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Tag: support
Do you confuse productivity with effort?
Do only feel that you are āworkingā when it feels like hard work?
At the end of each week I do a āta-daā list. Often as I reflect on my week, I notice that I often forget to include one to one session with clients as part of my āworkā .
I believe that the reason I forget to count these sessions is because sessions with clients (in this case, several pregnant or new families I supported), do not feel like an effort. These sessions do not feel like an effort because I love supporting families. These sessions feel like a magical time out of time, where Iām at my best, holding space for someone whilst their own journey unfolds. During these sessions, Iām in a state of flow. It feels effortless and joyful.
I had an epiphany as I realized this : we live in a culture that equates success with hard work, with effort. The underlying idea is that there has to be some level of strenuousness to the effort for it to be counted as āworkā. That we have to flog ourselves to push through unpleasantness for it to count. It is part of the system of education we have grown up in, and of the system that our children are in. A system that equals demanding effort= praiseworthy, and also behind it that whatever is easy has less value.
When I did my antenatal education diploma, I was amazed to discover that I had unconsciously internalized the idea that learning had to be āseriousā. As I discovered the science of learning, I realized that mainstream education had it all wrong, and that we learnt much better when having fun. The internalized aspect is so strong that I felt the need to start every single one of my antenatal courses with a disclaimer explaining why Iād make the group do all the work in an interactive, fun way, instead of lecturing them.
The same is true of undoing the misconception that hard work is the only valuable way to achieve something. There is much to say about working within a state of joy, flow and ease. Since I started applying this principle, I have found that not only is my work more joyful, but opportunities seem to flow towards me more easily as well.
I have come to think of it this way: we exist in two extreme states, much like the fight or flight versus rest and relaxation state. We are either closed, rigid and hard, or open, playful and soft.
Magic happens from the second state. There is no room for anything in the closed, hard, rigid state.
Next time you catch yourself in this state, sink into your body and ask yourself how your body feels when you are in that state. Try to soften and open your heart and see what your work feels like from there.
What is postpartum bodywork and why we need it back.
All around the world there are (or used to be) traditional practices to help a new motherās body heal after birth.
Regardless of the continent, these traditions usually include some massage and wrapping rituals, as well as binding the belly and pelvis, and keeping the mother warm.
When you think about the tremendous changes a motherās body undergoes, it makes so much sense! During pregnancy, the uterus grows from the size of a pear to that of a watermelon, the pelvis tilts forward and becomes wider, the ribs open, the spine curves increase, the abdominal organs get pushed up etc. To give birth, the motherās body opens up on a physical and energetic level. After birth, these changes need to happen in reverse, whilst the body also undergoes the beginning of lactation.
It seems crazy that we no longer have processes in place to support these changes, or at the very least, some kind of physical examination to make sure everything has returned to a healthy place. At the 6 weeks doctor “check” in the UK, there is no overall physical examination of the mother.
With no checkup, and no sense of what is normal, we have a perfect storm of issues not being treated. The statistics are very telling: 1 in 3 new mothers experience urinary incontinence at 3 months postpartum and nearly one in 2 still has diastasis recti at 6 months postpartum. Research shows that it takes on average 8-10 years post birth for women to seek help for such issues.
Yet, during the first 4-6 weeks postpartum, when the body is still plastic and resetting itself post birth, there is a unique opportunity for healing.
Traditional massages and rituals, such as closing the bones, understand this need and the window of opportunity, and are designed to ācloseā a new mother physically, emotionally and energetically, after the widening and opening of pregnancy and birth. Because the needs of new mothers are the same regardless of where they are from, it makes sense all cultures have similar processes to support postpartum healing. This article from Innate traditions provides a beautiful overview of the topic.
As no such treatment is available as standard within the health system, it makes sense to seek bodywork and healing from people who can provide it.
What kind of postnatal bodywork can you have?
