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Sophie Messager

Tag: doula

  • Rebozo techniques for relaxation during uncertain times

    Rebozo techniques for relaxation during uncertain times

    I’m seeing a lot of understandably anxious pregnant women since the beginning of the Covid-19 crisis. What will happen to my appointments and when I go into labour? Will I have to give birth alone? What will happen after the birth?

    I’ve tried to address as many of these questions in this blog about pregnancy and the pandemic, this one about postnatal recovery, and this one about online support.

    But I’d also like to offer a simple practical way to relax that you may not know about.

    A rebozo is a traditional Mexican shawl, which, besides being used as an item of clothing, is use to provide great comfort by rocking, jiggling and wrapping a woman’s body, especially during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum.

    I’ve been using rebozos for 7 years, as well as teaching the techniques to parents and birthworkers.

    I have had so many mind blowing experience using rebozos shawls and scarves in my work to support women through pregnancy, birth, the postpartum and beyond, I’m on a mission to pass on this skill to ask many people as possible.

    What the rebozo does, by gently rocking and wrapping you, is calm you right down and bring you back to you body.

    As a species we exist in two extreme opposite states: the fight or flight, and the rest and relaxation stage.

    Right now, understandably, many of you are stuck in the fight or flight state. It’s made worse by the fact that you literally cannot “flight” because we are all stuck at home.

    The simple techniques I describe in this blog are incredibly effective, yet super simple to do, and anybody can do them. You don’t even need a rebozo to do them, something simple like a scarf or a pashmina will do.

    Here are 3 simple relaxation techniques you can use during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period (or at any other time! These aren’t limited to pregnancy-anybody regardless of gender or age can benefit from their relaxing effect).

    Self-care technique

    • A quick 5 min “reboot” to get you out of your head and into a more relaxed state
    • This is an easy routine to warm and loosen your muscles. It is especially helpful if your energy could do with a boost or if you feel stiff from having sat down for too long (especially after working at a computer), or if you feel anxious or stressed. The technique starts with some shoulder stretches, followed by a shoulder, back and buttocks rub, and finishes with a foot rub. After doing this quick and easy routine you may find that you feel happier, warmer, more relaxed, and more energised 🙂

    Play

    Wrapping the shoulders

    • Wrap the rebozo or scarf around the shoulders, cross the ends, then gently tighten and hold. This can be done standing up, sitting down, or lying down. It is a very calming and grounding technique, because the gentle tightening around the ribcage encourages you to breathe deeper into your belly.

    Play

     

    Rocking the pelvis

    • This consists in wrapping the rebozo or scarf around the pelvis, then  gently rocking the pelvis. This can also be done with the woman resting her back or arms against a wall for support, as well as lying down on the floor, or sitting on a couch.

    Play

    This is a taster version of the full version of my self-study rebozo ebook, or in my rebozo online course. If you would like to buy a rebozo, I have them in my online shop.

    If you have found this blog helpful and would like to support my work and help me continue provide valuable free information to birthworkers and expectant and newborn families, you can donate to my paypal account paypal.me/SophieMessager.

  • Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    Online learning and support for pregnancy, birth and beyond-how does it work?

    As we navigate the unexpected and unstable changes happening in our world right now, a lot of peoples are moving from offering them face to face to online.

    Some of these things that may feel normal and already be part of your life for example you might already be doing some exercise using online programmes or youtube videos.

    They are things that you may never have experienced online and cannot quite get how they are going to work.

    I get that.

    Years ago I was made redundant from a biotech company I worked for. As part of my redundancy I got a package to support me in finding another job. I choose to hire Suzanne Doyle Morris, a female coach I had met through a women in science network I belonged to, and who specialised in supporting women in male dominated fields. I was unpleasantly surprised when she explained that we would be working over the phone, because I didn’t believe it would work as well as face to face. Boy was I wrong! The sessions with Suzanne were extremely powerful and helped me not only see what I wanted to do, but also helped me shift out of the frozen feeling I had, and develop a way of being that had positive impact way beyond the job finding process.

    Fast forward to today-I can imagine if you were looking forward to face to face group classes such as antenatal classes, or had hired a doula, how too may believe that it is not going to work and that there is no point in continuing.

    I get it. I am having doubts too.

    On a normal week I sing in a choir, and I go to a 5rhythms dancing group. These are moving online and I haven’t experienced them yet so I’m feeling a mix doubtfulness but also some of curiosity about how they are going to work online. I have already heard really positive stories from people who have taken part in such groups.

    What I am also seeing however is that pregnant women are really worried about what is going to happen when they give birth, and that the support is needed more than ever.

    As a doula I am used to support people with a mix of face to face and remotely via email, texts, whatsApp and phone calls. I have even supported people through several births over the phone.

    What I can tell you is this: whilst some things cannot be done remotely (such as massage), and face to face support offers something unique, many aspect of support can be provided remotely (for example, I am able to teach techniques to help turn a breech baby or carry a baby in a sling, online), , remote support is still extremely helpful.

    At a time of uncertainly, when things are changing daily, having someone who understands and knows the system, can find information for you, and simply be a listening ear and help you navigate your worries and concerns is invaluable.

    So if you are pregnant or a new mother right, and you are worried or scared, please consider hiring someone who can support you through it.

    Here is a list of people and organisations that can offer remote support:

    One advantage is that you are no longer constrained by distance, so you can lookup antenatal and postnatal classes nationally and pick the ones that suit you best.

    Here is a list of organisations you can get support from:

    Find a doula at Doula UK, the non profit associations for doulas in the UK. Having a doula will help you navigate your birth and postnatal options whilst things change in the maternity services right now, and also guarantee that you have someone to talk to when you need to. I have blogged several times about what doulas do, both to support birth and the postnatal period, feel free to scroll through my previous blog posts to read these.

    Independent midwives

    Antenatal and postnatal education

    Babywearing support:

    Pregnancy/postnatal exercise classes

    Mental health

    Free meditations/relaxation tracks/relaxation techniques

    Mental health professionas/organisations

    • Zoë Tolman  counsellor & psychotherapist specialising in perinatal mental health.
    • Alex Kremer fertility support, birth trauma, hypnobirthing and parenting support.
    • Traumatic birth recovery : practitioners trained in a fast birth trauma release technique called the Rewind technique
    • Make birth better: A collective of parents and professionals working together to end suffering from birth trauma.
    • Mind is a mental health charity, they have a section on postnatal depression
    • Mia Scotland is a perinatal psychologist
    • Saveria EFT birth trauma and birth anxiety sessions
    • Spiritual Health Programme (free)
    • Jo Rogers doula and spiritual companion
    • The Pandas foundation for perinatal mental health
    • SHaRON is a peer support based ehealth system, available via a mobile phone app and associated website.

    Breastfeeding support organisations

    So you see there are a lot of options available, from one to one to group classes, to charities. Do give a try to at least some of the free resources, you might be surprised by how helpful you find them!

  • The incredible things doulas do to support their clients

    The incredible things doulas do to support their clients

    A criticism that is commonly heard in the doula world is that doulas are expensive.

    In the UK, healthcare is free at the point of contact. This can lead some people to believe that they shouldn’t pay for services when it comes to supporting people around anything linked to health and well-being.

    Last week, I was saddened to hear that a friend who runs a pregnancy and new mothers centre, complete with free drop-in groups for new mums, was questioned not too kindly by medical professionals who accused her of preying on vulnerable women. They said that support should be free.

    This is a commonly held view sadly. I gave a talk about doulas to a group of student midwifes, and this was brought up too.

    I agree that, in an ideal world, support should be available for free to all that need it. But, interestingly, people who mention this seem to be unable to realise that they, themselves, aren’t working for free, and that the NHS isn’t free, it is paid for by our taxes.

