Author: Sophie Messager

As a parent supporter, why should YOU know about slings? I feel that this is an essential part of reclaiming ancient wisdom about gentle parenting-for both parents and baby. That wearing a baby in a sling not only allows the parent to meet the needs of their baby effortlessly whilst getting their hands back, but that it also helps parents to bond naturally with their babies, to get in tune with them, and in turn, to learn to trust into their instincts.

Have you heard many parents complain that they can’t put their baby down? That their baby is only happy in their arms, and that when they try and put them down, even when deeply asleep, they wake up and cry? Have you had parents desperately ask for a solution to this “problem”? Are you fed up of hearing so many desperate cries for help and you don’t know what to say?

There is a wonderful solution to empower new parents to feel both competent and confident, and it’s to use a sling (Please note, I use the word sling to describe any type of baby carrier (not just a soft fabric carrier).

As a doula I wouldn’t be without my sling! I find it invaluable to be able to help parents choose a carrier for their baby, to see the joy on their faces when their baby contentedly falls asleep in the sling and they can meet their baby’s needs effortlessly whilst still being able to look after themselves. Postnatally I am usually found giving a new mama her hands back by showing her how to safely tuck their newborn into a carrier. You’ll also find me with a sleeping baby tucked inside a stretchy wrap whilst mama is enjoying a nap or a long, uninterrupted bath. I can then get on with a bit of tidying up/folding some laundry etc, safe in the knowledge that mama and baby are both cared for and happy 🙂

I get it, believe me, my first child was a velcro baby-he point blank refused to be put down, and screamed blue murder if I as much as tried to lower him down into a bouncy chair or play mat).Today I am so glad he made me learn about slings, but it was bloody hard at the time! (mostly because I kept on trying to fight it instead of just doing what he needed)

Why is using a sling so important and helpful? The answer resides in our biology. We are primates. Where do you see primate babies? On their parents. That’s right. We aren’t caching or nesting mammals. We don’t put our young in nests or burrows. Yet our society seems to think that we are meant to do that (and this abnormal expectation creates a lot of unnecessary stress in new parents-but this is a topic for another blog post altogether!).

So what are the advantages for parents when they use a sling? You’ll be surprised to hear there is some actual science behind it. There is the obvious: it gives you your hands back! In our nuclear family culture, most partners return to work within 2 weeks of the birth, leaving the new mum alone at home with the new baby and no social circle. This is an absolutely essential survival kit. With a sling, new parents can get on with household tasks, make themselves a snack or a meal, play with older siblings, socialise, and generally get on with the things they want to do whilst caring for their baby at the same time. It is easier to get around in places like town centres and shops, or for a walk in the countryside. No need to lug around a heavy car seat, or battle getting a pushchair into your car, on rough terrain, in public transport or up stairs.

But the advantages do not stop there. Did you know in particular that carried babies cry 40% less? that being carried in a sling can help babies sleep for longer stretches at night? That carrying your baby stimulates milk production and so helps breastfeeding? That it helps to promote attachment with your baby and there is some science to prove that? And that it can also help parents with postnatal depression?

Using a sling is also great for baby's mental development. Close to his carer, baby's needs for physical contact are met effortlessly. Babies spend more time in a "quiet, alert state" when carried – the ideal state for learning. When carried, your baby sees the world from where you do, instead of the ceiling above his crib or people's knees from a stroller (there is a brilliant Norwegian video showing this at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zga_mW9vqnE)

Using a sling is great for baby's emotional development. Your heartbeat, breathing, voice and warmth are all familiar. Babies are quickly able to develop a sense of security and trust when they are carried.

Using a sling is great for baby's physical development. Contact with an adult helps newborns regulate their temperature, breathing, and heartbeat. Being carried also stimulates the baby’s balance and muscular strength and help his back and hips develop more harmoniously than when being left to lie flat. Being carried in a sling also counts as “tummy time” and can help avoid plagiocephaly (flat head syndrome).

