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Sophie Messager

Category: ADHD

  • The medicine of rhythm: My journey between drumming and ADHD medication

    The medicine of rhythm: My journey between drumming and ADHD medication

    Introduction

     

    When I received my ADHD diagnosis at 53, it wasn’t a surprise but rather a confirmation of something my hyperfocused research had already revealed. Unlike many who experience conflicting emotions upon diagnosis, I only felt empowered – finally understanding why certain environments dysregulated me, why focus sometimes flowed and other times vanished completely, and why my brain seemed to operate so differently from others. 

     

    What I didn’t expect was how my deepening relationship with drumming would become not just a passion or spiritual practice, but essential medicine for my neurodivergent mind. The delay in my ADHD medication journey opened an unexpected doorway, leading me to discover how drumming could offer my brain the regulation, focus and calm that pharmaceutical interventions couldn’t meet sustainably. This is the story of how my drum became my teacher and healer on my midlife neurodivergent journey.

     

    Diagnosis as empowerment

     

    2 years ago, aged 53, I was diagnosed with ADHD. This wasn’t a surprise as I had already done some hyperfocus on the subject, after my youngest child had been diagnosed with autism the previous year.

    I’ve heard a lot of people say they struggled with a lot of conflicting feelings when they got their diagnosis. Not me. I had already done the work after struggling with my child’s diagnosis, because there is still so much negative stigma attached to being neurodivergent, and because I had so much to learn about what being neurodivergent meant.

    For me, being diagnosed was empowering, and empowering only. It meant that I stopped beating myself up with stuff that I found hard to do. It meant that I finally got support for my business in the form of an Access to Work grant. It meant that I started to understand what dysregulate me (hello noises and changes in temperature) when I didn’t before and got to put supportive measures in place (noise cancelling headphones, earplugs, a fan
). And it meant that I got to try ADHD medication.

    I first tried ADHD medication once 2 years before I got diagnosed as it was recommended as a sure way to establish whether I had ADHD or not. The experience was very positive and you can read about that here. I also tried antidepressants, and microdosing mushrooms. I hated the antidepressants, and the mushrooms helped me a lot in uncovering unhelpful thought patterns I had.

    Having had such a positive experience with the ADHD medication, I was keen to get prescribed the drugs, so after my diagnosis I applied to start titration (a process of trying different drugs at different doses to establish what’s right for you) with the right to choose company that had diagnosed me, psychiatry UK.

     

    The unexpected medication delay: a blessing in disguise

     

    I was told it could take 7 months of waiting. In the end, due to a communication mistake (I wasn’t told I needed an ECG and my GP did not take action), I ended up waiting more than a year. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

    As I was busy writing my book about women and drumming, and desperately needing better focus to write effectively, I came across Jeff Strong’s book, Different Drummer. Jeff is a drummer and clinical researcher with ADHD, who has been using drumming to change brain states since the 1990s. In his book Jeff explained how you could use some rhythms to change your brain waves, including to help focus. I found Jeff’s on demand drumming website, Brain Stim Audio. I signed up for his free 2 weeks trial (no payment methods are required to try it). I started using his focus tracks and was amazed to notice a similar sensation in my brain as when I had taken ADHD drugs. When my free trial ran out, I bought a monthly subscription (which only costs $10 a month). I started using the tracks every day, to great effects on my ability to focus and write my book.

     

    The medication experience: benefits and warning signs

    A few months later, psychiatry UK told me they were ready to start my ADHD medication titration. This was a bumpy journey. I told the nurse that I was very sensitive to medication and asked to start on the lowest dose possible, lower than what was normally recommended. The first medication I tried (Ritalin), really did not agree with me. I just could not sleep whilst on it, and was getting more and more wired each day. I only took it for 3 days before stopping. After a break, I started on the lowest dose possible of Elvanse (lisdexamfetamine), at 20mg. With hindsight this was still too high.

    On this drug I was able to focus really well, in fact too well. For example I could stay seated at my desk and write for 4h solid without a break, sometimes not even stopping to drink water. I have to admit I loved it. I also experienced an elevated mood. This helped me immensely to help finish my new book on time. However, even from the start there were concerning side effects, in particular a slightly elevated heart rate. When the prescriber suggested I try a higher dose of 30mg, my heart rate went up to 115 beats per minute. I stayed on the 20mg despite the slight rise in my heart rate, for the duration of the titration, and the few months after. I also loved that, whilst taking this drug I was never tired. I could go all day. I had no desire or need to nap in the afternoon during our holiday, despite the heat (my parents live in the South of France). My mother mentioned this whilst we were on holiday, she found it concerning, she said I wasn’t my normal self. One day, I forgot to take the meds, and I felt completely exhausted by mid morning, like a crash. The drug also made me lose weight. When I look back there were many red flags right from the start, but the positive effects made me ignore them.

    One of the other positive side effects was that titration required giving up alcohol. After a few weeks, I noticed that not drinking was actually good for me, and I haven’t drank any alcohol since.

    Back from holidays in September, even whilst I loved the hyper productivity the drug afforded me, I started getting a niggling sense that this wasn’t sustainable. That same month, I started getting serious side effects from the HRT medication I was taking (constant bleeding). I went on HRT a year prior against everything I normally believe in, to heal from a chronic stress situation I was in- you can read about this here. Looking back now, I believe that this was the first sign that my body gave me to tell me that the ADHD medication wasn’t good for me. During the Autumn, I stopped the medication during the weekend to give my body a break but this led to an unpleasant energy and mood crash on the first day I stopped. I must admit the way the meds make me feel was quite addictive.

     

    When my body said “enough”

    A couple of months later, I started getting very severe gastrointestinal side effects, eventually leading to a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis. I refused to take the anti-inflammatory drugs and oral steroids that I got prescribed because they would not treat the root cause, but just put a lid on the symptoms. Instead, I meditated on what my gut was trying to tell me: you need to slow down, it replied very clearly. I was worried about how I would feel if I stopped the ADHD meds but the side effects I was now experiencing worried me more. I joined several patient groups, and did some research and  found evidence of stimulants causing such gut symptoms. This led me to stop the ADHD meds. I also saw my homeopath and started taking healing herbs (slippery elm and aloe). And I slowed right down. I nearly stopped working for 6 weeks, doing only the bare minimum. After the Christmas holiday, I tried to get back to work but my body wouldn’t let me, so I kept the slower pace for a bit longer (this was hard-despite having worked deeply on the ability to rest without guilt for many years, I still experience some level of resistance). Within a couple of weeks, symptoms were much reduced, and I was symptom free within 6 weeks. Tests later on would prove that a particular gut inflammation marker had gone below detectable levels (it had been extremely high before), something unheard of happening so quickly.

     

    Rediscovering my natural rhythm

    When I eventually got back to work, I had to re-learn to work with my natural ebb and flow ADHD energy-one that has two modes: either full throttle, do a week’s work in 2h hyperfocus, or nearly catatonic. That was hard. And yet, deep down I kind of knew that was healthier and would allow me to do some healing work. It’s not been easy or plain sailing. Interestingly, I’m also almost entirely convinced that I’m done with my cycle now, though I will not know for sure until I haven’t bled for a year.

    The perimenopause process, which I have been undergoing for 13 years now, has felt on many levels like puberty, with a complete change of identity. Perimenopause is also what brought my ADHD symptoms to light, and led to my diagnosis.

     

    The drum as daily medicine

     

    Taking the ADHD meds somewhat disconnected me to my regular drumming practice because I felt so focused and positive on them I did not really need it. I still kept my weekly drumming practice in the woods with my drum sisters, and led my monthly drum circle, and drummed occasionally on top of that, but it wasn’t a regular occurrence. 

    Since I stopped the meds I’ve reconnected with it for myself, and supported others to do the same, in fact I led a couple of workshops using the drum (one about overcoming procrastination with the drum, and the other a drum microdosing workshop, followed by a month long drum microdosing circle).

    I’ve also resumed using Brain Stim Audio’s focusing drum tracks on a daily basis.

