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Sophie Messager

Author: Sophie Messager

  • Weaving the cloth of support through a woman’s life, part 2: Why every parent supporter should know about slings

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    As a parent supporter, why should YOU know about slings? I feel that this is an essential part of reclaiming ancient wisdom about gentle parenting-for both parents and baby. That wearing a baby in a sling not only allows the parent to meet the needs of their baby effortlessly whilst getting their hands back, but that it also helps parents to bond naturally with their babies, to get in tune with them, and in turn, to learn to trust into their instincts.

    Have you heard many parents complain that they can’t put their baby down? That their baby is only happy in their arms, and that when they try and put them down, even when deeply asleep, they wake up and cry? Have you had parents desperately ask for a solution to this “problem”? Are you fed up of hearing so many desperate cries for help and you don’t know what to say?

    There is a wonderful solution to empower new parents to feel both competent and confident, and it’s to use a sling (Please note, I use the word sling to describe any type of baby carrier (not just a soft fabric carrier).

    As a doula I wouldn’t be without my sling! I find it invaluable to be able to help parents choose a carrier for their baby, to see the joy on their faces when their baby contentedly falls asleep in the sling and they can meet their baby’s needs effortlessly whilst still being able to look after themselves. Postnatally I am usually found giving a new mama her hands back by showing her how to safely tuck their newborn into a carrier. You’ll also find me with a sleeping baby tucked inside a stretchy wrap whilst mama is enjoying a nap or a long, uninterrupted bath. I can then get on with a bit of tidying up/folding some laundry etc, safe in the knowledge that mama and baby are both cared for and happy 🙂

    I get it, believe me, my first child was a velcro baby-he point blank refused to be put down, and screamed blue murder if I as much as tried to lower him down into a bouncy chair or play mat).Today I am so glad he made me learn about slings, but it was bloody hard at the time! (mostly because I kept on trying to fight it instead of just doing what he needed)

    Why is using a sling so important and helpful? The answer resides in our biology. We are primates. Where do you see primate babies? On their parents. That’s right. We aren’t caching or nesting mammals. We don’t put our young in nests or burrows. Yet our society seems to think that we are meant to do that (and this abnormal expectation creates a lot of unnecessary stress in new parents-but this is a topic for another blog post altogether!).

    So what are the advantages for parents when they use a sling? You’ll be surprised to hear there is some actual science behind it. There is the obvious: it gives you your hands back! In our nuclear family culture, most partners return to work within 2 weeks of the birth, leaving the new mum alone at home with the new baby and no social circle. This is an absolutely essential survival kit. With a sling, new parents can get on with household tasks, make themselves a snack or a meal, play with older siblings, socialise, and generally get on with the things they want to do whilst caring for their baby at the same time. It is easier to get around in places like town centres and shops, or for a walk in the countryside. No need to lug around a heavy car seat, or battle getting a pushchair into your car, on rough terrain, in public transport or up stairs.

    But the advantages do not stop there. Did you know in particular that carried babies cry 40% less? that being carried in a sling can help babies sleep for longer stretches at night? That carrying your baby stimulates milk production and so helps breastfeeding? That it helps to promote attachment with your baby and there is some science to prove that? And that it can also help parents with postnatal depression?

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    Using a sling is also great for baby's mental development. Close to his carer, baby's needs for physical contact are met effortlessly. Babies spend more time in a "quiet, alert state" when carried – the ideal state for learning. When carried, your baby sees the world from where you do, instead of the ceiling above his crib or people's knees from a stroller (there is a brilliant Norwegian video showing this at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zga_mW9vqnE)

    Using a sling is great for baby's emotional development. Your heartbeat, breathing, voice and warmth are all familiar. Babies are quickly able to develop a sense of security and trust when they are carried.

    Using a sling is great for baby's physical development. Contact with an adult helps newborns regulate their temperature, breathing, and heartbeat. Being carried also stimulates the baby’s balance and muscular strength and help his back and hips develop more harmoniously than when being left to lie flat. Being carried in a sling also counts as “tummy time” and can help avoid plagiocephaly (flat head syndrome).