- Closing the bones massage
- Postnatal recovery massage
- Specialist therapists such as massage therapists, osteopaths, chiropractors, and pelvic physiotherapists (ask for local recommendations)
- Wrapping your belly and hips
When can you have postnatal bodywork?
As soon as possible during the first 6-8 weeks postpartum or as soon as you are ready. In traditional wisdom, there is a window of healing opportunity and plasticity during this time when the body is designed to heal faster. The strange ādonāt do anything before youāve had your 6 weeks checkā isnāt based on any evidence. Moreover, it makes no sense because the 6 weeks check doesnāt include a physical examination. Having massaged many new mothers, some as soon as 24h post birth, I can attest that this is when the bodywork is the most effective to speed up healing.
What can you do for yourself?
- Use the 4 pillars of postnatal recovery (Social support, rest, food and bodywork) to write a postnatal recovery plan (you can download a free template here) to include bodywork. You can ask for gifts vouchers towards postnatal bodywork.
- Wrap your belly and hips. I wrote a blog about it which includes tutorials.
- Keep warm (like a convalescent person would: wrap up, and consume warming foods and drinks)
What can you do for new mothers?
- If you know someone who is pregnant or recently had a baby, it would be a wonderful gift to give them a voucher towards such a treatment.
Do you struggle to describe everything that you do professionally under one title?
I used to struggle to define myself professionally because I thought that I needed a title that covered ALL of my hats.
It was easy when I started after my professional reconversion from scientist to birthworker, I just called myself a doula. Then I grew, I learnt a lot of new things, and started teaching them. After a few years, I gave up some activities to make room for new things I had learnt and felt more drawn to. Soon I found myself struggling to describe what I do. It bothered me because I thought I had to find a title that covered it all.
I discovered a new word in a French book. The word is slasheuse. A slasheuse is a multitalented professional who has carries out several activities/wear several hats in their work. The term makes reference to the slash sign being used between the different areas of their work. I like this expression because it describes me to a tee. I wear many professional hats:
I am a scientist/doula/healer/teacher/author/facilitator. Ā Under each of these categories are many sub categories. Too many to put in a title.
Iām grateful for having discovered authentic marketing coach George Kao who taught me that I donāt need to describe all of myself under one title (here is one of his articles about it ) and it is incredibly liberating.
Itās OK to talk about each of your many work and personal life interests in turn and without a particular logic or order.
Itās OK for people to know you only for the aspects of your work that resonate with them.
Itās OK not to have a title that covers them all.
If my work as a doula has taught me one thing, it is that everyone of us is unique. That we are beautiful and messy and full of paradoxes. And we are more than the sum of our work, the sum of our interests and hobbies. We are also always evolving, growing and learning new things and dropping some off. We arenāt static.
If, you, like me, are a āslasheuseā (or a slasheur), I invite you to discover the ease and joy that comes when you stop trying to fit your beautiful unique self into tight neat little boxes.
The last days of pregnancy, a place in between
This article was written by midwife Jana Studelska, and originally published on the Mothering website. The original text is no longer available on the mothering website, so I have copied it here, as I like to share this text to my clients when they have reached their due date as it can help put soothing words on the complex feelings associated with waiting for birth.
āThe last days of pregnancy are a distinct time of in between. Itās a tricky time for mothers, and these last few days are a biologic and psychological event.
Sheās curled up on the couch, waiting, a ball of baby and emotions. A scrambled pile of books on pregnancy, labor, baby names, breastfeeding ā¦ not one more word can be absorbed. The birth supplies are loaded in a laundry basket, ready for action. The freezer is filled with meals, the car seat installed, the camera charged. Itās time to hurry up and wait. Not a comfortable place to be, but wholly necessary.
The last days of pregnancy ā sometimes stretching to agonizing weeks ā are a distinct place, time, event, stage. It is a time of in between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self, balanced on the edge of a pregnancy. One foot in your old world, one foot in a new world.
Shouldnāt there be a word for this state of being, describing the time and place where mothers linger, waiting to be called forward?