    In my upcoming book (prelaunch is next month!) about how drumming supports women’s wellbeing and power, there is an entire chapter dedicated to how drumming can support people who are neurodivergent. I wrote it because of the work I was doing with the drum, discovering Jeff Strong, taking his course and interviewing him, and using his tracks to fuel my focus.  If my medication journey hadn’t been delayed, this chapter might not have existed.

    Jeff Strong has even done some research that shows that drumming is more effective than ritalin.:

    • Adult ADHD Study: A comparison between Rhythmic Entrainment Intervention (REI) drumming and Ritalin showed that drumming produced better results on the Test of Variables of Attention (T.O.V.A.). While 10mg of Ritalin improved the subject’s score from -12.74 to -6.60 and 20mg improved it to -3.47, listening to REI drumming tracks achieved a near-normal score of -1.87— almost 50% better than the medication.
    • Elementary School Study: In a double-blind, placebo-controlled study with 100 children, those listening to REI drumming scored significantly higher (68) on attention tests compared to silence (23) or placebo music (31).
    • Brain Shift Radio’s Continuous Performance Test: Large-scale testing with thousands of participants showed drumming reduced error rates by an average of 36.73% across multiple attention metrics. Specifically, detection errors decreased by 30%, commission errors by 46.5%, and omission errors by 33.7%. Response times also improved with drumming.

     

    I’ve discovered both from personal experience and research that drumming offers unique support for ADHD and autism. As a woman diagnosed with ADHD at 53, while navigating perimenopause, I’ve found that drumming provides effortless nervous system regulation that meditation alone cannot match. Drumming increases dopamine, provides an outlet for emotions and energy, and creates a beautiful stillness in overactive minds through what I call “a massage in your brain.” Research by Friedman, Strong, and others confirms drumming’s benefits: improved focus, reduced anxiety and enhanced social connection. 

    For me personally, drumming has become an essential tool for managing ADHD symptoms, helping me find calm amidst overwhelm through daily practice, listening to entrainment tracks while working, and connecting with others through my drum circles. Unlike other pursuits I’ve quickly abandoned, drumming has remained and grown in my life for eleven years, testifying to its profound power to support neurodivergent minds.

     

    Conclusion

     

    The dance between my ADHD diagnosis, medication experience, and deepening drumming practice continues to evolve as I move through the end of perimenopause. What began as a spiritual practice has revealed itself as medicine for my neurodivergent brain – a way to find focus without the toll of stimulant medications, and to regulate my nervous system. 

    The drum speaks a language my brain and spirit intrinsically understands: rhythm, presence, and the permission to both flow with intense energy and find stillness within rhythm. While trying ADHD medication offered a window into what focused attention could feel like, drumming has become my sustainable path toward the same clarity – honouring my natural ebb and flow rather than overriding it. 

    As I continue leading circles, teaching workshops, and using rhythmic entrainment in my daily work, I am deeply grateful for this ancient technology that serves my modern neurodivergent needs. The drum has taught me that sometimes the most powerful medicines aren’t found in prescriptions, but in practices that have supported human brains and hearts for thousands of years.

    If you’re intrigued by how drumming might support your own neurodivergent brain, I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop “Beat Distraction: Drumming for ADHD” on Thursday, May 22nd, 2025 at 4pm UK time. No musical experience or drum required—just bring your curiosity and openness to experience how rhythm can regulate your nervous system and enhance your focus.

    During this workshop, you’ll:

    • Experience firsthand how specific drumming rhythms can shift your brain state
    • Learn simple techniques you can incorporate into your daily routine
    • Discover how to use rhythm to transition between hyperfocus and rest states
    • Connect with others exploring drumming as medication-free ADHD support

     

  • Beat Procrastination with the Drum: How Rhythm Can Help You Take Action

    Beat Procrastination with the Drum: How Rhythm Can Help You Take Action

    If I show you a frame drum and tell you it can help with procrastination, does it make you roll your eyes? Does it trigger thoughts like, “What’s this hippy nonsense?” And yet, you might be surprised to learn that drumming has a solid scientific foundation. Years of research show how rhythmic drumming can influence your consciousness and nervous system, helping you shift out of procrastination and into flow.

    What is procrastination?

    Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing tasks, decisions, or actions, even when you know it could lead to negative consequences. It often involves choosing short-term comfort or avoidance over the effort, discipline, or focus needed to complete a task—despite the long-term benefits of getting it done.

    Why do we procrastinate?

    Procrastination isn’t just about poor time management—it’s a self-regulation challenge. We procrastinate to avoid uncomfortable feelings such as:

    • Fear of failure, judgment, or being seen
    • Perfectionism
    • Difficulty managing emotions

    At its core, procrastination stems from a dysregulated nervous system. When we’re overwhelmed or afraid, our brains seek comfort and safety, making it harder to focus or take action.

    How drumming can help

    This is where the drum becomes an unlikely yet powerful ally. Through a process called auditory entrainment, drumming can shift your state of consciousness and soothe your nervous system.

    Shamanic drumming, which typically maintains a rhythm of around 4 beats per second, is especially effective. This rhythm slows your brain waves, moving you into a relaxed, semi-meditative state. In this state:

    • Your nervous system calms down.
    • Fear and constriction ease, allowing for more open and creative thinking.
    • You can look at problems differently, with a “relaxed” brain that makes moving forward feel easier and less overwhelming.

    How to use drumming to overcome procrastination

    If you have a drum:
    Set a timer and drum intuitively for just five minutes. This is usually enough to release mental tension and get you unstuck.

    If you don’t have a drum:
    You can achieve the same thing by drumming on a book, on a table or on your body. Percussion causes the brain changes, so it does not matter what you use.

    Listen to drumming
    There are plenty of free shamanic drumming tracks available on platforms like YouTube and Spotify. You can do this with drumming in the background whilst you do something else, and you do not even need headphones.

    For a more targeted approach:
    Check out Brain Stim Audio by ADHD drummer Jeff Strong. He has developed specific focus tracks designed to overcome procrastination using the same principles of auditory entrainment. You can try Brain Stim Audio free for two weeks without providing payment details, and Jeff also shares some rhythm samples on YouTube. From personal experience, I can vouch for their effectiveness!

    Want to dive deeper?

    If you’d like to explore this further, I recently hosted a low cost workshop (£25) called Beat Procrastination with the Drum which is available as a recording.

    In this 90-minute session, you’ll learn:

    • The science behind procrastination and how it affects the brain and body.
    • Practical ways to use drumming to move from stuck to flow.
    • Guided drum exercises to help you shift your mindset.

    No drum is needed—I provide live drumming during the session, along with tips and resources you can use afterward.

    Join me and discover how the power of rhythm can help you soothe your nervous system and overcome procrastination.

  • The Wisdom of Winter: Embracing Natural Rhythms in a ‘Always-On’ World

    The Wisdom of Winter: Embracing Natural Rhythms in a ‘Always-On’ World

    In early January, I felt a familiar disconnect: while my body craved hibernation, the world buzzed with “new year, new you” messaging. This jarring contrast led me to reflect on our relationship with rest, productivity, and natural cycles – both as a scientist and as someone learning to honour my body’s wisdom, and also to offer a workshop using the drum to manage this.

     

    The Biology behind winter rest

    First let me make something clear: making resolutions in early January makes no sense on an energetic and biological level. We’re in midwinter. It is still dark and cold. We are meant to rest at this time. 

    It’s a fact, biologically. I did my PhD and 2 postdocs on chronobiology. Evidence shows that when nights are longer we have less energy. In fact as a species we used to work a lot harder during the time of the year when nights were short, but the advent of mass schooling (and people needing the kids back to help during the harvest) led to what we have now: holidays at a time (summer) when we need the least rest.

     

    What Celtic Wisdom Teaches Us About Seasons

    It is also a fact in nature. Just look around, nature is still mostly hibernating, even though tiny signs of Spring can already be visible. I celebrate the festivals of the celtic wheel of the year, and it would make much more sense to wait to plan goals/do resolutions etc starting from Imbolc (end of January/early February), when the energy of Spring is starting to rise.

    Despite taking a really long break over Christmas, the first week when we were supposed to be back at work, I noticed that I was still very sluggish. Getting back to work after holidays is something I’ve learnt that I need to do progressively, and I did, but this was next level. I just wanted to hibernate. I did very little work that week, I just couldn’t get going.