So why do you need to learn about it? It's an ancient practise, it's easy, it is just using a piece of cloth to put your baby in, right? Wrong! In the UK today there are hundreds of different carriers available. The parents you support will turn to you for advice, and slings are a bit like jeans or shoes-one style doesn't not fit all, so you need to know your wraps from your meitais, and your ring slings from your soft structured carriers. You need to know how to use them comfortably and safely, and to ensure that you do not pass on your own biases about carriers to new parents-because what worked for you may not work for them. It is all about unconditional support
In my course you will learn how to use all kinds of slings available, and the theory behind using them (both anatomy and safety), as well as how to do it in a way that is gentle and supportive, and empowering to each parent. You will feel confident to tackle pretty much any situation new parents throw at you. That's priceless. If you want to find out more about my babywearing peer supporter courses, please go to https://sophiemessager.com/divi/peer-supporter-courses/

And for the science geeks like me-here are some references

Antunovic E. strollers, baby carriers and infant stress. 2010 [ONLINE] available from http://www.bobafamily.com/research/strollers-baby-carriers-and-infant-stress/ [accessed 3rd of February 2013]

Hunziker UA, Barr RG. Increased carrying reduces infant crying: a randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics 1986;77(5):641-8.

Taylor T. Slings and arrows. New Humanist 2010 [ONLINE] available from http://newhumanist.org.uk/2330/slings-arrows [accessed 3rd of February 2013]

Schön RA. Natural Parenting ― Back to Basics in Infant Care. Evolutionary Psychology 2007. 5(1): 102-183

Sears W. Benefits of babywearing. no date. [ONLINE] available from http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/baby-wearing/benefits-babywearing [accessed 3rd of February 2013]

Anisfeld E, Casper V, Nozyce M, et al. Does infant carrying promote attachment? An experimental study of the effects of increased physical contact on the development of attachment. Child Dev. 1990;61(5):1617-27.

This morning I was writing the teaching plan for my new rebozo workshop when I had an epiphany: all the work I do, whether it being rebozo, closing the bones or baby wearing (read about that in the next parts of this blog), involves using a piece of cloth to support women. Then it hit me: it isn’t just about supporting expectant, new and more experienced mothers : the piece of cloth, traditionally, would have been used from cradle to grave, to support women at times of transition in their lives.

Let me explain: in pretty much all cultures on the planet, some kind of cloth has been used to cradle and carry a baby. In some cultures it would have been used to rock and soothe the baby too. Rocking is such a primal rhythm we all experienced it in our mother’s womb, that we find it soothing all through our lives. Later, when the baby grew into a toddler, she would have used the cloth to dress up, pretend play, make a den etc.

As the child grew into a young woman she would use the cloth as a shawl to keep warm, as a clothing accessory, a blanket, to carry siblings ( in traditional cultures women learn baby care from a very young age due to living in extended family conditions), and to carry loads.

It wasn’t just in the South American, African or Asian continent that women used such a cloth, it was all around the planet. Even in Europe-there are pictures of women wearing their babies in Welsh shawls which date from the 1940s (See http://celticbabycarrying.blogspot.co.uk/). As the shawl came out of fashion and modern practises like using s pushchair became seen as more fashionable and desirable this skill was soon lost, and because like most traditional women-only practises, it was just passed on orally rather than written about, the knowledge was lost very quickly.

Later still when she became a woman, she might have been given a shawl as part of a menarche ceremony. She might have worn a special cloth on her wedding day.

When she became pregnant, she would have used the shawl to support her belly, and her midwives would have used it to alleviate the aches and pains of pregnancy, and maybe to help the baby move into the best position for birth.

During labour she would have used the shawl to hang from, to pull on, and her birth attendants would have used it to provide comfort measures, such as sifting, rocking, and shaking the apples.

After the birth she would have had a “baby moon” period. Again this is something pretty much universal in the world-women the world around have been alleviated from household tasks and cared for by family members for the first 30 to 40 days postpartum so they could recover and get to know their baby and learn to care for them. Her birth attendants and “godsibs”and the village wise women would have come to feed her nourishing food, and close her bones and help her body heal from the pregnancy and birth by using  a combination of their hands, massage techniques and using the cloth to help move and bind her hips, organs and bones back into place.

She then would have start to use the cloth to carry her baby and start the cycle all over again.

Later as she grew old, her family members would have used the cloth to rock and soothe aches and pain.