    So why do you need to learn about it? It's an ancient practise, it's easy, it is just using a piece of cloth to put your baby in, right? Wrong! In the UK today there are hundreds of different carriers available. The parents you support will turn to you for advice, and slings are a bit like jeans or shoes-one style doesn't not fit all, so you need to know your wraps from your meitais, and your ring slings from your soft structured carriers. You need to know how to use them comfortably and safely, and to ensure that you do not pass on your own biases about carriers to new parents-because what worked for you may not work for them. It is all about unconditional support
    In my course you will learn how to use all kinds of slings available, and the theory behind using them (both anatomy and safety), as well as how to do it in a way that is gentle and supportive, and empowering to each parent. You will feel confident to tackle pretty much any situation new parents throw at you. That's priceless. If you want to find out more about my babywearing peer supporter courses, please go to https://sophiemessager.com/divi/peer-supporter-courses/

     

    And for the science geeks like me-here are some references

    Antunovic E. strollers, baby carriers and infant stress. 2010 [ONLINE] available from http://www.bobafamily.com/research/strollers-baby-carriers-and-infant-stress/ [accessed 3rd of February 2013]

    Hunziker UA, Barr RG. Increased carrying reduces infant crying: a randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics 1986;77(5):641-8.

    Taylor T. Slings and arrows. New Humanist 2010 [ONLINE] available from http://newhumanist.org.uk/2330/slings-arrows [accessed 3rd of February 2013]

    Schön RA. Natural Parenting ― Back to Basics in Infant Care. Evolutionary Psychology 2007. 5(1): 102-183

    Sears W. Benefits of babywearing. no date. [ONLINE] available from http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/baby-wearing/benefits-babywearing [accessed 3rd of February 2013]

    Anisfeld E, Casper V, Nozyce M, et al. Does infant carrying promote attachment? An experimental study of the effects of increased physical contact on the development of attachment. Child Dev. 1990;61(5):1617-27.

  • Weaving the cloth of support through a woman's life, part 1: an overview of using fabric to support women throughout their lives.

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    This morning I was writing the teaching plan for my new rebozo workshop when I had an epiphany: all the work I do, whether it being rebozo, closing the bones or baby wearing (read about that in the next parts of this blog), involves using a piece of cloth to support women. Then it hit me: it isn’t just about supporting expectant, new and more experienced mothers : the piece of cloth, traditionally, would have been used from cradle to grave, to support women at times of transition in their lives.

    Let me explain: in pretty much all cultures on the planet, some kind of cloth has been used to cradle and carry a baby. In some cultures it would have been used to rock and soothe the baby too. Rocking is such a primal rhythm we all experienced it in our mother’s womb, that we find it soothing all through our lives. Later, when the baby grew into a toddler, she would have used the cloth to dress up, pretend play, make a den etc.

    As the child grew into a young woman she would use the cloth as a shawl to keep warm, as a clothing accessory, a blanket, to carry siblings ( in traditional cultures women learn baby care from a very young age due to living in extended family conditions), and to carry loads.

    It wasn’t just in the South American, African or Asian continent that women used such a cloth, it was all around the planet. Even in Europe-there are pictures of women wearing their babies in Welsh shawls which date from the 1940s (See http://celticbabycarrying.blogspot.co.uk/). As the shawl came out of fashion and modern practises like using s pushchair became seen as more fashionable and desirable this skill was soon lost, and because like most traditional women-only practises, it was just passed on orally rather than written about, the knowledge was lost very quickly.

    Later still when she became a woman, she might have been given a shawl as part of a menarche ceremony. She might have worn a special cloth on her wedding day.

    When she became pregnant, she would have used the shawl to support her belly, and her midwives would have used it to alleviate the aches and pains of pregnancy, and maybe to help the baby move into the best position for birth.

    During labour she would have used the shawl to hang from, to pull on, and her birth attendants would have used it to provide comfort measures, such as sifting, rocking, and shaking the apples.

    After the birth she would have had a “baby moon” period. Again this is something pretty much universal in the world-women the world around have been alleviated from household tasks and cared for by family members for the first 30 to 40 days postpartum so they could recover and get to know their baby and learn to care for them. Her birth attendants and “godsibs”and the village wise women would have come to feed her nourishing food, and close her bones and help her body heal from the pregnancy and birth by using  a combination of their hands, massage techniques and using the cloth to help move and bind her hips, organs and bones back into place.

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    She then would have start to use the cloth to carry her baby and start the cycle all over again.