    I noticed something really interesting happening. Whilst I’ve always known in my head that winter is for rest, I still struggled with some level of guilt about not being productive that week. This I expect is due to my upbringing, and belonging to a culture that sees “being productive” all the time as a sign of worth, and resting as a sign of laziness.

    Nature likes balance. What comes up must go down. The cycle of growth and decay is very clearly evidence in nature. Trees don’t bear flowers or fruits all year round. But still, it is hard when the “productivity” belief has been so ingrained in us since childhood. This also makes it hard to know when we truly need to rest or we are simply experiencing a disconnect, a resistance between our inner state and what we think we ought to be “doing”.

    That first week of January, my body simply would not let me work. So I leaned into that, and lo and behold, the following week my energy was back to a much more functional level. And projects started to pull me forward once more: this week I received the mock up of both the French translation of my first book (Why postnatal recovery matters), and of my new book about women and drumming, on the same day!

     

    When Productivity Becomes Unsustainable: My ADHD Medication Journey

    In my case, it is probably not surprising that I needed some extra rest. In July 2024 I started taking ADHD stimulant medication (Elvanse/Lisdexamfetamine). Whilst part of me loved the hyper productive experience the medication gave me (and it sure was fantastic in helping me finish my book in time), by September, I started noticing that I was working at a level that wasn’t natural or sustainable. I was working at a constant level. There were no “down days”  , something that used to be normal for me. I not only finished the book about drumming, and did all the edits and corrections, but I also finished correcting the French translation of my first book, and also did all the work to launch my first group program.

    In September I experienced constant bleeding, which led me to stop taking HRT after 18 months (when I look back, this was probably also related to overworking). By November I was also experiencing severe gut symptoms. When I meditated with my gut, the answer came loud and clear: you need to slow down. I did not really want to but the symptoms were severe enough for me not to be able to ignore them. It was as if my gut was literally screaming at me. 

    After researching the subject and finding evidence that there is a link between the meds I was taking and the symptoms I was experiencing, I decided to stop taking the ADHD meds, and did so at the end of November.  I also took healing herbs and saw a homeopath, but listening to my body’s cry for rest really felt key. I was prescribed typical Western medicine, drugs that I knew would not heal, but just put a temporary lid on my symptoms, and also stop me from listening to my body’s needs.

    So I slowed right down, winding my work from early December onwards, and stopping completely by mid December, and really not properly resuming a sense of readiness to work until mid January. When I look back, having spent 5 months working at an abnormally high pace, it’s not surprising that I would need a much longer break than normal to recover.

     

    Learning to Listen: The Different Faces of Rest

    Now that I’m meds free, I’m back to having my normal ebb and flow, with the ups days and the down days. I’m working at trusting the wisdom of that. I know that, in typical ADHD fashion, when I get up on days I often accomplish several days of work in a few hours. And I need to trust and lean into the down days (I call them “fuck-it” days-and usually give up on trying to work and do something nourishing instead).

    However, I also experience procrastination that is not down to having an energetic down day. It’s more that there is something blocking me underneath. A sense of stagnancy, of stuckness. 

    I feel it’s really important to be able to distinguish between the two: is this really my body trying to tell me to rest, or am I running away from something uncomfortable? The two feel completely different. The key is to lean into the embodied experience.

     

    Finding Flow Through Rhythm: How Drumming Breaks Stagnation

    When I am procrastinating, the one thing that seems to help me faster than any other tools I’ve tried is my drum. Whenever I’m experiencing resistance or feeling stuck, I put a timer on for 5 min and play my drum. It’s amazing how quickly it shifts me from stuck more into movement and ideas. I also often listen to some drumming tracks designed to modify my consciousness/state of mind whilst working/getting started.

     

    Conclusion

    As we navigate the pressure to maintain constant productivity, perhaps the greatest wisdom lies in trusting our natural rhythms. Whether it’s honouring winter’s call for rest or using tools like drumming to move through genuine blocks, the key is learning to distinguish between our body’s true needs and conditioned resistance. This journey has taught me that productivity isn’t about maintaining constant output, but about flowing with our natural cycles.

    I am aware that many of us are experiencing similar issues to the ones I describe above at this moment in time and feeling difficulties in getting going. I’d love to hear what your experience has been.

    To support this, I’ve decided to offer a workshop called Beat procrastination with the drum, on the 29th of January.

     

  • From Guidance to Power: My Journey Through 2024

    From Guidance to Power: My Journey Through 2024

    If you’ve been following my blog since 2017, you’ll know I love doing these year-end reviews – they’re like a public reflective diary, helping me process and share my journey. For about five years now, I’ve also chosen a word for the upcoming year, using an intuitive process that helps me connect with what support I need and how I want to feel. (I’ll share a guided drum journey below so you can find yours too!)

    My word for 2024 was “Guidance” – and boy did the universe deliver! They say be careful what you wish for, and this year brought guidance in ways I never expected, consuming most of my energy and focus throughout the entire year.

    Building a support system: My access to work journey

    One of the biggest changes this year came through successfully applying for an Access to Work grant. Since ADHD is classified as a disability in the UK, I was eligible – but this journey wasn’t one I could navigate alone. For someone with ADHD, where admin and paperwork are my nemesis, the process felt particularly challenging, especially since government systems seem designed to be hardest for those they’re meant to help.

    I was fortunate to have amazing support: my neurodivergent coach Kanan helped draft the initial application and body-doubled with me for the submission. Then came the team at This is Me agency. They were instrumental in helping me map out my support worker needs, advocating during DWP calls (which significantly reduced my anxiety), and tackling the mountain of paperwork – including gathering 24 different quotes from potential support workers!

    The grant approval was both exciting and overwhelming. I received funding for 14 hours of weekly support worker time, ADHD coaching sessions, and equipment like noise-cancelling headphones and a Remarkable tablet. But then came the challenge: how to recruit and manage all these people? Classic ADHD paralysis hit me hard, and it took weeks to actually implement the support. Looking back, I wish I’d reached out to the agency about feeling overwhelmed and prioritised finding the right VA first to help coordinate everything/everyone else. 

    Building my support team

    My first hire was a professional declutterer, who visits weekly. Working with her has been revelatory – finally helping me understand why I could never tackle the chaos alone (and helping me kick out both the shame and the delusion around not being able do it alone). She doesn’t just help organise; she measures spaces and tells exactly what storage solutions to use to prevent clutter from returning. A year on, my desk no longer holds its infamous “pile of doom,” and for the first time in years, I’m not frantically clearing space before my family visits for the holidays. The fact that we’re only halfway through the process after a year shows just how much support I needed.

    Finding Rosslyn, my VA who specialises in supporting people with ADHD, was another game-changer. Instead of overwhelming me with procedure documents and systems, she worked with me gradually to build processes that actually work for my brain. She’s helped identify other crucial support needs, like a website manager and bookkeeper, making my business more streamlined and automated. I was lucky to have had my grant renewed for the coming year too (albeit at a lower rate), which means that I’ll be able to complete the many projects I started.

    Professional evolution: learning, growing, teaching

    • The Business Side

    Working with conscious marketing mentors has been a key part of my journey since 2021. I’ve found that being held in a container of like-minded, heart-based entrepreneurs helps keep me accountable. After three enriching years with George Kao, I sought someone who better matched my needs: Europe-based (for more compatible time zones – I’m a morning person), a woman balancing motherhood with business, and offering affordable mentoring with the same conscious/authentic values. Through George’s community, I found Caroline Leon, whose smaller group size and understanding of work-life balance was exactly what I needed.

    Under Caroline’s guidance, I created my first proper business plan in over 11 years of self-employment. While I set some overly ambitious financial goals without accounting for the time needed for Access to Work implementation and personal development, I see this not as a failure but as valuable learning.