So you see, a traditional cloth, rebozo, shawl or cloth can be used to support a woman throughout her whole life. It is a universal phenomenon on our planet, something that we need to reclaim and teach all women, as it is part of the essence of women circles and supporting women through life transitions. This is why I am so passionate about passing this skills to both expectant and new mothers, and to anybody who works with expectant and new mothers. It is our birthright!

In my next posts, I will tell you more about the rebozo and how to use it specifically to support the expectant and labouring mother.

I wish I had known how much awe I would feel watching a woman birth her baby.

I wish I had known how much sacredness there is in birth-when the baby has just been born there is this incredible energy in the room-it is so palpable you can almost touch it.

I wish I had known how much my heart would expand and well up and how I would cry with joy and gratitude, on my way back home from a birth.

I wish I had known that I would also cry with frustration on the mother’s behalf when things didn’t go the way she wished.

I wish I had known how much love I would feel for her, how motherly and protective I would feel towards her, like a fierce mama bear.

I wish I had known how humble serving birthing women would make me feel.

I wish I had known how intense and demanding being on call would be, almost like being pregnant and overdue myself.

I wish I had known how high the highs would be and how low the lows would be.

I wish I had known that sometimes being a doula would break me apart, tear my body and my soul apart, and put me back together all at the same time.

I have a confession to make: I’m a scientist by background, but (shhh), I’m also quite into woo stuff.

Yes you read that right. On paper, when reading my bio, you might have picked me because of my PhD in biology. You find that reassuring, I get that. I would too. You might have chosen me over other practitioners who have a lot more alternative therapies listed on their website. You might have dismissed them as raving hippies. But you see, I am quite a bit of an undercover hippy.

Do you find this contradictory? Well for most people it is, so until recently I have shied away from showing that side of myself for fear of putting people off. So I had to control my face when you told me you wouldn’t pick someone who uses crystals. Because I do. Every day. In my house there are crystals in every room, and a crystal grid on the shelf above my computer right now as I type this. I use them for healing too, especially combined with doing Reiki healing-that’s right, I do Reiki too, that’s quite woo, I know.

The thing is, I love my woo side, I want to develop it, use more of it, and I want to use more of it with you. With the expectant mum who is scared about birth. I want to offer you more of my woo side, because you never know, it might be just what you need.

Don’t worry, I understand how confusing it feels. How come someone supposed to be an evidence based thinker believes in that shit. Because Reiki healing, crystal healing (and a lot of the other woo things I like to dab into like smudging, essential oils, flower essences, auric mists, and shamanic drumming to name a few), there are all just new age bullshit right?

I used to think that too, so I understand where you come from. Most of the alternative woo practises I love today, I used to dismiss as bullshit until very recently myself. I just didn’t get it. Then for some reason I found myself in a retreat where I experienced them and I was like, it’s rubbish. I’m sure it won’t work. And I was BLOWN AWAY!

I remember in particular one evening at the annual doula retreat, after an already quite alternative workshop involving shamanic drumming (I thought it wouldn’t work for me but I loved it so much I now own three drums-there is some actual science behind what drumming does to your brain-which is fascinating), someone brought in a large gong and said they were going to do a gong healing session. I thought: “gong healing? bullshit!”. But I was there so I gave it a go, and as we lied on yoga mats whilst this woman played the gong, I had the most amazing experience, my mind going into the deepest relaxed state ever, like being almost asleep but still completely aware of my surroundings (I have since read up on the topic and found that sound waves like these alter your brain waves patterns into an hypnotic state-more of the science behind the woo to come in another post). Afterwards I slept like a log, better than I had in many years, and woke up feeling incredibly refreshed and energised.

At the same retreat I also learnt an amazing postnatal massage of the hips called closing the bones, which has the most amazing healing effect on a new mother, as it is very nurturing but also helps her come back into herself energetically after the birth. It is a type of shamanic massage. I loved it so much that I ended up developing a closing the bones workshop and I have ended up training over 200 practitioners in this technique.

I want to reassure you that I won’t push my hippy practises on you-because the essence of doula support is that we adapt to our clients, because we want you to feel support in who you are and what you need. I will never try and steer you in directions where you don’t want to go.

But if you’d like to have a go, I would love to give you a Reiki session, make you a special energy mist for your birth, or give you a closing the bones massage after your baby has arrived.

You never know, it might blow you away 😉