    Later as she grew old, her family members would have used the cloth to rock and soothe aches and pain.

    So you see, a traditional cloth, rebozo, shawl or cloth can be used to support a woman throughout her whole life. It is a universal phenomenon on our planet, something that we need to reclaim and teach all women, as it is part of the essence of women circles and supporting women through life transitions. This is why I am so passionate about passing this skills to both expectant and new mothers, and to anybody who works with expectant and new mothers. It is our birthright!

    In my next posts, I will tell you more about the rebozo and how to use it specifically to support the expectant and labouring mother.

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  • Evidenced based woo, or the confessions of a hippy scientist, part 2

    As a scientist, one of the things that irritate the hell out of me is when people dismiss complimentary therapies by saying that they aren’t evidence based.
    We live in a narrow minded, sceptic’s culture, whereby anything that hasn’t been proven to be true in a double blind randomised controlled trial is dismissed as quackery. I have coined the term “flat earth syndrome” to describe this way of thinking. Because let’s be honest, it just isn’t a very scientific way of thinking. Science keeps on disproving itself, and many of the beliefs we hold true today were dismissed as quackery yesterday!
     
    It isn’t in the patient’s interest for different therapists to dismiss each other. What people need is for western and complimentary therapists to work together and respect and value each other. If a person gets relief from a therapy which isn’t backed up by published evidence, if it helps them, if it is part of the patchwork quilt of holistic support, does it really matter if is evidenced based or not?
     
    As a scientist, especially as I published papers in several high ranking journals, including medical ones, I feel entitled to say this.
     
    First, many alternative therapies simply haven’t been studied in double blind randomised controlled trials, and never will be, because it is too costly and there simply isn’t the financial or social impetus to do so. It doesn’t mean that they do not work-it just means that we haven’t looked!
     
    Second, clinical trials (and I know what I am talking about having worked in the biotech and pharma industry for many years), are based on the precept that every drug is given at the same dose per Kg of weight and affects everybody in the same way-that is your body, my body, everybody’s body and metabolism, metabolises every drug in the same way. We know that this simply isn’t true. Most complementary therapies approach each person as a unique individual and treat them as such-hence making them unsuitable for clinical trials. With therapies such as touch based healing in particular, it is very difficult to establish a baseline because the sham treatment itself tends to induce results.
     
    Third, medicinal chemistry completely ignores the mind body effect-there is ample evidence that if people believe that they are given treatment (whether by a person or a sugar pill), the effect on the body can be very real indeed.
    Fourth-I believe that many of the subtle effects of complementary therapies can simply not be quantified yet -because we lack the tools to measure their effects.
     
    And fifth-there is a lot of what so-called “circular science” in research-sadly we tend to only fund projects set out to prove something we already know to be true.
     
    Another interesting fact, is whilst people believe that much of clinical medicine is based on solid clinical evidence-only one third of the Royal College of Obstetrician Green top guidelines are actually based on randomised controlled trials, the rest are based on non randomised clinical studies or personal opinions (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24922406)
     
    Much of the quality of the alternative therapy also lies in the ability, personality and dare I say, energy of the practitioner. We know that intention if extremely important in healing. I once had a massage in a posh place in Cambridge-it was brand new, looked great, heck it even had showers with changing lights in them. But the woman who massaged me was obviously thinking about something else whilst massaging me-I don’t know, maybe she was thinking about what she was going to have for diner. Needless to say, even if technically good, the massage felt crap. It was such a huge disappointment! Such a contrast with the beauty of the space! On the other hand I have had a massage in somebody’s spare room, nothing massively special looks wise, but it was one of the best massage I ever had, because the therapist really put heart and soul into her work. I felt transformed afterwards. Then I also had an experience with someone who was obviously very good as what she did technically, but I just didn’t “click” with her so won’t be going back. You know what I mean?
     
    What my work as a doula has taught me is the incredible variety of the human population. In everything there is a continuum, a spectrum. One person’s miracle therapy (and yes that include Western medicine too!), is going to do bugger all for another. And vice versa.
     