    Looking at what I did accomplish this year:

    • Teaching: 6 in-person courses spanning intuitive drumming, closing the bones, postnatal recovery massage, and rebozo techniques for NHS midwives
    • Community work: I led 13 drum circles and co-facilitated 8 wheel of the year ceremonies
    • One-to-one support: I did 16 closing the bones massages/healing sessions and about as many mentoring sessions.
    • Online courses: I welcomed 142 new students to my courses and ran 3 online masterclasses 
    • Workshop: I ran a new online one about overcoming impostor syndrome.
    • Plant medicine: I ran an evening of connection with the spirit of Mugwort
    • Content creation: I wrote and published 32 blog posts, sent 20 newsletters, shared over 180 social media posts, and recorded 6 podcast interview

     

    • Major milestones

    The highlight of my year was completing my book about drumming as a tool for women’s empowerment – twice the size of my first book, Why Postnatal Recovery Matters. True to my ADHD style, I wrote most of it in an intense six-week sprint before the publisher’s deadline! The book will be published by Womancraft in September 2025, with US distribution through Red Wheel.

    I also finalised the French translation of Why Postnatal Recovery Matters (MĂšres nouvelles, traditions ancestrales, restaurer les rituels de soin du postpartum), due for release in January.

    • Breaking new ground

    This year saw me stepping into new and bigger spaces, delivering drumming demonstrations at two midwifery conferences and speaking about women’s life transitions at the convention of women drummers. I taught my first intuitive drumming course, incorporating rites of passage work around menarche and motherhood – a profound and powerful experience.

    • Beautiful “failures” and their gifts

    My attempt to launch a group program for creating calm and overcoming overwhelm didn’t attract participants despite thorough preparation: market research interviews, content creation, and technical setup. Yet instead of disappointment, I felt relief. This “failure” revealed that I was meant to offer something deeper – focusing on helping sensitive, holistic, heart-centered women reclaim their power in more profound ways.

    Personal growth and healing: a journey to wholeness

    • Finding deep support

    After supporting my child through mental health challenges and experiencing my own struggles, I knew I needed something different from traditional support systems. The NHS counselling I received in Autumn 2023 provided zero relief, leading me to seek alternatives that aligned with my holistic understanding of healing.

    My experience with the NHS’s approach to mental health – both for my child and myself – highlighted a fundamental flaw in modern healthcare. As Josh Schrei beautifully puts it in his podcast The Emerald, “if a plant was sick we wouldn’t say it has ‘wilting syndrome’, we would ask if it’s getting enough food, water, sunshine.”

    Another quote that really exemplifies the narrow, mechanistic view of the modern mental health approach, which ignores our need for community, belonging, and connection, is this one (from an article about Western talking therapists who were sent to support people in Rwanda after the genocide).  

    “Their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. Instead, they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave” 

    I found my answer in a therapist who bridges psychotherapy and shamanic practice. His two-hour sessions (so much more effective than the standard 50-minute format) provided more healing in a few weeks than months of conventional therapy. By May, I was experiencing a level of peace and spaciousness I hadn’t felt in years – a feeling that continues to deepen.

    The medication journey

    This year brought interesting experiments with different forms of support. As I wrote my book, I discovered the power of “microdosing drumming” – just 5 minutes daily – which created similar positive thought pattern changes to my previous experiences with microdosing mushrooms. This practice, along with pre-recorded therapeutic drum tracks, became crucial tools in my wellbeing toolkit.

    • The HRT chapter

     My journey with HRT, which began in 2023 to soothe my nervous system, took an unexpected turn. I started experiencing concerning side effects that echoed my previous experiences with hormonal contraception in the past. After being fast-tracked to the cancer clinic due to constant bleeding, I made the conscious choice to stop.

    Whilst HRT supported my nervous system back towards balance at a time of desperation, feels like it somehow paused my menopause process. However, now that I’ve stopped, I feel like I wasn’t my true self during the 18 months I took it. It feels a bit like an epidural during labour: yes you no longer feel the pain, but you can also no longer feel the power.

    Stopping HRT led to increased energy and a stronger connection to my power. As Jane Hardwicke Collings explains, oestrogen is the “hormone of accommodation” – it can make us more pleasant and accommodating but might also dampen our true power. Without it, I’ve rediscovered my authentic voice and strength.

    • The ADHD medication experience

    My experience with ADHD medication was equally enlightening. While the medicine I was prescribed, Elvanse, helped tremendously with focus and motivation, particularly in finishing my book, I could sense that I wasn’t being entirely myself, and something told me that the increased productivity wasn’t sustainable long-term. When serious digestive issues arose, and I meditated on it, my body’s message was clear: “slow down.”

    Listening to this wisdom, I chose to stop the medication after 5 months, and embrace a slower pace, particularly during the winter months when nature itself calls for rest. This decision feels deeply aligned with my body’s needs and the natural rhythms of nature.

    Embracing winter’s wisdom and looking forward

    • Winter solstice reflections 

    Last week, co-creating our winter solstice ceremony with friends brought a profound realisation: for the first time, I’m not just enduring the dark season but discovering its beauty. I can appreciate the starkness of winter while quietly celebrating that the light will soon return. Our ceremony will honour both the necessary stillness of darkness and the promise of returning light – a perfect metaphor for my own journey this year.

    • The power of slowing down

    My decision to work quietly through December and take an extended break (December 19th to January 6th) feels aligned with winter’s energy. This slower pace, matching the season when nature herself rests, brings a deep sense of rightness. It’s a conscious choice to honour natural rhythms rather than pushing against them.

    Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximising scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible. Katherine May, from the book Wintering

    Vision for 2025

    • Stepping into power

     Having recorded a drum journey for reviewing 2024 and connecting with 2025’s energy (which I’m sharing with you below), I feel a clear shift emerging. 2025 calls me to fully step into my power as a menopausal woman and mentor. This power has been rising steadily since stopping HRT, and it feels like perfect timing with my new book about drumming and women’s wisdom being published next year.

    I feel called to support other women in accessing their own power and wisdom, contributing to raising humanity’s consciousness. We can no longer thrive while disconnected from nature, community, and what makes our hearts sing. There’s an urgent need to create new frameworks beyond our current constraints.

    My 2024 word was Guidance, and it served its purpose beautifully, bringing me exactly the support and direction I needed. For 2025, my word is Power. It’s about embracing my authentic strength and using it to support others to do the same and create positive change in the world.

    Closing invitation

    As we stand at this threshold between years, I invite you to join me in this reflective practice. Below you’ll find the recorded drum journey to help you review 2024 and connect with the energy of 2025. Now isn’t the time for rational goal-setting, but rather for dreaming and listening to your inner wisdom. Whether you’re seeking to reflect on the past year, find a word for the coming year or simply wanting to connect more deeply with your own truth, the drum is here to guide you.

    Remember, this turning of the year is not about forcing change or setting rigid resolutions. It’s about listening deeply, honouring your journey, and allowing your authentic power to emerge naturally – just as nature knows exactly when to rest and when to bloom.

     

    Play

     

    #YearInReview #PersonalGrowth #WomensEmpowerment #ADHD #Perimenopause #DrummingForHealing #HolisticHealth #BusinessGrowth #ShamanicDrumming #WinterSolstice #AuthenticLeadership #ConsciousBusiness #WomensWisdom #MenopausePower #SacredBusiness

  • Overcoming Overwhelm: The Story Behind The Calm Within Community

    Overcoming Overwhelm: The Story Behind The Calm Within Community

    As holistic professionals, many of us are familiar with the feeling of being overwhelmed. We often take on the emotional weight of others – our clients, our families, our communities – while neglecting our own needs. We wear multiple hats, juggle countless tasks, and still, the to-do list seems to grow faster than we can check things off.

    I know this feeling intimately. In fact, my personal journey through overwhelm is what inspired me to create The Calm Within Community.

    My Story: From Overwhelm to Inner Peace

    For years, I struggled with a constant undercurrent of stress. As a doula, educator, healer and nurturing women mentor, I was deeply committed to supporting others during life’s biggest transitions. But somewhere along the way, I found myself burnt out and disconnected from my own needs. The very practices I taught my clients about self-care and balance were ones I struggled to implement myself.

    I would wake up already feeling behind, as though the weight of my responsibilities was crushing me. I had constant anxiety, especially at night when I would wake up worrying about all the things I had to do. My mind raced from task to task, and I often felt like I was drowning in an endless sea of demands. I also navigated perimenopause and did not yet know I had ADHD. The shame of not being able to keep up with everything made it even harder to ask for help. I kept wondering why I could be self disciplined and procrastinate so much.