Germans have a word, zwischen, which means between. Iāve co-opted that word for my own obstetrical uses. When I sense the discomfort and tension of late pregnancy in my clients, I suggest that they are now in The Time of Zwischen. The time of in between, where the opening begins. Giving it a name gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.
I tell these beautiful, round, swollen, weepy women to go with it and be okay there. Feel it, think it, donāt push it away. Write it down, sing really loudly when no one else is home, go commune with nature, or crawl into your own mamaās lap so she can rub your head until you feel better. I tell their men to let go of their worry; this is an early sign of labor. I encourage them to sequester themselves if they need space, to go out if they need distraction, to enjoy the last hours of this life-as-they-now-know-it. I try to give them permission to follow the instinctual gravitational pulls that are at work within them, just as real and necessary as labor.
The discomforts of late pregnancy are easy to Google: painful pelvis, squished bladder, swollen ankles, leaky nipples, weight unevenly distributed in a girth that makes scratching an itch at ankle level a feat of flexibility. āYou might find yourself teary and exhausted,ā says one website, ābut your baby is coming soon!ā Cheer up, sweetie, youāre having a baby. More messaging that what is going on is incidental and insignificant.
What we donāt have is reverence or relevance ā or even a working understanding of the vulnerability and openness a woman experiences at this time. Our language and culture fails us. This surely explains why many women find this time so complicated and tricky. But whether we recognize it or not, these last days of pregnancy are a distinct biologic and psychological event, essential to the birth of a mother.
We donāt scientifically understand the complex hormones at play that loosen both her hips and her awareness. In fact, this uncomfortable time of aching is an early form of labor in which a woman begins opening her cervix and her soul. Someday, maybe we will be able to quantify this hormonal advance ā the prolactin, oxytocin, cortisol, relaxin. But for now, it is still shrouded in mystery, and we know only how to measure thinning and dilation.
āYou know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? Thatās where Iāll always love you, Peter Pan. Thatās where Iāll be waiting.ā -Tinkerbell
I believe that this is more than biological. It is spiritual. To give birth, whether at home in a birth tub with candles and family or in a surgical suite with machines and a neonatal team, a woman must go to the place between this world and the next, to that thin membrane between here and there. To the place where life comes from, to the mystery, in order to reach over to bring forth the child that is hers. The heroic tales of Odysseus are with us, each ordinary day. This round woman is not going into battle, but she is going to the edge of her being where every resource she has will be called on to assist in this journey.
We need time and space to prepare for that journey. And somewhere, deep inside us, at a primal level, our cells and hormones and mind and soul know this, and begin the work with or without our awareness.
I call out Zwischen in prenatals as a way of offering comfort and, also, as a way of offering protection. I see how simple it is to exploit and abuse this time. A scheduled induction is seductive, promising a sense of control. Fearful and confused family can trigger a crisis of confidence. We are not a culture that waits for anything, nor are we believers in normal birth; waiting for a baby can feel like insanity. Giving this a name points her toward listening and developing her own intuition. That, in turn, is a powerful training ground for motherhood.
Today, I am waiting for a lovely new mother named Allison to call me, to announce that her Zwischen is ended and labor has begun. I am in my own in between place, waiting. My opportunity to grow and open is a lovely gift she gives me, in choosing me to attend her birth.ā
Maslowās Hierarchy of needs for the postpartum
You have probably heard of Abraham Maslowās hierarchy of needs pyramid ( if you havenāt here is a good introduction article)
Maslow was a psychologist who introduced the concept of the hierarchy of human needs as something that underpins motivation. This hierarchy suggests that people are motivated to fulfill basic needs before moving on to other, more advanced needs.
Iād like to introduce you to a version of Maslowās hierarchy of needs adapted to the postpartum.
