminds from famous people are often run in huge groups where you have very little access to the coach, and therefore time to ask questions or get the individualised help you need..
    • 4) Many of these coaches aren’t really interested in your success. They’re interested in your wallet. You’re not a person to nurture; you’re a lead to convert into their next high-ticket offer.

    The bottom line? These high-ticket programs often leave you feeling more like an impostor than ever, with a maxed-out credit card to boot. It’s a painful lesson that many learn the hard way.

    The high ticket coach I worked with told me that my client’s financial situation wasn’t my problem. Contrast this with the fact that the two ethical marketing coaches I have worked with recently always ask if you can afford their programme without causing yourself hardship before you sign up.

    Whatever your situation, as a business owner, income is likely to be a priority for you. If it’s the only priority, that’s when we run into trouble. That’s where we see businesses that prioritise profits before people and we all know how that goes. As conscious business owners, only focusing on money isn’t enough of a driver for us, so it would be unsustainable over the long term if this was our only priority.  Caroline Leon

    The Siren Song of Six-Figure Promises: My Brush with High-Ticket Marketing

    A few years ago I attended a free all day workshop in a posh London hotel, a day supposedly designed to teach us how to market ourselves better. What actually happened was no real useful info was given. It was just designed to sell us a very expensive group program. The cost of the year long group program was £1000 a month, with a 12 month contract you could not get out of. 

    I very nearly signed up despite the eye watering cost, because the woman running the program was so good at promising results. Thankfully something stopped me. I’m currently in a small conscious marketing group mastermind with Caroline Leon. There are only 20 people in the program, and I pay £115  a month for it. I love this group because it connects me with like minded people and it keeps me accountable, and it also feels doable and not overwhelming.

    In this group I met a wonderful mindset coach called Betty Cottam Bertels. Betty introduced me to another ethical marketing mentor called Tag Hargrave. I joined Betty on a day-long workshop in London with Tad a few months ago, one that he runs on a “pay what you can afford” basis. 

    Betty introduced the day by telling her story of having signed up to a very expensive business coaching program, only to become really disillusioned when she realised that she had no access to the front woman: instead the course was facilitated by sub-contracted coaches with less experience who did not fit her needs.

    When I asked her which program this was, it turned out to be the very one I had nearly signed up for. I felt like I had a very lucky escape.

    Trauma-Targeted Marketing: The Uncomfortable Truth

    High-ticket coaches often sell to your trauma. Why? Because it works. They know that when you’re feeling vulnerable, stressed, and desperate for change, you’re more likely to reach for what seems like a lifeline – even if it comes with a huge price tag. They use language that triggers your pain points, promising to solve all your problems if only you invest in their “exclusive” program. It’s manipulative, it’s unethical, and it’s downright harmful. These coaches aren’t interested in your healing; they’re interested in your wallet. They exploit your past hurts and current struggles to make you feel like their overpriced program is the only solution. But here’s the truth: real healing and business growth don’t come from a magic bullet solution. They come from consistent effort, genuine support, and ethical practices that honour your journey, not exploit it.

    As George Kao explains in this blog post:

    Sadly, much of the persuasion psychology being used (and taught) in marketing – the stoking of fear, uncertainty, doubt (FUD) – “works” on people with traumatic backgrounds… because they’ve invested so much in the guru’s advice, they might experience the sunk cost fallacy. “The teacher must know better than me… otherwise, they couldn’t charge so much money. I should’ve succeeded like them by now.” George Kao

    George also explains that setting yourself small, achievable goals, builds up your confidence, whereas setting sky high unachievable one has the opposite effect.

    If you’re running a heart-centred holistic business, listen up: those manipulative, salesy tactics might seem tempting when you’re desperate for clients, but they’re damaging for your business’s long-term health. They erode the very foundation of what makes your work special :  trust.

    Your clients come to you for healing, for support, for a safe space. The moment you start using pushy sales tactics, you’re betraying that trust. It’s like offering a warm hug with one hand and a sales pitch with the other. It just doesn’t work.

    These aggressive marketing strategies aren’t just misaligned with your business – they’re misaligned with your soul. They go against everything you stand for, everything that made you choose this beautiful, challenging path of holistic care in the first place.

    George Kao calls these strategies “marketing to the lizard brain” and explains why it feels misaligned, why it harms your business, and even society as a whole:

    By inciting the people’s lizard brain, marketers (and politicians) do in fact gain more control over their audience in the short-term. It’s power-over others, rather than empowerment of others.  George Kao

    But here’s the good news: there’s another way. A way that’s as authentic as your most heartfelt client session. A way that’s as true as your commitment to healing and growth.

    This path might not promise overnight success or six-figure months, but it promises something far more valuable: a business that’s a true extension of your healing work. A business that attracts clients who resonate with your authentic self, not a manufactured marketing persona.

    So, take a deep breath. Release the pressure to conform to aggressive marketing tactics. Your business can thrive without compromising your values. In fact, it will thrive because you’re honouring those values. And that, my fellow holistic practitioner, is the true path to long-term success and fulfilment.

    Having worked with authentic marketing coaches for 4 years, I can see manipulative tactics from a mile. And I truly believe that these tactics belong to the past. That they, and the people who use them, are dinosaurs, destined to become extinct.

    In this article, George Kao lists and explains which marketing techniques to avoid in your heart centred business.

    The Ethical Marketing Oasis: Finding Genuine Mentors

    Finding my first ethical marketing mentor felt like stumbling upon an oasis in a desert of manipulation. Such people are out there, and working with them is a game-changer. These are the folks who genuinely care about your success, not just their bank balance. They’re transparent about their methods, clear about their pricing, and they won’t promise you the moon and stars overnight. Instead, they offer real, actionable advice that aligns with your values as a heart-centred business owner. 

    They give away tons of value for free or at low cost, because their goal is to serve, not just to sell. When you find these gems, it’s like a weight lifts off your shoulders. Suddenly, marketing doesn’t feel icky anymore. You’re not compromising your integrity for success. You’re growing your business in a way that feels authentic and sustainable. And the best part? These ethical mentors often charge a fraction of what the high-ticket gurus do.

    Working with ethical coaches has been like a breath of fresh air for my business – and my sanity. Instead of feeling pressured and overwhelmed, I’ve found myself actually enjoying the process of growing my business. These genuine mentors have helped me tap into my authentic voice, allowing me to market my services in a way that feels aligned with my values as a holistic practitioner. I’m no longer trying to squeeze myself into a one-size-fits-all marketing mould that leaves me feeling yucky.

    The impact? My business has grown organically, attracting clients who resonate with my authentic approach. I’m earning more whilst working less hours, without burning out or compromising my integrity. But more than that, I’ve regained my confidence and joy in my work. These ethical coaches have shown me that it’s possible to be successful without resorting to manipulative tactics. They’ve given me practical, sustainable strategies that I can implement at my own pace, respecting my neurodivergent needs and my commitment to my family.

    The best part? I’m not just learning how to market better – I’m learning how to build a business that truly reflects who I am and the change I want to see in the world. 