    I knew I couldn’t continue like this, so I began seeking answers. I dove into ancient spiritual wisdom and modern neuroscience, looking for tools that would support me in navigating stress without adding more pressure. Slowly, I learned to blend these practices into my life in a way that felt sustainable, manageable, and, most importantly, healing.

    Through nervous system regulation, connecting with nature, prioritising self-care, and finding support from a like-minded community, I began to shift from overwhelm to a deep sense of inner calm.

    Why I Created The Calm Within Community

    As I began to reclaim my peace, I realised something important: If I was struggling with overwhelm despite my knowledge and experience, other women in holistic professions – the ones who are constantly giving and nurturing – must be facing the same challenges.

    I ran a series of interviews of many overwhelmed women. Our conversations highlighted the real challenges women face and the deep desire for sustainable peace and spaciousness in life, showing how deeply women yearn for both spiritual connection and practical solutions that work with their current energy levels and time constraints. 

    We Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

    Another theme that also clearly emerged was that these women were feeling lonely, and did not have a community they really belonged to. Despite being surrounded by people we care for, many of us lack true community – a circle of sisters who deeply understand our journey.

     The stories highlighted the need for a program that combined holistic practices with neuroscience-informed strategies, while providing an accessible community for women who are seeking genuine connection with others who understand their journey.

    That’s why I created The Calm Within Community: A sanctuary for women like you who are ready to release the overwhelm and find sustainable peace. This six-month program is designed to help you reclaim your inner calm by providing a nurturing space where you can truly heal.

    The Calm Within Community: A Place of Healing and Transformation

    This program isn’t about quick fixes or productivity hacks. It’s about developing tools that work for you – tools that can be integrated into your life and used for years to come. We combine ancient wisdom with modern neuroscience to create practices that not only soothe your nervous system but also promote lasting change in how you approach life.

    Over six months, we’ll focus on four key pillars:

    1. Self-care prioritisation: Learning how to take care of yourself, not just your clients or your family, without feeling guilty.
    2. Re-regulation of the nervous system: Techniques to soothe the mind and body, bringing you back to a state of balance.
    3. Immersion in nature: Connecting to the natural world to ground and restore your energy.
    4. Community: Building a supportive network of like-minded women who understand and support your journey.

    Through weekly live calls, a private Facebook group, and ongoing workshops, you’ll not only learn how to calm your nervous system but also connect with a community that truly gets it. We’re creating a space where you can breathe, be, and grow – at your own pace.

    Supporting Women to Support the World

    When women in nurturing professions find their calm, they transform every life they touch. We hold space for humanity’s most profound moments – whether that’s supporting a client through the birth journey, through a tough time or guiding a family through a life transition.

    You surely have heard the saying that you cannot serve from an empty cup. We cannot model sustainable care if we’re overwhelmed, burnt out, or disconnected from our own well-being. By helping women like you step out of overwhelm and into peace, we’re creating a ripple effect of sustainable care that will touch families, communities, and even generations to come.

    This community is for women who are ready to explore a gentler, more conscious way of being. If you feel a deep yearning for change, if you’re tired of the “do more” mentality, then this might be exactly what you need.

    Are You Ready to Join Us?

    If this resonates with you, I invite you to apply for The Calm Within Community. We begin on November 26th, and there are limited spots available to ensure we keep this circle intimate and supportive.

    If you’re ready to take the next step, or if you have questions, please don’t hesitate to comment under this post or reach out directly. I’d love to hear from you.

    Together, we can build a future where women lead from a place of peace, balance, and sustainable care. I can’t wait to share this transformative journey with you.

     

  • Finding Calm Within When Everything Feels Too Much: A Story of Hope and Transformation

    Finding Calm Within When Everything Feels Too Much: A Story of Hope and Transformation

    Two years ago, my overwhelm was at its peak. The combination of mothering an autistic teen struggling with severe anxiety perimenopause and undiagnosed ADHD was a killer. The nights were worse. I’d jolt awake at 3am, my mind instantly spinning into an endless loop of anxiety about all the things I wasn’t doing.

     

    In those dark hours, everything felt impossible. The list would spiral: work stuff I needed to do, emails I hadn’t answered, family needs I wasn’t meeting, paperwork deadlines, self-care I was neglecting. Each thought would feed the next, creating an exhausting cycle that left me lying there, heart racing, unable to get back to sleep.

     

    In the morning, overwhelm would crash over me within 5 minutes of getting up. I was so dysregulated, I could not organise tasks in my head, I’d start one then the other, not finishing any, and get more and more stressed. The weight of responsibilities – running my business, being present for my family – felt crushing. Even as someone who taught others about wellbeing, I struggled to find peace in my own life.

     

    The shift began when I realised I needed to fundamentally change my relationship with time and space, and learn to recreate calm within my nervous system. Instead of pushing harder, I started creating intentional pauses in my day. I learned to listen to my body, to notice when I was dysregulated, and do small things to bring peace back. Most importantly, I began putting my own wellbeing first – no longer treating self-care as a reward for getting everything else done.

     

    Most importantly, I started unlayering the weight of society’s expectations on myself, the false belief that my productivity was my worth. I started challenging the voice inside my head that berated me to work harder.

     

    Nature became my sanctuary. Whether wild swimming in cold rivers or simply walking in nature, I discovered that spending time outdoors helped regulate my nervous system in ways no amount of ‘productivity hacks’ ever could.

     

    Finding a supportive community of women who understood this journey was crucial. Together, we created spaces to share about our struggles and celebrate the good things in our lives. These connections reminded me I wasn’t alone and showed me different ways of being.

     

    I experimented with a lot of things, some that worked (microdosing, drumming, a temporary use of HRT, and working with a therapist who is also a shaman) and some that did not (lots of quick fix tools that made things worse, antidepressants, talking therapy). I unlayered so much, including fundamental beliefs about myself. In the end I came to realise that the only way to provide lasting change is to get to the root of the cause of overwhelm, which is complex and multifaceted.

     

    Now, my nights, mornings and days feel completely different. Yes, there’s still plenty to do, but the new spaciousness I’ve created inside myself means that, even in the midst of a full life, I no longer feel overwhelmed. Those 3am anxiety spirals have gone, and I have many tools that actually work to calm my nervous system.

     

    I want to share about my journey and what I’ve learnt along the way. I want to help other women take steps towards bringing more spaciousness and calm into their lives. I want to do this because, if we are going to create a better world, we simply cannot do it alone, nor from a place of dysregulation. Dysregulation keeps us in a state of firefighting, one from which we cannot access our own wisdom nor affect change.

     

    I am launching a 6 month group program for overwhelmed women called The Calm Within Community, and I am going to be sharing the essence of this in a free masterclass this week.

     

    If this resonates with you, join me for my free masterclass, Overwhelm to Calm, on Wednesday the 6th of November at 8pm London time. I’ll share what I’ve learned about moving from overwhelm to calm, blending neuroscience with ancient wisdom to find a gentler way of being.

     

    Because to change the world, you need to feel peace, not just teach it to others. 

  • The Midlife Breakthrough: How I Tamed Overwhelm and Found My Calm (And How You Can Too)

    The Midlife Breakthrough: How I Tamed Overwhelm and Found My Calm (And How You Can Too)

    As a midlife holistic practitioner and mother, I’ve spent the last 6-7 years on a transformative journey from constant overwhelm to inner peace. Through my recent research interviews and personal experiences, I’ve uncovered valuable insights into the challenges faced by women struggling with overwhelm. In this blog post, I’ll share my story, the lessons I’ve learned, and practical strategies for regaining balance in our hectic lives.

    The Research: Common Threads of Overwhelm

    Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been carrying out research interviews in order to gather knowledge about what women need when experiencing overwhelm.

    I offered these interviews to prepare for my upcoming group programme to help mid life holistic practitioners who feel they never have enough time to regain a sense of peace inside.

    There have been very interesting themes emerging from these interviews. Some that I expected, like undiagnosed or suspected neurodivergence, perfectionism, unkind judgement of oneself,  trying to “work harder” out of overwhelm, guilt, a deep resistance to rest.  Some have been more surprising, like loneliness., which of course makes sense because we cannot regulate in isolation.