    This is where a doula’s strength lies-she won’t be coming at you with a readymade recipe of support-she will tailor-made one for you. This is why is it so difficult to explain what a doula does, this is why it is so difficult to quantify why it works (though there is actual evidence that having a doula affects hard clinical outcomes-see the Cochrane database review for this ), but this is also the very nature of why it is so special, and why it works. It is designed with YOU and only you, in mind 🙂
     
    I think it is healthy to always retain a critical mind. And also to trust one’s instinct. But I think it is also unhealthy to point blank dismiss stuff you haven’t tried for yourself. My challenge to you is: try various therapies and see if they work for you. Many of them you won’t “get” or know if they work for you unless you give them a go.
  • Being not doing as a postnatal doula

    Being not doing as a postnatal doula

       
    It’s a well known fact in the doula community that the essence of a doula is about being not doing.
     
    Recently I reflected upon how important this is as a postnatal doula too. The interesting thing is, doulaing for postnatal families, is like all doula work : a mix of informational, emotional and practical support. So with a new mum I often find myself with her baby asleep on my chest in a sling, whilst she is having a nap or a gloriously long uninterrupted bath (a true luxury for new mothers). At the same time I might be doing the washing up or folding some laundry. It feels good to be supporting her practically like this. It doesn’t look like much but it is so important in the early days postpartum for the new mum to have an extra pair of hands so she can rest and recover and feel strong enough to be looking after her baby.
     
    But more often, you’ll find me sitting on the sofa with the new mum. We might both have a hot drink in hand. To the outsider it looks like we are two friends having a chat. Like I’m not doing anything. Only, something really momentous is happening: she is talking about her feelings and finding her feet as a new mother, navigating the treacherous waters of conflicting advice and listening to one’s heart versus to what she thinks she ought to be doing, worrying about doing it wrong (especially when everybody tells her she ought to be doing what they think is right rather than what she thinks is right). I listen deeply and non judgmentally, and reflect back to her what I am hearing, and help her work out what is right for her – along with debunking some myths.
     
    It is important, because let’s be honest-who else is going to do this and truly listen without an agenda? This is the heart of counselling, or coaching-helping someone listen to the voice within. From childhood onwards we are led to believe that the answers lie outside ourselves-with the “experts” . The parenting world is awash with self proclaimed gurus cashing in on new parents insecurities-people who promise the holy grail of a baby who sleeps through the night, and have rigid quick fixes answers to every problem.
     
    Only real lives and real people don’t work like that.
     
    I have lost count of the number of times a new mother has said to me “My mother/Mother in law/friend says…..” followed by a statement implying the mother is doing it all wrong. And usually I also get a strong vibe that this just doesn’t fit with what the mum wants to do. So I say something I learnt from doula Mars Lord : “Does that sound like well researched advice to you or just an opinion?” followed by “what do you want to do with your baby”?
     
    Another sentence I often use, when a new mum is carrying out a task (feeding her baby, bathing etc), and she asks “is this ok?” I often reply ” I don’t know-what does it is feel like to you”, “What do you think?” etc
    Often I might be the only person who does this, who encourages the mother to trust herself and her inner voice. Yet to outsiders it might look like “just” two people having a chat and a cup of tea , but it is life changing work. I am helping her build her confidence and it might be the first time in her life that she starts really listening to her inner voice.
     
    With a brand new mum, I never feel guilty doing this, because I know how important it is. But what about “older” mums, the ones who aren’t in the newly postpartum period anymore? With these mums my experience has been that the support often morphs into more practical stuff with time-cooking, tidying up, looking after the baby so she can have a break.
     
    It was particularly important recently to reflect on my guilt working with a long term client who doesn’t want me to do practical tasks. Yes she will hand the baby over to me for a bit of baby free time or a shower, but she doesn’t want me to empty her dishwasher or tidy her house. Mostly we sit down and talk. I felt strangely guilty for not “doing” anything. So I reached out to t
    he community of doulas and I realised : there is a lot more value in the counselling, the “intelligent tea drinking” than there is in someone emptying the dishwasher. Even for the mum of an older baby, the reflective listening and the unbiased signposting, the unconditional support-they are still momentous. In fact, it is important and useful work for any mum. As another doula called Nina Fox said ” It takes the right person to ‘listen’. The dishes will get washed no matter what, but if a happy family have eaten off them then isn’t that the point? “
    If you are an expectant or a new mum and want to find out more about my postnatal doula services, head over here

  • Ten things I wish I had known before I became a doula.