    The Ethical Marketing Checklist: What to Look For in a Coach/Mentor

    Having worked with 3 different ethical marketing coaches here are the things I have found they have in common:

    • Transparency & authenticity: They are clear about their methods, pricing, and expected outcomes, and open about their own qualifications and experience.  They never make over inflated promises or guarantees. 
    • Ethical practises: They avoid manipulative of deceptive tactics, such as time pressure (buy it now for X or it will never be available again), or fake inflated prices (“sign up now and get this (fake) bonuses priced at thousand of pounds/dollars) They promote truthful and accurate marketing messages. 
    • Client centred: They focus on supporting their audience and clients, not just what’s profitable. You can feel it in their presence and writing: serving is their overarching goal.
    • They are value-driven: They emphasise creating genuine value for customers, and encourages sustainable, long-term growth over quick wins
    • Nurture: they nurture their audience by giving away valuable content on their website, their social media channels, low cost offers, books etc. They give away so much that if you are able to keep yourself accountable on your own, you could learn enough to transform your business from their free or low cost content alone. Most of their social media posts are about this nurturing, with the odd course/workshop offer in between.
    • (Note: This is in stark contrast to high ticket coaches. I have found that these never give away anything of value unless you buy their course. They are masters in the art of running “free” webinars, workshops or challenges, where they talk about their success and clients’ success stories, whilst never telling you how to do it. It is purely a promotion exercise. Their social media is not about nurturing it’s about selling.)
    • Holistic Perspective: They consider the impact of their marketing strategies on society. They encourages socially responsible marketing practices
    • Ethical Pricing: They charge fair prices for their services and are transparent about costs. Ethical pricing really boils down to: 1) Can you earn enough to make your business sustainable from it? and 2) Can the people buying your course afford to do this without hardship, and recoup the cost of your course within about 6 months? 

    Ethical and accessible pricing is super important to me. So much so that I get told regularly that I don’t charge enough for what I offer. I love it when that happens because that’s actually one of my primary goals with everything I create — to give tons of value for the most affordable price possible. Caroline Leon (read Caroline’s article about this here)

    The Principles of Ethical/Conscious Businesses

    When we change the way we do business, we change the world. Caroline Leon

    A conscious business owner, according to Caroline Leon :

    • Operates with integrity and knows that how we sell matters.
    • Wants her business to be a force for good and knows that how we do business is a key part of that.
    • Puts the needs of the customer above the goal of making the sale and is willing to turn down a sale when it’s clear that what she is offering is not a good fit for the buyer.
    • Prioritises the cultivation of trust and connection between herself and her audience.
    • Rejects the use of manipulative marketing tactics to pressure her audience into buying.
    • Constantly seeks to ensure her products and services are of real value to her audience.
    • Makes positive impact the goal of everything she creates.
    • Is completely transparent when selling and uses no tricks or gimmicks to hide that fact. Instead simply presenting what’s on offer in a clear and honest way.
    • Works towards sustainability because she knows that an unsustainable business in the long term helps no-one.

    The 8 practises of authentic business by George Kao:

    1. Joyful Productivity: the ability to consistently work in a focused and joyful way. Balancing rest and action, with a spirit of playfulness throughout.
    2. Healthy Money Habits: It is important to become aware of our inner relationship to money (our thoughts and emotions) and our persistent behaviours with regards to money.
    3. Authentic Content: The habit of creating content will help you to keep exploring your core message and strengthening your authentic voice.
    4. Paid Content Distribution: If you’re not using paid ads of some kind, you are holding yourself back from reaching the thousands of people who need your message and voice.
    5. Collaborations: Seek out collaborations because it’s a good way to grow an aligned audience. Good collaborations create a lot more benefit than the effort takes
    6. Audience Research: When you have a product that is well-matched to someone’s wants, the thing almost sells itself. Neglect this and you may well be building the wrong audience.
    7. Rhythm of Gentle Launches: Start a routine of “making offers”, in other words, letting your audience know about your products and services.
    8. Mastery of Your Craft: The most grounded way to excel in one’s work is to notice the impact your work is making on your clients, and then make adjustments based on those observations.

    Affordable Wisdom: Ethical Business Coaches Who Won’t Break the Bank

    Check their website/social media channels and see if you resonate with their approach. All 3 offer tons of free content, as well as low cost workshops/courses if you’d like to see if they are a fit.

    Read my previous articles about what I learnt by working with George and Caroline below:

    Most entrepreneurs I know feel torn between either doing marketing that feels good (but doesn’t work) or marketing that works (but doesn’t feel good). I am suggesting that there’s a way to approach marketing that actually works better than the pushy and manipulative approaches you hate and that feels genuinely good to all involved. Tad Hargraves

    Conclusion

    The journey from overwhelm to authentic marketing isn’t always easy, but it’s infinitely more rewarding than falling prey to high-ticket, manipulative coaches. As conscious business owners, we have a responsibility to ourselves and our clients to seek out and support ethical marketing practices. 

    Remember, high pricing is never proof of higher value – it’s simply a marketing choice. There are brilliant, ethical marketing mentors out there who offer incredible value at accessible prices. They prioritise your growth over their profit, and they understand that true success comes from alignment with your values, not just your bank balance.

    I hope my story and insights help you navigate the sometimes murky waters of business coaching. Trust your intuition, seek out mentors who resonate with your values, and never compromise your integrity for the promise of quick success. 

    I believe that we can create a new paradigm of ethical, heart-centred marketing that serves both our businesses and our souls. After all, isn’t that why we started our holistic businesses in the first place?

    I’d love to hear how reading this article felt for you – simply comment below.

  • The Art of Mindful Re-entry: How I Mastered the Post-Holiday Work Transition

    The Art of Mindful Re-entry: How I Mastered the Post-Holiday Work Transition

    Have you ever felt that post-holiday dread, where the thought of diving back into work feels overwhelming? For years, I struggled with this transition, but I’ve finally cracked a way to have a smooth, stress-free return. In this article, I share my journey from frantic catch-up to mindful re-entry, and how you can transform your post-holiday experience into a gentle, productive glide back into work life.

    The Importance of Real Breaks

    Monday was my first day at work after spending 3 weeks in the South of France in August. I did not do much work at all on Monday, and very little on Tuesday, only starting to slowly get back into a normal routine by Wednesday and Thursday.This is a process I have been working on for about 3 years. This is the first where I feel that I’m finally truly embracing it. Since I became self-employed 11 years ago I learnt the hard way that giving myself real breaks from work was essential, and that removing pressure upon return was also essential.

    My Holiday Experience

    This year, truly clocking off during my holiday was made easier by the fact that 1) I no longer have on-call doula clients to check up on (Last year I was still supporting a friend through birth-despite no longer officially working at a doula since 2022). 2) I have learnt to create passive income from my online courses (this includes pre-planning for a lower income on holiday months by running promotions on my courses ahead of time), 3) for the first time since I started working for myself in 2013, I have a VA (thanks to my Access to Work grant), and she took care of purchases/clients whilst I was away.

    I had a lovely, slow, relaxing time in France. Lots of leisurely mornings, swimming in lakes and the sea. Longer coffee and pain au chocolat breakfast whilst enjoying a sea view. I caught up with my family. I ate gorgeous food. I read books. I drummed and I wrote songs. I binged watched a Netflix series. I played games. I went out for meals, and to visit new places, including a gorgeous magical natural fountain in the Aude region.