    I am yet to meet a doula who does this for the sole goal of making money. As I’ve written about before, when we break it down, most of us earn an hourly rate that is way below the minimum wage.

    Recently, I spoke to a doula who was waiting for a client to birth, way beyond her due date, and was facing the quandary of cancelling important plans, because she wants to be available for her client’s birth. This reminded me that, through the years, I’ve heard incredible stories about the lengths doulas go through, not just to be available to their clients for a whole month or more, being available at the drop of a hat, juggling incredibly complex childcare arrangements etc.  The things that doulas do in the background, rearranging really important personal stuff, unbeknown to their clients, so that they can be available for the birth, are usually only known to those who belong in the doula world.

    I want to clarify that I am not sharing these stories to make clients feel guilty or that we resent the commitments.

    Being a doula is a calling, and whilst we find this job demanding at times, it’s worth it otherwise we wouldn’t keep doing it!

    Doulas tend to keep these stories secrets in order to avoid burdening their clients, hence they don’t usually get shared from outside the doula community.

    I hope that these stories will help demonstrate the incredible level of dedication that doulas show for their clients.

    A couple of my own stories that stick out include attending a 4 day long birth. My husband’s birthday was in the middle of these 4 days, so not only I wasn’t there but he was alone with the kids for that time.

    Another time, my family and I were all packed and ready to go away for the week end. My husband is from Hong Kong and this was Chinese new year and we were due to visit his family. This is like missing Christmas. I had a client expecting twins, someone who I had already supported through the birth of her first child. She was 32 weeks pregnant. As I was walking over to our neighbours to let them know we were going to go away, the phone rang, and my client told me that they were taking her to theatre, right now! I walked back inside my house, my husband saw my face and asked me what had happened. I told him, and he said to just go to be with her and that we could go join his family the next day. I made it to my client with 10 min to spare prior to her transfer to theatre. When I returned a few hours later, overcome with gratitude, I asked my husband why he’d agreed to change our plans, he said “I could see how torn you were”.

    My client wrote me this testimonial:

    My twins were born 8 weeks early so had to go straight to NICU. I wanted my partner to go with them as I didn’t want them to be alone and also to make sure our wishes for them where kept. I also didn’t want to be left alone in the theatre so asked for my doula to be around in when my partner left. This really helped me to stay calm as I knew my babies had dad with them and I also had someone to support me as it can be very lonely even in a theatre full of doctors and nurses. Having someone to talk to and hold my hand stopped me panicking. It also meant that when I was taken to recovery I wasn’t by myself. It was very hard being wheeled past other mothers with their babies, I don’t think I would of have coped if I didn’t have my doula with me. She also helped me hand express my colostrum into syringes. Just having someone with my while my partner was with the babies was amazing, she kept me calm just by being by my side and holding my hand.”

    Here is a collection of stories from doulas about the amazing things they’ve have done and sacrificed in order to be there for their clients :

    I shadow doulaed for a client, I finished 9hrs in my day job, picked my girls up from childcare and got home for 1730, got the call my client was in labour at 2000 so raced over to her, stayed all night until 0530 the next morning, popped home to take the girls to childcare and then back to another 9hr shift at my day job! I worked out I went without sleep for 40hrs! But I love what I do. It is annoying when people say I charge too much but when you workout out how long you’re on call for, the extra childcare, travelling and everything else I come out the other side with very little. Working in the birthing world is definitely a ‘labour’ of love! Rachael Ruddock

    I’ve worked 3 days straight with one hours sleep. I finally got home at midnight on Christmas Eve. I then had to wrap all the gifts for my 5 and 3 year old. I also missed all the festivities leading up to Christmas including the show we had tickets for. I do still love my job. Melanie Butcher

    I had to sleep in the car off a lay-by on the A1 once at 4am as I wasn’t safe to drive, I have to travel long distances as I’m rural. I keep a blanket and pillow in the car. I have slept in hospital car parks too in the middle of the night, so safety an issue. I’ve had to leave cinema showings with my kids, give up work commitments, like cancelling clinic and moving classes. Sophie Fletcher

    I’ve missed Christmas Day with my kids to be with a solo mama in labour, went early so she wasn’t alone – the kids still bring it up. Beccy Hands

    I’ve stayed awake for 70h. Hayet Hb

    I have missed my daughters 16th birthday party, my brother in laws 30th party and my uncle’s funeral. My auntie and cousins couldn’t understand how I could miss a funeral but this client had many baby loss experiences and I would rather sacrifice the funeral and have my family upset with me than let down a woman giving birth. Supporting Birth and the beginning of a family is more important to me than almost anything! Beverley Hinton

    I’ve missed invitations to weddings, christenings and birthday parties. I’ve said no to informal gatherings to see friends or have dinner with grandparents. I’ve missed education sessions for the kids. I’ve skipped dental appointments, hospital appointments and other personal appointments. I have stayed awake for over 60 hours. I have dumped the kids and ran on many occasion to disappear, sometimes for a day, sometimes for several. I have not eaten or drank water for long periods. I’ve not seen my own family who are in hospital. I’ve taken 3 days to recover from a long birth. Nikki Mather

    I have been on call over Christmas and my sons birthday. This shows my commitment and the willingness to miss these special events to support another family. Bev Samways

    I’ve just had my first birth and missed 2 hospital appointments, my baby’s 2nd birthday party, hairdressers, I did nothing on my 40th birthday just in case I was called. My mother in law changed her holiday so that she could be on call for my childcare. I’m also a pregnancy yoga teacher and had to cancel 2 classes to be with my clients, losing money for both.  I didn’t go to a college friends reunion. Kirstie Broughton

    When I go on call my life dynamics completely change. As I have small children I have to allocate time to drop them off safely to someone before I can head-out. So I go no further the 30min out of my house range. Have all bags packed and prepared. Miss play dates, days out, constantly being alert and it can be exhausting waiting for that call. When I’m there I’m 100% in and the outside world doesn’t exist. I’m as involved as the couple need me to be. I have massaged a woman once for 6 hours because she wanted me to and there wasn’t a partner to take over. I missed my in laws 60th wedding anniversary, turned down invitations. Doulas sacrifice a lot on day to day basis but it’s so worth it seeing that mother being supported and getting the best start on her long journey through motherhood. Eva Kralova

    I once had my husband pick me and my friend up from the airport after a weekend away and drive me ( in the opposite direction) straight to the hospital so that I could meet my client who had gone there in labour. My friend had to just roll with it. My husband and children hadn’t seen me for 3 nights and we had no plan for how I’d get home after. But right then she needed me and I went. It’s what we do. Amber Strong

    For two of my son’s birthdays I wasn’t there to wake up with him- because i was with clients at their babies birthday. Bitter sweet. The first time my son was young, I was a single mum and the babysitter was there. He was very upset. I got home after 48hrs and drove him to go bowling with a couple of friends. Trying to keep the wheels on. 2nd time he was older and very gracious- when speaking to me on the phone he said “It’s ok mum – I can wait for my presents until you get home – it’s important you stay with your lady until her baby comes. Gosh I blubbed.  Katie Olliffe

    I’ve missed Christmas Day, my middle son’s birthday morning, my partner’s birthday. I go home early from rare nights out, my social life has suffered. I seldom drink. My family have left on a holiday without me & I followed them the next day. My kids complain about my job & say it’s the ‘worst job in the world’. I tell them the opposite is true! Roma Hearsey

    I just made it to my best friend and my cousin’s weddings – leaving the birth the morning of my best friend’s. I have been absent for entire weekends and was called to a birth on Christmas morning – and missed my kids opening their presents. Over January I attended 4 births despite going through one of the most stressful periods of my life (divorce). One of these births was 5 days long. It’s hard to explain the impact this work can have on a person’s life. Laura Scarlett