    I wish I had known how much awe I would feel watching a woman birth her baby.

    I wish I had known how much sacredness there is in birth-when the baby has just been born there is this incredible energy in the room-it is so palpable you can almost touch it.

    I wish I had known how much my heart would expand and well up and how I would cry with joy and gratitude, on my way back home from a birth.

    I wish I had known that I would also cry with frustration on the mother’s behalf when things didn’t go the way she wished.

    I wish I had known how much love I would feel for her, how motherly and protective I would feel towards her, like a fierce mama bear.

    I wish I had known how humble serving birthing women would make me feel.

    I wish I had known how intense and demanding being on call would be, almost like being pregnant and overdue myself.

    I wish I had known how high the highs would be and how low the lows would be.

    I wish I had known that sometimes being a doula would break me apart, tear my body and my soul apart, and put me back together all at the same time.

  • Ten things a doula does to prepare you for the birth of your baby, or why antenatal preparation is so important

    Most people do not realise that the most important part of a doula’s work is done BEFORE she comes to support you during the birth of your baby. So, here are ten things a doula may do for you:
     
    1) We get to meet at least twice (this doesn’t include the interview), so we can get to know each other, and establish a proper connection. I will listen carefully and encourage you to explore how you feel about the birth and beyond. Together, we make sure I have a good idea how to best support you during your birth.
     
    2) Your partner matters too. That’s right, I’m also here to support him/her-so he can be the best to support to you during your birth.
     
    3) We can talk about and maybe try some labour support techniques. If you like, we can try massage and various labour comfort measures, so that if you like the idea of physical comfort during the birth, we have worked out how that might work for you.
     
    4) I can be there for you on the phone or by email at any time to answer any questions you may have, or if you feel worried.
     
    5) We can make sure that you have all the information you need to choose where to have your baby. I am very familiar with the different birth settings options locally, and I can share this information with you as you work through your choices.
     
    6) We can discuss and write your birth preferences document together, again making sure you have all the information you need to make the right choices for you and your family.
     
    7) I can point you in the direction of the right people, in the hospital or elsewhere, whenever you need extra support during your pregnancy. My extensive local network of pregnancy and birth professionals includes midwives and doctors, and complementary therapists (osteopaths, massage therapists, yoga instructors etc).
     
    8) We can plan and navigate postnatal topics such as looking after yourself, feeding your baby, soothing a crying baby, baby sleep etc, so you feel confident in choosing the right options for you and know where to get support if you need it.
     
    9) I can show you to how use a baby carrier (and help you find the right one for you-they are a bit like jeans or shoes, in that personal preferences vary a lot), so that you get your hands back and can look after yourself once your baby has arrived.
     
    10) I will be guided entirely guided by you and your needs. I will not try to steer you in any direction. Doula support is different for every couple as it is tailor-made to your needs. We have no agenda except making sure you feel supported unconditionally and have the knowledge you need to make informed decisions.
     

  • Confessions of a hippy scientist, part one

    I have a confession to make: I’m a scientist by background, but (shhh), I’m also quite into woo stuff.

    Yes you read that right. On paper, when reading my bio, you might have picked me because of my PhD in biology. You find that reassuring, I get that. I would too. You might have chosen me over other practitioners who have a lot more alternative therapies listed on their website. You might have dismissed them as raving hippies. But you see, I am quite a bit of an undercover hippy.

    Do you find this contradictory? Well for most people it is, so until recently I have shied away from showing that side of myself for fear of putting people off. So I had to control my face when you told me you wouldn’t pick someone who uses crystals. Because I do. Every day. In my house there are crystals in every room, and a crystal grid on the shelf above my computer right now as I type this. I use them for healing too, especially combined with doing Reiki healing-that’s right, I do Reiki too, that’s quite woo, I know.

    The thing is, I love my woo side, I want to develop it, use more of it, and I want to use more of it with you. With the expectant mum who is scared about birth. I want to offer you more of my woo side, because you never know, it might be just what you need.

    Don’t worry, I understand how confusing it feels. How come someone supposed to be an evidence based thinker believes in that shit. Because Reiki healing, crystal healing (and a lot of the other woo things I like to dab into like smudging, essential oils, flower essences, auric mists, and shamanic drumming to name a few), there are all just new age bullshit right?