    Slowing down and being led by what my heart and soul want to do is very replenishing. This was doubly meaningful this time, as I had been working hard to meet my new drumming book deadline for several weeks, and handed over the manuscript to the publisher the day before my holiday.

    The Challenge of Returning to Work

    Even though I love my work, I always find the change of pace after coming back from a break, especially one as long as this one, challenging

    In the past, I used to try to get myself back into work mode instantly, and berated myself inwardly when I couldn’t. What used to happen is that I internally flogged myself and not only did this not work, but it added pressure, stress, and a double layer of negative mindset to an already challenging time. 

    My Evolved Approach to Re-entry

    Now, I purposefully plan at least 2 or 3 days of slow re-entry. I plan my return ahead of time, writing a list of everything I’ll need to do when I get back from my break, because I tend to forget. Being clear that nothing intense or extra challenging is taking place immediately when I’m back also helps avoid overwhelm. 

    The first day, all I’m asking myself to do is planning what needs to be done. I remove all pressure. Then I slowly increase the amount of work whilst carefully gauging whether I’m OK doing this amount yet. Instead of berating myself, I have a gentle conversation with myself, reminding myself that taking it slow is the wise way to go about it.

    Because of the way resistance works, as soon as I give myself permission to take things slowly, my nervous system relaxes out of fight and flight, the resistance eases, and poof, as if by magic, I no longer feel the desire to avoid work. It’s like reverse psychology.

    Tips for a Smooth Transition

    I’ve been writing about self-care as a solopreneur for over 8 years, you can read my first article about this here.

    Here’s a collection of other articles about self-care, gentleness and self-kindness I’ve written over the years:

    Key Takeaways:

    • Recognise the importance of real breaks from work, especially for if you are self-employed
    • Plan for lower income during holiday months by creating passive income streams
    • Delegate tasks when possible (e.g., hiring a VA) to truly disconnect during time off
    • Allow yourself a slow, gradual re-entry to work after a vacation
    • Plan your return ahead of time, listing tasks to avoid forgetting important items
    • Start with a day of just planning, removing all pressure to accomplish tasks
    • Slowly increase workload while gauging your readiness and energy levels
    • Replace self-criticism with gentle self-talk and understanding
    • Remember that a mindful, gradual return often leads to better productivity in the long run
    • Continue to refine your re-entry process based on what works best for you

    Conclusion

    Embracing a slow, intentional return to work isn’t just about easing stress—it’s about honouring the restoration you’ve gained from your time off. By giving yourself permission to ease back in gently, you’re likely to find yourself more productive and centred. Remember, it’s not about how quickly you can jump back in, but how wisely you can transition. 

    So the next time you return from a break, try this approach. Your future self will thank you for your kindness and wisdom. 

    What strategies do you use to make your return to work smoother? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

  • The art of falling apart: my messy mental health journey

    The art of falling apart: my messy mental health journey

    As I work to complete the manuscript of my book on how drumming empowers women, the personal growth I’ve had over the last few years comes into very sharp focus. I want to reflect on my mental health journey, in the hope that it may help others, who are where I was not that long ago, and give them both tools and hope.

    In this deeply personal account, I share my journey through the turbulent waters of midlife, facing challenges that tested me beyond belief, then led to profound personal growth. From navigating perimenopause and family crises to discovering my own neurodiversity, my story is one of transformation, healing, and finding inner peace.

    The perimenopause awakening

    There has been a deep unlayering, caused by a numerous amount of crises in my life, with my youngest child undergoing a mental health crisis which went on for several years. In the middle of it there was also 2020, the covid crisis and its impact on my solo business which used to rely on in person workshops as a main source of income. Along the way my children and myself got diagnosed as neurodivergent.

    This is not a coincidence, but these difficult times happened whilst I was undergoing the perimenopause. So I had to juggle not only my own crisis but one of my children at the same time, so there was no time for me to be and breathe and create space for myself to process what I was going through. As it also happened, my youngest was going through the beginning of her puberty when the crisis started. Brene Brown has a beautiful quote about the midlife unravelling:

    Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling. By definition, you can’t control or manage an unraveling. You can’t cure the midlife unraveling with control any more than the acquisitions, accomplishments, and alpha-parenting of our thirties cured our deep longing for permission to slow down and be imperfect. Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.

    If you’d like to understand the details of the backstory, I have written about this in more detail in my Riding the phoenix: Navigating Perimenopause, ADHD, and Emotional Rollercoasters blog post.

    When I look back, the unlayering started way before this, because I started experiencing symptoms of the menopause when I turned 42, and I’m 54 as I write this. The signs that something needed to change was intense discomfort. Besides the changes in my cycle, the night waking and night sweats, and the irritability, I noticed that I was no longer willing to put up with certain dynamics in my family (namely, my being in charge of everything). The lowering of oestrogen levels that accompanies the perimenopause makes us less willing to put up with shit. Think about the state you’re in during your period, but all the time. It’s not easy for our close ones, but it’s a good thing, because it’s an agent for change.

    In my work I became overworked and overwhelmed, putting intense pressure on myself to be “productive” all of the time. What I did not realise at the time was that the pressure came from within, and that I could not carry on with my unconscious belief that I could only give myself permission to relax if I had done all the tasks on my to-do list, because that time simply never came. Something had to change. In 2018 I worked with a coach who challenged me to spend one hour a week doing something fun just for myself, as priority. This led to my walks in the local nature reserve, and then to my discovering a beautiful swimming club in the river nearby and becoming a year round wild swimmer. I also took a course called Tame your to-do list (add link), and then learnt to prioritise my wellbeing tasks in my diary, something I’m still doing 4 years later.

    The 2020 pandemic crisis turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because the first lockdown things slowed down enough for me to realise that I needed a slower pace of life (something that women often experience as they approach the menopause, some holistic menopause specialists such as Alexandra Pope, in er book Wild Power, even suggest taking a menopause sabbatical. Not being able to teach in person meant that I started offering my teachings as online courses (6 courses and counting), and this created space for me to create more stuff, and most importantly, to keep my business afloat through the lockdowns, and later on, giving me the time to support my daughter when she needed me.

    Weathering the family storm

    When my daughter started struggling with anxiety so severe she could no longer leave the house (she ended up being out of school for 2 years). The combination of covid lockdowns, moving to secondary school and starting puberty as an autistic young girl was just too much (she got diagnosed in 2022). Her emotional distress was very difficult for me to witness, and I kind of knew that the best thing I could do was to learn to stay regulated in the face of her pain, so I could hold the space for her and help her co-regulated. I worked first with Inger Madsden,  an EFT coach who specialises in supporting troubled teens. As the crisis evolved and I realised that I needed a new coach (something I have come to learn is normal for me: my ADHD brain processes things so very quickly that I outgrow teachers very quickly and need new ones), Inger suggested Kanan Tekchandani aka The Aspie Coach. Kanan not only supported me through my family’s crisis, but was the first person to help me realise that I’m both neurodivergent and gifted, as well as hypersensitive. 