    It also affects my husband’s work – he also works from home but in an employed capacity and occasionally needs to travel around the country – when I’m on call – he has to not travel. Melanie English

    I rushed across the country on New Year eve to get a super fast birth of the first baby in the county. Our job is multidimensional and money exchange really represent partial contribution towards its value. In the old days the village would support the wise women who helped at birth through barter of services and goods and we are just monetising the same principle. Vera Dubrovina

    I’ve missed birthdays, anniversaries, parties. The one time I DID set a boundary around a planned event, having missed so much throughout one year- I wasn’t there for my clients birth. A back up was- but it felt really hard for me- difficult feelings I had to unpack. Tortie Rye

    I missed my daughter’s prom to rush to a client after our birth contract had finished to support with a serious health issue. Caroline Zwierzchowska-Dod

    I went directly from an early pregnancy scan where I was told my baby had died and took a cab directly to my labouring client to attend her birth. Lauren Mishcon

    I did a birth on my birthday once 20 hours, wet through from supporting the mama in a tiny en suite on the DU. She wasn’t even my client – I was a backup doula! Jo Rogers

    I missed my daughter’s birthday one year and another year was so tired after being awake for 38 hours I picked her up from school and fell asleep before she had finished opening her presents. Missed first three days of my summer holiday when my client went pass 43 weeks . Aimee Sri Laxmi Hamblyn

    These are all true stories. I hope this helps give a measure of how passionate we are about supporting our clients.

  • Nurturing postpartum recipes-Chicken and red date soup

    Nurturing postpartum recipes-Chicken and red date soup

    Yesterday I cooked and delivered a traditional Chinese postpartum dish called chicken and red date soup to a new mother.

    It is a tradition I started a few years ago when I supported my first Chinese client as a birth doula. She found me by asking if there was a Chinese doula in the local community, because she wanted to follow the traditional Chinese postpartum tradition, known as “doing the month”.

    There was no Chinese doula in Cambridge, but someone told her there was a doula who was married to a Chinese and she found me.

    My Chinese husband proved unknowledgeable when it came to the dishes in question, so, in my usual birth and postpartum geek fashion, I set out to read as much as I could on the topic, and taught myself to cook a whole new bunch of traditional Chinese recipes (much to my husband’s delight).

    The first time I made the soup, my husband tasted it, looked delighted, and declared that it was “proper soup”. Then my client told me that it tasted just like what her grandma used to make. This felt like the ultimate compliment.

    I have been making that soup for some years now. I’ve made it for several new mums, who have all loved it. I’ve made it for friends post surgery as well as it’s very good for recovery and healing.

    As I made it again yesterday, I thought it would be nice to share, so others can benefit too. I also experimented for the first time making it in my instant pot (an electric pressure cooker), because it normally takes a couple of hours to make and I was pressed for time. I’m pleased to report the instant pot version tastes just as nice, so I’ll be sharing how I made that too.

    It’s made from very simple ingredients, yet it tastes delicious, and feels cleansing too.

    It has 6 ingredients: Chicken, onion, carrots, ginger, red dates (also known as jujubes-you can find these online or in Asian supermarkets), and goji berries.

    In my usual fashion, I also set out to find some science behind the ingredients, especially the red dates and goji berries. My research left me somewhat disappointed because I’ve found lots of references to traditional Chinese medicine, and also some published research showing what nutrients are available in them, but nothing bridging the gap, i.e. explaining how those nutrients affect hormones and blood flow and healing.

    The Chinese medicine states that red dates are known to increase Qi (life energy), and help nourish  the blood and bring relaxation. Another important aspect of the Chinese postpartum (which I have found to be a worldwide practise), is to keep the new mother warm, and the ginger, red dates and goji berries do just that, as they are considered to be warming to the body. The traditional Chinese postpartum guidelines stress the importance of avoiding cold (literally, no cold drinks), as well as foods considered “cold” after birth.

    Here is an article explaining their health benefits from the Chinese medicine perspective

    I’ve also found some published research that red dates are sedative, anti-oxidant, and anti-inflammatory

    How to make the soup

    I use a modified version of the recipe from the book “The first 40 days” by Heng Ou.  You can also find it in my book Why Postnatal Recovery Matters

    Ingredients

    • 2 pounds whole chicken or chicken parts (I like to use thighs as they are easier to shred than drumsticks, it’s best if they have bones)
    • 1 onion, peeled
    • 2 inches fresh ginger, peeled and halved
    • 3 medium carrots, peeled and thinly sliced
    • 5 Chinese red dates (you can find these online or in Asian supermarkets, you need these to get the benefits as normal dates do not have the same medicinal properties)
    • 3 tablespoons dried goji berries
    • salt to taste

    Preparation (the slow, stovetop way)

    1. Place the chicken in a medium pot, and add enough cold water to cover the meat. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, uncovered.
    2. Once boiling, add the onion and ginger. Season to taste. Reduce the heat to medium, cover, and cook for 40 minutes. Remove the lid occasionally to skim any foam off the top and discard.
    3. Remove from the heat. Move the chicken to a plate to cool. Shred the chicken meat with 2 forks. Place 1-2 cups of the shredded chicken back in the pot.
    4. Add the carrots and dates to the pot, and simmer over low heat, uncovered, for 45 minutes. Add the goji berries and cook an additional 15 minutes. Season with salt to taste.
    5. To serve, remove the chicken, shred the meat, discard the bones and return the shredded meat to the pan. Serve in bowls

    Preparation (the fast, instant pot, or pressure cooker way)

    1. Put all the ingredients in the pot, cover with water
    2. Cook (using soup mode on your instant pot) for 35 min
    3. Do a quick steam release.
    4. Shred the chicken meat, and place back into the soup.
    5. Taste for seasoning as add salt as needed
    6. Serve in bowls, making sure each bowl has a red date in it

    I had a go at making a veggie version too :

    Whilst you cannot quite replace chicken in terms of taste, I experimented with adding several ingredients I knew would add umami flavours so the soup, so it still tasted nourishing and delicious:

    Ingredients (feel free to use diffferent vegs):

    • one leek
    • 3 medium sized carrots
    • 2 onions (1 red, 1 yellow)
    • a few cabbage leaves
    • a tablespoon of miso paste
    • a tablespoon of dark soy sauce
    • a tablespoon of marmite
    • a dash of Worcestershire sauce
    • 5 Chinese red dates
    • 3 tablespoons dried goji berries
    • salt to taste

    Preparation

    1. Peel, prep and chop veggies
    2. Add all ingredients together to a saucepan
    3. Cover with water
    4. Heat up until boiling then cook covered on low for 40 min
    5. You can either serve as is, or you could strain and just serve the broth (in this case put one of the red dates in each bowl)

    If you are a new mum, and you’d like the benefits of the red dates without the time prep of the soup, you can also make red date tea, by placing 2 or 3 red dates (you can add goji berries and ginger too) in a cup of boiling water, and steeping for a few minutes. You can eat them afterwards too.

    It is also supposed to be a good support to menstruation.

    If you are vegetarian or vegan and fancy trying this soup, you could replace the chicken by some tofu or vegetables of your choice.

    I have found that traditional postpartum practises the world over include rest, support, good nutrition and postpartum specific bodywork. One of my goals is to try and find out what traditional English and French dishes would have been served to new mothers, so please comment if you know, and I’d love to hear about any traditional dishes from around the world too.

    If you would like to learn more about preparing for the postpartum, as well as my book, Why postnatal recovery matters, I have created an online course called How to prepare for a nurturing postpartum.