    The overarching theme is one of being unable to see a way forward (not surprising because overwhelm equal nervous system dysregulation, a state in which we have no access to rational thinking and creativity), and trying to “fix” the problem from the outside in (for example buying many “magic diaries” which promise to fix all your problems-except they don’t work and contribute to deeper feelings of inadequacy).

    I decided to offer this program because overcoming overwhelm has been the biggest journey I’ve been on over the last 6 to 7 years. If you want to read examples of how overwhelmed I used to be, read this article. I’m in a different place now, and feel such deep compassion for these women, as they are where I was, and cannot see a way out. I remember this well, because when in this state there is a sense of desperation to try and get out of the state (which leads to searching for helpful quick fixes).

    A Day in the Life: Navigating Unexpected Disruptions

    The last few months I have experienced a sense of deep spaciousness inside I had never experienced before in my life. But I noticed that it’s easy to become complacent and think you’ve sorted all your shit for good. It does not work this way-maintaining this balance, especially with a very sensitive nervous system like mine, requires constant attention. 

    Because I’ve felt so much better, I dropped some of the support practises I’ve given myself. But my body has been reminding me in loud ways that I need to care for it and be gentle, and not ask for too much all the time.

    This morning there was a stark reminder of the fragility of the balance I’ve built. I went for my morning run with my dog, and when I came back I realised that my daughter hadn’t woken up. She gets picked up by a taxi earlier than before the summer because her school has moved to a new location further away. So I had to gently wake her up, and remind her to try and be quick without stressing her, a delicate balancing act. 

    As we were getting washed in the same bathroom, I realised that my son hadn’t gotten up either. Both of my teenage children are autistic and easily dysregulated too. My son was having a hard time getting up so I spent some time listening to him-sharing feelings of burnout, so early in the school year. This took a while, as the best way to help him re-regulate is to just listen. 

    When he finally got up I went to the kitchen, fed the dog and made myself a cup of coffee. By then I realised that the doubly unexpected disruption to my morning routine had resulted in my feeling dysregulated, leading to the tell-tale signs of feeling mild overwhelm as I busied myself in the kitchen. 

    Knowing that both kids were also off centre, I made them smoothies because small acts of kindness like this make them feel cared for and supported. As I finally sat down to drink my coffee, looking forward to a few minutes of quiet, my son came down, and needed me to listen to his feelings of struggle. I made the time and space inside even though I felt that I needed some quiet time myself. 

    Half way through his sharing, there was a commotion in the next room: my daughter had just spilled her drink all over the floor. I had to stop listening to my son, and help her clean up. Unsurprisingly, by the time they’d both left, I felt dysregulated and overwhelmed myself.

    As I sat at my desk a bit later, I noticed the familiar feeling of procrastination-a sure sign of dysregulation for me. So instead of trying to force myself to work like I used to do, I set a 5 min timer and drummed. I ended up drumming for more than 5 min, and whilst doing so, the idea of writing this blog came up.

    Writing helps me understand myself better, it soothes my soul. It has the added advantage of helping others who read my writing too, which is something I love doing.

    PS: as I finish writing this a couple of hours later, my daughter called saying she’s got toothache. The big difference I notice, having re-regulated myself, is that I’m not thrown by this. I got her an emergency appointment and I’m ok with this bigger second unexpected spanner in the works in my schedule…despite the fact that it’s going to be challenging to fit it in between walking the dog and taking her to the autism social group later this afternoon. This is the power of a regulated nervous system.

    Transformative Strategies: Shifting from Overwhelm to Self-Compassion

    • The Pitfalls of “Working Harder” to Overcome Overwhelm:

    Working harder and hoping you’ll give yourself the gift of rest when you have done everything on your to-do list. Not only does this not work, it actually adds to the feeling of overwhelm. Guess what, your to-do list will NEVER be complete. It is not a way to live.

    • Radical Self-Care: The Non-Negotiable First Step

    If you want to experience more spaciousness in your life, you need to actually give your fried nervous system a chance to actually experience spaciousness. So the top tip is to start putting radical self care tasks as the first task on your to-do list, as a non negotiable rule.

    For me this started with taking walks in nature during my “working time”, and eventually progressed to year round wild swimming. The last 3 or 4 years, these self care tasks are always been the first thing in my diary.

    • Recognizing and Addressing Nervous System Dysregulation

    Learn to notice when you are dysregulated. This can be hard because many of us sensitives can struggle with disconnection from what’s happening in our bodies, and if we’ve been living in this state for a long time, it’s hard to notice what not being overwhelmed feels like. Read the 10 signs of a dysregulated nervous system here.

    Every time you notice signs of dysregulation, make it a priority to spend a few minutes re-regulating yourself. I’ve added a list below

    • Reframing Self-Judgment: Cultivating a Kinder Inner Voice

    Notice every time you are judging yourself, about all the things you aren’t doing, especially when feeling low. Practise reframing this into a kinder inner voice. You may want to meditate, journal or doodle on it. This only needs to take a few minutes. Little and often is the key.

    • Celebrating Progress: The Power of the Ta-Da List

    Write a ta-da list each week. My brain used to only focus on what I wasn’t doing, and forgot all the hard work, only reminding me of all the stuff I had not done. Writing such a list (put 5 min on a timer and write all the things you’ve done that week-I do this looking at my diary because I still forget. This has slowly rewired my brain.

    Quick Fixes for a Dysregulated Nervous System:

    They need to be fast because, in my experience, when dysregulated we rarely have the bandwidth, spoons or energy of doing something that takes 20 min.

    • Quick and effective breathing exercise from Huberman lab
      • Try the Physiological sigh: inhale, then take another sharp inhale on top, then exhale slowly. 3 breaths usually start to make a difference
    • Cold Water Exposure
      • Splash cold water or place a cold cloth on your face or neck, take a cold shower, dip into cold water, or an ice bath if available
    • Grounding Techniques
      • Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste
      • Put your bare feet for 5 min on the grass or earth
    • Progressive Muscle Relaxation
      • Tense and then relax each muscle group in your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head
    • Rhythmic Movement
      • Engage in repetitive, rhythmic activities like walking, lifting your heels up and down, rocking, or swaying your hips
    • Humming or Chanting
      • Use deep, low-pitched sounds to stimulate the vagus nerve
    • Sensory Engagement
      • Sniff or diffuse a blend of calming essential oils (I like Neal’s yard meditation. The vetiver in it is known to help ADHD brains focus)
      • Hold and focus on a textured object
    • Quick movement exercises
      • Put in some music you love and dance for a few minutes
      • Yoga poses like child’s pose or forward fold
    • Mindfulness
      • Do a brief body scan meditation, noticing where you hold tension and actively releasing it.

    Conclusion

    The journey from overwhelm to inner peace is not a straight one, but a meandering path, and a continuous practice of self-awareness, compassion, and intentional care. Maintaining balance requires constant attention, especially for those of us with sensitive nervous systems. By prioritising self-care, recognizing signs of dysregulation, and employing quick re-regulation techniques, we can start to create more spaciousness in our lives and rediscover our inner calm.

    Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle. Many midlife women face similar challenges, and there is a way forward. By sharing our experiences and supporting each other, we can support each other to find our path to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

    If you’re interested in hearing more about my upcoming group programme about overcoming overwhelm, send me an email at sophie@sophiemessager.com, to join the mailing list and be the first to know when the program launches around November.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts about this, whether you resonate with my experience, and what helps you.

  • The art of falling apart: my messy mental health journey

    The art of falling apart: my messy mental health journey

    As I work to complete the manuscript of my book on how drumming empowers women, the personal growth I’ve had over the last few years comes into very sharp focus. I want to reflect on my mental health journey, in the hope that it may help others, who are where I was not that long ago, and give them both tools and hope.

    In this deeply personal account, I share my journey through the turbulent waters of midlife, facing challenges that tested me beyond belief, then led to profound personal growth. From navigating perimenopause and family crises to discovering my own neurodiversity, my story is one of transformation, healing, and finding inner peace.