    In 2022 when my mental health was as an all time low, due to my youngest mental health crisis, my own overwhelm, and the lack of support from the system, I tried antidepressants, hated it, and started microdosing psilocybin, something I carried on doing for a couple of years. It had a very positive impact on my mental health, because it helped me become aware of very unhelpful thought patterns I was not aware I had, and start healing them.

    After an epic battle with the local mental health system and education authority, I got my daughter into a tiny specialist school which helps kids like her rebuild their skills and confidence.  She is striving there. She went from not being able to leave the house in 2 years to attending a residential school trip within 3 months. Over a year on, I have gotten my child back, watching her blossom into a healthy and happy teen.

    When my daughter got into this school and things finally looked promising, I naively thought I could finally breathe myself. Instead my physical and mental health completely crashed, which I can see now isn’t surprising at all. The day she started at that school instead of feeling elated, I felt battle torn and weary, like I had finally put my sword and armour down after 2 long years. I had crippling anxiety that kept me awake at night and I was so physically exhausted all I could do was walk the dog. My nervous system, having been in fight and flight mode for so long, collapsed and went into freeze mode. In search of relief, and after researching it and discussing it with holistic menopause specialists, and against everything I normally believe in (I’m a proponent of natural medicine), I started HRT when I turned 53, in order to help re-regulate my nervous system. It helped with sleep and anxiety almost instantly, and over the course of the next 6 months, gave me enough breathing space to start working at re-regulating my nervous system. 

    Discovering neurodiversity

    In 2023, at the age of 53, I got diagnosed with ADHD. For me, this, and during the months before said diagnosis (I knew I was ADHD 18 months prior to diagnosis) has been empowering, and only empowering, because, the more I learnt about it, the kinder I became to myself, instead of relentlessly beating myself up about stuff I found hard to do. Having ADHD means being able to achieve incredible things when motivated, but also finding things I perceive as tedious almost impossible to do, leading to a lot of procrastination and negative thinking about it. I also learnt about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, something I have had all my life, and I wasn’t aware of until reading about ADHD.  It was thanks to my diagnosis and Kanan’s support that I was able to apply for an access to work grant, and my friend Saheera recommended an agency called This is me to support my application, which earned me a 35K grant to support me in my business.

    Healing through alternative therapies

    In 2024, after having wasted weeks with an NHS talking therapist, who, whilst she was kind and supportive, gave me absolutely zero relief or progress. I discovered a therapist, Emrys Blue Person, who is both a psychotherapist of 47 years but also a trained shaman. I loved that Emrys works in long, 2h sessions, instead of the prescribed talking therapy session of 50 minutes, where I barely got going. I got what I was looking for working with him, which was getting to the root of my problem very quickly. Emrys pointed out, like my previous coach Kanan, that I am indeed incredibly sensitive, and helped me realise that I was holding onto anger, and how to safely release it. Mostly importantly he helped me reframe the story I had been telling myself was that I had a happy childhood (I wasn’t abused, or neglected etc), into realising that, for someone as sensitive as me, being raised by parents who did not understand this was very traumatic and caused me to pretend to be someone I wasn’t in order to be loved. This has not been comfortable but it has been deeply healing. Recently, reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate, I understood another layer of this. “The lack of emotional closeness in childhood is, in itself, traumatic. Children require emotional intimacy and attunement for their brains to develop properly.” Mate explains.  He goes on to explain “The infant needs the freedom to be able to experience their emotions and have them understood and validated by adults. “ How many of us who are adults today have experienced this during infancy? Having our emotions truly accepted and validated, without judgement, especially the ones perceived as negative, like anger, frustration and sadness? It’s no wonder so many of us aren’t even aware of the deep trauma we carry.

    Since January 2024, I have finally started to develop something that has felt elusive most of my life: a sense of peace in my heart, which has been growing since. A sense of trust, of leaning into the universe’s great plan. A sense of deep gratitude. A sense of spaciousness inside. A sense of expansive love. Don’t get me wrong, I do fall back into my own patterns a lot of the time. After all you cannot rewire 54 years of wiring in a few months, but there is progress. It is slow, but it is there.

    Redefining my career and purpose

    In the midst of this crisis, it also became clear that I had to stop working as a doula. I stopped 2 years ago and you can read about why I did this here. What followed, as well as carrying on working to support my child, was a period of fertile void, which, whilst I was trying hard to trust the unfolding, felt wholly uncomfortable at times. It took over 18 months before something else started to show itself, namely the increasing space drumming started to take in my life. I offered a course on drumming for birth, wrote an article about it for a scientific journal, and started writing a book about the drum’s power in empowering women through life’s challenges, which will likely be called The beat of your own drum. As I write this I am completing the manuscript, to be published in 2025. A few months ago I started drumming daily and within a couple of weeks I noticed a similar effect to the one I’d seen when I started microdosing. I wrote about the similarities and differences between drumming and psychedelics in this blog post.

    So it’s perhaps not a surprise that the focus of my work is changing, from being a perinatal educator, doula and mentor, to wanting to support women through life transitions and embodying their power. There is a big theme in my journey about overcoming overwhelm, regulating my nervous system and learning self kindness. 

    I want to help others along their way too. I already ran a workshop about overcoming impostor syndrome earlier this year, and I have also ran several coaching calls about managing life transitions. Watch out for new deep dive offerings in this area in the autumn. I’m otherwise engaged, but I’m already offering mentoring sessions for women going through deep transitions, and feel free to contact me if you’d like to try a session (no strings attached).

    Conclusion

    As I reflect on this journey, I’m struck by how each challenge, though difficult, led to greater self-understanding and personal growth. Through it, I’ve discovered the power of self-compassion, the importance of nervous system regulation, and the healing potential of drumming. My hope is that by sharing my story, others facing similar struggles might find inspiration and tools for their own journey of self-discovery and healing.

     

  • Is impostor syndrome stopping you from sharing your gifts with the world?

    Is impostor syndrome stopping you from sharing your gifts with the world?

    Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. The term was coined in 1978 by psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes, in an article called The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.

    The article includes this paragraph:

    “ Despite their earned degrees, scholastic honors, high achievement on standardized tests, praise and professional recognition from colleagues and respected authorities, these women do not experience an internal sense of success. They consider themselves to be “impostors.” Women who experience the impostor phenomenon maintain a strong belief that they are not intelligent; in fact they are convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.”

    And this:

    “Women who exhibit the impostor phenomenon do not fall into any one diagnostic category. The clinical symptoms most frequently reported are generalized anxiety, lack of self confidence, depression, and frustration related to inability to meet self-imposed standards of achievement.”

    While it’s not an official medical diagnosis term, dictionaries define impostor syndrome as a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalise their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.

    Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as follow:

    “The persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.”

    In essence, impostor syndrome involves feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, and fraudulence despite external proof of one’s competence. 

    How I see it manifest in my field of work

     

    Because I have spent the last 13 years working in the perinatal field, as an antenatal teacher, babywearing instructor, doula, doula mentor, healer, therapist, and teacher, I have encountered hundreds of women in this field who experience impostor syndrome.

    In fact I’d go as far as saying that the majority of women I have worked with have issues with this, and that it’s rare and refreshing to encounter someone who doesn’t. And that the rare men I have trained never seemed to have this issue.