    I used to think that too, so I understand where you come from. Most of the alternative woo practises I love today, I used to dismiss as bullshit until very recently myself. I just didn’t get it. Then for some reason I found myself in a retreat where I experienced them and I was like, it’s rubbish. I’m sure it won’t work. And I was BLOWN AWAY!

    I remember in particular one evening at the annual doula retreat, after an already quite alternative workshop involving shamanic drumming (I thought it wouldn’t work for me but I loved it so much I now own three drums-there is some actual science behind what drumming does to your brain-which is fascinating), someone brought in a large gong and said they were going to do a gong healing session. I thought: “gong healing? bullshit!”. But I was there so I gave it a go, and as we lied on yoga mats whilst this woman played the gong, I had the most amazing experience, my mind going into the deepest relaxed state ever, like being almost asleep but still completely aware of my surroundings (I have since read up on the topic and found that sound waves like these alter your brain waves patterns into an hypnotic state-more of the science behind the woo to come in another post). Afterwards I slept like a log, better than I had in many years, and woke up feeling incredibly refreshed and energised.

    At the same retreat I also learnt an amazing postnatal massage of the hips called closing the bones, which has the most amazing healing effect on a new mother, as it is very nurturing but also helps her come back into herself energetically after the birth. It is a type of shamanic massage. I loved it so much that I ended up developing a closing the bones workshop and I have ended up training over 200 practitioners in this technique.

    closing the bones

    I want to reassure you that I won’t push my hippy practises on you-because the essence of doula support is that we adapt to our clients, because we want you to feel support in who you are and what you need. I will never try and steer you in directions where you don’t want to go.

    But if you’d like to have a go, I would love to give you a Reiki session, make you a special energy mist for your birth, or give you a closing the bones massage after your baby has arrived.

    You never know, it might blow you away 😉

  • Why did I leave science to become a doula?

    doula drug
    I often get told that leaving my career in science to become self employed to support parents in their journey to parenthood was “brave”. In a culture which values intellectual knowledge and status so much, I can understand why it would seem odd that I chose to leave a 20 year long successful scientific career, one in which I had build a network and a reputation, published many papers, one that has a “high status” in our culture, to do something that hasn’t quite got the same status or earning potential (our culture doesn’t place a lot of value on parenting, but this is topic for another blog post altogether!).
     
    I remember a particular moment when I was doing the washing up in a new parent’s home (a normal task for a postnatal doula, and one I do with pleasure because I know how much it matters to a new mum to have someonetaking care of the household chores so she can focus on getting to know her baby), and the father asked me how I came to be a doula so I told him about my previous job and what led me to make the leap. Being an academic himself, I could see the look of shock on his face. I could feel the cogs turning inside his head. He didn’t quite say it, but it was strongly implied that he thought I was very strange to have left academic research to be doing a job that, in his mind, involved doing menial tasks.
     
    The thing is, my change of career had nothing to do with bravery. When I started my career in science, I LOVED every minute of it. I remember sitting at the microscope during my first postdoc, being excited and thinking ” I can’t believe I’m actually being paid to do this!”. I have always been a passionate person and my passion poured into my job, and for the first 15 years or so, I was excited and happy being a scientist. It fulfilled me.
     
    Then I became pregnant with my first child. There is a lot of evidence that pregnancy, birth and parenthood remodels the pathways in your brain. For me what happened is that my passion shifted entirely from science to pregnancy birth and parenting. I had a very hard time when I went back to work, because the passion for it just wasn’t there anymore, I felt bereft and didn’t know what to do.
     
    So after a couple of uncomfortable years and much soul searching, I started retraining. The period during the 5 years of training, keeping the day job going whilst studying in the evenings (I also had another baby in the middle of it), was tough. But it kept me going. I simply could not not do it. Because the price of not following my dream, not following my soul, was just unbearable. The only thing that kept me going in a job that I didn’t love during those years, was that I knew I was working towards a way out of it.
    After I qualified as an antenatal teacher in the summer of 2012 and my youngest had turned 3, I felt it was the right time to leave. My husband and I had many difficult discussions around the topic, because he was very worried about the loss of stability and income (He is Chinese and this is a very important part of his culture). I remember he said we could not afford holidays anymore. I replied that staying in a job you didn’t like for 12 months of the year, just for the sake of a couple of weeks of holidays just didn’t add up. I am so very grateful that despite his fears, he supported me in my career move.
     