Maslowās theory dates back from 1943 and since it has been criticized to say that the needs depicted donāt necessarily come into an order as simple as this pyramid, and that they can be in any order. I personally feel that the needs described here are basic needs for any human to thrive, and even more important for a new mother during the first weeks post birth, whilst she learns to mother her infant and find her feet as a new mother.
I like this model because it is well known within the Western world, and because it can be helpful to help supporters visualise what the needs of a new mothers are, and see how these needs arenāt usually met in the modern world. With this model in mind itās easy to see why a new mother needs to be at the centre of a circle of support to be able to thrive.
Survive
The most basic needs, the surviving needs of a new mother are the physiological needs for sleep, food, water, and warmth. Iāve also added bodywork because for me it is fundamental to help a new mother recover and heal faster. Postpartum bodywork used to be (or still is in many parts of the world) given as standard in every culture around the world. When you imagine trying to meet all these needs whilst caring for a new baby, it is easy to see it is almost impossible without support from others. This is why social support is so essential during the postpartum. Another adult in the house to cook, clean, tidy up, and hold the baby whilst the new mother sleep is a basic need, and not a luxury.
Live
Feeling safe as a new mother only comes when there are enough resources, and enough support around so that her wellbeing and health doesnāt suffer. The need for safety is also met by community support, because it helps the new mother to regulate her emotions. Experienced mothers around her make a huge difference in terms of meeting the challenges of new motherhood.
Love
The sense of belonging that comes from having loving relationships is much easier to meet when it is provided by friends, family and the community rather than just the partner as it tends to be in the Western world. Showering a new mother with loving attention and nurture goes a long way into helping her to recover after the pregnancy and birth.
Esteem
Nurturing supporters make sure that they point out all the things that the new mother is doing right, rather than showering her with conflicting advice that undermines her flailing sense of competence
Sense of self
With all the bottom layers needs being met, the new mother can develop a healthy and strong sense of self in her new identity as a mother.
When you look at this pyramid, it is easy to see that, in our modern culture, the most basic survival needs arenāt usually met, let alone the more complex needs in the upper part of the pyramid.
If you know someone who is pregnant or who has recently given birth, I invite you to use this hierarchy of needs for the postpartum as a blueprint to offer them nurturing support.
You already know what is right for you (how to access your own wisdom)
What if I told you that you always know what is right for you?
What if I told you that you do not need to outsource your wisdom, defer to other people, seek answers from outside sources, and that the answers, the real, true, optimal ones for you as a unique being, are already inside of you?
In my previous blog, I explained that you are the expert is what is right for you and I want to expand on the topic and go further, as well as present ways you can access your inner wisdom.
I believe that we are all born with inner wisdom and knowing and that we can originally access it easily. Babies and small children know what feels good and what doesnāt. They trust their inner compass. They express their bliss and displeasure loudly. It is very plain for all to see: when they are happy, their whole body is happy. When they are sad you can see it too.
But then, because we live in a society that expects us to obey and do as we are told, and because this is present at every level, whether it is parenting, education, or the corporate world, we slowly learn to ignore our inner knowing and trusts that authority figures know best whatās right for us. To be seen as lovable, acceptable, we slowly learn to fit within the constraints of what is seen as acceptable in our society. We learn to ignore what feels right, in favour of what is seen as right.
It can be hard to unlayer the learning of distrust of oneās instinct and to start accessing the inner voice inside. This is especially true when we enter an experience that is outside of our field of knowledge. And this is particularly true of the experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting. I see it a lot in my work as a doula. I see highly educated, intelligent individuals, who find it really hard to trust their instincts in the face of pressure from coercive maternity care policies.
The same is true when we become parents, and it can be tempting to choose to believe the opinion of so-called āexpertsā in parenting, rather than following oneās inner guidance. I wrote about this in my blog Why baby books and āexpertsā can really harm you after you have a baby . It is true for most new experiences in life, most choices, and most life transitions.
I see this being highlighted more than ever since the 2020 pandemic. There are so many conflicting pieces of information. Experts disagreeing with each other. Public health policies that treat people as a single entity and fail to take into account unique individual circumstances. Forever changing goalposts. Not knowing who and what to believe.
I am not saying that it isnāt worth consulting people who know more than you do about an area. But as I explained in my previous blog, they cannot make the decision for you, because they arenāt the ones who are going to live with the consequences of your decisions.
In navigating the perinatal period, and life changes, and for most of us in the current climate, learning to listen to our inner knowing can be a game changer, and bring out a sense of confidence and peace.
But how do you start to unlayer the belief that the answers always lie outside of yourself? How do you start listening to your inner voice if you have always let the opinion of others guide you?
There are many different ways to start accessing your inner wisdom. None of them is necessarily ārightā or more powerful than the other. They are simply tools. The most important aspect is that you use one that works for you.
I have been on a massive journey myself to debunk what I thought I had to do. For example I use to believe I was shit at meditation because I thought you had to sit on a cushion in the lotus position, stare at a candle, and think of nothing. This cool little animated video went a long way in helping to undo this.Ā It is surprising simple. All you need to do is have the intention to do so, and then start applying ways of accessing your own wisdom that work for you.
Here are some ideas to try to get you started. Remember, that, as with any new skills, the more you practice the better you become. After all, if you were going to run a marathon you wouldnāt expect to do it without training. Start small. Start with the method you feel most excited about.
Set an intention
- The simplest way to access your inner wisdom is simply to set an intention to receive the guidance and see what happens.
Meditation
- If trying meditation appeals to you, there are many apps, such as headspace (and plenty of others, some of which are free) around to guide you through the process in tiny, incremental steps. It doesnāt have to be a commitment to have 20 min a day, it could be as little as 5 min and still make a difference.
- Checkout the one moment meditation video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6eFFCi12v8
Mouvement
- Meditation does not even have to be a still process. One can meditate whilst walking, dancing, or other movement activities too. I am a fan of 5rhythms dancing (https://www.5rhythms.com/) and other conscious movement practices,These practises work much better for me than sitting still. I include my wild river swimming in my meditative practices.
- When you feel stuck, try moving gently, or going for a walk. Bonus if you can get in nature, as it is extra grounding.
Grounding
- Walking barefoot on the grass/ground is a super fast way to discharge stress and ground yourself. From a place of grounding it’s easier to access one’s inner voice.
- Being in nature is generally grounding. I swim in the local river all year round and it is one of my favourite ways to de-stress and meditate.
Breathing
- As with meditation, simply paying attention to your breath can help your mind quieten enough to hear the inner voice inside. Again there are many techniques available, but you already know how to breathe (after all youāve been doing it all your life), and simply paying attention to your outbreath, and slowing it down slightly is all you need. Some meditation apps include breathing relaxation.
Heart centering
- This is a quick and simple way to gain a more heart centered state. Breathe gently for a couple of minutes, then imagine that you are breathing in and out through the centre of your chest.
- You can also try the HeartMath institute heart coherence techniqueĀ .
Journaling
- Some people find their inner voice communicate best with them via writing. Again it doesnāt have to be complicated. All you need is a notebook and a pen, and a commitment to start with free writing 5 min a day. One thing that can help is simply to state in your mind before you write āwhat does my inner voice/soul (or whatever other word resonates most with you) want to tell me todayā.
Learning to recognise your bodyās response
- Did you know that you can use your body as a pendulum to get an answer to a question? Start by asking a very easy question, for example, do I like (favourite food or drink). Close your eyes and really feel inside your body. Feel your unique bodyās response to the yes inside. Mine is a feeling of energy circulating in a circle around my heart, but yours might be completely different. Then ask yourself the same question for a food or drink you really dislike. Feel the response inside your body. Once you have familiarized yourself with your own response, you can start practicing with every day questions. The more you practice the easier it becomes.
Drumming
- I cannot resist mentioning drumming because I love it. It is one of my preferred forms of meditation. You do not need to be musically trained. Research shows that drumming to a simple, repetitive, heartbeat like rhythms, causes the brain waves to slow down, which helps to get the mind chatter out of the way. I wrote a blog called Drum healing, bullshit? about my self-taught drumming journey. Over the last year I have drummed twice weekly in the local nature reserve first thing in the morning. It is the most nourishing spiritual practice for me.
Postpartum support and butterflies: what do they have in common?
In my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, I explain that postnatal recovery boils down to 4 pillars: social support, rest, food and bodywork.
Social support is the foundation on which everything else is built. If you are going to rest, have some great nourishing, food and some bodywork after birth, itās kind of impossible to do this alone. You need other adults around to be supporting you in order to do this.
But postpartum support goes beyond the simple practical aspect of having other pairs of hands to hold the baby, cook you food or give you a massage.
Yes, having another adult in the house means that there is someone to help with house stuff, but most importantly, it means that we arenāt alone. It means that there is someone else to keep us company, listens, and reassure us when we doubt ourselves.
It means, most importantly, that there is someone to hold the space for us.
Holding the space looks like someone is doing nothing, but it might be the most important aspect of all. Heather Plett explains this concept beautifully in her article.
In the episode of the Midwivesās Cauldron podcast I did about postnatal recovery, I tell a story that illustrates this beautifully (you can listen to it here). When my daughter was a baby, she suffered from painful gas at night which left her inconsolable. I became aware that she reacted to certain foods I ate and had to eliminate these from my diet. On a holiday to France when she was 3 months old, I unknowingly ate some food she reacted really badly to, and she woke up in the middle of the night and cried for over an hour. As I got out of her bed to rock and soothe her, my mother heard her cry, and she came to keep me company. She didnāt do much; she just sat with me whilst I rocked my baby. But having another adult there, just being present for me, meant that I felt much stronger and able to support my daughter.
Recently a new mother I supported as a doula told me something similar: she said you have help during the day, but at night, youāre alone and itās so hard. I helped her find a night doula, and it made a world of difference to her wellbeing.
As humans we are a social species, and we kind of intuitively know that we need community support through life transitions. This is why every culture used to have (and many still have) a set of rituals around big life transitions life becoming a parent.
The polyvagal nervous system theory tells her that we need each other to regulate our stress levels, especially at times when we are vulnerable.
Postpartum rituals around the world all have in common a period of about a month during which the new mother is nurtured and looked after, almost like a child, because there is an innate understanding that she needs to be surrounded and supported by experienced adults as she navigates her new role and identity.
Western societies are so focused on productivity that we tend to only plan for practical things. I see a parallel with what people ask me about my doula role. They ask what does a doula do, yet most of my role isnāt easily quantified, because it is more about being than doing.
An analogy often used for the transition to motherhood is that the change from a caterpillar to a butterfly.
If you have ever seen a butterfly emerge from its cocoon, youāll know that as the butterfly first comes out, its wings are crumpled and soft. The butterfly needs to hang upside down from its cocoon or a nearby branch, whilst it waits for the wings to unfold, dry and strengthen. Only then can it take its first flight. If youāve ever witnessed this you may also know that if the butterfly falls before the wings are dried, the wings are usually damaged.
Postpartum support is the same. It is about providing stable ground. One cannot help or speed up the wings unfolding and drying process, but they can be the strong cocoon on which the butterfly hangs whilst they unfurl.
We need to introduce this concept in the postpartum too: that what new mothers need, most of all, are people to hold the space for them, and who trust that they can find their own path, and unfold and spread their wings by themselves, in their own time, once there have become strong enough.
(PS: if youāre a birth geek like me youāll be fascinated like I was to learn that there is a substance called meconium, which sounds quite similar to the human version, which the butterfly pushes through its wings to unfurl them.)
How to normalise rest and support after birth
One of the reasons I wrote my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, is because I got fed up of witnessing new mothers struggle and blame themselves for it.
As a society we are blind to the needs of new mothers. When they struggle to adapt and adjust to the intense demands of new motherhood, new mothers tend to think that something is wrong with them, rather than placing the blame where it belongs, which is in a culture that totally fails to support them.
We also place an abnormal value on independence, which means that new mothers often hide their struggle as feel shame and guilt, mistakenly believing that they are the only ones who struggle. Itās a vicious circle.
Since I published my book, I have been heartened by positive stories about it. One second time mother in particular, said that because of the book she didnāt feel guilty letting other people look after her after the birth this time around. But there is still SO MUCH we need to do to change things. In my doula work I still witness new mothers blaming themselves for their struggles, and who feel guilty asking for help, who feel guilty at having me to supporting them even!
We need to normalize rest and support after birth. I believe than when as little as 15% of new families get given the support they need, this will become. I need your help in doing this.
Please share the message that resting and being looked after the birth isnāt selfish but that it is the norm for our species.
Encourage expectant families to plan for the postpartum as well as the birth. Itās easier to have support when you put plans in place in advance.
Play your part in the revolution by giving gifts that actually support the new family, like food delivery, vouchers for a postnatal doula or motherās help, or voucher for a postnatal massage.
The more people experience true nurturing postpartum, the closer we will get to the goal of transforming our culture.
If youād like to read more, I started blogging about this topic in 2016, and you can read more posts below:
Motherhood is fucking hard and you aren’t meant to be doing this on your own
Have you heard of a postnatal plan?
Getting out of overwhelm
A few years ago I started my journey out of overwhelm. I was overworked and stressed and I didnāt know how to get out of the cycle. I was trying to work harder out of it. It was so bad that I remember stopping to pick some berries on a week day on my way home and feeling guilty because I felt I ought to be working.
I was stuck into a mindset where my productivity and my worth were mixed up, and I wasn’t even aware of it.
Luckily I embarked on a coaching programme with Bonny Williams. As part of the programme, Bonny challenged me to spend one hour a week doing something called soft play. The idea of soft play was to spend an hour doing something nourishing and fun, alone.
At first I struggled to find what to do. Bonny suggested I think about what I enjoyed as a child. I remembered I loved being in nature, build dens, that kind of stuff. I can vividly remember my first soft play: I went for a walk to the local nature reserve, alone, on a week day, when I āshouldā have been working. I had a lot of stuff to do that and I very nearly didnāt go. But I did, and it felt great and oddly rebellious. And, oddly enough, that day I managed to do everything on my to do list and I felt great.
Fast forward 3 years, this has become part of my new routine, and had spread new fantastic new habits like year round river swimming, and drumming in the woods and 5 rhythms dancing. I’ve realised this is so important that Ā days I put the time in nature as the first task on my weekly to do list. And you know what? Magic has happened! I feel a more relaxed, creative and productive than ever. I also have a lot more fun. In fact Iām so elated with the results Iām planning to create a course sharing my experience.
The bottom line is this: You can cannot get out of the overwhelm created by working hard by working harder. Let me say this again: you cannot get out of overwhelm by working harder.
Instead, to create spaciousness in your life and more balance with play, you need to let yourself experience that play and spaciousness inside. Once you start experiencing this, all sorts of magic will unfold by itself and you will not look back.
Why postnatal recovery matters online course: what’s so special about it?
My name is Sophie Messager and I am on a mission to revolutionise the postpartum.
Everywhere around the world, there used to be a period of about a month after birth during which the new mother was taken care of completely. Family members, or members of the community, used to take charge of the household (chores, older kids etc), make sure the mother rested, provided specific nourishing foods, and well as give or organise some bodywork, such as postpartum binding or massage. It was a ubiquitous practice in every continent (and still is in many parts of the world today). In the Western world, we used to have this too in living memory.
I do not know why we forgot, but I know that what we have isnāt adequate, and that our lack of understanding of this fundamental need puts new mothers under intense stress. As a doula I have been witnessing new mothers struggle alone, trying to meet their own needs and the intense needs of their newborn babies. Not only this, but there is also intense pressure for new mothers to āgo back to normalā as fast as possible, which contributes to feelings of inadequacy and suffering. Because we have lost sight of the needs of new mothers, mothers often blame themselves for their suffering, wondering what is wrong with them, instead of seeing that their struggle is caused by a culture that fails to understand and support them.
Having witnessed this struggle over 10 years, I have wanted to do something to change it.
In 2020 I published a book called Why postnatal recovery matters, which is a call to action for a change towards a more nurturing postpartum. I wrote it because I wanted to provide knowledge and practical ideas for both new families and the people who support them.
I decided to create an online course based on the principles highlighted in the book. The course provides more of a held experience, as it is divided into bite sized modules and lessons, and because in each module there is a video where I introduce the topic. I have also expanded on the knowledge I gathered over many years as a doula and perinatal educator, and expanded to write the book and which I have carried on acquiring since. As well as all the videos and text to read, one of the entirely new aspects that the course provides are questionnaires in each of the modules, which you can download and print. These questionnaires encourage you to explore your beliefs and your hopes and fears on each particular topic. You can then revisit the questionnaire after each module, to see if anything has changed. This provides a deep enquiry process which can be transformative.
After completing this course you will have:
- Learnt about traditional postpartum wisdom, and why we need it back
- Gained a solid understanding of why preparing for the postpartum is essential
- Learnt about your own beliefs and needs for the postpartum.
- Learnt about the 4 pillars of the postpartum: Social support, rest, food and bodywork, and how to make them work for you
- Learnt why hiring help, in particular a doula, can be a game changer
- Learnt how to write a postnatal recovery plan
- Learnt about preparing for every eventuality, including the unexpected
By the end of this course, you will feel confident and armed with the tools your need to have a supportive the postpartum recovery, one that places the new mother firmly at the centre.
This course is for you if you are an expectant or new parent, or if you are someone who supports expectant and new parents.
What makes this course, and my approach, unique?
- I have a unique blend of scientific, theoretical and practical experience. I was a biology research scientist for 20 year prior to reconverting to being a doula. What I bring is my unique signature mix of scientific, traditional, and practical knowledge.
- The course is full of scientific references, with clickable links you can follow, and also full of traditional wisdom.
- I have extracted the fundamental principles of what constitues a good postpartum recovery, looking at what is common between cultures rather than specific in each individual culture, and divided them into 4 simple principles which are easy to apply. This means that you can make it work for you and your unique family and circumstances.
- The course is full of stories from my clients and from mothers and birth professionals, which help illustrate the topic with real life examples, as well as give you ideas that you may want to try.
- As well as being a scientist, I have gained practical experience in many traditional techniques, such as wrapping the hips and belly, which I share with you in the course.
- Having gained a DiPhe in antenatal education, as well as facilitating hundred of courses and workshops for expectant parents and birth professionals over 10 years, I know how present information in a way that allows students to learn easily and enjoyably.
- The course has also been co-developed with a group of 85 birth professionals, so you know that the content have been tried and tested by experts in the field.
Whatās in the course?
- The course is divided in 11 bite size Modules
- Introduction
- History
- What we are missing
- Social support
- Rest
- Food
- Bodywork
- Hiring help
- Postnatal recovery plan
- Special circumstances
- Conclusion
- Each module is presented with an introduction video, and a mix of text, pictures, videos, and questionnaires for optimal learning, and to investigate your own beliefs and revisit them as your go through the course.
- The course includes access to a private Facebook group for sharing knowledge and ongoing support.
FAQ:
How long do I have to do the course?
As long as you need. You get to do the course in your own time.
In which order do I do the modules?
As you prefer. You can go through the course in a linear fashion, or go straight to a particular module you are interested in.
How much does it cost?
Ā£119
How do I access the course?