    I remember at the end of a postnatal recovery massage training, where a female student asked me if it was OK to charge for this work. In the course there was a male massage therapist and he was utterly surprised that she asked this question, and reframed it in a very helpful manner for her.

    I see beautiful, deeply caring professional women who are incredibly nurturing and massively over deliver what they do for their clients, and yet are held back by unconscious impostor syndrome. I see it manifest in the following ways:

    • Doubting their expertise. Despite having the necessary qualifications, training, and experience, women in these professions often doubt their knowledge and expertise, constantly questioning their abilities.
    • Overpreparation and overworking: to compensate for their perceived inadequacies, they spend excessive time preparing for sessions, classes, or appointments, constantly seeking more training or certifications, or working longer hours than necessary.
    • Not being able to charge enough for their services. Feeling that they need to over justify how much they ask for their time. Feeling embarrassed about asking for money.
    • Reluctance to offer services: they may avoid taking on new projects or offer new services due to self-doubt and a fear of failure, or feeling that they do not know enough yet.
    • Fear of being exposed as a “fraud”: They have a constant worry or fear that others will discover they are not as competent or knowledgeable as they are perceived to be.
    • Minimising accomplishments. Downplaying or dismissing positive feedback, compliments, or recognition from clients, students, or colleagues, believing they don’t deserve the praise, or dismissing the praise and focusing only on their perceived lack.

    What saddens me is that it prevents wonderful women from thriving in their work and feeling good about themselves, despite over delivering on everything they do. It also often prevents them from sharing their gifts with the world.

    My personal experience & how I overcame it

     

    I experienced impostor syndrome even when I was still an employed research scientist, especially when I moved from the field of academic research into the biotech industry. I have shared about this in the past here.

    But I experienced it much more deeply when I became self-employed, especially because I often pioneered services that did not exist in the UK yet, for example when I became a babywearing instructor. I’ve noticed it’s often harder for women to justify charging for something that society has no frame of reference for. Nobody would dream of asking say a hairdresser or massage therapist to work for free, but with the modalities I teach, because they aren’t well known, it’s harder for it to feel “normal” and therefore justify prices.

    Over the last 12 years I have managed to bring my impostor syndrome into consciousness, and from something that held me back in my offerings, into something I recognise and can tame, and which no longer prevents me from sharing my gifts with the world.

    For example, the first time I offered an online course, back in 2018, and 115 people signed up, I had a panic attack over it, because I hadn’t expected that many people to signup. I was crippled with worry that people wouldn’t like the course. This was especially ridiculous because I’d only asked for £20 from people as a group of early adopters to help me build the course. But the unexpected signups really shook me.

    6 years down the line I have created 6 online courses, totalling over 800 students in over 30 different countries. I also feel confident enough now to create the course from scratch with my group of students when I offer a new course. This was unthinkable for me only 3 years ago.

    It doesn’t mean that I don’t encounter uncomfortable feelings around this, I still do, especially when I’m offering something completely new. For example as I write this I’m getting ready to do a drum journey at a midwifery conference, and it sure elicits some mild anxiety about how it will be received, because this is outside of my normal experience. Last year I delivered a talk about the science of drumming to a conference of 150 women drummers, and felt totally in my power, because I knew that my talk would only elicit excitement. Here, I know I’m going to stretch people’s beliefs. However, I see the feelings as they arise, I name them, and I can tap into past experiences of overcoming them to reassure me. Plus I plan to deeply challenge the negative biases as part of my talk and drum experience. Bottom line is: the impostor monster can still rise (bigger growth = bigger monsters), but I can see it right for what it is and tame it.

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.” Marianne Williamson

     

    I feel called to help other women overcome their impostor syndrome.

    It’s a process of self reflection and bringing it into consciousness which is easy to follow. It includes:

    • Understanding the root causes and manifestations of impostor syndrome
    • Understanding impostor fears and what they are trying to protect you from
    • Identifying and shining a light on these beliefs from a kindness perspective
    • Recognising and defusing impostor feelings as they arise
    • Cultivating self-acceptance and self-belief
    • Embracing your unique strengths and talents
    • Learning to reframe and celebrate your achievements

    If this is something you’d like to explore, I’m running an online workshop about it at the end of April, find out more here

    “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression.” Martha Graham.

  • Gently Easing Back into Work Mode: Self-Care Strategies After a Break

    Gently Easing Back into Work Mode: Self-Care Strategies After a Break

    Yesterday was my first day at work after deliberately taking the long Easter weekend off.

    Since I became self-employed 11 years ago I learnt the hard way (through a couple of very severe burnouts) that pacing myself and giving myself proper breaks from work was essential.

    I had a lovely, slow, quiet Easter weekend. I enjoyed slow leisurely mornings, I went swimming in the local river twice with a lovely group of people, I went on long walks with my dog, visited the car boot sale, met some lovely people who will look after my dog this summer, I made homemade pizza with my family and watched a funny movie, I binged watched a Netflix series with my son, did an easter egg hunt with my daughter, I read and listened to some books, I ate some yummy really dark chocolate. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. Slowing down and being led by what my heart and soul want to do is very replenishing. 

    Even though I love what I do, I always find the change of pace after coming back from a break, even one as short as this one, quite challenging. I don’t know if my ADHD brain contributes to this but I suspect it does, because what I notice is that I have resistance to getting back into work mode because my brain sees EVERYTHING that needs to be done, and wants to run away. My brain is trying hard to protect me from uncomfortable feelings, so the temptation to procrastinate is huge.

    What I’ve learnt over the years is that the way to avoid this is to ease myself back into work very gently and slowly. I’ve been writing about self-care as a solopreneur for over 8 years, you can read my first article about this here.

    When I come back from a 2 week long summer break especially, I plan to have at least 2 or 3 easy days to bring myself back into working mode gently. I wrote about this in this article. Here I had a shorter break so one day feels like enough.

    Because of the way resistance works, as soon as I give myself permission to take things slowly, my system relaxes, the resistance eases, and poof, as if by magic, I no longer feel the desire to avoid work.

    Another tactic that helps is to plan my return ahead of time, as in writing a list of everything I’ll need to do when I get back from my break, because I tend to forget. Being clear that nothing intense or extra challenging is taking place immediately when I’m back also helps avoid overwhelm.

    I hope this helps and if you have your own tips and ideas to ease yourself back into work mode, I’d love to hear them. Just comment below.

    Here’s a collection of other articles about self-care, gentleness and self-kindness I’ve written over the years:

  • Authentic Outreach: How to Connect With Potential Clients Without an Agenda

    Authentic Outreach: How to Connect With Potential Clients Without an Agenda

    A few years ago, I was struggling to grow my business and suffering from burnout. I thought I needed to be manipulative with my marketing in order to be successful and it felt so at odd with my values I just couldn’t do it. I spent time learning manipulative marketing tactics and how to persuade potential clients into buying my services. Things like funnels and opt-ins. “Free” stuff in return for people giving you their details. False discounts by claiming the products you offered were worth more than they actually did….

    But it never felt right. Whenever I reached the selling part in a share, it felt inauthentic and I dreaded  doing it.