    When I handed my notice in 2012, it didn’t feel scary at all, it felt liberating and exhilarating. My energy levels just rose massively as soon as I did it. It felt so right.
     
    So I guess I would like to say this is what you get if you hire me: at heart I’m still a scientist, I love researching stuff and sending peer reviewed articles to people I support. That part of me will never go and I’m proud of it. But I followed my heart and left this high status job to be supporting you in your journey to parenthood. I did this despite the risks because I feel there is nothing more important in the world than feeling supported as you navigate the twists and turns of the most challenging, scary, exhilarating and important journey of your life.
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  • Nurturing postpartum recipes : groaning cake

    Nurturing postpartum recipes : groaning cake

    I love expressing my nurturing nature to new mamas by giving them something delicious and nourishing to eat, and what is more nourishing than a home baked cake?

     

    After reading Ami McKay “The birth house” a few years ago,  I started baking this traditional cake called a groaning cake for my doula clients. The birth house is the story of a traditional midwife in Nova Scotia in the mid 1900’s.

    To quote Ami :

    “The tradition of the groaning cake, or kimbly at (or following) a birth is an ancient one. Wives’ tales say that the scent of a groaning cake being baked in the birth house helps to ease the mother’s pain. Some say if a mother breaks the eggs while she’s aching, her labour won’t last as long. Others say that if a family wants prosperity and fertility, the father must pass pieces of the cake to friends and family the first time the mother and baby are churched (or the first time they go to a public gathering) after a birth. Many cultures share similar traditions…a special dish, bread, or drink, spiced with cinnamon, all spice, and/or ginger. At one time there was even a groaning ale made to go with it…”

    I have since discovered that the tradition originated from the UK, and that the postpartum period was called “the groaning”. Apart from the cake itself, there was also a tradition, originating from Oxfordshire, of eating groaning cheese,  a large wheel of cheese, which was eaten  starting from the middle, and once hollowed out, the baby was passed through the cheese for good luck.

    Groaning Cake Recipe:

    2 ½ cups (or 325g) Flour

    3 eggs

    4 tsp. baking powder

    ½ cup (or 110ml) oil

    ½ cup(or 118ml) orange juice

    1 tbs mixed spice

    ¼ cup (or 90g) black treacle (I like to use 1/2 cup, as it makes the cake darker and gooier)

    1 1/3 cups (or 260g) brown sugar (I’ve used dark muscovado sugar and it gives the cake an even gooier and dark sticky texture which I love)

    1 ½ cups (approx 100g) grated apple

    1tsp vanilla extract

    1 tsp. almond extract

    Sift dry ingredients together. Add eggs, oil, orange juice, black treacle and sugar. Add almond and vanilla extract. Mix well. Add grated apple. Mix well. Pour into lined and greased loaf tins. Bake at 180 C (160 if  using a fan oven). for 35-40 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean. Makes two loaves.

     

    groaning cake 2

    I bake a groaning cake when I go on-call for a birth (I freeze the cake and take it with me when she calls in labour-by the time the baby is born the cake has usually thawed, and the freezing and thawing seems to make the cake more gooey and cakey, yum!).  I like to share the cake between the new parents and the midwife/birth team. I also bring one to my new postnatal clients. I have yet to meet a mum who hasn’t loved its taste.

    I have baked a gluten free version for clients using Dove farm gluten free flour, and it worked well if a little drier.

    Recently I also made a vegan paleo version, it’s more puddingy than cakey, but it still hits the spot,  here is the recipe:

    1½ cups almond flour

    1 tablespoon coconut flour

    2 teaspoons baking powder

    2 flax eggs (mix 1 tbsp of ground flax seeds with 3 tablespoons water for each egg replacement, and leave to rest until it becomes thick)

    1/4 cup coconut oil, melted

    1/2  cup coconut sugar

    1/4 cup fresh orange juice

    1/4 cup black treacle

    1 tablespoon mixed spices

    1 teaspoon vanilla extract

    1 teaspoon almond extract

    3/4 cup grated apple

    bake at 160 for 30 min or until cooked.