    Here’s what’s included in How to Prepare for a Nurturing Postpartum:

    • Understanding the postpartum period – Why this time is crucial for long-term well-being.
    • Essential postpartum needs – Learn the key elements that support deep recovery.
    • Practical planning – How to create a postpartum plan that truly nurtures.
    • Food & nourishment – Discover the best foods and drinks for healing and energy.
    • Physical recovery & rest – Tips for supporting the body’s healing journey.
    • Emotional well-being – Strategies to navigate the emotions of new motherhood.
    • Support network – How to ask for and receive help with confidence.
    • Honouring cultural traditions – Insights into postpartum care from around the world.

    This course gives you everything you need to feel held, nourished, and prepared for a truly restorative postpartum.

  • Why I want to change the nature of postnatal support

    Why I want to change the nature of postnatal support

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    Earlier this week I wrote a blog that’s been playing on my mind for many years. It’s called “why I wish I had hired a postnatal doula“

    In this blog I explain how challenging I found new motherhood, how lonely and upset I felt through those early weeks and how I longed for some support but failed to reach out because of a mix of shame for not loving every minute of being a mother, and feeling like I couldn’t justify the expense.

    As a doula, I witness the same challenge in new mothers. Sometimes I do not even know they are struggling until weeks later, because, whilst they sit in the same pit of discomfort and shame as I did, thinking they are the only one that struggle, they don’t usually reach out for help do they?

    I have written before about the topic of making a postnatal recovery plan, and about what new mothers really need, and you’re not meant to be doing this on your own (hint: it’s not flowers or stuffed bears).

    The wisdom in traditional postpartum practises around the world is very simple really, it boils down to 4 main elements of support for the mother:

    • Rest (someone takes care of the chores)
    • Food ( someone takes care of cooking good, nutritious meals)
    • Social support (the new mother is never alone at home with a baby)
    • Bodywork (someone massages the new mother, along with wrapping her hips/abdomen)

    I have a strong urge to write more about this, to spread the word further, I have a list of blogs as long as my arm about this topic, and in fact I now am thinking I need to write a book, or possibly more than one book, about this topic. Something easy to share, I might start with an ebook, like the one I have already written about rebozo techniques.

    I’m a knowledge junkie, so since I started learning about some postpartum practises, I’ve asked everybody I’ve met about the traditional practices from their country, and you know what, every continent in the world has some form of specific nurturing, specific foods, and bodywork and wrapping.

    After all, you’ve not only grown and birthed a whole new human, your body has accommodated this through tremendous changes.

    During pregnancy, the uterus grows from the size of a pear to the size of a watermelon (pushing abdominal organs out of the way, changing the shape of your muscles, ligaments and spine as it does so), then back again after birth.

    It seems crazy to me that nobody makes sure that all the organs, muscles, joints and ligaments have safely returned where they belong.

    I bake a groaning cake for all mothers I support, and sometimes make a traditional Chinese chicken soup too (my husband is from Hong Kong, and there is still a very strong postpartum nurturing culture there)

    Learning to massage and wrap new mothers had lead me onto a journey of discovery about postpartum practises, got me to work closely with an osteopath, create a new type of massage, and develop my skills in an apprenticeship manner. The two combined led me to develop a deep practical knowledge of what happens to women bodies after birth.

    This has fuelled a fire that makes me want to shout from the rooftops that what we get in the Western world just isn’t good enough, and want to work hard to change that.

    If this resonates with you, and you would like to learn some of these nurturing skills, I am running some Rebozo and Postnatal Recovery Massage courses in July-see https://sophiemessager.com/workshops-birth-professionals/

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  • Why I wish I had hired a postnatal doula

    Why I wish I had hired a postnatal doula

    When I was pregnant with my first child, I hired a birth doula.

    This was the best thing I have ever done and it has had positive effects beyond anything I could have expected, because it didn’t just impact how positive my pregnancy and birth were, it led to a complete transformation of who I was, both personally and professionally (read about that here  and here)

    But my biggest regret is that I didn’t hire my birth doula as a postnatal doula.

    Today, these feelings were re-triggered by reading this article called self care with a newborn.

    I wish, and I have wished so many times that I could go back to my newborn mother self and tell her to hire my doula for postnatal support.

    I cannot change that, but at least I can try and help other mothers understand why it’s so worth it.

    You see when my son was born, I struggled massively with the changes having a newborn baby brought to my life.

    I went from being an independent, successful, corporate woman, at the peak of my career in science, to being at home, alone, all day, with a helpless and very needy infant.

    And nothing had prepared me for how challenging this would be.

    My son was one of those “velcro babies”. He wouldn’t be put down without screaming for the first 3 months of his life. Today, I can see how this was helpful, as it was instrumental in my becoming a babywearing instructor, but at the time it was so fucking hard! Not only did he cry every time I tried to put him down, but I also needed to be moving constantly whilst he was in the sling, otherwise he still cried.

    It was exhausting. I couldn’t rest, I couldn’t sit down to eat, I couldn’t look after myself.

    Helping him sleep took hours, and I paced and paced whilst longing to sit down and rest.

    After my husband had gone back to work, I longed for another adult to just take the baby away so I could shower or sleep without worrying about the baby crying. Or simply have my arms baby free for an hour or two, or to have some adult company during the day.

    I felt utterly lonely, because my social circle was at work from 9 to 5, and whilst I did eventually re-create a new mummyhood social circle, this took months, during which I felt miserable, at home all day or walking by myself in parks, feeling pangs of envy when I saw other mums hanging out together.

    I also spent weeks struggling to make my son fit within the constraints of what I thought I “ought to do” (pushing him in a pram which he hated instead of the sling he loved, trying to make him sleep on his own in a moses basket for hours without success etc). This just resulted in a lot of tears and frustration.

    When I look back (hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn’t it?), especially through the lens of my 13 years as a mother, combined with my 8 years as a doula, it’s easy to see that most of the problem stemmed from my being a control freak, from desperately trying to live my life like I did before I had a baby, from a loss of identity, and from a inability to make sense of the whole experience.

    I had a really hard time adjusting to motherhood, and those feelings had nowhere to go, because I wasn’t even able to articulate them and understand what I was going through.

    I also felt somewhat guilty that I wasn’t enjoying being alone with my baby, and that I wasn’t feeling “fulfilled” by motherhood.

    I didn’t know at the time, but there was an element of shame there.

    Now I know how much hiring my birth doula for just a few hours of postnatal support would have made a world of difference.

    Sadly at the time I felt I could not justify the expense.

    It felt selfish, and unjustifiable, somehow, to spend money on myself, especially when I had a much reduced maternity pay salary.

    Yet I bought tons of crap I didn’t need for my baby. That I felt was OK to spend money on. When I look back, all I feel is sadness for my newborn mother self about it. I wish I could go back and tell her.

    Because, when I look back at the cost of raising a child, over the course of the last 13 years, I really wish I had been able to see that spending a bit of money towards a few hours’ worth of postnatal support would have been SO worth it.

    If I had hired my doula as a postnatal doula, she would listened to me deeply, she would have reassured me that it was NORMAL not to enjoy every minute of being a mother.

    By actively listening to me, and holding the space for my thoughts and feelings to come out, she have been able to reflect back them back to me, and help me identify them and untangle the complex and conflicting emotions I was feeling.

    She would have helped me understand the delicate process of transition I was undergoing, like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

    She would have empathised.

    She would have helped name and validate those emotions.

    She would have helped me understand why it was so hard, and helped me to not feel so guilty about it.

    She would have helped reframe those feelings of not being useful, of not having achieved anything with my day (and that I see so often in other mums).

    She would have encouraged me to rest more and not run around like a headless chicken trying to do all the chores I did before the baby was born.

    She would have explained the wisdom in postpartum rest traditions, and help me see how short changed we are with this in the Western world.

    She would have helped me see that things would get easier and not constantly stay in this unbearable intensity of early motherhood.

    She would have been someone I trusted to look after my baby whilst I slept, or had a much needed moment of me time.

    She would have prepared me something nice to eat, and held the baby whilst I ate it (whilst it was still hot).