    The perimenopause awakening

    There has been a deep unlayering, caused by a numerous amount of crises in my life, with my youngest child undergoing a mental health crisis which went on for several years. In the middle of it there was also 2020, the covid crisis and its impact on my solo business which used to rely on in person workshops as a main source of income. Along the way my children and myself got diagnosed as neurodivergent.

    This is not a coincidence, but these difficult times happened whilst I was undergoing the perimenopause. So I had to juggle not only my own crisis but one of my children at the same time, so there was no time for me to be and breathe and create space for myself to process what I was going through. As it also happened, my youngest was going through the beginning of her puberty when the crisis started. Brene Brown has a beautiful quote about the midlife unravelling:

    Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling. By definition, you can’t control or manage an unraveling. You can’t cure the midlife unraveling with control any more than the acquisitions, accomplishments, and alpha-parenting of our thirties cured our deep longing for permission to slow down and be imperfect. Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.

    If you’d like to understand the details of the backstory, I have written about this in more detail in my Riding the phoenix: Navigating Perimenopause, ADHD, and Emotional Rollercoasters blog post.

    When I look back, the unlayering started way before this, because I started experiencing symptoms of the menopause when I turned 42, and I’m 54 as I write this. The signs that something needed to change was intense discomfort. Besides the changes in my cycle, the night waking and night sweats, and the irritability, I noticed that I was no longer willing to put up with certain dynamics in my family (namely, my being in charge of everything). The lowering of oestrogen levels that accompanies the perimenopause makes us less willing to put up with shit. Think about the state you’re in during your period, but all the time. It’s not easy for our close ones, but it’s a good thing, because it’s an agent for change.

    In my work I became overworked and overwhelmed, putting intense pressure on myself to be “productive” all of the time. What I did not realise at the time was that the pressure came from within, and that I could not carry on with my unconscious belief that I could only give myself permission to relax if I had done all the tasks on my to-do list, because that time simply never came. Something had to change. In 2018 I worked with a coach who challenged me to spend one hour a week doing something fun just for myself, as priority. This led to my walks in the local nature reserve, and then to my discovering a beautiful swimming club in the river nearby and becoming a year round wild swimmer. I also took a course called Tame your to-do list (add link), and then learnt to prioritise my wellbeing tasks in my diary, something I’m still doing 4 years later.

    The 2020 pandemic crisis turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because the first lockdown things slowed down enough for me to realise that I needed a slower pace of life (something that women often experience as they approach the menopause, some holistic menopause specialists such as Alexandra Pope, in er book Wild Power, even suggest taking a menopause sabbatical. Not being able to teach in person meant that I started offering my teachings as online courses (6 courses and counting), and this created space for me to create more stuff, and most importantly, to keep my business afloat through the lockdowns, and later on, giving me the time to support my daughter when she needed me.

    Weathering the family storm

    When my daughter started struggling with anxiety so severe she could no longer leave the house (she ended up being out of school for 2 years). The combination of covid lockdowns, moving to secondary school and starting puberty as an autistic young girl was just too much (she got diagnosed in 2022). Her emotional distress was very difficult for me to witness, and I kind of knew that the best thing I could do was to learn to stay regulated in the face of her pain, so I could hold the space for her and help her co-regulated. I worked first with Inger Madsden,  an EFT coach who specialises in supporting troubled teens. As the crisis evolved and I realised that I needed a new coach (something I have come to learn is normal for me: my ADHD brain processes things so very quickly that I outgrow teachers very quickly and need new ones), Inger suggested Kanan Tekchandani aka The Aspie Coach. Kanan not only supported me through my family’s crisis, but was the first person to help me realise that I’m both neurodivergent and gifted, as well as hypersensitive. 

    In 2022 when my mental health was as an all time low, due to my youngest mental health crisis, my own overwhelm, and the lack of support from the system, I tried antidepressants, hated it, and started microdosing psilocybin, something I carried on doing for a couple of years. It had a very positive impact on my mental health, because it helped me become aware of very unhelpful thought patterns I was not aware I had, and start healing them.

    After an epic battle with the local mental health system and education authority, I got my daughter into a tiny specialist school which helps kids like her rebuild their skills and confidence.  She is striving there. She went from not being able to leave the house in 2 years to attending a residential school trip within 3 months. Over a year on, I have gotten my child back, watching her blossom into a healthy and happy teen.

    When my daughter got into this school and things finally looked promising, I naively thought I could finally breathe myself. Instead my physical and mental health completely crashed, which I can see now isn’t surprising at all. The day she started at that school instead of feeling elated, I felt battle torn and weary, like I had finally put my sword and armour down after 2 long years. I had crippling anxiety that kept me awake at night and I was so physically exhausted all I could do was walk the dog. My nervous system, having been in fight and flight mode for so long, collapsed and went into freeze mode. In search of relief, and after researching it and discussing it with holistic menopause specialists, and against everything I normally believe in (I’m a proponent of natural medicine), I started HRT when I turned 53, in order to help re-regulate my nervous system. It helped with sleep and anxiety almost instantly, and over the course of the next 6 months, gave me enough breathing space to start working at re-regulating my nervous system. 

    Discovering neurodiversity

    In 2023, at the age of 53, I got diagnosed with ADHD. For me, this, and during the months before said diagnosis (I knew I was ADHD 18 months prior to diagnosis) has been empowering, and only empowering, because, the more I learnt about it, the kinder I became to myself, instead of relentlessly beating myself up about stuff I found hard to do. Having ADHD means being able to achieve incredible things when motivated, but also finding things I perceive as tedious almost impossible to do, leading to a lot of procrastination and negative thinking about it. I also learnt about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, something I have had all my life, and I wasn’t aware of until reading about ADHD.  It was thanks to my diagnosis and Kanan’s support that I was able to apply for an access to work grant, and my friend Saheera recommended an agency called This is me to support my application, which earned me a 35K grant to support me in my business.

    Healing through alternative therapies

    In 2024, after having wasted weeks with an NHS talking therapist, who, whilst she was kind and supportive, gave me absolutely zero relief or progress. I discovered a therapist, Emrys Blue Person, who is both a psychotherapist of 47 years but also a trained shaman. I loved that Emrys works in long, 2h sessions, instead of the prescribed talking therapy session of 50 minutes, where I barely got going. I got what I was looking for working with him, which was getting to the root of my problem very quickly. Emrys pointed out, like my previous coach Kanan, that I am indeed incredibly sensitive, and helped me realise that I was holding onto anger, and how to safely release it. Mostly importantly he helped me reframe the story I had been telling myself was that I had a happy childhood (I wasn’t abused, or neglected etc), into realising that, for someone as sensitive as me, being raised by parents who did not understand this was very traumatic and caused me to pretend to be someone I wasn’t in order to be loved. This has not been comfortable but it has been deeply healing. Recently, reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate, I understood another layer of this. “The lack of emotional closeness in childhood is, in itself, traumatic. Children require emotional intimacy and attunement for their brains to develop properly.” Mate explains.  He goes on to explain “The infant needs the freedom to be able to experience their emotions and have them understood and validated by adults. “ How many of us who are adults today have experienced this during infancy? Having our emotions truly accepted and validated, without judgement, especially the ones perceived as negative, like anger, frustration and sadness? It’s no wonder so many of us aren’t even aware of the deep trauma we carry.

    Since January 2024, I have finally started to develop something that has felt elusive most of my life: a sense of peace in my heart, which has been growing since. A sense of trust, of leaning into the universe’s great plan. A sense of deep gratitude. A sense of spaciousness inside. A sense of expansive love. Don’t get me wrong, I do fall back into my own patterns a lot of the time. After all you cannot rewire 54 years of wiring in a few months, but there is progress. It is slow, but it is there.

    Redefining my career and purpose

    In the midst of this crisis, it also became clear that I had to stop working as a doula. I stopped 2 years ago and you can read about why I did this here. What followed, as well as carrying on working to support my child, was a period of fertile void, which, whilst I was trying hard to trust the unfolding, felt wholly uncomfortable at times. It took over 18 months before something else started to show itself, namely the increasing space drumming started to take in my life. I offered a course on drumming for birth, wrote an article about it for a scientific journal, and started writing a book about the drum’s power in empowering women through life’s challenges, which will likely be called The beat of your own drum. As I write this I am completing the manuscript, to be published in 2025. A few months ago I started drumming daily and within a couple of weeks I noticed a similar effect to the one I’d seen when I started microdosing. I wrote about the similarities and differences between drumming and psychedelics in this blog post.