    I started researching how different coaches and consultants attracted clients without being salesy or pushy.

    Working with authentic business coach George Kao, I earnt that  marketing did not have to be yucky. This cut a long story short, what I learnt was that I did not have to be manipulative to sell. It was a revelation and a relief, and it completely transformed the way I run my business.

    This week I’m learning that reaching out to potential customers is just the same. I’m working with business coach Caroline Leon, and she is encouraging us to connect for connection’s sake. She calls it authentic outreach.

    Caroline says 

    “Because the idea of “networking” is as old as time, plenty of people get that having good connections is good for business, but when connections come from a place of trying to get business rather than aiming to build genuine relationships, it can feel completely off to the recipient and can destroy or damage any chances of a relationship developing.”

    I feel the same energy of liberation, of breathing out, feeling that some heavy burden has been lifted that I felt when I learnt to be authentic in my marketing. And, as I did with the marketing, I’m realising that I’m doing that anyway, that I was already doing the connecting, I just did not know it counted as a good business practice.

    We’ve all had these messages from people who had only contacting us under false pretence only to try and sell us services or products.  It does not feel good does it? For me on social media it’s an immediate strike if someone does this. I’m not interested in talking to them. If they cannot be bothered to know who I am, why should I give them my precious time and energy?

    So how do you reach out to potential clients authentically?

    The key is to turn the process on its head. Don’t reach people to try to get something out of them, or even with the end goal of trying to sell them services or products, reach out for reaching’s sake. To connect with fellow humans. To express gratitude. To be helpful. For the simple joy of it. 

    In this short video, coach John P Morgan explains how to do this beautifully (using beautiful fairy lights!) : 

    • Having self-interest as part of your intention while connecting with human beings makes connecting more difficult. 
    • Your ability to connect with human beings is inversely proportional to your desire to acquire from them. 
    • When you are trying to ‘connect with potential clients’, you are inadvertently carrying a desire to acquire and thus making it difficult for yourself. 
    • You already know how to connect with people and you do it well when there is nothing you want from them. 

    To practise connecting authentically, what can you do?

    Make a list of people (say 20) to connect with. This list can contain the following kind of people:

    • Friends
    • Family members
    • Colleagues/former colleagues
    • Clients/students
    • Former clients/students
    • Audience members
    • Newsletter subscribers
    • Peers
    • Mentors/teachers
    • People you admire (yes, even famous people appreciate receiving gratitude for their work as very few people take the time to do so, and it’s always nice to feel that you make a difference)

    Look at old lists of clients, friends, your audience, who comments on your posts on social media, how reads your newsletter, who reaches out.

    When looking at the list, notice who lights you up and who you’d like to get in touch with (even if it’s been a long time).

    tip: I write the list AND send the messages at the same time because it works better that way for me.

    How do you reach out?

    Be genuine. Write simple but authentic messages of connection. Mention that you thought about them and wondered how they were doing. Mention a memory or something that made you think about them, or something they did or shared that you feel grateful for. Don’t over complicate or over think it.

    What do you use to reach out?

    Email, social media, texts, voice notes, whatever, it doesn’t matter. The intention and the practice is more important than the method.

    What might happen

    When you start this process, you may notice that it feels unnatural and hard at first, like pushing water uphill. 

    I’m quite new to it myself, but I’ve noticed that, very quickly beyond the inertia and discomfort, once I got going it started to have momentum. Not only does it became more natural and easy but it gives me a good fizzy feeling inside and a glow, to connect with people I appreciate and love. 

    And as if by magic, several people I haven’t actually contacted are also reaching out. There is a saying that what you focus on expands, and being in that energy of giving and receiving is very helpful and beautiful.

    Let me know what you think of this, and if you try, or have tried it, it I’d love to hear about your experience.

  • Drumming a New Path: My Journey of Healing and Growth in 2023

    Drumming a New Path: My Journey of Healing and Growth in 2023

    Last year nearly broke me. Join me as I reflect on an epic battle for my child, my own mental health hurdles and ADHD discovery, and how making a drum unlocked deep healing, purpose and exciting new ventures. This is a story of overcoming obstacles through surrender and belief in my ability to steer life’s challenges into growth and meaning. From family struggles to launching a podcast and book, I’m opening up about my most challenging and transformative year yet. If you’ve ever felt lost or close to giving up, only to discover you’re far more powerful than you realised, this one’s for you.

    When I look back at 2023, I feel mostly glad that the year is over and that I’m starting anew. Last year carried a lot of discomfort for me. It was healing but also painful. The coming year feels much more hopeful – it really has a new beginning feel. There were many positive things for me and my family in 2023, but mostly, because things had improved so much from where we were, I found myself grieving and finally processing the hard challenges I’d had to cope with in the previous couple of years.

    My family/personal life:

    2023 started on a dark note for me as my youngest child was still struggling with severe mental health issues, hadn’t been in school for 18 months, and had anxiety so severe they could barely leave the house. Early in the year I battled the local authority to secure funding (EHCP) for the small, holistic specialist school I knew was the only right fit, and key for recovery and healing. It was an epic fight. I had a private advocate’s help but it took months of paperwork, assessments, school visits, report writing and constant chasing. The underfunded, understaffed medical and education systems threw up roadblocks at every turn, but after nearly 18 months we won. It was worth the battle, and I’d do it all over again for my child, but I found it physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting, and soul crushing. I got diagnosed with ADHD last year (more on that later), and one of the issues with ADHD is finding tedious admin tasks REALLY difficult to do. If you want a flavour of what I experienced, read this graphic story about a mother battling getting support for her child with ADHD. It describes the French system but it’s very similar to my experience.

    When the letter came a few weeks later saying we had been successful, I thought I would feel elated, but instead, I felt war torn and weary, like had been a warrior for a long time, and I was finally putting down my armour, sword and shield. I felt exhausted. I booked a much needed family holiday to celebrate, and to act as a transition before my child started in the new school.  But then I got a kidney stone, spent an awful night in A&E begging for pain relief, fainted and gave myself a concussion. Rather than the holiday I’d planned, I spent a week in bed, wallowing in self-pity.

    In April my child started the new school, which was nurturing and supportive beyond my hopes. Three months in, my once housebound child happily went on a residential school trip. I also successfully applied for Disability Living Allowance, which opened up benefits that made attending certain events less stressful for my child. Over the last 3 years I’ve worked with therapists and coaches to stay regulated despite my child’s mental health crises, which used to unravel me. Recently, as my child had an anxiety attack on an outing, I was able to help her re-regulate in minutes. My own regulation was key.

    After the school win, I collapsed, my body giving out after so much chronic stress and survival mode. My health crashed. I was only up for walking my dog and resting and my mood was terrible. My coach invited me for a free restorative yoga session, reminding me my nervous system was fried. She helped me realise that, while perimenopause played a role, there was a lot more going on. Though I’d sworn off medications, she explained that I could try HRT without committing long-term.  I also reached out to holistic menopause mentor Kate Codrington, who shared that some of her clients used HRT to give themselves the space they need to get more holistic practices in place. Shortly afterwards, I started HRT, and within a couple of weeks  I noticed a huge difference in my mood, energy and sleep. Whereas before I felt crippled with anxiety, woke up several times a night with night sweats (which would then trigger anxiety that would keep me awake), and felt completely exhausted, I started sleeping better, feeling calmer and more positive, and having more energy. From that calmer vantage point I was able to look at my life and start putting more positive steps in place.