    She would have sat down next to me during those endless feeds, and made me a drink and a snack and listened to me, making me feel like me and my feelings mattered.

    She would have helped reframe what normal newborn behaviour was, as opposed to the fear of “bad habits” our screwed up culture had instilled in me, and encouraged me to follow my instincts.

    She would have helped me find ways of managing my time and relax more.

    She would have signposted me to local mother groups, where I could have found other mums to hang out with a lot faster than it happened organically.

    She might even have given me a nurturing and much needed massage designed for new mums like closing the bones.

    In short, I know she would have helped transform my early postpartum weeks from a difficult and uncomfortable period of growth to one of understanding and acceptance.

    She would have helped the transition.

    I know it’s easy for me to say all this, because I’m a doula myself, and often I shy away from telling this to new mums, because I don’t want them to think I’m just doing it to tout my business.

    I just want you to have a better experience than I did.

    I want you to put your needs first, because you matter.

    Because trust me, I know what a difference it would have made.

  • How a doula can support you if you are having a planned cesarean birth

    How a doula can support you if you are having a planned cesarean birth

    It’s a commonly held belief that there is no point having a doula if you are having a planned cesarean, and I want to debunk this myth.

    I too, once believed that I couldn’t justify charging to support a woman who was having a planned caesarean.

    There would be no on call period, no phone call in the middle of the night, no unpredictable length of birth care.

    Or would there?

    Last year I got called unexpectedly (as I was busy packing the car for a week end away) by a client, pregnant with twins, who was only in the 32nd week of her pregnancy. She said “they are taking them out now”. I abandoned my week end plans and made it to the hospital with 15 min to spare.

    I was also called by a woman who unexpectedly found that they were moving her cesarean a week earlier. She asked if I could come to the hospital immediately.

    I have also been hired just to cover the on call period for a mother planning a cesarean, just in case she would go into labour before the scheduled date.

    I have worked as a doula for 7 years, and having supported several planned cesareans births, I’ve learnt that there isn’t such a thing as predictability, and also that doula support can be just as needed, just as useful as it is for a planned vaginal birth.

    I’ve learnt that, as every woman who births vaginally has her own set of individual needs, so do women who are having a planned cesarean birth.

    So, if you are having a planned cesarean birth, you can benefit from the exact same support you get from your doula as you would if you were hiring her for a planned vaginal birth.

    Doula support is a three legged stool of support, emotional, practical and informational support.

    This support applies regardless of the way your baby is born.

    So what can a doula do to help you before, during and after a planned cesarean?

    Pregnancy-the preparation

    When you are having a planned cesarean ,there are still many aspects of what will happen before, during and after the birth to think about.

    Having someone at your side who knows the hospital system in and out and how to navigate it, and help you push for what’s important for you, is very valuable.

    It is very much like going to a restaurant : you need know everything that’s on the menu to make your choice. If you’re a vegetarian and I only offer you meat stew this isn’t a great option for you isn’t it?

    I once supported a friend who was very keen on having what is known as a gentle cesarean. Her local hospital completely refused to support her choices, so I suggested she might want to try another more supportive hospital. I pointed out that, as she was having a planned cesarean birth, she could go where she wanted. She ended up finding the perfect hospital and obstetrician and having a beautiful and empowering birth.

    Sometimes, women who prefer to have a planned cesarean for all sorts of very valid reasons, can find themselves having a battle on their hands to get this choice respected. Having a doula on your side to help you navigate your rights can be invaluable in this situation too.

    So knowing all the options and having help navigating them and knowing how to get what you want is what having a doula is all about.

    A doula can also help prepare you emotionally for what is going to happen which can help you feel more in control.

    She can help you plan for your recovery after the surgery and how best to manage life with a new baby post cesarean.

    She can help you access a whole network of medical and complementary practitioners too.

    Alex Heath, doula

    “Doulas definitely help clients to negotiate an elective cesarean in the first place. Using knowledge of hospital pathways, language and mindset to support them in asking for an elective cesarean if that’s what they want…”

    Pippa Moss, doula

    “Helping with any preferences/alternative birth plan. Letting their clients know there are “gentle” cesarean options they may not know about, optimal cord clamping, gown on back to front to facilitate skin to skin etc. Calming nerves before surgery”

    Kristina McKeown, doula

    “Being aware that as a doula you may be one of few people fully supporting them in their choice. There still a lot of judgement in choosing a cesarean birth and just having someone to talk that through can be really helpful.”

    Ceci Goldaracena, doula

    “My client was booked for a elective cesarean. “Past Due date” and with a preview cesarean. She could not have an induction. We worked a lot in the birth plan for a gentle cesarean. Went together to hospital that morning and started to work in keeping oxytocin and happiness in high levels. Turns out that after a couple of hours when the medical team was ready they did a last monitor and she was having labour contractions. We asked to stop the A plan. Lots of walks , stairs,dancing and laugh…baby was born that night naturally.”

    On the day-waiting for the cesarean

    When you get scheduled for a cesarean birth, you get told to come to the hospital at a certain time, without having eaten any food. It is not uncommon for the wait to be longer than expected-because emergency cesareans can take priority, so having a doula at your side whilst you wait can help you stay as calm and relaxed as possible whilst you wait.

    Sarah Budden, doula

    “My role was all about the before. I spent 5 hours pre surgery distracting – playing cards, talking about Homes under the hammer, looking at pictures of their first born, getting dad involved in some foot massaging. She was scared. I was there to make the wait less intense, to stop her legs from shaking and discharge some adrenalin.”

    During the cesarean

    Having a doula there means that there is a familiar, friendly face to keep you calm in theatre. Your doula can hold you whilst they place the spinal anesthesia. She can hold your hand during the surgery. The birth itself is usually quite quick, but the longest part is the stitching afterwards. Is you are having your baby skin to skin in theatre she can help facilitate this too, and even help you to feed your baby then if you wish to do so.

    Most hospitals have a one partner policy only, however hospital policies are only guidelines and should be adapted to the need of the birthing family.

    I have been present in theatre with a couple.

    I have also been present with the mother when there was no partner, and I have been present with the mother when it felt like the right choice for a couple (for example when the father felt uncomfortable being in theatre, or when the father needed to stay at home to look after other children).

    Nicola Collins, doula

    “I supported an elective as one of my first births and it was so calm and beautiful. I helped with putting birth preferences together and going to appointments. Worked through any worries and concerns she had before the birth. On the day she was fourth down and we just chatted and laughed and I reassured her and reminded her of the golden thread breath when she was a little anxious. She had a bit of a tricky start as couldn’t get the spinal working properly for 40mins and all I could be was a voice of reassurance and give her my support. Finally got going and section went great and I just kept talking to her and keeping her informed about what was happening. Then I got to take photos of the baby being lifted out which was amazing and then mama got skin to skin straight away and even baby had latched on just before we left theatre. Back in ward, I helped with anything that mum needed. Breastfeeding support, got her food and drink. Called her parents and kept them updated. Let her have a little rest and just sat with her while she slept”

    Claire Walker, mother

    “When I got pregnant with my twins I knew I would have a planned c-section due to an emergency c-section with my first daughter. I had no hesitation in hiring a doula as the emotional support on the day was what kept me calm and relaxed as I could be. Having someone that is just there to support you before and after who will listen and comfort you is priceless.

    My twins were born 8 weeks early so had to go straight to NICU. I wanted my partner to go with them as I didn’t want them to be alone and also to make sure our wishes for them where kept. I also didn’t want to be left alone in the theatre so asked for my doula to be around in when my partner left. This really helped me to stay calm as I knew my babies had dad with them and I also had someone to support me as it can be very lonely even in a theatre full of doctors and nurses. Having someone to talk to and hold my hand stopped me panicking. It also meant that when I was taken to recovery I wasn’t by myself. It was very hard being wheeled past other mothers with their babies, I don’t think I would of have coped if I didn’t have my doula with me. She also helped me hand express my colostrum into syringes. Just having someone with my while my partner was with the babies was amazing, she kept me calm just by being by my side and holding my hand.”