    I started eating a ketogenic diet in 2018, so I have now concocted a Keto groaning cake recipe :

    • 4 tablespoons butter, melted (coconut oil for dairy free)
    • 4 eggs
    • 1 cup ground almonds
    • 1/2 cup coconut flour
    • 4 teaspoons baking powder
    • 2 tbsp black treacle (OK so not technically sugar free-but I think the amount is low enough)
    • 1/4 cup xylitol(or more to taste)
    • 1/2 cup orange squash (sugar free)
    • 1 cup grated courgette
    • 2 tablespoons mixed spices
    • 1 teaspoon vanilla
    • 1 teaspoon almond extract
    • 2 handfuls blueberries

    In 2021 I started using a different version, because a lot of my local friends are both gluten free and vegan, and I wanted the holy grail of groaning cake: A keto, gluten free and vegan versio

    Keto vegan gluten free groaning cake

    Vegan with egg replacer

    • 5 Eggs at room temperature (For the vegan version I use 5 “eggs” worth of Egg replacer, which you can find in most supermarkets.
    • 3/4 cup Erythritol (or xylitol)
    • 1/2 cup Coconut oil
    • 2 cups ground almonds
    • 1/4 cup Coconut Flour
    • 1 tablespoon Baking Powder
    • 1/4 cup of black treacle
    • 1 cup grated apple (or courgette if you prefer)
    • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    • 1 teaspoon almond extract
    • 2 tablespoon mixed spices

    It has a better texture than the previous recipe (although still quite pudding like)

    Enjoy, and please do comment with your experiences/taste of this cake!

  • Nurturing postpartum recipes : perineal herbal bags

    This is the first of a series of posts on postnatal healing rituals for new mothers. I think that our culture sorely lacks rituals when it comes to nurturing new mothers, and I love reclaiming and sharing ideas around making new mamas feel special and cared for.herbal salt

    A couple of weeks ago I bumped into my friend Siobhan Taylor, a local independent midwife, at our hospital’s open day. On her stall, she had these gorgeous smelling little muslin bags, and she told me they were perineal herbal baths for new mothers. Siobhan kindly shared her recipe with me:

    Lady’s mantle 1/2 cup

    Lavender 4 cups

    Black cohosh 1 tablespoon

    hops 2 cups

    chamomile 2 cups

    ginger 1/2 cup

    dandelion 3 cups

    golden seal 1/2cup

    comfrey root 1/3 cup (dried and very finely chopped or crushed)

    willow bark 1/2 cup

    marigold petal (dried, 1 tablespoon)

    Siobhan added that it is recommended to add a couple of chopped cloves of garlic to the muslin bags (because of their great antibacterial properties), but that the bags do not smell as nice so not all mamas want the garlic added (you also have to add it at the last minute as it is fresh and would spoil is kept in the bag).

    perineal soak 1

    I wanted to make my own perineal soak bags, but I didn’t quite have all the herbs in Siobhan’s recipe. A google search brought many different recipes, so I decided to make my own recipe, a mix of both the recipe above and some I found online.

    I used the following:

    • 2 cups dried marigold : helps reduce inflammation and promote wound healing, also an antiseptic.
    • 2 cups dried chamomile : has calming and antiseptic and anti-inflammatory properties.
    • 2 cups lavender – has wound healing, calming, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-inflammatory, mildly analgesic properties. It also smells amazing, and helps with relaxation.
    • a handful of crushed dried rose buds. Rose petals are astringent and can be used to staunch bleeding from scrapes and cuts. They make the bath more luxurious. Rose is sensual, and evokes the spirit of love in the heart and mind.
    • 2 cups sea salt-antiseptic, helps the body remove toxins through the lymphatic system, brings relaxation to muscles and the entire body.

    Mix your herbs and salt in a big bowl. Cut small square pieces of muslin and place a few tablespoons of mixture in the centre (depending on the size of your square). Tie with natural cotton string.

    To use, place in bath or sitz bath, pour hot water only and leave to steep for 5 min, then add cold water until shallow comfortable bath is ready.

    Sit and soak perineal area for at least 5 min.

    perineal soak 2

    Experiment and have fun with what feels right for you and the mama your are supporting.

    I also think it makes a wonderful relaxing recipe for birth workers, I think I’ll have one in my bath tonight 🙂