    I also got an ADHD diagnosis, which explained my paralysis around boring tasks, but hyperfocus when excited. With support, I applied for and secured an Access to Work grant for coaching, decluttering help and more. With all this support in place, I’m sure that my life and business are going to improve massively this year. Getting my older child assessed for ADHD and autism was also a big step. We await the final diagnosis this month.

    ADHD is a paradoxical beast. When I get excited about something, my productivity is off the scale (I wrote my first book in 6 months, and wait until you read my work achievements below), and I finally understand why people keep asking me how I do all these things. Whilst exciting things are effortless, boring or difficult tasks can feel insurmountable, and I can procrastinate for months on end, whilst constantly thinking about the task I’m not doing and beating myself up about it.

    My work life in 2023:

    From mid-2022 to March 2023 I had to pause my work to support my child and attend constant medical appointments and tutoring. But with my online courses ticking over, I still managed to keep my business afloat.

    When my child restarted school after so long, I found myself having more time to dedicate to my business again. I had stopped working as a doula a year before, and I felt frustrated that the next “calling” wasn’t still showing itself. Looking back I can see that there just wasn’t the space in my life for it before. But now that space was available I grew impatient and frustrated. Kanan helped me get out of this stuckness by reminding me that often we don’t know what works until we try. She asked me what would excite me and I said teaching drumming to support birth, but I worried this was too niche. 

    In a bid to get myself space to heal and spend time in nature doing stuff I loved, I booked onto Melonie Syrett (aka The Drum Woman) sacred women drum circle facilitator training. I booked this for myself as a retreat because I knew that spending 4 days immersed in sacred work on the land, in peace, away from the hustle and bustle and needs for daily life, would do me a lot of good. The training delivered this and more. I spent 4 days camping at the Clophill Centre, immersed in nature. The weather was glorious and we spent our time inside an roundhouse, or in the woods or meadows. It was everything I had hoped for and more. My nervous system calmed right down.  It was very healing.

    During the training I made a beautiful drum, created with the intention to lead drum circles. When you make a drum it carries the medicine of what you went through when you crafted it. We spent time with each hide asking it if it was the right one for our drum. When it came to the lacing, she explained that those of us who liked things to be perfect could consider making a messy drum. I remember thinking: I don’t want my drum to be messy! But my hide had other ideas. I hadn’t realised how hard it would be to work with horse hide. As the hide was so thick, I had to keep cutting bigger holes for the lacing and then passing the lacing through them was very time consuming. By the time most people had finished their drum, I was only a quarter of the way through with mine. We worked inside a marquee and it was 30 degrees outside and I was sweating profusely. I found it challenging and uncomfortable. In the end I had to finish my drum alone in the evening,  3h behind everyone else. But I wouldn’t stop or give up until I was done. My tenacity  making this drum was the same quality I had used through the fight to get my child support. In the making of this drum I also had to let go of control and surrender to some aspects of it that didn’t fit with my original plan. This was another deep lesson I had over the last couple of years, to learn to surrender, when before my default setting was to try and control everything when things got difficult.

    When my new drum was dry and ready to play a few days later, I did a guided journey to meet his spirit. He told me that its name was mountain rider and that its medicine was to help overcome obstacles. The drum’s medicine kicked things into hyperdrive. I offered a free webinar about drumming for birth and 100 people signed up. I then decided to offer a course to teach people how to drum during birth.  When I started researching the topic of drumming and birth I realised that almost nobody had written about this. This made me incredibly excited because I am a pioneer at heart and there I was in really new territory, and one that also made use of my science and spirituality bridging gift. 

    I was contacted by the International journal of birth and parent education (IJBPE) to write an article about drumming and birth. This was the first time in history that something about this topic was published in a scientific journal. I taught a group of women from 6 different countries how to use the drum to support birth. I wrote 6 blog posts about drumming. I made a drum from amniotic membranes. I ran drum circles and wrote case studies for my course, reflecting and refining my skills and gaining appreciation for what I did.

    I decided to write a book about drumming and supporting women through life transitions, approached a new publisher, wrote 6 chapters in a month to meet the submission deadline, and the project was accepted. I started a podcast, The Wisdom Messenger, to share the wisdom of trailblazing women bridging science and spiritual knowledge. I gave a talk about the science of drumming at the first convention of women drummers and makers. I also wrote another article about drumming and birth for the Green Parent magazine, which is coming out this month, and I’m leading a drum journey workshop at the IJBPE conference in April.

    Beside the above, in 2023 I also:

    • I kept my business going and whilst my income dropped a little, it was still steady
    • I launched a new online course about drumming for birth, bringing my total number of courses to 6. 
    • Over 100 new students joined my courses, bringing my total number of students to nearly 800, from 30 different countries. 
    • I ran 3 in person courses (including a rebozo course for NHS midwives)
    • I taught 4 webinars, the most popular one was attended over 200 people
    • I ran monthly drum circles
    • I did 20 individual healing sessions (Reiki, Drumming, Closing the bones)
    • I supported 3 births (I’m not a doula anymore but when people get in touch for help or friends give birth, I simply cannot leave them without support)
    • I published 25 blog posts and over 200 posts on social media.
    • I was interviewed on several podcasts, and invited to lead sessions in other people’s courses
    • I started reviewing the French translation of my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, which is being published this year.

    A lot of this success was due to having worked with authentic marketing coach George Kao.

    My spiritual/healing/growth work:

    Falling apart starts a death and rebirth process, where we rebuild from the ashes. This has been true for me. The pain provoked proportional healing and growth. My need to understand and better myself continued. I worked with a neurodivergent coach for 9 months and also had human design and MAP sessions. I tried some talking therapies but found the Western approach too cognitive and rushed. A more integrative, somatic approach resonates more. I continued microdosing plant medicine. It helps me identify and change unhelpful thought patterns. 

    I carried on with my weekly dawn woods drum circles with my 2 drum sisters. This feels very sacred and the space for deep sharing afterwards is precious.  As a friend who shared her drum story with me said “Drumming is like church, but better”. Deepening my nature connection through year-round cold water swimming, daily dog walks and wheel of the year ceremonies brought me grounding and joy. 

    I listened to countless audiobooks and podcasts about growth. Some of my favourite books were:

    • How to be the love you seek by Nicole LePera
    • Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
    • Radical Wholeness by Philip Shepherd
    • Entangled life by Merlin Sheldrake
    • The soul of money by Lynne Twist
    • How to keep house whilst drowning by KC Davies
    • Your brain’s not broken by Tamara Rosier

    In conclusion

    This has been an uncomfortable year, and also one of tremendous learning and growth. This is the year where I have started healing from the challenges I had in previous years, the beginning of a journey into becoming a happier, more whole self.  2024 truly feels like a new beginning for me, a year where I can really focus on growing myself, growing my business and helping others do the same.