    Nuria Pozas, doula, from her client

    “Nuria who accompanied me was very helpful, caring and professional. Even though I had a cesarean she helped me all the way through specially with my fear and later on with my emotion. She was also a great support after the birth and gave me useful advice regarding to breastfeeding and newborn baby.”

    Beau, mother

    “I had planned a home birth but knew if my labour was anything less than ‘perfect’, I would need another c-section, so the presence of a doula was necessary (no other support was possible as both our families are far away). There was meconium in my trickling waters so I was sent to the hospital. There was no question about it – my doula, who had been with me since 2h after labour started, came with me (my husband stayed at home to be with our first daughter) and it was the most amazing experience because, unlike my husband, my doula wasn’t squeamish (obviously!) so I asked for the drape to be lowered and saw my baby come out. I didn’t have to keep chatting to my doula to prevent her from fainting, as I had done with my husband with our first daughter. She took pictures and films. Having a doula was a no-brainer in pregnancy, and it was the best decision ever considering how my birth panned out 🙂

    Emilia, mother

    “My decision to seek the support of a doula was driven by the fact that I wanted a vbac in the face of a number of “risk factors” and to help me navigate and to support me through a medically complex pregnancy. The anomaly scan revealed that my son would be born with a complex health condition. After the diagnosis, my pregnancy became enormously stressful, requiring regular monitoring and checks, and involving the healthcare professionals who would be involved in my son’s postnatal care strongly advocating a range of birth interventions that I had always intended to avoid. In the final month leading up to the birth, we came across more complications, which led to me reluctantly deciding that an elective cesarean birth was the safest mode of arrival for both me and my baby. My birth doula was incredible. She helped me research my “risk factors” and the options open to me, knowing how important to me it was that my birth choices were well informed. I felt empowered and heard out, and although I was sad to abandon my vbac plans, with her help I felt at peace with my decision.”

    Immediately after the cesarean

    In the recovery room, your doula can help support you to to feel comfortable, look after you and help you to feed your baby. You will be having cannula in your hand still, and be hooked to equipment like fluid delivery, blood pressure monitors etc which can make handling a newborn a little trickier.

    If your baby has to go to the NICU (which can be more common with elective cesareans as they often occur earlier in pregnancy), then your partner can go with the baby, and this means that you aren’t alone in recovery. In this situation, your doula can also help support you to express colostrum to feed your baby.

    Recovery nurses will look after your vitals etc, but they won’t stay with you every minute of the few hours post surgery, and they won’t be a familiar face, someone you know and feel safe with. Your doula’s presence can help you feel more comfortable and safer. I have had women hiring me for this reason alone.

    Bryony Vickers, doula

    “Calming nerves after surgery. Having someone to sit with you in a dedicated way after you have had surgery is invaluable. I think women forget that they can feel not great after surgery. We can help to hold the baby, get skin to skin, help other parent with learning baby care – dressing, nappies, holding etc. Helping with getting food, drinks, with knowing what is normal, what will happen next.”

    Jo McCracken, doula

    “I was touched once when a client of mine had to have a section and, once she was in recovery, she did nothing but moan for me to be there. Finally a midwife came to get me and said, ‘We need you in recovery. She won’t listen to any of us’. When I arrived, she burst into tears and said, ‘thank goodness you are here now’. So, maybe, calming nerves after surgery too.”

    Emilia, mother

    On the day, we knew that only one birth partner would be able to accompany me into the theatre. Nonetheless, my doula was waiting for us in the lobby at the crack of dawn. Her presence helped to diffuse and lighten the atmosphere. I was nervously anticipating and looking forward to the birth rather than dreading it. Knowing what was really important to me, she was able to prompt discussions on the day. It had previously been agreed that my newborn would be taken away to nicu. We agreed that my partner would accompany him. The team agreed that my doula could enter once my partner left to take his place and to keep me company. She remained with me in recovery when I otherwise would have been left alone. She maintained contact with my partner and gave me regular updates on how my baby was getting on. She advocated for me with the midwives in recovery, passed me drink and food, talked to me, made me laugh. Having my birth doula made my pregnancy and my caesarean birth a very positive experience, despite it being complex, stressful, and not what I had wanted it to be, and I am completely convinced that it would not have been so positive if it wasn’t for her wonderful support and friendship.

    In the postnatal ward

    A few hours after the birth, once your vitals have stabilised, you will be transferred to the postnatal ward, where you will stay usually a minimum of 24h or so.

    Postnatal wards are often understaffed, especially at night, and it can feel very frustrating if your baby is crying and you can’t pick her up (you’re still immobile due to the spinal or epidural anaesthesia for a few hours), and if you ring the bell, it can take a while for someone to come.

    Having a doula supporting you there means that someone can help you with simple tasks like getting you a drink or a snack, passing your baby to you, changing your baby’s nappy, helping with feeding, and generally making sure you are comfortable.

    Sometimes the partner can do this, but sometimes the woman has no partner, or the partner may need a rest, or need to go home to look after other children etc, so having a doula there means that you won’t be alone whilst you cannot move whilst the spinal or epidural wears off. It also means that someone can be there to support you whilst you take your first wobbly steps or have your first shower.

    If you end up staying in the postnatal ward for a few days, then having a doula can also mean that someone can give your partner a much needed break, that your doula can hold your baby whilst you have a nap, or even bring you some much needed home cooked food.

    After the cesarean-at home

    When you get home, your doula can help you with settling in at home with your new baby (or babies!), helping you with feeding, with finding positions that feel comfortable to do so (feeding lying down can be a godsend for some post cesarean mums), and generally being a much needed extra pair of hands around the house,  so you can rest, get to know your baby, and recover from the surgery.

    I have supported many mothers post cesarean, both as a birth and as a postnatal doula. This has taught me that, similarly to a vaginal birth, everybody’s experience of recovery is very widely varied. I have seen mums bounce around 3 days for cesarean looking pink and healthy, and also at the other end of the spectrum, mums having issues with retained placentas and/or scar infections which meant that their recovery journey was long and protracted.

    Partners usually only get a couple of week’s parental leave, and post cesarean mums are more likely to need antibiotics and have a longer stay in the hospital. On many occasions I have seen mums stay in the hospital for 3 to 5 days, so by the time they got home their partner only had about a week’s leave left. It can feel very scary indeed to be alone at home with a new baby when you are not only recovering from surgery, learning to look after a new baby, but also are more limited in your ability to get around (I’ve seen mums who lived in a remote areas getting very lonely as they couldn’t drive their cars for several weeks).

    Ultimately no new mum should ever be alone coping by herself in the first few weeks post birth, she needs a  community around her to support her, and this is even more true for post cesarean mums.

    Kate wilson, mother

    Our doula, Candie, provided us with a huge amount of support both before and after the birth. She was with us in recovery and helped us to initiate breast feeding – which was so important after a traumatic experience with our first child. She then visited us at home and provided lots of support in helping us to adjust to life as a family of four. She supported me with breast feeding as Charlie had a tongue tie, she played with my older children and made sure I rested.”

    Georgia Wakins, doula

    “I supported a third time mum after a cesearean recently and there were lots of practical things I could help with for all three kids, but the most satisfying thing was the blissed out expression she had after I gave her a back and shoulder massage. The oxytocin and endorphins released with physical touch can be amazing for post-op discomfort, just like for labour.”