    So it’s perhaps not a surprise that the focus of my work is changing, from being a perinatal educator, doula and mentor, to wanting to support women through life transitions and embodying their power. There is a big theme in my journey about overcoming overwhelm, regulating my nervous system and learning self kindness. 

    I want to help others along their way too. I already ran a workshop about overcoming impostor syndrome earlier this year, and I have also ran several coaching calls about managing life transitions. Watch out for new deep dive offerings in this area in the autumn. I’m otherwise engaged, but I’m already offering mentoring sessions for women going through deep transitions, and feel free to contact me if you’d like to try a session (no strings attached).

    Conclusion

    As I reflect on this journey, I’m struck by how each challenge, though difficult, led to greater self-understanding and personal growth. Through it, I’ve discovered the power of self-compassion, the importance of nervous system regulation, and the healing potential of drumming. My hope is that by sharing my story, others facing similar struggles might find inspiration and tools for their own journey of self-discovery and healing.

     

  • Beating the ‘shroom : Drumming as a safer alternative to psychedelics

    Beating the ‘shroom : Drumming as a safer alternative to psychedelics

    As someone deeply immersed in drum research for an upcoming book and regularly practicing drumming, I’ve started to make connections between the state of consciousness changes and brain rewiring that occur when taking psychedelic substances and those caused by drumming.

    Personal Experiences

    • I’ve noticed that drumming affects my brain profoundly in a positive way. When listening to Jeff Strong’s drumming tracks designed to aid focus, I sometimes feel sensations in my brain similar to when I’ve taken ADHD medication.
    • Recently, I started a practice of drumming for a few minutes at the beginning and end of each day. After a couple of weeks, I began noticing negative, previously unconscious, and unhelpful thought patterns, allowing me to interrupt and replace them with more helpful ones easily. I experienced a similar effect when I started microdosing mushrooms a couple of years ago.

    Connections to Other Disciplines

    Jeff Strong’s Insights

    • I recently started Jeff Strong‘s course, “Beyond Shamanism.” Jeff is an American drummer with ADHD who has been using the drum in healing and therapeutic ways since the 1990s, developing drumming tracks to change moods and aid focus.
    • Jeff explains that most cultures use percussion to change consciousness and enter trance-like states, while the few that didn’t develop percussion used psychedelic plants instead. Traditionally, only about 10% of cultures used psychedelics, while 90% used percussion.

    I want to explain how drumming changes consciousness and why I believe it to be superior to psychedelics. But before I do that I need to briefly explain how our brains oscillate between states of consciousness.

    Altered States of Consciousness

    Consciousness exists on a spectrum, ranging from ordinary waking state to deep sleep, with various altered states in between. Brain waves oscillate between different states: delta, theta, alpha, beta, and gamma: 

    1. Delta Waves (0.1-4 Hz): The slowest brainwaves, associated with deep, dreamless sleep and unconscious states. They are important for healing and revitalisation
    2. Theta Waves (4-8 Hz): These are Present during light sleep, meditation, and deep relaxation. They are linked to intuition, creativity, and access to the subconscious mind. They can induce a trance-like state
    3. Alpha Waves (8-13 Hz): These occur during relaxed wakefulness and light meditation. They are associated with feeling calm, yet alert and focused. They facilitate mind-body integration and reduce stress
    4. Beta Waves (13-30 Hz): These are dominant during normal waking consciousness and active thinking. High levels of beta waves are linked to anxiety, stress, and restlessness. Low levels are ideal for focused mental activity
    5. Gamma Waves (30+ Hz): The highest frequency brainwaves. They are associated with heightened perception, consciousness, and information processing. They are linked to learning, memory formation, and cognitive functioning

    The Neuroscience of Drumming

    Parallels Between Drumming and Psychedelics

    • Both drumming and psychedelic substances have the potential to induce altered states of consciousness and facilitate neuroplasticity.
    • Psychedelics work by interacting with specific receptors in the brain, leading to profound shifts in consciousness, introspection, and sensory perceptions.

    Differences Between Drumming and Psychedelics

    • Mode of Action: Psychedelics induce effects through direct chemical interactions with brain receptors, while drumming works through rhythmic stimulation of the auditory system and its impact on brain wave patterns.
    • Control and Regulation: Drumming allows for the ability to control and regulate the depth of the altered state by adjusting rhythm, tempo, and volume, or stopping entirely. Psychedelic experiences, once initiated, can be more challenging to control or terminate.
    • Legal Considerations: The use of psychedelic substances is generally illegal, while drumming is a widely accepted and legal practice across cultures.
    • Access and cost: Accessing psychedelics can be complex and expensive due to legal ramifications, while drumming tracks are widely available for free, and drums can be inexpensive.
    • Integration and aftereffects: Psychedelic experiences can be intense and overwhelming, requiring careful integration and processing. Drumming, being a more gradual and controlled process, allows for smoother integration of insights and experiences into daily life.
    • Building new skills: With psychedelics you always need the substance to enter the altered state of consciousness. With drumming, over time you build the skills to be able to enter that state at will, building the skills like you build a muscle, and eventually you can even do it without the help of the drum (in that state, however, the drum usually helps you go deeper)

    In conclusion, while drumming and psychedelics share the potential for inducing altered states and facilitating neuroplasticity, drumming offers distinct advantages as a legal, culturally accepted, and more controllable means of accessing altered states. Drumming potentially provides a safer and more accessible avenue for personal growth, therapeutic benefits, and expanded awareness.

    If you would like to try for yourself how drumming can alter your state of consciousness, a simple way to start is to do a drum journey, which is a guided meditation with the drum. Many of my students report more success doing this than with meditation, because the sound entrainment requires no effort. There are several drum journeys available on my Youtube Channel.

    I would be curious to hear about your experiences, feel free to comment below.

  • Gently Easing Back into Work Mode: Self-Care Strategies After a Break

    Gently Easing Back into Work Mode: Self-Care Strategies After a Break

    Yesterday was my first day at work after deliberately taking the long Easter weekend off.

    Since I became self-employed 11 years ago I learnt the hard way (through a couple of very severe burnouts) that pacing myself and giving myself proper breaks from work was essential.

    I had a lovely, slow, quiet Easter weekend. I enjoyed slow leisurely mornings, I went swimming in the local river twice with a lovely group of people, I went on long walks with my dog, visited the car boot sale, met some lovely people who will look after my dog this summer, I made homemade pizza with my family and watched a funny movie, I binged watched a Netflix series with my son, did an easter egg hunt with my daughter, I read and listened to some books, I ate some yummy really dark chocolate. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. Slowing down and being led by what my heart and soul want to do is very replenishing. 

    Even though I love what I do, I always find the change of pace after coming back from a break, even one as short as this one, quite challenging. I don’t know if my ADHD brain contributes to this but I suspect it does, because what I notice is that I have resistance to getting back into work mode because my brain sees EVERYTHING that needs to be done, and wants to run away. My brain is trying hard to protect me from uncomfortable feelings, so the temptation to procrastinate is huge.

    What I’ve learnt over the years is that the way to avoid this is to ease myself back into work very gently and slowly. I’ve been writing about self-care as a solopreneur for over 8 years, you can read my first article about this here.

    When I come back from a 2 week long summer break especially, I plan to have at least 2 or 3 easy days to bring myself back into working mode gently. I wrote about this in this article. Here I had a shorter break so one day feels like enough.

    Because of the way resistance works, as soon as I give myself permission to take things slowly, my system relaxes, the resistance eases, and poof, as if by magic, I no longer feel the desire to avoid work.

    Another tactic that helps is to plan my return ahead of time, as in writing a list of everything I’ll need to do when I get back from my break, because I tend to forget. Being clear that nothing intense or extra challenging is taking place immediately when I’m back also helps avoid overwhelm.

    I hope this helps and if you have your own tips and ideas to ease yourself back into work mode, I’d love to hear them. Just comment below.

    Here’s a collection of other articles about self-care, gentleness and self-kindness I’ve written over the years: