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Sophie Messager

Tag: coping skills

  • Online services-why should you pay for them?

    Online services-why should you pay for them?

    It’s a very strange and stressful time we are living right now, especially if you are pregnant.

    There is, understandably, a lot of anxiety about the unpredictable and fast changing nature of maternity services.

    I am seeing a lot of comments on social media about people wanting free antenatal classes (because their hospital ones got cancelled), and also questioning why people should still charge for online work, as well as accusing people who charge for online services of taking advantage of vulnerable people

    So I wrote this blog to explain, and debunk myths.

    I have written in the past about why doulas charge for what they do , and also the amazing lengths they go through to help their clients . The same rules apply here.

    Those “free” NHS classes were not actually free. The people delivering those classes were paid to teach them. Whilst the NHS is free at the point of contact, it isn’t “free” (because you pay for it with your taxes) and the people who staff it aren’t volunteers.

    Whilst I understand that many people might be struggling financially, many are also still employed and earning a salary, or at least 80% of it.

    Most of the people who provide perinatal education and support are self employed and run micro-businesses. I’m talking about doulas, independent midwifes, antenatal teachers, antenatal and postnatal exercise instructors, manual therapists etc. These people are it, i.e. their whole business is composed of one person. If they do not teach or do what they normally provide paid services for face to face, they don’t earn any money.  Zip, nada. Right now, most of them are also trying to juggle doing this whilst having kids at home full time.

    I am one of those people. My income has almost entirely disappeared. I still feel grateful, because my husband is working part time in an employed position and working from home. Still, this crisis means that my little, successful-ish, micro business, which took me 7 years to build up, has been reduced to nearly nothing. But at least I know I don’t have to worry about having food on the table. Many of my birthworker and perinatal educator friends aren’t so lucky, because they are single mothers, or their partner also runs a self employed micro business.

    Yet I am also seeing that most of these people (myself included) are still giving a lot of their time for free right now, running free Facebook groups for  pregnant women (believe me these are busy right now), answering worried messages, speaking to anxious women on the phone, running free zoom drop ins etc .

    It is the same as in real life: people should run free/charity stuff if they can and want to, but it shouldn’t be a obligatory or expected thing. If people cannot earn a living, they simply will not be able to carrying providing these services.

    So why should you pay for antenatal education, birth support, or postnatal education/support, if it’s moved online? For the same reason as when would when you pay for support : you pay for the time and money the person supporting you has spent training, the time they have spent prepping the class or one to one, and the years of knowledge and expertise they have built.

    Right now the people delivering these online classes are spending a lot of time thinking and prepping for these to make sure they work online (because making it work online isn’t the same as making it work IRL).

    They are also spending a lot of time self teaching themselves how to use online delivery systems they had never used before (like Zoom), without any support through it.

    Many are also spending money buying extra equipment (like video cameras and microphones or even laptop computers etc) to allow them to run their online services.

    They are all having to manage this whilst having to deal with their own anxieties about the unusual situation we are all in, their own families’ needs, and worrying about their client’s well being.

    I’m an experienced doula, and since I have been working in the birth and postnatal education for ten years, I feel confident and competent in delivering this to families. Yet, at the moment providing Skype or Zoom support to my clients is taking A LOT more time than when I’m doing it face to face.

    This is because when I’m face to face I no longer need to prepare much ahead. I have enough knowledge to deliver at the drop of a hat, I have a small bag of props than I can use to deliver almost every aspect of birth and postnatal education, and I can react to my clients feelings and adapt accordingly.

    This isn’t the case with the Skype or the Zoom stuff, because not only do I have to think and prep in advance how to deliver stuff that is easy face to face but much more complex online (for example teaching someone how to use a sling), but I also have to constantly keep up with the forever changing medical guidelines (the Royal College of Obstetrician has published 8 updates to their guidelines since they published the first one on the 9th of March, that’s 2 to 3 updates a week!). I am also having to keep up with local trust changing guidelines, as well as rake my brain to think about how my clients can support themselves after the birth in the hospital when I know I won’t be able to be there with them physically. Believe me this takes a lot of head space.

    I am not complaining, mind you, because I love learning new skills and this sure is keeping my brain on its toes!

    But if I wanted to be totally fair, I should actually be charging MORE money for all of my time, to reflect all the extra time spent preparing. Instead because most of us want to support women regardless of their circumstances, many of us are offering discounts, payment plans, pay what you can, or indeed free services.

    I am worried that some of these valuable micro businesses, run by passionate people who do it because they care rather than wanting to make a quick buck, will simply disappear.

    Yes, many celebrities are offering free online classes, but these celebrities are likely to have plenty of money. They are also likely to receive revenue through advertisement, so, again, these free classes may not be actually “free”. Whilst their offer is laudable, is it also sadly contributing to the idea that all online stuff should be free. You simply cannot extrapolate what celebrities are doing to micro businesses which are only known to their local community.

    Another thing I have seen is that people say you don’t need the paid services, because you can teach yourself, with these free/cheap resources. Whilst this is true : you can indeed learn from a book, free courses etc, this isn’t the same as getting into a live course or one to one work with an expert in the field. The main ways you can educate yourself about anything fall into 3 categories: DIY, group courses, and one to one tuition. Each one of them has pros and cons, but it isn’t necessarily fair to compare the DIY approach to what you’ll get if you hire someone to work with you one to one. I have explained the pros and cons of this in a previous blog called three ways to educate yourself about birth.

    So if you still have a salary, please consider paying for support rather than just doing free classes. If you are doing free classes with a micro business person and enjoying it, consider giving them a donation, or hiring them for their paid services.

    I promise you that you will still get value for money and incredible support. You will also contribute to keeping someone’s only way of earning a living afloat. And if you worry that online support doesn’t work, I have addressed it in this blog (along with plenty of free classes links). My blog is also full of free recently added resources for pregnancy birth and beyond, including a recent post on how to have a positive birth in unpredictable times.

    I wrote this blog to explain, and debunk the myth, please feel free to share it widely.

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • How to have a positive birth in unpredictable times

    How to have a positive birth in unpredictable times

    I am writing this because I know that if you are pregnant right now, the lack of information combined with the unpredictability what maternity care might look like when you give birth might be making you anxious.

    I am seeing a lot of worried pregnant women and new mothers asking worried questions on social media at the moment.

    So I am going to try and give you some ways to prepare.

    I have already collated all the information produced by the royal college of obstetricians in this blog.

    Here is a summary of what restrictions are in place right now (I will aim to update it as it changes):

    • No partners or visitors are allowed to accompany women at antenatal appointments (such as blood tests, scans etc).
    • No partners or visitors in antenatal or postnatal wards.
    • Only one partner during labour. This only includes established labour, so if you start labour at home you’ll be able to go with your birth partner of choice to the hospital (as long as you are both symptom free), if your labour is induced, because this is taking place in the antenatal ward, your partner will only be able to join you once you are in established labour and you transfer to the labour ward.
    • Your birth partner can only accompany you if they are well, i.e. free of COVID-19 symptoms (so it might be a good idea to plan for a backup person if you can).
    • Several trusts have suspended homebirth services due to ambulance services being stretches.
    • Because staffing levels are stretched, some trusts have also closed their birth centres.

    Because of the above, it is likely that the only option available for the majority of mothers will be giving birth inside an obstetric unit, or to give birth at home unassisted (something known as freebirth-which is legal in the UK- see Birthright’s fact sheet on unassisted birth , and AIMS’s articles. If this is something you are considering, educating yourself deeply on the topic is paramount).

    I’m aware that this may feel like a rock and hard place situation for many women.

    Whilst I am seeing a lot of anxious mothers on social media groups, I am also reading a lot of positive birth stories, with women relating stories of incredibly supportive midwifes in the face of stretches circumstances, as well as being apologetic about the current restrictions.

    As someone who has been supporting pregnant, birthing and new families for over 10 years, I am accustomed to the fact that birth in unpredictable, and that what makes a good birth experience isn’t what the birth looks like on paper, but rather how the parents were made to feel during the birth.

    I encourage all the families I support antenatally to write 3 birth plans: Plan A which is your ideal scenario, plan B for curve balls such as when induction of labour is needed, and plan C for a caesarean. I wrote a blog about this here .

    I have supported plenty of women who told me that they didn’t like the idea of writing a caesarean birth plan just in case, but that when it came to it made all the difference because it meant they still got some aspects of what was important to them (such as skin to skin in theatre). The situation we are facing now is similar.

    I also encourage women to think about what is really important to them, i.e. I know that there will be plenty of things in their birth plans that they aren’t particularly bothered about, but to highlight in bold or red the stuff that really matters.

    This doesn’t mean that losing your preferred birth options doesn’t matter. It does, and so does grieving the loss of said options. Your feelings matter, and I know this is a very unusual and stressful time.

    Just like I encourage expectant parents to cover all possible scenarios ahead of the birth (because deciding whether you are happy for a major medical intervention to happen during birth is easier to ponder whilst you aren’t in the middle of labour), I know that by getting prepared as much as you can for all possible scenarios, you are more likely to have a positive experience, and to have put things in place that will allow you to retain some elements of control and decision making, regardless of how your birth circumstances unfold.

    Since it is likely you might give birth in an hospital labour ward/obstetric unit, think about how you can make the space as private and homely as possible.

    Here are some example of things you could bring to make the room as cosy as possible:

    • Dim the Lights/use fairy lights/LED candles. A great tip to darken a room without curtains is to bring a couple of rolls of foil: moisten the widows and you can stick the foil to them, making instant black out (make sure to have a torch in case staff doesn’t have one). Another option is to use a sleep mask.
    • Bring some pillows from home/some blankets (they’ll smell like home and be softer/nicer than hospital ones)
    • Bring something nice to smell, such as pregnancy safe essential oils, which you can put on a tissue.
    • Your own music/noise cancelling headphones, some people like to make a playlist.
    • Create a playlist of your favourite music, whether it’s calm or upbeat. Music can help reduce stress and the perception of pain during labour. Start working on that playlist while you are in birth preparations by finding what genres or artists are soothing/relaxing to you. Listen to those tracks or stations throughout your pregnancy; it’ll be familiar during labour and help promote relaxation.
    • Some pictures. I’ve seen couples putting up pictures and/or affirmations on the wall. Some included pictures of the scan, pictures of a favourite holiday place etc. You could make a collage to take with you and blue tack on the wall.
    • Move the furniture around! Here is a video showing how you can move things around inside a typical labour ward room and make use of the furniture to have an active birth

    What if your labour is being induced:

    • First know your rights and options, and that being induced for “postdates” can be a bit of a grey area. I wrote a blog about this here .
    • All of the above, plus stuff to keep you entertained, like books and downloaded movies. Induction can take some time (sometimes several days) especially for first time mothers. Since you will be on your own in a ward, with several other women in the same bay, privacy can be an issue, so sleep mask, earplugs and noise cancelling headphones can be really helpful.

    Regardless of how and where you hope/plan to give birth:

    • Write a multipart birth plan, the process of finding out about options is as important as ever. Remember that nothing should be done to you without your full and explicit consent, even simple medical procedures such as vaginal examinations.
    • The positive birth book has a great set of free icons to download if you’d like to make a visual birth plan-they are also great as a prompt if you aren’t sure about what topics to cover
    • Use the BRAIN  (Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Instinct, Nothing) acronym to help you through decision making and asking the right questions.
    • In your birth plan, you might want to start with a paragraph introducing yourself to your caregivers, highlighting any really important aspects. The quicker they can get to know you and what you prefer, the easiest it will be for them to establish rapport and support you as best they can.
    • Practise ahead of time techniques to help you stay as relaxed as possible, such as meditation, breathing and relaxation techniques, or movement.
    • Consider hiring a doula. Whilst it’s unlikely a doula will be able to come with you due to the one partner only rule, most now offer remote services. Not only your doula will be invaluable in helping you prepare, she will provide a much needed friendly voice at the end of the phone or video call. I know it sounds odd that we can provide help remotely, but I have personally supported several couples through birth over the phone and I know how much of a difference it can make.

    Ultimately whilst we can control certain things, I think what this extremely unusual circumstances have shown us is the we have the illusion of control of scenarios, when really we don’t have control over it.

    I will leave you with this quote from Sara Wickham:

    “I am so heartened to hear about the generous and creative ways in which many people have responded to this crisis. I’m taking two thoughts into the weekend with me. The first is that there are still plenty of things that are within our control. And the second is that creativity and connection are key to getting us through this.”

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • Rebozo techniques for relaxation during uncertain times

    Rebozo techniques for relaxation during uncertain times

    I’m seeing a lot of understandably anxious pregnant women since the beginning of the Covid-19 crisis. What will happen to my appointments and when I go into labour? Will I have to give birth alone? What will happen after the birth?

    I’ve tried to address as many of these questions in this blog about pregnancy and the pandemic, this one about postnatal recovery, and this one about online support.

    But I’d also like to offer a simple practical way to relax that you may not know about.

    A rebozo is a traditional Mexican shawl, which, besides being used as an item of clothing, is use to provide great comfort by rocking, jiggling and wrapping a woman’s body, especially during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum.

    I’ve been using rebozos for 7 years, as well as teaching the techniques to parents and birthworkers.

    I have had so many mind blowing experience using rebozos shawls and scarves in my work to support women through pregnancy, birth, the postpartum and beyond, I’m on a mission to pass on this skill to ask many people as possible.

    What the rebozo does, by gently rocking and wrapping you, is calm you right down and bring you back to you body.

    As a species we exist in two extreme opposite states: the fight or flight, and the rest and relaxation stage.

    Right now, understandably, many of you are stuck in the fight or flight state. It’s made worse by the fact that you literally cannot “flight” because we are all stuck at home.

    The simple techniques I describe in this blog are incredibly effective, yet super simple to do, and anybody can do them. You don’t even need a rebozo to do them, something simple like a scarf or a pashmina will do.

    Here are 3 simple relaxation techniques you can use during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period (or at any other time! These aren’t limited to pregnancy-anybody regardless of gender or age can benefit from their relaxing effect).

    Self-care technique

    • A quick 5 min “reboot” to get you out of your head and into a more relaxed state
    • This is an easy routine to warm and loosen your muscles. It is especially helpful if your energy could do with a boost or if you feel stiff from having sat down for too long (especially after working at a computer), or if you feel anxious or stressed. The technique starts with some shoulder stretches, followed by a shoulder, back and buttocks rub, and finishes with a foot rub. After doing this quick and easy routine you may find that you feel happier, warmer, more relaxed, and more energised 🙂

    Play

    Wrapping the shoulders

    • Wrap the rebozo or scarf around the shoulders, cross the ends, then gently tighten and hold. This can be done standing up, sitting down, or lying down. It is a very calming and grounding technique, because the gentle tightening around the ribcage encourages you to breathe deeper into your belly.

    Play

     

    Rocking the pelvis

    • This consists in wrapping the rebozo or scarf around the pelvis, then  gently rocking the pelvis. This can also be done with the woman resting her back or arms against a wall for support, as well as lying down on the floor, or sitting on a couch.

    Play

    This is a taster version of the full version of my self-study rebozo ebook, or in my rebozo online course. If you would like to buy a rebozo, I have them in my online shop.

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    As we navigate the unexpected and unstable changes happening in our world right now, a lot of peoples are moving from offering them face to face to online.

    Some of these things that may feel normal and already be part of your life for example you might already be doing some exercise using online programmes or youtube videos.

    They are things that you may never have experienced online and cannot quite get how they are going to work.

    I get that.

    Years ago I was made redundant from a biotech company I worked for. As part of my redundancy I got a package to support me in finding another job. I choose to hire Suzanne Doyle Morris, a female coach I had met through a women in science network I belonged to, and who specialised in supporting women in male dominated fields. I was unpleasantly surprised when she explained that we would be working over the phone, because I didn’t believe it would work as well as face to face. Boy was I wrong! The sessions with Suzanne were extremely powerful and helped me not only see what I wanted to do, but also helped me shift out of the frozen feeling I had, and develop a way of being that had positive impact way beyond the job finding process.

    Fast forward to today-I can imagine if you were looking forward to face to face group classes such as antenatal classes, or had hired a doula, how too may believe that it is not going to work and that there is no point in continuing.

    I get it. I am having doubts too.

    On a normal week I sing in a choir, and I go to a 5rhythms dancing group. These are moving online and I haven’t experienced them yet so I’m feeling a mix doubtfulness but also some of curiosity about how they are going to work online. I have already heard really positive stories from people who have taken part in such groups.

    What I am also seeing however is that pregnant women are really worried about what is going to happen when they give birth, and that the support is needed more than ever.

    As a doula I am used to support people with a mix of face to face and remotely via email, texts, whatsApp and phone calls. I have even supported people through several births over the phone.

    What I can tell you is this: whilst some things cannot be done remotely (such as massage), and face to face support offers something unique, many aspect of support can be provided remotely (for example, I am able to teach techniques to help turn a breech baby or carry a baby in a sling, online), , remote support is still extremely helpful.

    At a time of uncertainly, when things are changing daily, having someone who understands and knows the system, can find information for you, and simply be a listening ear and help you navigate your worries and concerns is invaluable.

    So if you are pregnant or a new mother right, and you are worried or scared, please consider hiring someone who can support you through it.

    Here is a list of people and organisations that can offer remote support:

    One advantage is that you are no longer constrained by distance, so you can lookup antenatal and postnatal classes nationally and pick the ones that suit you best.

    Here is a list of organisations you can get support from:

    Find a doula at Doula UK, the non profit associations for doulas in the UK. Having a doula will help you navigate your birth and postnatal options whilst things change in the maternity services right now, and also guarantee that you have someone to talk to when you need to. I have blogged several times about what doulas do, both to support birth and the postnatal period, feel free to scroll through my previous blog posts to read these.

    Independent midwives

    Antenatal and postnatal education

    Babywearing support:

    Pregnancy/postnatal exercise classes

    Mental health

    Free meditations/relaxation tracks/relaxation techniques

    Mental health professionas/organisations

    • Zoë Tolman  counsellor & psychotherapist specialising in perinatal mental health.
    • Alex Kremer fertility support, birth trauma, hypnobirthing and parenting support.
    • Traumatic birth recovery : practitioners trained in a fast birth trauma release technique called the Rewind technique
    • Make birth better: A collective of parents and professionals working together to end suffering from birth trauma.
    • Mind is a mental health charity, they have a section on postnatal depression
    • Mia Scotland is a perinatal psychologist
    • Saveria EFT birth trauma and birth anxiety sessions
    • Spiritual Health Programme (free)
    • Jo Rogers doula and spiritual companion
    • The Pandas foundation for perinatal mental health
    • SHaRON is a peer support based ehealth system, available via a mobile phone app and associated website.

    Breastfeeding support organisations

    So you see there are a lot of options available, from one to one to group classes, to charities. Do give a try to at least some of the free resources, you might be surprised by how helpful you find them!

  • A four day long HBAC

    A four day long HBAC

    Caro and Santi (both from Argentina) had hired me and my co-doula Becky as their doulas.  They were planning a HBAC (home birth after cesarean) after having had what they knew to be an unnecessary elective caesarean with their first child.

    We met several times during Caro’s pregnancy, and built a lovely rapport together, getting to know them and their toddler son Max. They were both delightful and warm and friendly, and very well informed and researched. As Santi stayed at home to look after Max, I accompanied Caro to her hypnobirthing classes. This is the story of their birth, shared with their permission. It lasted 4 days, the longest birth I have ever attended in my 6 years as a doula.

    Day 1

    Caro texted us on Saturday morning (40 weeks and 5 days) to let us know that her waters had just broken. We kept in touch throughout the day.

    She lost some mucus around 10am, and started having mild, period cramp like contractions, soon after. She napped and ate, and rested throughout the day, keeping us updated.

    On their request I provided Caro and Santiago with evidence based papers to read about the risks of induction versus caesarean should they go beyond the 48h deadline after her waters had broken. Caro called the hospital around 10pm. They asked her to go in, which she declined. The hospitals send midwives to her home to listen to the baby’s heart instead.

    Caro declined a vaginal examination at this stage. The midwives booked an appointment for her on Monday afternoon at the hospital.

    Day 2

    Sunday morning around 2:30 am Caro texted us a screen shot of her contraction timer showing 40 sec to 1 min long contractions about 3 to 6 min apart. I called her. We agreed I should come and support her. I arrived at her house around 3am.

    She was having quite regular contractions but she was very “with it” and alert and I could tell this was early labour still. We filled the pool. Caro got in but things slowed down so she got out.

    Becky joined us around 7am. At day break things slowed right down. Max and Caro’s mother got up and join us . We shared a lovely breakfast of scones and jam.

    We hung out in the house/garden throughout the morning. It was a gorgeous, warm and sunny spring day.

    Caro was still having regular contractions but there were only 5/10 min apart. Santi and I went to get a takeaway lunch from a local South American restaurant.

    I went home around 3pm to get some sleep and spend some time with my family (it was my husband’s birthday that day). Becky spent some time lying in the garden with Caro, and rubbing her back during contractions.

    Caro messaged me around 9pm, contractions still irregular, and about one min long. I went to sleep after that. Becky had gone back home by then to rest too.

    Caro texted us around 10pm as her contractions were about 1 min long and 5/7 min apart. She found them harder to cope with. She messaged again around 11pm,by then her contractions were 4/6 min apart and 1 min long.

    Day 3

    Becky and I came back to her house around midnight. We spent another night of supporting her, both in and out of the pool. At some point in the night Caro experienced a lot of pressure in her bottom, and we got quite excited believing that baby was on his way, but it wasn’t time yet.

    I was amazed that Caro wasn’t exhausted at this stage, but somehow she managed to sleep between contractions and recover enough to cope. In the morning Becky went to sleep upstairs and I had a nap on the sofa.

    A midwife came in the morning to assess things. Caro agreed to a vaginal examination (she had been in labour for nearly 48h by now) and was found to be only 2/3cm dilated. I had a big wobble at this point. I also believed her baby to be back to back, hence the pressure in her bottom. The midwife also said that her baby was only 3/5 engaged.

    I suggested to Caro that she does some engagement spinning babies techniques, namely a technique called the bump lift, consisting in flattening her back against the wall and lifting her bump, and we also did some rebozo sifting on her belly. It seemed to help a bit, and her contractions got stronger. Becky and I had a chat and agree we should tag team and she sent me home to rest. At home I had some food then a nap, then came back at 2pm.

    I brought some loo roll with me as I’d noticed they’d run out, and I knew they wouldn’t find the time to go out shopping for some!

    Caro and Santi were snoozing upstairs when I got back. Becky told me they have agreed to a visit from the midwives, but that they only wanted to check the baby’s heart rate and mum’s vitals but not have any vaginal examinations, nor hear any talk about risks.

    Becky left and the midwives arrived. I met them downstairs and explained Caro’s wishes. They weren’t pleased by my request, and one of them said sharply that she had to tell her (about the risks) as she had a duty to protect the baby. I explained that after the previous talk of risks, Caro’s contractions stopped for over 2h, and therefore it really wasn’t a good idea. The midwives came upstairs. I crouched on the floor feeling like a mama bear, ready to pounce if the talk of risks rears its ugly head. Surprisingly, they did the checks and only mentioned to Caro and Santi that they needed to know that they are going against medical advice.

    At this stage, Caro and Santi agreed that they would go for a caesarean early the next morning (Tuesday) should she not have given birth yet. The midwives left.

    I carried on supporting Caro through the afternoon. Her contractions were still spaced out. Santi had a good long nap with Max Late afternoon I spoke to Becky and she told me to go home. We agreed we could have another night and day, possibly in hospital with a caesarean, after today.

    When I relayed our plan to Caro and Santi, Caro got upset and told me that I had lost faith in her, and she was right. I was by this point extremely weary and tired, and this affected my emotions a lot. I apologised profusely. Santi was also worried about doing bedtime without our support. I explained that we were happy to help but really need some sleep ourselves and Caro’s mum could support her during that time. I went home to sleep around 8pm.

    Day 4

    Becky called me around 1h30 am saying Caro was pushing. I got dressed and drove very quickly as I was worried I might miss the birth! When I got there I could tell Caro was nowhere near birthing yet. Her contractions were still not quite strong enough.

    Two midwives arrived at around 2am, both really lovely community midwives, calm and compassionate. One of them examined Caro and she was 5/6 cm dilated. This was hard for me to hear as I was really hoping she was ready to push her baby out! Caro carried on labouring through the night.

    When shift change was due to happen I explained to the midwives how important it was to have a supportive, confident midwife just like them replacing them. I asked for a particular community midwife whom I knew, and who Caro liked a lot. They organised for her to come :-). She was incredibly calm and supportive.

    We had a chat with Santi explaining that Caro’s mother needed to take Max out of the house for the day because Caro really needs some peace and quiet to get on with her labour. She left for the day soon after that. I went shopping for some food as we hadn’t got much left in the house.

    Sometimes in the morning, the midwife did another vaginal examination (in the pool!) and Caro was still only 6cm dilated and hadn’t progressed. This was a down point. I asked specific questions to the midwife, especially if baby was back to back and asynclitic, and she confirmed this. Her baby seemed to have completely more than one turn around the pelvis several times already, from being OP, then OA then OP again.

    I took my spinning babies handbook out of my bag again, and with Becky’s help (and Caro’s consent!) we helped Caro into an inversion. During about 3 contractions, I used my rebozo to do vigorously do shaking the apples on her bottom. It took all of us to support her through it, as you can imagine this wasn’t the comfiest thing to do at this stage. Then I did a sacro-tuberous ligament release and also a standing sacral release. Caro immediately said that she has felt the baby turn and that her back pain was gone. Her contractions cranked up big time and I knew we had changed things for the better.

    A vaginal examination around 3pm showed that she was 7cm dilated. Caro got back into the pool and carried on labouring. Contractions were really powerful at this stage, and I was feeling very hopeful.

    Becky supported Caro by saying ” longgg deeep slowwww breaths” as she had a few wobbles. Eventually Caro started to show signs of pushing 🙂

    Around 5 pm there was another shift change, I am worried because one of the midwives is the one who talked about risks the day before. I was worried that the change of midwives at such a crucial time could upset Caro’s labour. The midwife in question hadn’t given me a good vibe the day before. By then Caro has been pushing for a while.

    I suggested to Santi that he supports her pushing by standing on the edge of the pool with a rebozo around his shoulders for her to pull on. Becky tried to make sure that the other midwife, not the one we had a bad gut feeling about, came into the room instead but that didn’t work.

    So I worked hard on changing my feelings towards her to positive ones. Luckily she turned out to be much more relaxed than I thought. Caro carried on pushing.

    At some point she shouted “I’m fucking doing it”, and she sure was! She soon started feeling some stinging.

    Caro’s baby son Leo was born in the pool in her living room around 6h30 pm, after 4 days of labour. When he was born, the emotion in the room was incredible. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room, even the midwives were crying.

    I cried and laughed at the same time for the first time in my life, with the cheer joy and relief. It was the most incredible feeling. Becky and I hugged each other like loonies. I sobbed some more. I literally shook with it. This was one of the most emotional births I have ever been at.

    After the birth I suggested to Becky that she goes home to sleep straight away as she was still on call for someone else. I stayed to support Caro and make sure she and baby were comfy

    I help her take a shower, and she was elated by the fact that she could walk around straight after the birth- a stark contrast to her previous caesarean.

    Caro was soon tucked up in bed with her new son Leo, and a nice chunk of groaning cake.

    I left around 9pm with a huge smile on my face.

    Reflection

    When I reflect on this birth several months later, I am still amazed at Caro’s resilience, at her belief in herself, and at the unwavering support of her husband.

    I also can’t believe I managed to support them for that long, with so little sleep, if I had been told that the birth would have been this long in advance I’m not sure I could have coped with it. But in the middle of it you just dig deep and get on with it.

    This is also the first birth where I experienced my first true miracle with the spinning babies and rebozo techniques.

    I teach rebozo techniques workshops, and Caro’s birth completely changed my outlook and the way I teach. It really anchored in my heart that this simple tool can really work miracles.

    I went on to have several similar miracles with such techniques at other births (though not quite at long!) since. This birth also illustrates to the extreme the commitment doulas make to their clients, and how much emotional investment be put in this job.

    I asked Caro to share her incredible birth story because I hope it will give other women the belief that they too can have an incredibly empowering birth after caesarean. For doulas, this birth illustrates how awesome shared care doula support can be. I can’t imagine how I would have survived without Becky, both in the fact that we supported each other, and the ability to tag team and get some rest!

    The day after the birth, Becky went to a study day at the hospital, and she lost count of how many midwives approached her and asked “what did you do?” about the amazing effect of the inversion with the rebozo. I am hoping to train the midwives in my local hospital to do this too. Caro is now a life long friend and is planning to become a doula. When I think back about her birth, all I feel is tremendous gratitude and joy.

    Becky and I shortly after the birth

     

  • January : a time for rest and reflection

    January : a time for rest and reflection

    I’ve just had a lovely catchup with fellow doula Hazel Acland Tree with whom I have fortnightly accountability calls (I can’t recommend doing this enough by the way).

    During our call I expressed how frustrated I am with my desire to go forward and make plans now that we’re at the beginning of the year, and the energy I’m feeling instead, which is quite inward and not at all forward at the moment.

    Whilst chatting to Hazel I had a realisation that the energies right now, during the winter time, are indeed inwards, and that it doesn’t make sense that we are expected to make our yearly plans in January. We ought to make them in spring or summer, when our energy is high, and outwards looking.

    When I was a biology student, I went to a lecture on chronobiology, the science of “when” rather than “why” and “what”. This made so much sense to me and attracted me so much I ended up specialising in it, and doing my PhD and 2 postdocs on the genes the regulate our seasonal reproductive clock.

    I remember during the introduction lecture, the speaker explained that since we are regulated by daylight, our energy is naturally higher in the summer when days are longer, and that in the past, as most people farmed the land, they worked much harder during spring and summer than during the winter months when nothing grew. When school became obligatory, the farmers agreed to send their kids to school but said they’d need them back for the harvest, which is how the tradition of summer holidays started.

    Yet, even in our modern world, we still experience this annual peak and through of energy.

    Like trees losing their leaves and returning their energies inwards before the new growth can occur, we too, during winter, need this inwards and more restful time.

    As I talked about my plans and my frustration in trying to push through, but also about my knowledge that I want to lay down some feelings for the year ahead, meditate and make a vision board before I start getting down to the nitty gritty of what I’m going to do in 2019, my friend suggested very wisely suggested that rather than looking for the fruit I needed to tend to my roots first.

    I loved this very powerful image, especially as our culture is all focused on results, ie the fruits.

    But you can bear no fruits if you do not tend to, or nourish the roots.

    This also reminded me of another powerful story in the (surprisingly spiritual) book “The 7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen Covey.

    ” Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

    “What are you doing?” you ask.

    “Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”

    “You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?”

    “Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”

    “Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire. “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

    “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

    Stephen Covey goes further in saying that

    ” Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have–you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual.”

    You can read example of such activities here

    There is true magic in stopping, resting and taking stock and seeing the forest for the trees.

    I have written about this topic before, but today I feel that I have embedded this knowledge at a deeper level.

    So I’m going to take my own counsel today and only attend to what really needs to be done, so I can rest and retreat inside myself a little, so I can tend to my roots.

    I know that doing this will allow for more beautiful flowers and fruits in the future.

  • Rebozos, shawls and scarves : the lost art of supporting women through the childbearing years

    Rebozos, shawls and scarves : the lost art of supporting women through the childbearing years

    RebozosI was introduced to the art of using a traditional Mexican shawl called a rebozo to comfort birthing women at my doula course by Maddie McMahon in 2008.

    Whilst I developed my antenatal and doula career, in my usual, knowledge junkie style, whislst I learn to use the tool for myself, I decided to learn as much as I could about this magic tool by attending training.

    Over the my first few years as a doula, I pursued my knowledge further by learning from several doula colleagues (I am especially grateful to doula Bridget Baker who showed me how to properly wrap a rebozo around a pregnant woman’s belly during a doula UK AGM).

    I attended my first formal workshop with Stacia Smales Hill on rebozo use for labour and birth in 2013. In the same year I also attended a workshop by Rocio Alarcon called closing the bones, a postnatal massage technique  which included rocking and binding with a rebozo.

    Frustration over long and difficult labours, and especially malpositioned babies led me to seek more specialist training,  such as the rebozo for labour progress and malposition with Selina Wallis, micromovements with Francoise Freedman, and 2 iterations of different levels of spinning babies with Jennifer Walker and Gail Tully.

    As my experienced developed I also brought more focus towards postpartum support, and recently attended a workshop on healing diastasis recti with Birthlight which included many rebozo techniques.

    I am also a babywearing instructor and tutor, and as such use rebozos and wraps to carry babies too.

    I started facilitating workshops around this topic because people asked me to. Repeatedly.  At first, I refused, as I didn’t feel qualified or experienced enough. But after a few years of constantly using this amazing tool in my birth work and my antenatal and babywearing classes, and seeing how the incredibly versatile such a simple piece cloth could be, and the miraculous experiences that ensued, I finally felt ready to start teaching workshops around this topic, because I had so many positive experiences I felt I needed to share this skill with others.

    As I met people through teaching, I constantly questioned people I met about their culture’s practises, I started to build a picture in my mind of something much more universal than the rebozo.

    It seems that every culture has (or had) a piece of cloth of some kind, call it a shawl, a sarong, a scarf, or a wrap.

    Cold countries have thick, woollen fabrics (think Welsh Shawl or Scottish plaid), and warmer countries, cooler, thin, cotton fabric (think African Kanga or Indonesian Sarong).

    There are almost too many fabrics to count, but one thing is for sure, women have used all sorts of cloths in incredibly versatile ways, and what I’m going to say below about the rebozo is true for many other cultures too. It’s a truly universal practise.

    I spent a few years believing that the rebozo use for labour was uniquely South American but I have since met a Somalian midwife who told me how they use their traditional shawl, called a Garbasar, in a similar way during labour.

    I trained a Moroccan birth worker in doing closing the bones, and she was surprised when she started offering the massage that women came forward and told her they’d had a similar treatment in the local hammam after birth (using the traditional Moroccan cloth called a Mendil).  Tunisia offers a similar practise called a fouta massage (the fouta is a hammam towel, which is very similar in nature to the Turkish towel).

    I am lucky to be part of a multicultural family, being French and married to a man from Hong Kong. In Hong Kong I’ve been told they use a long piece of muslin cloth to bind the woman’s hips and abdomen after birth, and my mother in law also showed me how she was taught how to use a towel to bind her hips and abdomen after birth.

    It’s also quite fascinating to see how contact with foreign cultures can influence each other. For example I recently acquired a Dutch postpartum girdle called a Sluitlaken. I couldn’t help but notice how similar to Indonesian postpartum binding it looks, then a friend pointed out than Holland used to have Indonesian colonies!

    So, what can you do with a rebozo, shawl or scarf of shawl?

    Pretty much all cultures on the planet, some kind of cloth is used to cradle and carry a baby. In some cultures is used to rock and soothe the baby too. Rocking is such a primal rhythm we all experienced it in our mother’s womb, that we find it soothing all through our lives.  Even in Europe there are pictures of women wearing their babies in Welsh shawls which date from the 1940s.

    Later, when the baby grew into a toddler and child, she would use the cloth to dress up, pretend play (including carrying toys and/or animals, pretending to carry a baby), make a den etc.

    As the child grew into a young woman she would use the cloth as a shawl to keep warm, as a clothing accessory, a blanket, to carry siblings ( in traditional cultures women learn baby care from a very young age as they tend to live with extended families), and to carry loads on her back or head.

    Later still when she became a woman, she might have been given her own shawl as part of a menarche ceremony. She might have worn a special cloth on her wedding day.

    When she became pregnant, she would have used the shawl to support her belly, and her midwives would have used it to alleviate the aches and pains of pregnancy, and maybe to help the baby move into the best position for birth.

    During labour she would have used the shawl to hang from, to pull on, and her birth attendants would have used it to provide comfort measures, such as sifting, rocking, shaking, and wrapping.

    After the birth she would have had a “baby moon”. Again this is something pretty much universal in the world-women the world around have been alleviated from household tasks and cared for by family members for the first 30 to 40 days postpartum. During this time they would rest so they could recover from growing and birthing their baby and get to know their baby and learn to care for them. Her birth attendants and the community of women would have come to feed her nourishing food, and close her bones and help her body heal from the pregnancy and birth by using  a combination of their hands, massage techniques and using the cloth to help move and bind her hips and abdomen to help them back into place. In the UK we used to have this practise called “churching” you can read about it here 

    She then would have started to use the cloth to carry her baby and start the cycle all over again.

    Later as she grew old, her family members would have used the cloth to rock and soothe aches and pain.

    Women would have been buried with their shawl using it as a shroud.

    So you see, a traditional cloth, rebozo, shawl or cloth can be used to support a woman throughout her whole life. It is a universal phenomenon on our planet.

    As the shawl came out of fashion and modern practises like using pushchairs became seen as more fashionable and desirable, this skill was soon lost, and because like most traditional women-only practises, it was just passed on orally rather than written about, the knowledge was lost very quickly, in one or two generations. We also tend to embrace “modern” practises mindlessly, seeing traditional ones as backwards and old fashioned.

    Mexican and Chinese friends tell me that nobody wants to use the traditional shawl or carrier these days as only remote farmers or beggars still use them. And certainly my recent trip to Hong Kong showed me that it took less than 15 years for the traditional baby carriers to have been almost forgotten and  superseded by more modern, yet less ergonomical, models.

    This is  something that we need to reclaim and teach all women, as it is part of the essence of women circles and supporting women through life transitions.

    This is why I am so passionate about passing this skill to both expectant and new mothers, and to anybody who works with expectant and new mothers. It is our birthright!

    How fitting is it that my friend Awen Clement just wrote this poem, for me it sums up everything the use of the rebozo is about.

    “We are all weavers

    Life is a cloth
    our stories the threads
    carried across the warp by breath 
    and memory
    Every soul
    unique in its tapestry
    with tangles unpicked 
    and rewoven anew
    A rainbow of colour
    where our threads meet others
    and when we take our last breath
    love will weave the ends”

    (C) Awen Clement 2018

    You can learn more about rebozo and its many wonderful uses in my online course

  • Why a rebozo, shawl or scarf might be the most powerful tool in your toolbox

    Why a rebozo, shawl or scarf might be the most powerful tool in your toolbox

    Why a shawl or scarf might be the most powerful tool in your tool box

    Over the last 8 years, since I started my reconversion in the world of science to that of a birthworker, the one tool that has amazed me the most is the humble shawl or scarf.

    You might know it foremost as a rebozo, which is a Mexican shawl, traditionally used by Mexican midwives to provide comfort and support to pregnant and birthing mothers.

    But to me, it’s much more universal than that.

    All through history, women have traditionally used shawls and scarves for all sort of purposes, from clothing to carrying and indeed providing comfort, but not just for the childbearing year.

    Lately I have felt a drive, actually a real sense of duty, to pass on this skill.

    This is because I have been having one amazing experience after the other using shawls of scarves.

    “Recently, I supported an amazing woman through a very long birth at home, which also happened to be a VBAC. She laboured for 4 whole days. Through the early parts of her labour, I used my trusted rebozo scarf to relax her belly and help engage her baby. On the last day, when she got the dreaded “stuck at 6cm” situation (her cervix seemed to remain dilated at 6cm for several hours, with no further progress), a simple inversion with sifting on the buttocks through a few contractions, completely changed the pattern of her contractions for the better. In fact, when she got back her from her inversion, she said “My back doesn’t hurt anymore”, the midwife confirmed shortly afterwards that her baby had turned in a more optimal position, and she roared her baby out in the pool a few hours later. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when that baby was born. I have no doubt that the rebozo technique made a big difference to her labour progress.”

    I had heard of amazing stories like this one at the various rebozo and Spinning Babies trainings I had attended, but this was the first time  I had my own experience of a miraculous difference like this, and it really drove the message home.

    Since I starting showing families how to use a shawl or scarf for their own comfort, I have received many more testimonials of the same nature.

    Jess used a shawl to great use to comfort herself during labour

    ” I was in labour recently, homebirth, my husband squeezing my hips was helping so much to keep me grounded. At one point our younger son woke up, this was late at night, and my husband had to go to him to settle him. Right at the same time I had a massive contraction while I was bouncing away on the ball and desperately thought, “OMG, I need pressure on my hips now!” I also happened to be sitting next to a box of wraps, so I grabbed one out and did the hip squeeze on myself. It was super helpful and really empowering at that point to remember I had so many tools in my tool kit to draw on and I totally could rock this birth”

    Recently, after sending a rebozo to a mum who suffered from PGP, I got the following message the next day ” It’s the second time I’ve had pgp. I was induced early because it was so bad and this time is even worse! Your videos were the first time I had ever heard of rebozo or using the shawls to wrap your hips and thought that anything was worth a try as I am in such horrendous pain. Since using the wrap I have been able to do shopping and walk around without crying in pain, it makes a huge difference, so easy to use, looks pretty and I love that I can use it during labour and after the birth as a sling!” Hannah

    I also offer and teach a postnatal ritual called closing the bones, which involves some hip rocking with a rebozo shawl (or a manta as it is called in Ecuador, which is where this particular massage comes from) a massage of the abdomen and wrapping.  The experiences women have with this ritual can be life changing.

     

     

    Here are some examples of what women have said after receiving it:

    “The massage felt incredibly calming and nurturing and I felt very relaxed (almost went to sleep!) I felt a lot of tension which I was holding from the birth just disappear. “

    “Amazing, emotional and cleansing. I feel very supported as a new mum and feel hugged by the love this ceremony brings.”

     The massage and rebozo wraps not only felt absolutely amazing, they also helped remind me of the importance of caring for myself. During the ceremony, I felt so safe and comfortable and at peace, and I was aware of how strong, resilient and loved I am. “

    You can read more here 

    In terms of using it to carry and calm babies, I have also lost count of how many times I’ve seen parents with this wonderful look on their face when they realise they can meet their baby’s needs for closeness AND get their hands back. And, as a doula myself, I recently supported a mum of twins,and I found it pretty elating to be able to carry both twins together in a stretchy wrap!

    So you see I have accumulated many more stories like these, more than I can share here.

    I have a innate desire to share knowledge (funnily, it’s even in my name, Messager means Messenger in French) so others can benefits from it too.

    I started teaching live rebozo workshops a couple of years ago but there is only one of me and whilst I travel up and down the UK to offer it, I wanted it to be available to a wider audience.

    Today I am proud to announce that my rebozo, shawls and scarves course is now available as an online course-which you can find here.

    This means that I am now offering 3 different levels of training, an ebook,  the online course, and a live course (link coming up at 9pm tonight!). (and of course, I also have a my online rebozo shop too)

    If you’d like a short taster of what’s available in my training, just sign up to receive a free guide with 3 different rebozos techniques on my website here

     

  • Rebozos, shawls and scarves-the lost art of supporting women through the childbearing years

    Rebozos, shawls and scarves-the lost art of supporting women through the childbearing years

     

    I was introduced to the art of using the traditional Mexican shawl called the rebozo back in 2013 when I attended a workshop by doula Stacia Smales Hill on rebozo use for labour and birth. During the same year I also attended a workshop by Dr Rocio Alarcon, who taught us a postnatal massage technique called closing the bones, some elements of which included rocking and binding with a rebozo.

    Over the course of the following years I pursued my knowledge further by doing several more workshops with Rocio, and several other rebozo workshops with different focuses, such as the rebozo for labour progress and malposition with Selina Wallis, micromovements with Francoise Freedman, and 2 iterations of spinning babies with Jennifer Walker and Gail Tully, and a workshop on healing diastasis recti  with Birthlight which included many rebozo techniques, and training with Mexican midwife Naoli Vinaver.

    I am also a babywwearing instructor and tutor, and as such use rebozos and wraps to carry babies too.

    When I started teaching workshops around closing the bones and rebozo work as well as babywearing, the incredible versatility of the cloth really blew my mind.

    As I met people through teaching, I constantly ask questions to people I met about their culture’s practises, I started to build a picture in my mind of something much more universal than the rebozo.

    It seems that every culture had a piece of cloth of some kind, call it a shawl, a sarong, a scarf, or a wrap.

    Cold countries have thick, woollen fabrics (think Welsh Shawl or Scottish plaid), and warmer countries, cooler, thin, cotton fabric (think African Kanga or Indonesian Sarong).

    There are almost too many fabrics to count, but one thing is for sure, women have used all sorts of cloths in incredibly versatile ways, and what I’m going to say below about the rebozo is true for many other cultures too. It’s a truly universal practise.

    I spent a few years believing that the rebozo use for labour was uniquely South American but I have met a Somalian midwife who told me how they use their traditional shawl, called a garbasar, in a similar way during labour. I also had a birth client from Somalia who confirmed this, and her mother showed me how to wrap her belly with the garbasar after birth.

    I trained a Moroccan birth worker in doing closing the bones, and when she started offering the massage, women came forward and told her they’d had a similar treatment in the local hammam  (using a Moroccan cloth called a mendil).  Tunisia offers a similar practise called a fouta massage (the fouta is a hammam towel, which is very similar in nature to the Turkish towel).

    I am lucky to be part of a multicultural family, being French and married to a man from Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, they use a long piece of muslin cloth to bind the woman’s hips and abdomen after birth, and my mother in law also showed me how to do it with a towel.

    It’s also quite fascinating to see how contact with foreign cultures can influence each other. For example I acquired a Dutch postpartum girdle called a sluitlaken. I couldn’t help but notice how similar to Indonesian postpartum binding it looks, then a friend pointed out than Holland used to have Indonesian colonies.

    Hip carry with a rebozo

    What can you do with a rebozo (or a scarf of shawl)?

    Pretty much all cultures on the planet, some kind of cloth is used to cradle and carry a baby. In some cultures is used to rock and soothe the baby too. Rocking is such a primal rhythm we all experienced it in our mother’s womb, that we find it soothing all through our lives.  Even in Europe there are pictures of women wearing their babies in Welsh shawls which date from the 1940s.

    Later, when the baby grew into a toddler and child, she would use the cloth to dress up, pretend play (including carrying toys and/or animals, pretending to carry a baby), make a den etc.

    As the child grew into a young woman she would use the cloth as a shawl to keep warm, as a clothing accessory, a blanket, to carry siblings ( in traditional cultures women learn baby care from a very young age as they tend to live with extended families), and to carry loads on her back or head.

    Later still when she became a woman, she might have been given her own shawl as part of a menarche ceremony. She might have worn a special cloth on her wedding day.

    When she became pregnant, she would have used the shawl to support her belly, and her midwives would have used it to alleviate the aches and pains of pregnancy, and maybe to help the baby move into the best position for birth.

    During labour she would have used the shawl to hang from, to pull on, and her birth attendants would have used it to provide comfort measures, such as sifting, rocking, shaking, and wrapping.

    After the birth she would have had a “baby moon”. Again this is something pretty much universal in the world-women the world around have been alleviated from household tasks and cared for by family members for the first 30 to 40 days postpartum. During this time they would rest so they could recover from growing and birthing their baby and get to know their baby and learn to care for them. Her birth attendants and the community of women would have come to feed her nourishing food, and close her bones and help her body heal from the pregnancy and birth by using  a combination of their hands, massage techniques and using the cloth to help move and bind her hips and abdomen to help them back into place. In the West we used to have this practise called “churching” you can read about it here.

    She then would have start to use the cloth to carry her baby and start the cycle all over again.

    Later as she grew old, her family members would have used the cloth to rock and soothe aches and pain.

    Women would have been buried with their shawl using it as a shroud.

    So you see, a traditional cloth, rebozo, shawl or cloth can be used to support a woman throughout her whole life. It is a universal phenomenon on our planet.

     As the shawl came out of fashion and modern practises like using pushchairs became seen as more fashionable and desirable, this skill was soon lost, and because like most traditional women-only practises, it was just passed on orally rather than written about, the knowledge was lost very quickly, in one or two generations. We also tend to embrace “modern” practises mindlessly, seeing traditional ones as backwards and old fashioned.

    Mexican and Chinese friends tell me that nobody wants to use the traditional shawl or carrier these days as only remote farmers or beggars still use them.

    This is  something that we need to reclaim and teach all women, as it is part of the essence of women circles and supporting women through life transitions.

    This is why I am so passionate about passing this skills to both expectant and new mothers, and to anybody who works with expectant and new mothers. It is our birthright!

    You can learn more about Rebozo and its many wonderful uses in my online courses: Rebozo for an Easier Birth and Postnatal Rebozo Massage and Closing Ritual.

     

  • Are you focusing too much on what you’re not doing?

    Are you focusing too much on what you’re not doing?

    I’m writing this as a reflection on myself, but really hope it helps others too.

    I have noticed this dichotomy between how I perceive myself professionally and how others perceive me. I tend to focus more on what I’m not yet doing, rather than what I’m doing. This means I beat myself up very often with feelings of procrastination and not doing everything I “ought” to be doing.

    So it surprised me recently when I ran a workshop in London and the host asked me how I managed to “do it all”. It was interesting to hear how she perceived my work, versus how I perceive it, because I didn’t think I did that much at all.

    This isn’t the first time I explore this topic, in fact, I wrote this blog about this topic a while ago, called “are you full of should?”.

    I would like to invite you as the end of the year draws near, to sit down for a while and reflect on what you have achieved this year.

    I did a bit of it recently as I did my accounts, and looking through receipts reminded me of lovely things I’d done through the year and forgotten about.

    I like to sit down with my diary and a good cup of coffee, and write down everything I did in the last year.

    Lists, bullet point style, don’t really work for me, so writing as it comes, mindmap style, is a better choice for me, especially with lots of different colours.

    I’m thinking of doing some kind of collage of special moments pictures too. So I when the “not doing enough” gremlins attack I can look at it and remind myself of what I’ve achieved.

    I also keep a file where I copy and paste all the lovely feedback I receive from clients. It’s a very uplifting read on a low day.

    I’d love to hear what you do, and how you get on!

    In the meantime I am myself permission that it’s ok that I’ve “only” booked my 2018 workshops for January so far.

    I have plans for many more for 2018, and I will book them in the new year.

    I’ve kind of learnt that although I don’t necessarily book things in advance as much as my inner critic would like me to, I always get things done when the deadline looms, and it’s what matter.

    This week I only had a 2 day week as school finished on Tuesday, and I had much to do before starting the holidays.

    I gave myself permission to tick less stuff off my to-do list, because they were short of volunteers at the local breastfeeding clinic on Monday, and I wanted to go an deliver cakes to the midwives at my local hospital on Tuesday afternoon, which a Cambridgeshire doulas tradition.

    I had to remind myself that doing stuff which feels good, which fills the soul, like giving to others, was going to have more impact on my well-being than ticking stuff off my list.

    I guess in this time-pressured time of the year, taking time to do this amounted as self care.

     

    I’m looking forward to a time of rest and enjoying the quiet time with my family.

    Have a lovely holiday season.