    If this resonates with you and you would like to work with me, head over here if you’re an expectant or new mum, or here if you are a birthworker

    Also feel free to signup to my mailing list to receive my newsletters by using the signup form at the bottom of this page

  • Taking the red pill: why I became a doula course leader

    The Developing Doulas course, and its founder, Maddie McMahon, have a special history for me.

    Back in 2005, when I was pregnant with my son, I hired Maddie as my doula.

    The experience was so incredibly empowering and life transforming that it started me on the path of a complete career conversion, and I went from being a scientist to becoming a doula and childbirth educator.

    Three years later, when Maddie ran the first ever Developing doulas course, she asked me to attend as a guinea pig.

    I absolutely loved the course, the course facilitators, and the amazing women I met.

    Fast forwards ten years and  I’ve been a doula for nearly 7 years, a doula mentor for 2 years, and it feels right and fitting that I should start to facilitate Developing doulas courses myself.

    I’ve felt for myself the power of being supported unconditionally through one’s pregnancy and birth choices and I feel it has the power to change the world we live in. So it feels right, and important, to help more women embark on their journey to become a doula.

    Whilst I went into doulaing to help make the world a better place and to serve parents (and to help families have the same positive, supported experience I had), I’ve personally benefited from becoming a doula in ways that I could never have envisaged. It has been such an amazing journey of self discovery, and has given me such joy, such personal growth, and such incredible self belief.

    As I’m reflecting on this journey, I’m finding it quite hard to pinpoint exactly what is it about becoming a doula that had such a positive effect on me.

    I’ve found that it’s a multilayered combination of several factors.

    Firstly, supporting women through birth and the postpartum is incredibly rewarding. I’ve joked several times that when I was a scientist, I had many exciting moments, but I never cried tears of joy like I have many times since becoming a doula. Also as a scientist, I hoped that my research may lead to advances in medical care someday. With doulaing, the positive effects one has on families is immediately visible. On more occasions than I can count, I’ve been sitting in my car after a birth or a postnatal support session, and I’ve burst into tears of joy and gratitude. I feel that I am incredibly lucky to be able to do such a fulfilling job.

    Second, becoming a doula has broadened my mind beyond belief. When I was a scientist, I hung out all day with other scientists. Yes they were all different people, but they all operated within a similar mindset. As a doula I’ve met the most incredibly range of people, doing jobs I didn’t even know existed. Supporting families through such a vulnerable time as pregnancy and birth, the relationship we develop with our clients over the course of several weeks or months means that we get to know people really well. And what has amazed me the most, is, the longer I do this job, the more people keep amazing me. We are all so different, with different life stories and different needs. You start to realise that nothing is black and white, and just many different shades of grey. and that what’s right for one isn’t for another. Nothing exposes you to breadth of this difference as supporting women through birth.

    I have likened becoming a doula to taking the ‘red pill’ (as in the Matrix movie). Once you start doing this job, it opens your eyes, your heart and your mind beyond what you thought possible, in a way that I find hard to articulate with words, especially to people who are outside the doula world. You cannot unsee what you’ve seen.

    Everything in your life starts to change too, because what you learn is so opening and so deep, you cannot stop it from percolating to the rest of your life.

    Take questioning everything. Something that we discuss in depth during the doula course. The world, especially the medical maternity care system, isn’t as evidence based as you believe. Once you start digging into the evidence for that, and you realise it’s all a house of cards, you start questioning other aspects of medical care, you start questioning parenting, you start questioning education, the list goes on and on.

    Take unconditional support. This is the cornerstone of doulaing. We’re here to work alongside women and support their choices, and help them discover what’s right for them. Often we might be the first person in their life do to this for them. Just listening with no agenda. There is incredible power in doing this. Once you start doing that for clients, it also becomes a part of who you are. You judge people less, you ask open questions instead of making statements, you stop projecting your own beliefs on other. Your close ones, your family and friends benefit immensely from this. I am proud to say that becoming a doula has made me a better mother, and that I am raising kids who will take no shit from the system.

    Take becoming self employed. I don’t know if this applies to any self employment because I haven’t tried anything but doulaing, but since becoming self employed nearly 7 years ago, I’ve realised that I was pigeon holed without knowing it, in my previous job. Within science, there was a common, quite judgemental, and narrow minded way of thinking and an unspoken rule that if you didn’t know everything, you were incompetent. I used to feel very vulnerable after giving a talk at a conference, in case I didn’t know the answer to all the questions. Becoming a doula taught me that you don’t need to have all the answers, and that it’s ok to say “I don’t know, but I’m going to try and find out”. It’s incredibly liberating, and has built my self confidence no end.

    Take entering the most amazing community of women I’ve ever encountered. The doula world is almost entirely composed of women who are passionate about supporting women, and each other. It kicks the patriarchy in the teeth. My local doula community is simply the most amazing, non competitive, non judgmental, supportive community of awesome, kick-ass women I have ever entered. We lift each other up. We laugh and we cry with each other. So not only did I gain a job I adore, but I have also gained a local and UK wide community of women I love and admire. And, after many years of buying into the patriarchal model of competition between women, I’ve discovered the joys of sisterhood.

    Take all the opportunities for learning new skills that comes with this job. Since entering the world of doulaing I have attended countless study days on topics I didn’t even know existed before. Many of these I have enjoyed so much that I’ve honed my skills, and ended up teaching others. For an eternal student and knowledge freak like me, it’s incredibly exciting.

    Take the self esteem boost. It’s so good for the soul to follow your calling and do a job that you love. Beyond that, not having to know everything also led me to start believing I was good enough, so the effects on my sense of self (along with the incredible rewards of this job) have been very far reaching indeed.

    Take breaking the mold and becoming truly myself. Doulaing has allowed me to explore what I love doing and learning beyond the confines of what’s considered “ok” by society. I’m a scientist AND an energy worker, and it’s completely ok! When you spend your days encouraging others to trust their instincts, it rubs off! So the biggest gain for me as a person has been able to grow into who I really am, and embracing my weird quirks and blend of science and woo unashamedly. I feel I’ve really grown into the person I am meant to be. I no longer fit into a nice neat box and I love it.

    As Brene Brown says

    ” Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

    Becoming a doula has been instrumental in my journey of self growth and self acceptance.

    These are all the reasons I’m grateful that I have become a doula. These are also the reasons I’ve become a doula course facilitator.

    I’m teaching my first course in North East London in May. Visit the Developing Doulas website to find out more.

    Would you like to join me in taking the red pill? What are you waiting for?

     

  • Confessions of a hippy scientist : 3 years on.

    Confessions of a hippy scientist : 3 years on.

    Three years ago today, I published a blog call “confessions of a hippy scientist“.

    In this blog, I came out as a science meets woo person, something I had shied away from for a couple of years.

    You see I’ve got a PhD in biology and spend 20 years working as a research scientist.

    When I left my scientific career to become a doula (back in 2012), being at births and feeling the incredible powerful energy in the room, combined with hanging out with a lot of spiritual birthworkers, led me to want to develop my energy healing abilities further.

    Back in 2003 I had undergone Reiki Level 1 training. In 2015 I took it to level 2 then master teacher level.

    After training and starting to offer healing to people on a regular basis, I agonised over showing this side of myself to the world.

    Doula clients told me they’d picked me because of my scientific background, which wasn’t surprising as Cambridge is full of medics and scientists. They felt reassured by it and I understood that.

    I worried a lot about putting people off if I chose to show my woo underbelly.

    I even went as far as considering a separate website for my Reiki work!

    Luckily someone challenged me to “come out”, and I wrote the blog I mention above.

    It felt very vulnerable to publish it, yet the post only got amazing responses, mostly from people who felt the same as me and thanked for it. It helped others on their way to embracing their full selves.

    Something magical happened in my work too, as I started getting clients who were more aligned with my true self.

    Because you see, when you show your true self, it puts some people off, but these aren’t the people you want to work with.

    Instead, you start attracting people who are much more aligned with who you are.

    For instance, a birth client who had told me she didn’t want any hippy stuff, asked for several Reiki treatments after birth. When I asked her what had made her change her mind, she said “before the birth I didn’t get it, but now I do”, which was a complete reflection of my own journey.

    So where am I now 3 years after this “coming out” blog?

    First of all, I have now embraced who I am so much that I cannot believe that I used to feel the need to hide this side of myself.

    I still work with a lot of scientists and medics (I’m still in Cambridge after all), but somehow my alternative side is never an issue.

    I’m getting a lot more woo clients too, which I love. This year I have finally ticked my bucket list wish of drumming during a birth, and I have also been hired specifically by someone who wants me to drum at their birth. It feels very good and exciting.

    I’m also being hired to organise mother blessings and group closing the bones ceremonies, as opposed to just doing them for friends.

    I’m still a scientist, and always will be be. I love nothing more than providing clients with evidence based links, especially when those help them make truly informed decisions about their care, and challenge population based hospital policies.

    Last year, I spent several months reviewing the research on the aging of the placenta and wrote this blog  mostly because I got fed up of seeing non scientific birthworkers friends being bamboozled by jargon, and to show that things aren’t quite a simple as the “experts” say.

    To write it I had to put my old scientist hat firmly back on and spend many hours reading the research. I realised I found doing this, that I found it tedious and dry. This is no longer who I am, and I’m really glad I’m not working in academia anymore. Today I’m able to unapologetically embrace who I am, and no longer feel that I need to know everything.

    As I write this, I realise that I already felt this way when I was a budding scientist, early during my PhD. I remember my supervisor implying that I had to know everything and that I was incompetent if I didn’t. What a load of tosh! Something in me already knew this wasn’t true. I also remember questioning the way scientific papers were written under the same rigid rules and not liking it. I found reading papers for the sake it really tedious even then. I guess I always was a bit of a maverick, and someone who questions everything.

    Between 2008 and 2012, as I trained for my diploma in antenatal education, I learnt about the way we learn, and it makes so much more sense to me. You simply cannot force knowledge into people, by pouring it into their heads.

    Interestingly, I feel that my scientific knowledge is now kept fresh and alive by the multitude of clients I supports and all their wide and varied needs. Because I love nothing more than finding scientific evidence for clients, I find myself reading avidly on their behalf, and the knowledge sticks because there is a positive and emotionally investment behind my looking for it.

    I’m still a hippy, in fact more than ever! I’ve carried on developing my more spiritual skills since I wrote the original blog. In 2017, made a shamanic drum at a very spiritual workshop, for the purpose of healing around pregnancy and birth. I then took a Reiki Drum training course shortly after that, and using my drum for healing and holding groups etc has become completely normal and natural to me. I’ve had two Reiki training upgrades. I have even stopped shying away from using my drum as standard in my closing the bones treatments (I used to give people the option to have it or not, now I just tell them it’s part of the treatment). Using Reiki treatment is part of my everyday life.

    What I’ve found has happened is my energy work offering, which started being a neat Reiki thing, has morphed into my own style of blended healing, which is completely intuitive, and doesn’t actually have a proper name or fit in a box, but it’s mine and I love it.

    Rather than offering energy work as a standalone I now weave it in and out of my birth and postnatal practise as and when feels appropriate.

    The call to embrace and develop my inner healer is extremely strong. It feels without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I’m headed.

    To make room for this I ended up dropping hats that no longer fitted me, that I felt I had outgrown. For instance I left my role as an NCT teacher.

    I’m also slowly letting go of my teaching of babywearing. I still love supporting parents using slings, but I dropped running a sling clinic and I’m also letting go to actively teaching babywearing peer supporter courses-because whilst I still enjoy it, it doesn’t fill my soul with joy the way facilitating more spiritual work like closing the bones does.

    The thing I love above all is blending my own cocktail of science and woo.

    I trained with Spinning babies since I wrote the blog, twice, and I use a combination of their techniques which I apply in a very scientific way, together with tuning in to what I feel and see happens energetically to the mother during labour. I have experienced true miracles in using this unusual mix.

    Perhaps the one thing that exemplifies this above all, is that I just finished developing an entirely new massage technique inspired by closing the bones, together with Teddy Brookes the osteopath. We called it the postnatal recovery massage. It combines massage, energy work and osteopathy. We teach it together, and the feedback we have received reflects exactly that. To quote Charlotte, a doula who attended our first training :

    ” Sophie and Teddy have taken all that is special about it and fused her energy-work approach with his osteopathic technique to create something extraordinary.”

    Openly embracing who I am with all my paradoxes and quirks has been the most liberating journey ever.

    I am a scientist but I am also an energy healer. I am proud of it. It’s what makes me unique.

    If being a doula has taught me one thing, it’s that we are ALL full of paradoxes and quirks and uniqueness.

    Nobody fits nicely into a neat little box.

    I want to support others in this journey of embracing themselves, and this is a massive reason being my recently becoming a doula course leader.

    When we celebrate rather than shame our uniqueness, this has tremendous power, both for ourselves and everybody around us.

  • The vision board, an alternative way to plan what you want

    The vision board, an alternative way to plan what you want

    Today I’ve spent the whole morning making a vision board for this year.

    It feels  that I’ve been procrastinating doing this for over 2 weeks now, and suddenly felt the urge this morning, which is the first full moon of the year, and a powerful one at that, a good time to set intentions.

    I’ve been doing this for 4 years now.

    I started doing this as an alternative, no actually, as a rebellion against the typical masculine-orientated process of making a list/bullet point/gannt charts and suchlike.

    Once upon a time I was a control freak scientist who adored excel and Gannt charts. I was extremely process driven, I never forgot a thing, and was irritated beyond belief by people who didn’t prepare and plan things in advance or forgot stuff.

    The birth of my first child rewired my brain, and led to my leaving my scientist career to become a doula. You can read about that here.

    My creativity went through the roof and my organisation skills kind of decreased at the same time. I’m am so much happier for it!

    The only problem was, I didn’t know how to organise things except in the way I had been taught.

    The first couple of years of my self employed life I rode on the wave of excitement and novelty, so things were effortless and easy.

    Then a couple of years later, I felt overworked and out of control.

    What I didn’t realise at the time, was that the process I was using was a male one, a linear one, and that it didn’t suit who I was anymore.

    So I started experimenting with more fluid, intuitive, creative, and feminine ways of working.

    Making a vision board was such a process.

    Here’s how I do it:

    I gather a bunch of old magazines (I need quite a lot so I accumulate them over the years, many being free magazines I grab in local cafes etc).

    I set my intention of what I want this vision board to be for (for me, it’s what I’d like more of in my life this year, but you could use it for something entirely different).

    It’s nice to meditate before you start, especially about how you’d like to feel, rather than setting targets for now.

    Then I sit at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee, and flick through the magazine and rip any page that has a picture that appeals to me. I am completely intuitive about this, I’m not analysing it.

    After I’ve got enough pictures, I then cut them nicely using a rotary trimmer and scissors. As I do this I discard some pictures already.

    I lay a large piece of flipchart paper on the table, then arrange all by themes. Some pictures don’t make the cut.

    I visualise what each picture means for me as I set them in place. It’s quite vague at this stage but it feels important to do that. It doesn’t have to be logical or fully fledged either, usually at this stage it’s just an idea.

    Finally I glue all the pictures in place, and set the finished vision board in a prominent place in my house.

    Over the last 3 years I’ve been doing this, as I look at the board from time to time, it’s fascinating to see how what I visualised has manifested itself, often in different ways to what I had imagined, but manifested itself nevertheless.

    I wrote this to encourage others to try it and I’d love to hear, or even better, see, what you come up with and what effects it has for you.

    Here’s what the one I made today looks like.