    My word of the year for 2022 was Expansion (in last year’s blog post there is a link for a word of the year meditation). My word for the year in 2024 is Guidance.

    Someone shared this poem with me at a retreat last week and it feels apt:

    For a New Beginning

    by John O’Donohue

    In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
    Where your thoughts never think to wander,
    This beginning has been quietly forming,
    Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

    For a long time it has watched your desire,
    Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
    Noticing how you willed yourself on,
    Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

    It watched you play with the seduction of safety
    And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
    Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
    Wondered would you always live like this.

    Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
    And out you stepped onto new ground,
    Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
    A path of plenitude opening before you.

    Though your destination is not yet clear
    You can trust the promise of this opening;
    Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
    That is at one with your life’s desire.

    Awaken your spirit to adventure;
    Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
    Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
    For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

     

     

  • When It’s Time to Shed Your Skin: Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You

    When It’s Time to Shed Your Skin: Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You

    I’ve decided that it’s time for me to retire from selling rebozos.

    I never intended to sell them, it’s just that, as I ran a lot of workshops, people kept asking. At first I only brought them to workshops and then through word of mouth alone, I got messages from people wanting them, there was so much demand that I found the process too time consuming (lots of taking pictures and emails). Eventually I had to ask my webperson build me a webshop.

    Fast forward to today, 7 years later I’ve noticed over the last couple of years that the process of importing, taking pictures, putting listings on my website, packaging each rebozo, taking packages to the post office, plus the tallying of countless paper receipts for tax purpose, is not only a very time consuming process, it’s no longer bringing me joy.

    Not only that, but it’s taking me away from what I feel I am really gifted at, which is creating content. Courses, blogs, books etc. These things give me deep joy and feel part of my soul’s purpose.

    Plus the last audit I did of my business showed that the profit I make from selling rebozos represent less than 10% of my income, but it sure takes a lot more time than the things that earn me the most money (my online courses). So it’s time for me to retire from selling them. When my current stock of rebozos is sold, I’ll close that part of my online shop. When I’m ready to close the shop, I’ll recommend another UK seller I trust and who imports from the same ethical suppliers as I do. I may still order a small batch when I run in person workshops (because this is still enjoyable and was less time consuming than online selling).

    Reflecting on cycles of outgrowth and shedding

    I’m sure you are familiar with the fact that some animals, like snakes or lobsters, grow by shedding their skin or shell. The sign that the old shell or skin has been outgrown is tightness and discomfort. I love this reflection about how lobsters grow in particular.

    When I look back at my professional life there has always been a lot of outgrowing and shedding.

    As a scientist, I did my PhD in two different labs, and then 2 postdocs in 2 different research centres. Then I worked for a start-up biotech company for 7 years. I wondered if it meant an unusual break in pattern, however over the course of these 7 years there was enormous evolution to my role, from bench scientist to team leader, with the organisation growing from 12 to 100, moving 3 times, merging with another company then being bought by a big pharmaceutical company. It was all quite exciting, and explains why I stayed so long in this company. Interestingly, when the job became boring after the company was bought by a large pharmaceutical company, and I agonised over leaving because I had a months old baby and negotiated a part time arrangement, I was made redundant and it was actually a big relief. After that I went back to academia for 4 years, and I had two completely different roles in two different departments in a very large research centre.

    The last 4 years of my scientific career, I straddled two worlds. I trained as a doula, antenatal teacher, and babywearing instructor. I did sling consultations on my day off, and taught antenatal classes during evenings and weekends. What precipitated my departure was attending a birth as a last minute backup doula on my day off, and coming back to the office on Monday morning and thinking, what am I doing here? This is so much more exciting. When I handed over my notice, I felt completely elated.

    When people tell me I was very brave to leave a successful scientific career behind to become a doula, I explain that it had nothing to do with bravery, I simply couldn’t not do it. My soul wouldn’t let me. Working in science those last few years felt excruciating; I was chained to something my passion had outgrown. My whole being knew it was time to shed that skin. So I wouldn’t call it brave to walk away. When I left, my spirit soared straight up as if finally set free. I simply had no choice but to change course and follow where my purpose was leading, to work that lit me up from the inside. I was no longer outgrowing that science skin – it had become dead weight.

    For a few years I worked as a birth and postnatal doula, antenatal teacher and babywearing consultant. It was so exciting and rewarding! Never in my scientific career had I cried tears of joy before, and this was a regular occurrence in my new job.

    I went to countless study days and training. I soon found myself offering workshops to birth professionals, and organically grew towards teaching professionals rather than parents.

    As my interests and offerings grew, I soon found myself in a quandary: as a solopreneur, there was only one of me, and too many interests yet not enough hours in the day to meet them all.

    What I noticed started to happen naturally, as my new interests grew, is that some of the stuff I had been doing for many years was no longer giving me joy. When this started to happen, I think I knew straight away, but I pushed the feeling away for quite some time. After all, I had invested significant time and effort in the training, and acquired a lot of experience along the way.

    For example, in the case of teaching antenatal classes, I had trained with the NCT, and this had included getting a DiPhe in antenatal education, complete with graduation ceremony. When only about 4 years after starting teaching I started to get the unmistakable sign that it was time to move on (in my case the sign is always boredom), I really struggled with this, and carried on teaching for a couple of years after that. When I finally told my husband that I was going to stop teaching the classes, he reminded me that I had made the decision 2 years before.

    Still I spent some time agonising over the decision because, whilst it was clear that this was no longer my path, there were aspects of the work I knew that I was going to miss. After stopping when I’d bump into couples who had attended my classes, and they’d ask me if I was still doing it, I would feel a pang of regret.

    The same was true when I decided to stop teaching babywearing. I had started teaching closing the bones and Reiki workshops, and the spiritual element of this made my soul sing. I realised that teaching babywearing was no longer spiritual enough for me. Similar iterations happened over the last few years, some came from my spirit, some forced by circumstances (for instance when the lockdowns forced me to move from offering in person workshops to online courses). 

    There were things I only offered for a couple of years before I felt that it was no longer right.

    Stopping doula work was quite hard even if the message to stop was really clear. The message that came was that, unless I stopped this work which was taking so much time, mental space and energy, I wouldn’t be able to start offering the next chapter of what I was supposed to offer.

    Even if I have no regrets because this is no longer my path, I still miss aspects of this work. This year I have supported a few families on an adhoc basis in one to one antenatal and postnatal sessions. When this happens, I notice two things: my depth of knowledge in this area, and my missing the deeper connection that comes with repeated meetings. This isn’t enough to make me go back, but these are bittersweet moments.

    It feels so linked to the cycle of life, birth, growth, decay, death, and rebirth. There is a time for everything, and we need to let things go if we want to make space for new things. It takes time and acceptance.

    As I walk in my favourite forest spot at this time of year, grateful for how much nature has taught me since I embarked on re-immersing myself in it a few years ago, I look at the trees shedding their leaves, and I think: they aren’t holding on, or scared of letting go.

    To me it’s the natural cycle of life. A time and season for everything. Only by releasing the worn and outgrown shell of the past do we make room for the new growth waiting to emerge. 

    How do you know when it’s time to shed something you have outgrown in your work or personal life? What are the signs for you? Please comment below.